Forced adoption is a drastic step; there aren’t words to express the trauma it causes to all concerned. It surely should be preserved as a last resort, a final call for those cases where children are in grave danger and need a fresh start. In the case of loving parents who also happen to use illegal substances there are almost certainly much more appropriate methods to help, if help is required.

They agreed to send updates (letters and pictures) every 6 months until she turned 18 and kept up with that until about 3 years ago when the updates suddenly stopped. No explanation, no warning, nothing. The updates were being sent to me through CHS so I called the agency and got the run around. This, to me, is one of the most heartless and cruel things that can be done to a Mother and I’m in utter shock that this is actually happening.

I was sitting on the bus, waiting to get home and I was amazed at the what ended up bubbling forth. Not that I am a skeptic on the need for healing, or finding issues, but I had really managed to convince myself that I had control of that volcano of emotion. It is a testament to both Craig and Patrick that the program they are perfecting is a very helpful tool for identifying areas that are still needing some attention. I’m coming home with a new shopping list of things that require further exploration.

I’ve decided to once again stick my neck out. Because giraffes have such long necks, they always see the “bigger picture” – the bigger picture is that someday no child will have to be separated from their family of origin and no mother feel forced to give up her a child. I’m hoping that those of you who also see the bigger picture will want to become giraffes and join me. If so, think of ways that you can stick out your neck – and help to change an very archaic system.

There are many heart wrenching cases of children wanting to be reunited with their biological parents or relatives wanting to know whether they are truly related to a person they suspect to be their blood relatives. These people simply want and need answers to be able to find that inner peace. The not knowing who you are or where you came from can be a very distressing, life long experience.

All these years have passed in a blink of an eye. It really does not seem that long ago. Growing up in Utah; the year is 1988. I am trying hard to remember my son’s birthday. Gasping at the thought I could have forgotten it. This has to be a temporary block. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Picturing his little plastic wrist band from the hospital neatly placed in a little silver cardboard Nordstrom jewelry box. It is hidden somewhere with my life’s collection of furniture and house hold items in a lonely storage unit. I focus in on it and it comes back to me. I know for sure it was 1988 either March or April. The 18th of April stands out the most. No, I remember it is March 18th 1988. Yes, his Birthday.

I was alerted the other day that Missouri has new adoption legislation in the House of Representatives. While we like to see adoption laws updated, there are a few issues with HB 252. While the contact preferences for OBC access are often included in any Adoptee Rights legislation in order to make the legislators feel warm and cozy, allowing one party to deny another their legal documentation is not treating ALL adoptees equally.There is also a portion of the bill having to do with Open Adoption Agreements. In essence, the issue is not that they are saying that there can be enforceable open adoption agreements, it is in the enforcement aspect that the language gets a bit too vague.

This is one of those times when I am asking for your help on a project. It was barely two weeks ago when Facebook started exploding with the Adoptee Searching Picture memes. Though I know we all tried to keep up and share like crazy cakes, it’s proving to be a difficult task! I was trying to share all the images of Adoptees begging for help finding their families, but I quickly had the longest blog post on the east coast. And then, I remembered Listly!

The justification of adoption relinquishment was out in full force. You would think with all these people caring about her making the “right” choice, there would be more cries of concern questioning these adoption practices that pushed the known boundaries of even the most common adoption industry tactics used to separate mothers and children. How can she be “brave” if we don’t really even know the first thing about this girl? If her earlier, now removed tweets, were any indication upon the thought patterns of her choice, she was obviously immature and acting like this whole pregnancy was about as exciting as a trip to Disneyworld.

Basically I did what my mother told me to do. I took her choice and made it my own. I trusted her judgment and followed it implicitly. I bought the big fat lie about adoption and gobbled it up as if it was the way and the truth and the light. I didn’t look back. Sure, privately I thought about my daughter. I missed her. I prayed for her. I hoped her ‘Disney’ family was everything it was promised to be. When someone asked if I had kids my reply was, “No, I’m not married yet”. I stuffed my feelings down so far I didn’t realize they were there. I didn’t realize that I was suffering. I still bought that adoption was a good thing for my daughter. And that basic premise was ludicrous.

We certainly have all felt the frustration of reading an adoption related article or story on the web or seeing it on the news or some talk show where the “expert” makes some statement completely contradictory to what we know about adoptees or about “birth” mothers. Where are the adoptees we cry? How come they didn’t ask a mother to tell her tale? How come they didn’t ask us, we wonder. And when will this controlled “commentary” about adoption falsehoods and misinformation end? When will they listen?
We have to acknowledge when they do and call attention when the leading adoption “experts” do not.

Lead by the Fab LindaLou, warriors of adoption truth took to the page in groves to comment on the many various reason why this form of maternal and infant exploitation was very wrong. To make matters worse, the manager of the Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Toledo Facebook page, repeatedly removed any comments from the Adoption Army that were truthful or criticized their decision to post the image. If it wasn’t a “what a blessing” comment, then the comment was done and deleted; people were getting banned left and right off the page. Perhaps they thought that we would tire, or that they could ban us all?

So this morning, Kelly hits me up on FB chat. I am still in my “drinking coffee, watching news, and on the Ipad time “mourning rounds”.. So I am “working” but still in bed. “GUESS WHAT?” she says. I can tell she is excited. “What?” I reply and can really, hardly wait for the answer.
“A hospital in CO just messaged me to tell me they are changing ALL their materials based on my blog post!”

Get yourself a cup of tea, or coffee, or wine and sit down for a good long read. The Open Adoption Network has the Best of Open Adoption Blogs 2012 version up and ready! Get Reading NOW! You’ll find some old established voices and some new ones, too. Remember

WHEN: Month of January 2013
WHERE: Online
BONUS: Help Mothers at Risk Parent their Children and Buy Great Jewelry!