The Latest Feeding Frenzy , Witch Hunt and Blood Bath

Time to address what has been going down for at least the last two or three weeks; I suspect longer.

I am sure that some, more than I would like, have heard rumblings or even been provided with “THE TRUTH about Carri”. This “truths”  purpose is to convince all that she is an unsavory character, much greater, than what has been said here; notably words being thrown about that she is abusive to her children, a career thief, a liar and psychotic.”

Now there are certain people in AdoptionLand, sadly, long time members, trusted folks and people I have long considered friends, who are most definitely behind these accusations. Part of me really want to believe that they really do/ did believe that they were in pursuit of the truth and were digging up this “truth” in a way to help and benefit all. I would LOVE to be able to say that once some doubts were placed about both Carri’s character and even my judgment in her, that I was approached and an open and honest conversation was concluded until a resolution was reached, but that it is not the case. I can’t say that I know 100% the timeline, but I have my feelings on this, which I will get to.  Instead, what seems to have happened is that many people were given this information and convinced of a great manipulative scam and so, by time, I was even aware of such issues, we already had a situation where there were many folks taking sides.

Now, I have said many, many times, how much I HATE drama in AdoptionLand. It has always been my very firm belief that the infighting in the adoption community is something that works against us all. I have gone out of my way more times than I can count over the years to avoid such happenings, have refused to contribute to it, and will not “take sides” when such battles have ensued. I still feel the same way, but this time my hand has been forced and so I cannot avoid this unpleasantness no matter how much I desire to avoid the conflict and rise above the fray. My desires for a unified community has been thwarted, and to add insult to injury, I am aware that I am being blamed and held responsible for “allowing” this to happen  and “ruining the community.” I refuse to take responsibility for this mess. This division is NOT my doing and I resent, even now, that I  feel compelled to make this post.

But I will. I don’t like it, but I will do this.

Now the allegations are that I have failed to do my due diligence and verify Carri as “worthy” of being helped fight AGC within the community.  I am “too emotionally involved” in her case to be able to “see”  “the truth” which is further compromised by the fact that “I am a birthmother“; which apparently means that my intelligence is also, somehow, compromised. I have a very strong feeling that now,  it is also being said that my desire to see AGC lose, has compromised my ethics in such a way that will allow me to support a “proven child abuser.”  I will admit that it actually is quite hurtful to been told in one breath how much my work has been respected and I am just amazing  while on the next, fully understand that despite this smoke being blown up my ass, the facts are that I was not told about such issues until long after the initial damage was done and even with MANY conversations where I was as open as could be, nothing I said was even considered to be a possibility of reality.  This whole freaking mess really could have been avoided, but again, it was not my doing.

As with many things in Adoption and I guess in AdoptionLand, the root of much evil seems to be money. I know for a fact that there are some members of the online community who are behind this who are after funding and they have pulled some strings. Others, again, who I would still like to believe feel they are on the “right” side, but have just dug themselves in too deep and have their own issues, have been used while still others are just pawns.  But first let’s get to THE TRUTH.

I know that many of you have seen this supposed bit of evidence that is going about Carri. I have as well.  I was first alerted about it on Wednesday the night of October 15th when Carri called me upset about some bizarre questions she was asked by one of the now accusers.  At that point, the story was that “there were many conversations all over online “and “all these people” were having doubts. I was at first under the impression that this information was coming from AGC and I was truthfully upset that no one was telling us directly and getting screenshots of AGC yet slandering Carri again. A lengthy conversation was had with the  person asking the questions and posing the doubts where I literally begged for  knowledge of the source of this information and what information was out there. I also tried to discuss many of the vague questions being thrown about only to have my questions avoided and every time I gave an answer, it was deemed unsatisfactory and yet another accusation was thrown in. In this, I was told how I was being manipulated by Carri and my desire to overthrow said agency and win was blinding me to such a horrible human being and her real character. You know, because I am stupid or something.

Now, I will completely admit that this gave me pause. At this time, there still was a modem of trust given to this person and I did not want to believe that her motivations could be anything but in the true best interests and her intent was pure. Could I have been so blind? Could any of this be true? Again, I begged for the source and to please show me where such lies were said. Please provide me with such proof so I could SEE. Finally, on Sunday, the 19th,  I was given the screen shot of the insurance card which confirmed to me that the original source of this information was not to be trusted and that was followed up with the two page email of PDFs “evidence” collected against Carri that had been already shared with I don’t know how many.

Now IF you have seen this PDF “package” then yes, I will agree that it looks pretty damn bad.  However, immediately upon seeing the original source of this information, I also knew that the party who had provided it was a known long time adversarial person in Carri’s world; the current wife of one of the father’s of Carri’s kids – one who has NO relationship with that child, no custody, and is already know to HATE Carri. Most importantly this information had ALREADY been provided to AGC and COULD NOT BE USED IN COURT. Why? Because it ONLY TELLS  a portion of THE TRUTH.  Yes, a complete and often repeated print out of one’s police record scanning years looks bad.  I should note here that this information was probably had by unethical means as the ex in question is also a cop. The words abuse of power comes to mind.  So yes, ACCUSATIONS made  and on that record look damning, but as stated, are only the beginning of the THE TRUTH. What is NOT in the package is  what  was determined about these allegations; how they were NOT substantiated at all. What is not there are any CONVICTIONS.

