The Adoption Community

Adoptionland- we have each otherActivism and Support; The Adoption Community Call to Arms

Adoption can be a very isolating experience. The rise of the internet has been an incredible tool which allows people to find those on a similar journey and can offer all sorts of support and validation. Because of this the adoption community has grown in leaps and bounds over the last few years. No longer are we all alone in our feelings and confusion, there is always someone out there who cares.

The Online Adoption Community; Working Together

Please consider joining the Adoption Army.

The Adoption Army harnesses the power of numbers so that we can work together on various Calls to Arms. Click on the link above to learn more! You can also brose the various posts below that have calls to action for activism within adoption.

Adoption Blogs

There are many many adoption blogs! Adoption is not just one person’s story or one person’s truth. We all have voices and unique perspectives on the experiences.  When I started blogging, there was just a handful of us in the small adoption blogosphere, now, I am thrilled that there are so very many. I have separate lists for birthmother blogs, adoptee blogs, adoptive parent blogs, and other adoption issues. I also try to keep them updates via feed lists so you can find the latest adoption blog posts. The RSS lists can be easily embedded on your own site, so if you would like to support the Online Adoption Community, please send me and email and let me know and I will send you the codes.

If you would like to be included on the lists, send me an email with your URL and Feed address and which list you best fit in!

Adoption Websites for Online Adoption Information

Again, it’s a big list of adoption related links.  If you would like to be included on the list, send me an email with your organizations URL. I reserve the right to decide if you fit on the Musings of the Lame lists and all requests are not guaranteed.

Other Happenings in the Adoption Community

Please take a minute and check out Adoption Events for Conferences, Meet-ups and  in person meetings. Writing submissions and calls for presentations are also included there.

Keep up on current events in Adoption News. Join in  with The Adoption Lists.

I also like to highlight various happenings within the adoption community, so if you, as an adoption community member or blogger have something to add or promote, please let me know!



Yes,  VSA Partners  Kleenex ® And Adoption Go Together!

A Case of Kleenex Tissues

So I kind of LOVE this idea that PSA Agency has, but wow I would so love to see it expanded on. It could be literally amazing. Of course, here I go dreaming again, but imagine if Kleenex did something like focusing on adoptees searching and were able to tied that in with little PSA’s about the fight for Adoptee Rights in this country? Especially now that there has been successful legislation passed on quite a few states and we have all the pending legislation in a good handful of states in 2015. I could see a final product that might resemble these trailers for Jean Strauss adoption films. read more…

Voices of Adoptees – The Results of the Adoptee Survey

By AstridBeeMom The thought had never even crossed my mind. I did a birthmother survey and that was all I ever expected to do as far as polls go. However, first I had one, then a few more, adoptees ask if I would consider doing a survey of adoptees. Like my birthmother survey, I’m sure it was viewed as a chance for everyone’s voices to be heard. I knew that it would be more difficult to come up with questions for adoptees to answer as I was not an adopted person. The birthmother survey had been almost a no-brainer since I have been active in birthmom communities for about two years now. I understood the many struggles and varied histories of all of us. I was not an adopted person and had no idea where to even start with a survey for adoptees. So, the first thing I did was to take to mixed support groups. The ones where all members of the triad are welcome. I read, I read more…

Withholding Information from Adopted Kids

By Lori Holden This is part 2 of the Parenting GPS series, in which I’m sharing Q&As from a webinar I delivered recently on openness and embryo adoption (or donation — pick the term that works for you), which is similar in many ways to traditional adoption. In fact, many of the questions that arose from the Nightlight … Continue reading Withholding Information from Adopted Kids →
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How Can Closed People Be Nudged Toward Openness?

