The Adoption Community

Adoptionland- we have each otherActivism and Support; The Adoption Community Call to Arms

Adoption can be a very isolating experience. The rise of the internet has been an incredible tool which allows people to find those on a similar journey and can offer all sorts of support and validation. Because of this the adoption community has grown in leaps and bounds over the last few years. No longer are we all alone in our feelings and confusion, there is always someone out there who cares.

The Online Adoption Community; Working Together

Please consider joining the Adoption Army.

The Adoption Army harnesses the power of numbers so that we can work together on various Calls to Arms. Click on the link above to learn more! You can also brose the various posts below that have calls to action for activism within adoption.

Adoption Blogs

There are many many adoption blogs! Adoption is not just one person’s story or one person’s truth. We all have voices and unique perspectives on the experiences.  When I started blogging, there was just a handful of us in the small adoption blogosphere, now, I am thrilled that there are so very many. I have separate lists for birthmother blogs, adoptee blogs, adoptive parent blogs, and other adoption issues. I also try to keep them updates via feed lists so you can find the latest adoption blog posts. The RSS lists can be easily embedded on your own site, so if you would like to support the Online Adoption Community, please send me and email and let me know and I will send you the codes.

If you would like to be included on the lists, send me an email with your URL and Feed address and which list you best fit in!

Adoption Websites for Online Adoption Information

Again, it’s a big list of adoption related links.  If you would like to be included on the list, send me an email with your organizations URL. I reserve the right to decide if you fit on the Musings of the Lame lists and all requests are not guaranteed.

Other Happenings in the Adoption Community

Please take a minute and check out Adoption Events for Conferences, Meet-ups and  in person meetings. Writing submissions and calls for presentations are also included there.

Keep up on current events in Adoption News. Join in  with The Adoption Lists.

I also like to highlight various happenings within the adoption community, so if you, as an adoption community member or blogger have something to add or promote, please let me know!

Get Syndicated on Musings of the Lame


I think most of us write because we have something valid to say and we do want to share our point of view. That’s important as all our voices matter, but the things is, of course, it only works if someone else actually sees our words and reads them. And that’s what syndication on MOTL can do; you WILL get more people reading your words. This isn’t about tooting my own horn, but the fact is that this site usually ranks number one nationally in Google for many relevant and important search terms. And yes, there is that simple fact that over a third of a million pages, 377,378 URLs to be exact, were seen on the site here in 2014. Most “posts” initially are seen by approximately 1000 readers. However, I can also say that I know there is a direct correlation between the number of posts and the amount of views; more posts generates way more traffic- so in this way the system continues to feed itself!

Are you in? Please?

All I Need is Your Feed read more…

My Not So Perfect Life

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By Cassi Did you know my family is crazy? We’re dysfunctional. We make huge mistakes. We can be irritating and annoying. And we are so far from perfect or anything close to it.

And yet, as one who was literally saved from becoming yet another “unplanned pregnancy” lost to adoption, I am so thankful for my family, all the good AND all the bad.

We had another big family wedding over the weekend. It was my cousin’s wedding on my maternal side and since my mother is one of seven siblings, I have an abundance of aunts and uncles and amazing cousins that flood such family events.

I used to take it for granted . . . the crazy, wonderful, irritating family I’d been blessed with. As a child, it was just my life. I didn’t know any different. Didn’t know any better to know different. I had absolutely no clue how close I came to being separated from my own family. Forced to suffer the loss of my heritage, my roots. read more…

Scream Until It Hurts

By Cassi

When my middle son was just a baby, I worked at a day care center that included infant care – it was all about the benefit of reduced child care costs and being able to work while still being near my baby. During my time there, I had an experience I will never forget. An experience that forever changed me. In the crib next to my son’s in the infant room was a baby boy named Garrett. One afternoon, during the routine checks of the sleeping babies, the two wonderful ladies who cared for the infants discovered Baby Garrett wasn’t breathing. Those of us who knew CPR were hurried into the infant room. And there I was, knowing my own son slept in a crib just a few feet away, holding a limp, lifeless baby, desperately pumping air into his lungs. Praying with everything I had that he would just gasp, open his eyes, cough . . . all those miracle actions you always see in the movies . . . and come back to us.

Unfortunately, that never happened. It was determined that Baby Garrett died from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) read more…

A Day For Change

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By Cassi

There is a story I could write today. One that will never go away. Will always break my heart a little bit more when I think of it. But after a lot of thought, I’ve decided to give this first year a moment of peace, for an innocent little girl and her natural family who lost so much more than anyone ever deserves. I can’t, though, let this day go with complete silence. It holds too much pain. Too many reminders of the hard realities that are so much a part of what adoption has become in our country. Truths that so many still choose to ignore, dismiss or simply not care about it. How in the world can we continue to turn a blind eye to the pain and loss adoption has caused for so many? How can so many continue to bury their head in the sand, stick their fingers in their ears, so that they don’t have to face the dark truths staring them in the face? It’s heartbreaking to know, to see the proof every day, that we, as a society, have accepted adoption as a read more…

The Modern Day Maternity Home

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By AstridBeeMom

Most people believe the most distinguishing characteristic between the Baby Scoop Era (BSE) and today is the absence of those maternity homes where women were sent to discreetly give birth and have their babies taken from them against their will. However, this is not the defining end of the BSE. “Why?” you may ask. For many reasons but, to stay on the subject of this post, we want to focus on this falsehood. If the BSE ended with the dying out of maternity homes, we would still be in the BSE.

