The Adoption Community

Adoptionland- we have each otherActivism and Support; The Adoption Community Call to Arms

Adoption can be a very isolating experience. The rise of the internet has been an incredible tool which allows people to find those on a similar journey and can offer all sorts of support and validation. Because of this the adoption community has grown in leaps and bounds over the last few years. No longer are we all alone in our feelings and confusion, there is always someone out there who cares.

The Online Adoption Community; Working Together

Please consider joining the Adoption Army.

The Adoption Army harnesses the power of numbers so that we can work together on various Calls to Arms. Click on the link above to learn more! You can also brose the various posts below that have calls to action for activism within adoption.

Adoption Blogs

There are many many adoption blogs! Adoption is not just one person’s story or one person’s truth. We all have voices and unique perspectives on the experiences.  When I started blogging, there was just a handful of us in the small adoption blogosphere, now, I am thrilled that there are so very many. I have separate lists for birthmother blogs, adoptee blogs, adoptive parent blogs, and other adoption issues. I also try to keep them updates via feed lists so you can find the latest adoption blog posts. The RSS lists can be easily embedded on your own site, so if you would like to support the Online Adoption Community, please send me and email and let me know and I will send you the codes.

If you would like to be included on the lists, send me an email with your URL and Feed address and which list you best fit in!

Adoption Websites for Online Adoption Information

Again, it’s a big list of adoption related links.  If you would like to be included on the list, send me an email with your organizations URL. I reserve the right to decide if you fit on the Musings of the Lame lists and all requests are not guaranteed.

Other Happenings in the Adoption Community

Please take a minute and check out Adoption Events for Conferences, Meet-ups and  in person meetings. Writing submissions and calls for presentations are also included there.

Keep up on current events in Adoption News. Join in  with The Adoption Lists.

I also like to highlight various happenings within the adoption community, so if you, as an adoption community member or blogger have something to add or promote, please let me know!

Yes,  VSA Partners  Kleenex ® And Adoption Go Together!

A Case of Kleenex Tissues

So I kind of LOVE this idea that PSA Agency has, but wow I would so love to see it expanded on. It could be literally amazing. Of course, here I go dreaming again, but imagine if Kleenex did something like focusing on adoptees searching and were able to tied that in with little PSA’s about the fight for Adoptee Rights in this country? Especially now that there has been successful legislation passed on quite a few states and we have all the pending legislation in a good handful of states in 2015. I could see a final product that might resemble these trailers for Jean Strauss adoption films. read more…

Guilt, Coercion, Threats – A New Mom Changes Her Mind – SOS In Action

By AstridBeeMom As some of you may know, we are in the process of legitimizing our grassroots organization called Saving Our Sisters (SOS). The goal of SOS is to help vulnerable women avoid adoption relinquishment. Over the past couple of years the organization’s brain child and front-runner, Lynn Johansenn, has helped dozens of women, that had decided to utilize adoption, to keep their babies and successfully parent. SOS offers whatever support is needed to achieve this. Sometimes the support is emotional, sometimes financial, and sometimes legal. Most people who have been helping with this are members of the adoption community themselves. They include birth/first/natural mothers, adoptees, and even a couple of adoptive parents. When the alarm call is sounded, this vast network of people contributes to what is needed and we always end up with enough for the new mom.
Initially, when hearing about an expectant mother who is set on an adoption “plan,” she is approached gently and given the encouragement she needs to know she is worthy of read more…

7 Things Search and Reunion Taught Me About My Adopted Mom

By Laura Marie Scoggins
When I received my original birth certificate from Ohio, one of the first things I did was show it to my adopted mom.
We ended up having one of the best conversations about my adoption that we’ve ever had in my entire life.
It was a healing conversation. It was like the whole thing coming full circle.
The conversation made me realize a few things.
1. My adopted mom has always supported me no matter what.
My adopted mom and I have always had a very difficult relationship. I’m not sure which came first the chicken or the egg. Did I not bond with her causing resentment which led to her treatment of me, or did her behavior cause me not to bond?
I will never truly know the answer to that question.
My adopted mom and I have been to Hell and back throughout our 49 year relationship. We have stood toe to toe with the boxing gloves on.
The very relationship that almost destroyed me has turned me into the strong independent person that I read more…