By Lori Holden I delivered a webinar recently through Nightlight’s Embryo Adoption Center. I was delighted to have a chance to address this new-to-me audience, people who are in the middle of making family-building decisions. Because why wouldn’t we transfer what we now know about parenting people who grow up adopted to parenting people who grow up as … Continue reading How Can Closed People Be Nudged Toward Openness? →
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Life in Limbo

By AstridBeeMom My last personal update was in the middle of January so I figured it was time to write again. I’ve been struggling a bit more with things, in regards to adoption, and I think that getting it all out would be helpful. I am almost finished writing a memoir novella about the time of my pregnancy, birth and the following weeks. I know this has taken its toll on my emotional health as revisiting that time period is always difficult, let alone writing about it. At the same time, it is healing to get it all out. I plan to self publish on Kindle with the majority of the proceeds going to our new organization “Saving Our Sisters” for family preservation efforts.
So where am I now? I feel as though my life is in a perpetual state of limbo. I am always waiting for the next communication, the next picture, the next update. As of lately my thoughts have obsessively gone to everything adoption. I play out endless amounts of scenarios in my head. In some scenarios IKL comes to visit with her adoptive parents and we all have a great time and continue read more…

The Trauma of Mothers Who Have Lost Children to Adoption

By Mirah Riben In a public hearing before the Assembly Institutions, Health and Welfare Committee on Adoption, December 9, 1981, in Trenton, New Jersey, attorney Harold Cassidy made the following impassioned plea:There is a need for us in society to learn to know the women who have come to call themselves ‘birth-mothers.’ They are women who know that a child is part of his mother forever… They know the pain of wanting what is best for the child they love, while society tells them that what is best is that they never see that child again… They know the neverending grief of being continually denied what every portion of their souls demands: the knowledge that their children are well.
We, as a society, have perpetrated the crudest deception. What we have believed to be altruistic has been, in reality, destructive. We have sought to create without any understanding of how much we destroy in the process.
Birth parents now know that separating a mother and her child is not in the best interests of either of them. Their enormous sacrifice was based on society’s misconceptions. The adoptees’ sense of read more…

The Unknown

By Lori Holden Let’s say you get wind that someone unknown to you is checking you out. Perusing pages and pages your blog. Or angling to get your attention via various social media platforms. Or asking about you in your offline life. Whether online or in “real” life, you get the sense that someone is gathering information about … Continue reading The Unknown →
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A Look at the Laws: Termination of Parental Rights for Fathers and Mothers – Who Does It Protect?

By AstridBeeMom When we talk about domestic infant adoption, who do the laws, which vary by state, really protect? Do they protect the biological or expectant mother? What about the alleged or assumed father? The prospective adoptive parents? How about the child in question? There are fifty states, plus the District of Columbia, within the United States. Each state has their own laws and rules that are governed under more broad federal laws. While most states follow the same general guidelines, some states are uniquely different. Let’s take a quick look at the general practices from most states.
Generally speaking, the most accepted standard of practice, and laws, state that a mother cannot sign a consent to adoption or termination of parental rights unless 72 hours (3 days) has passed from the time of the baby’s birth. Most states allow for no revocation period but do allow for the consent to be challenged if duress or coercion can be proven. Some states don’t even allow for the revocation of consent if duress or coercion can be proven, but most do. In regards to the alleged or assumed father, most read more…

Extension of Adoptee Survey – Still Need More Participants! Please Share!

By AstridBeeMom Tomorrow would be the final day to participate in the adoptee survey I have running that can be found here: Adoptee Survey by Musings of a Birthmom
However, with only 191 respondents, I feel that I need to extend it until I have at least 300 completed surveys. It is at this point that I would like to encourage you all to share this survey and fill it out if you have not done so already. Not many surveys like this exist and the results should be interesting.
Thank you!
AstridFiled under: Adoptee Voices, survey

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Ohio Opens Sealed Adoption Records

By Laura Marie Scoggins
Today is Independence Day for Ohio adoptees. Today is the day that 400,000 Ohio adoptees from the closed records adoption era are finally allowed legal access to their original birth certificate. Records for adoptions before 1964 and after September 1996 were not sealed, but for those of us adopted during the years in between our records were. Today we finally have access to those records.
I was born in Cincinnati, Ohio in 1965 but adopted in Evansville, Indiana. Catholic Charities in Evansville, Indiana sent my mother to St. Joseph Infant and Maternity Home in Cincinnati, Ohio where I was born. Twelve days after my birth I was adopted by a family in Evansville. My birth certificate was altered to say that I was born in Indiana.
Today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. I am supposed to be in Columbus, Ohio today. I scheduled time off from work months ago. My daughter went to great lengths to rearrange her busy schedule, take off work, and make plans for her six year old to stay home with daddy for a few days. I made hotel reservations read more…

