Our Friends; the Egg Donors, Sperm Donors and Surrogacy Watchdogs
The Center for Bioethics and Culture (CBC) addresses bioethical issues that most profoundly affect our humanity, especially issues that arise in the lives of the most vulnerable among us. Along with fetal genetic testing and cloning, the CBC is very involved in policy and legislation regarding donor assisted reproduction and surrogacy. These issues are so closely tied, if not completely overlapping to adoption, that it would erroneous for us in AdoptionLand to not take note.
I was happy to lend the MOTL platform to the needs of the CBC to garnish attention for the DC Surrogacy legislation hearings. A continued conversation with Jennifer Lahl, R.N., M.A., and CBC Founder and President has started a mutual supportive partnership where we can work together to use our resources to help advocate for those at risk for reproductive exploitation through adoption or reproductive technology.
Surrogacy and Adoption
I have heard from more than a few good sources that many adoption attorneys are making most of their money through surrogacy agreements these days. In my opinion, the only difference between adoption relinquishment and surrogacy is that one pregnancy is usually unplanned and one pregnancy is planned. In either case, someone is getting paid for the separation of a mother and her genetic creation, her child.
In adoption, they use shame and self worth to separate a mother for her child. They pump her up with birthmother sainthood declaring the relinquishing mother a family build angel. The whole thing is wrapped up in a pretty pink bow of false “choice” so when a mother realized the mistake she has made, she has no one to blame but herself.
In surrogacy, they use the payment and the same mental glorification to convince a woman to use her DNA and body for the production of a manufactured child. She still must relinquish and the child is then adopted by the “intended mother” like it was all a well planned mistake. But now, she has contracts and agreements to bind her as well and if she hasn’t drunk enough Kool-Aid or if her emotions kick in, she still has only her to blame.
Both cases produce mothers without their children and children separated from their mothers. And often the mother is shaking her head and asking “WTF was I thinking?”
Donor Created Children; the Next Wave of Humans with Identity Issues
While we battle to get the voices of adoptee heard and recognized as the true curators of the adoptee experience, a whole new generation of children are manufactured based on technology and parents who expect them to be grateful for being born, no matter what means brought these products into the world. The children of sperm donation and egg donation are adding their cries and finding their voices. The same need to know their genetic backgrounds, to look into the faces of their original creators, to have a right to their truths are repeated in assisted reproduction.
Understanding Eggsploitation
Along with the lines of education and awareness, the CBC has coined the word “Eggploitation” which is an award winning documentary showing the risks and issue related to egg donation. It is now available as an E-book.
The film which won the 2011 BEST DOC at the Calif Indie Film Festival film is currently being re-releasing as a NEW UPDATED and IMPROVED Eggsploitation that is available NOW!
You can order your own copy of the DVD here through Musings of the Lame!
The Center of Bioethics and Culture is on Facebook plus can also be found on Twitter @CBCNetwork, Google Plus, and YouTube. For more information or to subscribe to the CBC newsletter and updates, please see the website.
Thank you so much for educating so many about the issues surrounding adoption/surrogacy/separation of mother and child. You are making a difference in this field.
I really dislike these people for their lack of empathy for those living with Infertility. For me this statement on their sperm donor page says all you need to know about their feelings on those with infertility:
“What is the definition of infertility, and to whom may it apply?”
Are you kidding me? I bet the house none of the employees at the CBC have ever experienced any type of infertility themselves. Until you have gone through something you have no idea how you would react in their shoes. This is like someone who never experienced an unplanned pregnancy telling a birth/first mom that they never could relinquish their children. As if they were living under the same circumstances as the birth/first mom they would have done things differently. It’s easy to second guess when you don’t live in that reality.
Until this far right wing religous based organization starts to empathize with infertility and works to change our culture I’ll have zero respect for their cause. Not all women settle down and marry between the ages of 20-24 or even if they are decide to have children at those ages. Not all infertile people are those who wait until later in life to have children. Not all infertility is caused by the female side. There is such a thing as male infertility Ms. Lahl and that has nothing to do with age. If I had tried to conceive a child with my wife when we first started dating at the age of 19 the result would have been the same as it is today.
While there are ethical issues in the world of third party reproduction, I refuse to support a group’s cause that has their head in the sand about what is driving the issue they are fighting for. I’d rather support someone like Alana S. Newman of anonymousus.org who has a personal connection to her cause as a donor conceived child who actually has empathy for the infertile person. Alana has lived being a donor conceived child and knows first hand what its like. She recognizes there are things in our environment that contribute to infertility and supports research in finding out causes and prevention for it. Those are things Ms. Lahl and the CBC never research or have the decency to discuss.