It Was Meant To Be – Using Religion to Justify Adoption

By AstridBeeMom In the adoption community, from birthmoms, adoptive parents, and even the occasional adoptee I often hear statements about adoption being the “destiny” for the adopted child. Some of these statements include, but, of course, are not limited to:
“I knew from the first time I met them (adoptive parents) they were meant to be -insert child’s name here- mom and dad.”
“It was God’s plan for my child to be adopted by -insert adoptive parents names here.”
“My mom and dad were meant to be my real parents. I can’t imagine my life without them!”
“I know why our previous placement failed. I was meant to be -insert child’s name- mom.”
These types of statements always irritate me. It implies that there is a pre-determined destiny for every person living in this world and that there is nothing you can do to change that. It implies that there is no free will. It was “meant to be.” It also implies (when you use the “God’s plan” phrase) that either 1) God makes mistakes and put the wrong baby in the wrong womb or 2) God is read more…

Dear Abby Misses the Mark on Adoption Question

By Lori Holden Dear Needs Help in Indiana, It must be exhausting for an adoptee to live in an Either/Or world. If you even think about your birth mom, some will judge you as disloyal to the woman who is raising you. Because, y’know, there is room for only one set of “real” parents in Either/Or world. About … Continue reading Dear Abby Misses the Mark on Adoption Question
The post Dear Abby Misses the Mark on Adoption Question appeared first on Lavender Luz.

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2-year-old taken away from parents because they used marijuana, killed by foster mother

By AstridBeeMom AstridBeeMom:Our system does NOT protect these children.
Originally posted on WPMT FOX43:

Cameron Texas- A 2-year-old was killed while in foster care, and her foster mother will now serve a life sentence for the crime

Alex Hill was placed in foster care after her father admitted to using marijuana according to the Houston Press.

Joshua Hill told Texas child welfare investigators that he smoked after the child was in bed at night. A case worker determined that the father’s marijuana use and the mother’s medical condition (frequent seizures) warranted removal from the home.

The toddler had appeared healthy and happy with her parents, but she was placed into the foster care system in early 2013.

On Tuesday Alex’s foster mother, Sherill Small, was sentenced to life in prison for the July 2013 death of the little girl, who would have turned four on Friday.

Alex’s parents, Joshua Hill and Mary Sweeny, had reported bruises on their child during visitations, but…
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Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

read more…

The Clock Just Keeps Ticking

By AstridBeeMom It’s almost 1 am. I’m up and thinking.
New information.
New facts.
New revelations.
A big bubble in my “birthmom” life has been popped. Things I thought to be are showing me that they really aren’t. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it all. There is turmoil right now but also cautious hope and excitement. Something very good has happened but it could also be very bad…it depends.
I’m feeling more used than I’ve ever felt, though. Huge betrayal, huge, and not just to me. To her.
All I have is time…waiting…waiting…waiting. How many more days until she has a say so of her own? Not ready to write yet? Pffft. So not true. More than ready, with or without you. Maybe you’re not ready.
What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. Isn’t that what Marmion wrote? But now I’m tangled in your damn web and I don’t know what to do. I want to trust you and fill you in but I also don’t want to do further damage to an already fragile perception of me and, more importantly, an already read more…

Don’t Stop Now! #notabravelove #bravelove #notbravelove

By AstridBeeMom “A movement to increase adoption in the U.S.”
A few years ago an organization came on the scene. It was called, “BraveLove.” It’s mission was and is to increase domestic infant adoption in the United States. There have been a few blog posts about it in the past, but now it is a hot button issue. Why? Because this past week they have launched a billboard assault all over the country with the names of first moms and how adoption is the perfect solution to a pregnancy in a less than ideal situation. By their own accounts, from their website they say, ”
We’re a pro-adoption movement. We’re not an adoption agency. We’re not a pregnancy resource center or a church ministry. We’re a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) public charity organization headquartered in Dallas, Texas that exists to change the perception of adoption through honest, informative and hopeful communication that conveys the bravery of birth mothers. We believe birth mothers are heroes and adoption can be a beautiful thing.”
You may have seen the #notabravelove (or #notbravelove) campaign going on the past few days. This campaign came into inception when one of my read more…

Crazy 8

By Lori Holden Hi. I’m this blog. I’m 8 years old today. Here is my life story so far. I was born a poor, blogspot template and I was originally known as WeeblesWobblog. My midwives hailed from the ALI community (Adoption / Loss/ Infertility), prompting my birth and nourishing me in my … Continue reading Crazy 8 →
The post Crazy 8 appeared first on Lavender Luz.