Anonymous IF – The Question of Pre-Birth Matching

By AstridBeeMom The topic of pre-birth matching is a hot one. On one hand, an expectant mother would like to get to know the people that will ultimately (if she does indeed decide to go through with an adoption) parent her child. On the other, the emotional and psychological issues that go with such a delicate relationship often do have an affect on a mother’s decision, in the end.
Developing a relationship with a prospective adoptive couple, for an expectant mother, will undoubtedly include huge emotional investments on both sides. Adoption agencies and attorneys teach both parties about the importance of a “good match” being made. After all, you will have these people in your life for the rest of your life, like it or not. To determine whether or not it is a “good match” you would have to make a huge emotional investment, wouldn’t you? Not necessarily. For an expectant mother, this will likely be more important. What does an expectant mother lose, once she becomes a birthmother, if she does not have a solid emotional investment in the relationship between her and her child’s adoptive read more…

Scandalous Stepmother Tries to Terminate Father’s Parental Rights

By AstridBeeMom **Names have been changed for privacy and legal reasons**
Fathers. They are the most under-recognized victims of unethical adoptions. But this reaches far further than just domestic infant adoption. All over the internet you will find hundreds of “Fathers Rights” groups, pages, and resources. You would think that in this day and age it would not be so easy for a woman to systematically eliminate a father from a child’s life. You would be wrong.
Today I will tell you a story. It is the story of a cousin that is more like a brother to me. It’s a sad story and will end even sadder without the help of social media. I am hoping that by sharing we will be able to stop two more unnecessary adoptions.
Wayne and I were born 8 days apart. Our mothers are sisters. We have always been close and lived together on and off for almost half of our childhoods. We’ve both had our issues, in life, in the past. We’ve both made mistakes. We’ve both done things we weren’t proud of, but here we are today, still standing, still fighting, still trying to do right read more…

Could You Do This for 4 Minutes?

By Lori Holden Or is such intimacy a hot potato that can’t be held for too long? I conducted my own experiments yesterday. Intimacy and Connection: Field Notes Child A: Was fidgety. Wanted to do something more active, but stuck with the experiment. Persevered through temptations to check the timer, and later stayed to observe as I did … Continue reading Could You Do This for 4 Minutes? →
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Triumph in Ohio

By Lori Holden Another One Bites the Dust Remember when I predicted that glasnost would come to adoption? That the walls erected in the name of shame and secrecy will inevitably fall, state by state, thanks to the hard work of adoption reform activists around the country –because anything built on a foundation of shame and secrecy simply … Continue reading Triumph in Ohio →
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Finding Family Truths and Roots

By Mirah Riben Review of the book, Finding Our Families: The first-of-its-kind for donor-conceived people and their families by Wendy Kramer and Naomi Cahn, J.D. Finding Our Families is a treasure trove of compassionate advice designed to help those raising the more than an estimated million people who were conceived using so-called donor* sperm, the tens of thousands whose lives began with eggs of contributors, and thousands who were “adopted” frozen embryos, as well as the donors.
The 258-page book compiled by Wendy Kramer, the mother of a donor-conceived son and Naomi Cahn, family and reproductive law professor, helps blood-related kin navigate relationships unthought-of generations ago. The book offers how-to search assistance and suggests ways for the legal, social, and nurturing family to open their hearts and minds to those who contributed eggs, sperm, or embryos in addition to welcoming siblings who share the same or half genealogy.
Kramer and Cahn share the belief that donor-conceived children’s desire to know their genetic family “must” be honored and provide sensitive and thoughtful help such as how and when read more…