You’ve all heard the horror stories. All the time I hear, “I’m so glad adoptions are not done that way anymore” or “I know that horrible things were done to you but it isn’t like that anymore.” It saddens me that so many people in the world (most maybe?) are so ignorant to how things really work in this day and age. Even the ones who had fallen victim to it cannot see it for what it is. For the most part, like anything else, I think it is laziness in being willing to connect the read more…

Indiana Adoptee Rights; is 2015 the Year of Change?

Hoosiers for Equal Access to Records

For the last four years, we have tried to get a bill passed in the Indiana State Legislature that would equalize adoption law for all adoptees. Year after year, powerful interests in the adoption law community have ensured that it never got out of committee. This time, it’s going to be different. read more…

Colorado Birth/First/Natural Mothers Support Group

Connecting woman of adoption loss in Colorado!  If you are a woman separated from your child/children through adoption and looking for connection and support, please private message FaceBook page below. We provide connection and support because we understand.  Colorado Birth/First/Natural Mothers Support Group is not pro adoption or anti adoption, it is pro woman supporting women.

  • When: 3rd Thursday of the month
  • Where: Denver Colorado
  • Who: Birth/First/Natural Mothers only
  • Contact: Private Message
  • For More information:
  • Register: RSVP to invitation after you are connected.
  • Fee: $0


Ambiguous Loss

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By BeeMom

Adoption always begins with a loss for the birth parents (and the rest of the birth family) as well as for the adoptee. Putting your finger on exactly what is lost can be difficult. You have lost a child, but the child still exists. However, you cannot physically touch the child you have lost. Even in open adoptions, with the ability to physically touch the child, you have a loss of your motherhood to that child.

This loss can be defined as an ambiguous loss. Since ambiguous loss is still a theory, there is no official definition. However, I will use Webster’s Dictionary to define each separate word. Ambiguous – not expressed or understood clearly. Loss – failure to keep or to continue to have something; the experience of having something taken from you or destroyed. Wikipedia defines ambiguous loss as “a loss that occurs without closure or understanding. This kind of loss leaves a person searching for answers, and thus complicates and delays the process of grieving, and often results in unresolved read more…

Preliminary Data – Birthmother Survey

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By BeeMom

The survey I had posted has been up for ten days now. This survey will remain up for another 20 days but I wanted to take the time to go over some preliminary findings. My interpretation of them will be done after the survey has closed, but I wanted to see what you all out there think. Perception is something that may be different from person to person. I’m not sure if I’m seeing things one way because of my experiences in life or if what I’m perceiving these results to indicate is actually the reality. I guess there will never be a definitive answer to that question, in regards to this research. However, I would love any input anyone would like to share. All opinions are welcome and respected.

So far I have a total of 112 completed surveys. I locked the survey so that it may only be taken once per IP address. That is not to say that someone couldn’t use a virtual private network or hook up to someone else’s internet and take it again, read more…

The Letter

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By BeeMom

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted a personal update. And I’m not quite sure how to even start this blog. So many thoughts are running through my head and I can’t seem to organize them all. Even after 2 days of taking everything in. Where to begin?

Saturday afternoon I sent my oldest daughter out to check the mail for me. When she walked in the door I could see that she had a larger envelope. The color and type of envelope she was carrying is what IKL’s parents have typically sent updates in, in the past. That was confusing, though, because I usually only receive something in the actual snail mail about every 2 years or so. We had just received a small photo book several months ago. But, sure enough, the return address stated her parent’s first names and the PO Box they had set up for me to send things. I thought to myself, “What a pleasant surprise!” I anticipated some pictures, maybe an update.

Let me back up a bit…

Because, by nature, being a birthmother always means read more…

Women That Relinquish To The Famous or Prominent

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By BeeMom

Every time you turn on the news or stand in line next to a tabloid it seems you cannot avoid being told about how this celebrity or that celebrity has just adopted a baby. A quick search on Google will bring up famous adoptive parents, famous adoptees, even famous birth parents. Some part of me had always wondered about the other side, the side that you cannot Google and come up with a list…or a single name at all. At least not without some serious digging. What about the women who have relinquished to the famous or prominent?

Certainly being a first mom to a child adopted by celebrities would present its own unique feelings and challenges. Typical support groups, while I’m sure are helpful, would always leave out that one issue not covered for these women. Their children and/or their children’s adoptive parents are in the lime light. Some days I want to avoid adoption altogether and I have that luxury. What if you logged onto Facebook and in your news feed was an article about your child or their read more…

Thank You!

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By BeeMom

You’ve landed here because you took the time to complete my birthmother survey. I want to give you a big thank you and let you know that if you’d like to see the results when this survey is done to check back here on or around February 5th. If you’d like me to send you an email with the results please leave your email address in the comments below or privately email me at – Again, thank you!

If you would like to take the survey and have landed here by happenstance it can be

Read more here:: Thank You!


Teaching Adoption Blogging & SEO Best Practices at the AAC Conference in March 2015

American Adoption Congress Conference in Cambridge, MA

Join Me at the American Adoption Congress Conference in Cambridge, MA
When: Conference dates: March 25 to 29th 2015
Where: Hyatt Regency Cambridge, 575 Memorial Dr., Cambridge, MA 02139-4896 read more…