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The Cult of Birthmother’s Day – A Mother’s Day Celebration For First Moms

By AstridBeeMom It’s almost electric, the emotions flying around social media this time of year. Like a storm brewing or a dam waiting to explode from too much pent-up pressure in the tidal wave of water, Mother’s Day elicits an almost primal, and strong, response from those of us in the adoption community. Especially us first/birth/natural mothers. If the tension on the Internet is only a fraction of what is really going on inside of our hearts this time of year, I can’t imagine what our real lives, as opposed to online lives, may look like.
Some of us have other children that we parent and I know, at least for me, that helps to soften the blow. We will be getting “Happy Mother’s Day!” cards whether they are handmade or store-bought. We will be recognized on this day as a mother. It doesn’t make the hurt of having one of our children missing any softer, but at least we have recognition of who we are. For those who do not have other children that they parent, Mother’s Day can be one of the cruelest read more…

Honoring All Mothers on Mother’s Day

By Mirah Riben Be kind to your web footed friends,
For that duck may be somebody’s mother
She lives in a hole in a swamp
Where the weather is always damp
My thoughts and prayers this Mother’s Day 2015 are for all the mothers, including those who do not always – or ever – get thanked, remembered or even thought of and those for whom the day holds sad reminders.
The book, A Letter to My Mom by Lisa Erspamer, is a collection of letters by celebrities to the women who raised them. Like Mother’s Day greeting cards, they are filled with flowery words of thanks and appreciation for the big and little sacrifices these mothers have made to care for their children, their encouraging words of support, their love and guidance.
Not all of us, however, had storybook childhoods and not all of us have mothers who were able to meet our every need. Some of us have far less than perfect mothers, and some of us have mothers we do not read more…

Unconditional Love

By AstridBeeMom A love that will stay and persist without limits, without prerequisites. No matter what. To show unconditional love is to put yourself aside for the well-being of someone else. A sacrifice of one’s self because of this love. To voluntarily endure pain, hurt, disappointment, and more in the name of this love. To put someone else above yourself.
This is my definition of unconditional love.
Unconditional is defined as “not subject to conditions.” Love is defined, by man, as “an intense feeling of deep affection.”
Furthermore, God defines love as patient and kind, free of envy, boasting and pride. It is not dishonorable, self-seeking, or easily angered. It also keeps no record of wrongs. It rejoices with TRUTH and does NOT delight in evil.
If you are a believer in God then you know that you are required to try your best to love one another in the way he has described, unconditionally. However, let’s take the layman’s view and assume you don’t HAVE to love EVERYONE unconditionally. You are free to just “love” people, no qualifiers required.
If I asked you how read more…

The Insensitivity of Adoption Day Celebrations

By Mirah Riben Adoptive families have been commemorating the day they acquired their adopted children with an annual celebration since at least 2005 when it was suggested in Margaret Schwartz’s book The Pumpkin Patch. The celebration and its name have been the subject of controversy since its inception.
Very recently, adoptive father and poet Patrick Hicks wrote”Gotcha Day is a beginning — this is undeniably true — but it is also an ending. A door home has been slammed shut forever, and the child has been removed from their ancestral home, their blood ties and their language. These are no small things, and as we go about remembering Gotcha Day in our house, I’m aware that somewhere in Korea is a young woman who must wonder what part of the earth her son landed upon. For this reason, Gotcha Day is charged with emotion. There is joy and sorrow, belonging and longing, home and away. It is a day that sets a young life into motion with a new family, and it is a day that signals an end. Even the term ‘Gotcha Day’ is problematic. It sounds too much like a simple game of tag, and read more…

When Your Story Is No Longer Just About You

By Laura Marie Scoggins
Many adoptee bloggers begin by telling their own story. Maybe they are in the process of searching and chronicle unfolding events. Sometimes they are like me and begin writing the story years after the reunion has unfolded.
My biggest advice to someone going through the search and reunion process is to start a journal and record everything. It doesn’t have to be a public blog, but at least get that journal started. Trust me! You are going to wish you did.
I did not begin writing about my search and reunion until many years post reunion which made it difficult to remember many details. I don’t remember the details of those early conversations, but only generally what was discussed. If I had kept a journal my writing now would be so much easier.
You just never know how events are going to unfold. From the very beginning I wanted to write my story, but I never anticipated putting in online in a blog or publishing a book. Never in a million years did I expect to put it out there read more…

Teleflora’s Commercial Tribute to Young, Single Mothers

By Susie While wasting time on Facebook the other night, I kept seeing a link that several different friends had posted about a Teleflora commercial that had left them in tears. It left me in tears too. But for reasons unlike my friends. Especially during this month of May, that includes not only Mother’s Day, but also Christopher’s birthday.What a kick in the gut.This wonderful son, grown up and serving in the military. Who had been born to a single mom who gave up her dreams of becoming a professional athlete after finding herself pregnant with him.This wonderful son, who praised all the sacrifices his mom had made for him. This wonderful son, who praised all the amazing things he was able to accomplish because of the love that he had from his mom.While I try to not play the “What If” Game, I found myself also in tears ~ wondering what my life, what my son’s life, might have been like if I had raised him instead of losing him to adoption.I have not one single doubt that I would read more…