Thank you for bringing attention to the issues surrounding egg, sperm, and embryo donation. I relinquished my embryos in an open situation, thinking it was best to give them a chance at life, and we opened our lives up to hell on earth. A little boy was born…who’s almost 3…our biological son and full sibling to my children. He doesn’t even know who we are. His parents have chosen not to tell him at this point. I don’t know if they ever will. They don’t believe we love him. It breaks my heart. The oldest embryo adopted child is around 15 right now. Here’s a video on her: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11rYWvbq9QE She seems well counseled on the way in which she was brought into their family. More like brain-washed. She mentions “from the genetics of others”, not fully realizing she has biological parents and siblings out in the world. When our “open-arrangement” was in serious trouble and there was no help to be found, I quickly realized what we had gotten ourselves into. Prior to that, I was drinking the Koolaid by the gallon. We took back custody of our remaining 6 embryos the adopters had. We couldn’t allow them to inflict further trauma on our family. This process completely opened my eyes to the world of adoption and caused me to learn about all sides and perspectives. It’s so overwhelming! It’s only a matter of years before these kids start realizing and talking about their stories. My hope is to help give them a platform to do so, without shame. They were born to their adoptive moms, so I would doubt there will be an even deeper sense of loyalty and having to keep the peace. I’ve already seen discrimination amongst traditional adoptees on different forums; choosing not to embrace this group. Not all, but many. Saying things like “These kids didn’t experience the primal wound, so their experience can’t be remotely similar.” Anyway, I think it’s good to openly discuss it.
Wow! You have so much empathy I hope they find you some day.
It’s black market adoption. It was a trick to hide the adoption. That’s all any of this double speak about embryos and eggs and sperm is. All the bio parent does is agree not to claim the kid when born which allows others to conceal the adoptive nature of the relationship by putting their names as parents on their birth records. It’s not being born of technology, they’re just born and are the objects of back door deals. Good you get it. Koolaid analogy is great.
Hi
I just came across your post looking for any information out there. I need help and don’t know where or how to start. I too just relinquished my embryos and regret it so bad. It hurts and I don’t think it will ever go away. I see that you were able to get your remaining embryos back. It would be a dream come true if I could get mine back. I made the biggest mistake of my life and my embryos (potential children) belong with us. Pls. e-mail me. There is no one else to talk to.
Thanks
I contacted this site.you never responded.i had open agreement with egg doner.it took 5 years and 7 treatments to have miracle child.I soon realized my sacrifice of my career and health damaged by Lupron and IVF treatments .were just a playing field for husband to further destroy the rightful mother child bond.The husband used other humans ignorance of a.r.t. To aquire thru in humane and pre meditated planning to have child solely for himself.He only understood his financial status investment of 50.000 dollars and sperm. He successfully used my postnatal venrability to further abuse and have baby watched 3 days only.Each day I was terrorized and promised my daughter was coming home next day his familey cousin was to bring her .This game went on for 3 weeks.I was in PTSD from IVF and empty arms.yes I called police a month prior they did not listen to me.This man had planned to get rid of me keep the baby use money and unregulated IVF laws.to his advantage.my daughter is 10 years old now him and his female cousin have been playing house ever since.They use this child as a way to fulfill their desires of intimacy.And be a couple. I have to see this and be reminded I lost everything and ended up homeless and abused further.I was a hairstylist working 50 hours a week in a prestigous salon in San Francisco.raising 2 children from previous marridge.I had a new car living in a very low rent 2 bedroom lots of friends and familey .jehovah witnesses.week ends off.my dream come true. I v f ruined my life and hurt my other 2 children as well .The unregulated industry is outta control.15 years later my voice is still not heard even by the center of bioethics and culture.Can you hear me know..?.Erin brokovich at least put me on her Lupron poisen site.My story needs to be told to you watch dogs in person.Im 52 now and all I do is search for answers 2012 reports a large amount of woman will be medically and chemically pushed into PTSD .kentucky university.our courts are clueless even today on how to handle child custody disputes.Using IVF should not be used to stigmatize mothers.ever.My civil rights my child’s civil rights to be born into a familey unit of continued stability garenteed.Fathers are to be held accountable to mothers for health and safety and financial future to continue as agreed upon by entering this arduous procedure.Not dumped in street empty handed.he should still be accountable for my disabilities by his ability to pay lawyers to hide facts of medical use in having child.The father never had to sacrifice his measure of civil rights for domestic tranquility.He profited by my sacrifice home health hearth.Really America ….this is real terrorizing inside the home of procreation.Taboo subject but sex is not. I am outraged by injustice April Yang A real human
April,
I just searched through my emails here on Musings of the Lame; do you mean you contacted me or the Center for Bioethics and Culture? I did not have anything under your name of email and I do TRY to respond to all; though it does not always happen!
I am so sorry to hear that you have been used this way. I do completely agree that many time ART and these situations are used to erode the sacredness of the mother child bond. I do not know if you saw, but I am always willing to publish other people’s stories and give a platform for all our voices: http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption/adoption-blogs-adoption-bloggers/share-your-adoption-story/
Everyone deserves to be heard!
C~
But it’s not your kid? The biological mother was acting as an egg donor correct? You refer to this as an IVF kid separated from their mother. No doubt you’ve been abused or used by the child’s father. The child lost half their family because the child’s mother sold them in an egg donor contract though. That is the sad part for the kid.