If you are an adoptee or a birthparent planning on an adoption search and hopeful to have a family reunion, there is no such thing as too much planning. The time to start preparing for an adoption reunion is actually way before you start your actual adoption search. I have seen searches that take 30 years and I have seen searches that take 30 hours, so you can’t think that you can let the search pace be your timeline. Get ready.
An adoption search and the subsequent reunion with family can be both time consuming and sometimes even obsessive inducing. It’s often very hard to go from some sort of life removed from adoption to a life where adoption “stuff” is constantly on our minds. Plus every situation is different. There is no one right way or one wrong way, a check list of sorts, we all just wing it somehow.
Read Stories of Adoption Reunions
You will want to be reading all the adoption reunion stories that you can so you can gain insight and knowledge from other people’s experiences. As much as everyone has a different take on the whole thing, there are many common themes in adoption reunions. Make sure you read adoption stories from the adoptee point of view and read adoption reunion stories told form the birthmother or birthfather’s point of view. Read the good happy family reunion stories and read the tales of adoption reunions gone bad.
I cannot stress this enough; READ
You MUST be prepare for the realm of possibilities that you might find and you need to know how to prepare yourself for the emotional up and down that happens! Read adoptee blogs and read blogs and stories from the birthparents point of view too. I always say that my heart hurts the most for anyone who finds success at the end of their adoption search and has ONLY their emotions to guide them. Emotions are just not enough. The term “emotional roller-coaster“ is used by almost every person in a search and reunion and with good reason.. it can make you feel crazy and if you are not prepared you might begin to think you really are! ”
- Your adopted parents might or might not understand why you are searching for your biological family. “
- Your birth family might not be what you expected and you will need to understand why your mother won’t met you.
Find Adoption Reunion Support
Start gathering together the people who “understand” and will support you . An adoption search both emotionally exhausting and wonderful when it starts a reunion with family, but that’s only the beginning of a new journey. It’s a good time now to find and adoption group for support.. want to find adoption people? Friend me on Facebook..seriously, most of my network there is adoption related. The bonus of sharing an adoption reunion with others in adoption is that we know you are not crazy as we all lived it too. There are tons of groups and pages on Facebook relating to all kinds of adoption needs; support for search and reunions, support for birthmothers, support for change, the major adoption groups; here is a list of many of the adoption support groups on Facebook.
You can also check out these various groups booth off line or one.
Adoption Search and Reunion Support
Not all these groups are for everyone, so take a peak and find one that feels good. It’s also not a bad idea to see if you can find a local group that physically meets once in a while. Finding your family is like any long term relationship; it is hard, but worth it. You do need to invest time and effort for an adoption reunion to succeed.
Adoption Reunion Rules and Advice
I have tried over the years to share both stories from my own reunion experience and also to talk about other issues that adoptees and birthmothers face. I am as flawed as the next person and I don’t think any of us are experts, but I try to share what I have learned and my thoughts. You’ll find some relevant post regarding adoption reunions below and others that should be read on the side bar.
If you have a specific question about a reunion, you can ask me directly and I can offer my insight or, especially if the Adoptee perspective is needed, I am happy to post adoption questions and enter needed topics for conversation.
Please feel free to get in touch with any adoption reunion questions.
More Reading about Adoption Reunion Issues, Stories, Information and Advice