Now, the word on the street is that Carri has not been forthcoming about her true history and I have been told that people have a RIGHT to KNOW the WHOLE TRUTH. And because certain things are seen as not 100% accurate, that therefore they are LIES.   I can tell you this; there has been NOTHING that has been released at all that I, personally, did not already know.  And I said this over and over; “This is not anything that I do not already know.” Carri has NOT ever lied to me. Every time I have asked her something, she has told me. Anytime I have needed any documentation, I have been given it. And let me make this clear, I talk to her multiple times a day, literally every day, for the last 6 months. And even when seriously questioning my own judgement, I still could not see how she could be such a great liar that she had told me details about things MONTHS before this happened.  Like seriously, she’s not a stupid woman, but man, laying repeated groundwork and extensive “stories” just in case this came to the light of day is a far stretch by anyone’s imagination.  Beside f the fact that I always knew everything, at this junction, even while accusations are being hurled about, she has made sure that various people had permission to speak candidly to me so that I could ” get to the bottom of this”. This is not something she had to do, but did so freely, and really, it’s insulting that we even had to go through this process.

Now, I have a fundamental issue with the idea that “people have a RIGHT” to know every single bloody detail about a person’s individual life. Way back in the very beginning,  we made  a point of not pretending that Carri was a perfect person and not only owned up to the “wrong” things she had been responsible for, but also were open about her record. I knew that AGC and others would LOVE to be able to “expose” her in any way possible and that being transparent was needed to avoid, well, this.   However, acknowledging a less than perfect past is way different that  being obligated to post every freigging detail about one’s personal business so that anyone and everyone can have their morbid curiosity satisfied.  I personally object to this behavior even when it comes down to things like politics and in politics, we HAVE to make a choice  to vote for someone so there is more need to know about their character. This support is voluntary and not obligatory. What people have a RIGHT to do is not support Carri is they so choose. They have a RIGHT to not donate to the fundraising or sign the petition, They have a right to NOT comment to share things. As people LOVE to say, no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to DO anything.

And this is where sometimes I fear, people begin to trip over their own egos and we get into a realm of competition where some people seem to get off from having some sort of “inside” information.  Who spoke to who, who knows what; comparing notes to see who is closer to the  source. Do I know way more detail about the case than anyone? Yes. Is there way much more that I have seen that I regrettably cannot share due to the fact that it could jeopardize the case? Yes.  As much as I would adore being completely open and 100% transparent, there are certain things  where that just cannot be and then, again, there are some “facts” about this that are really just none of anybody’s damn business and no is really entitled to have all the sordid details. At one point after saying, yet again, I know all this “information”; this is nothing new; it was finally said:

“Well, we didn’t know it.” Yes, like sour grapes.

And the point is, no, you didn’t and you shouldn’t have to. Because I did and you know what? That should have been enough. I know some are saying it was until this and that it is implied that my credibility has been tarnished. And that would be true if I was not right and this false information and allegations wrong.

But, since we are now at this place I will discuss certain things that unfortunately must be addressed. Now before I do that, I will say this. As some of these accusations are now falling upon me as a responsible party in this deception of the adoption community, I HAVE done my due diligence. Again, while it does hurt my feelings personally to know that my word could not be trusted by some when I have said there is NOTHING that I do not know about, I wanted to be able to say 100% BEYOND a SHADOW of a DOUBT that I am confident in my knowledge. So in the last few days I have personally spoken to people who personally know Carri and have interacted with her throughout many years.  And so I can say to you now; THESE ALLEGATIONS ARE FALSE. These stories about her are not the complete truth.  And if you choose to believe them and not take my word, then that is your choice.

Allegations of Child Abuse:

There are allegations of child abuse. In the packet is a police report filed by another wife of a biological father and quite a few runs in between the parties. Apparently it is also now “ok” to go stalking one’s children as Carri’s have been and finding obscure tweets and supposed Instragam messages where the child herself also claims of abuse. So based on that, it has been said that Carri is a danger to her children and therefore, should not be helped getting Camden back to her care.

I will NOT get into talking about this one child’s issues because it is just wrong to talk about children and use them in this way. When I was told about this “evidence” I already knew of her issues and was able to say that I did and I understood the “evidence” and was actually not alarmed by it.  Again, I cannot image any person being so crafty as to tell me repeated “stories” and issues around this months before just in case someone just happened to come across a tweet made to a celebrity to garnish attention. But  you don’t  have to believe that as I took it one step further. I have communicated  directly and privately with both the case worker for this incident for this child and the attorney who handles the custody battle between Carri and this Dad at the time. It was a nasty battle and sure, the anger in that did lead to police involvement   & accusations made. The allegations of abuse were found to be unsubstantiated.  The actual abuse was actually put upon the step mother who had made the initial charges and yes, she was, at one point and time, a heroin addict herself. She was accused of abusing her own child. During the custody case, which was settled, she did not testify in court  and NONE of Carri’s children were ever taken out of her care by child protective services. The child in question is getting the professional care that she needs. And THAT is all that I will say about this issue of tweets and the supposed abuse right now.

 The Insurance Lie:

One of the other issues that come up again and again is the matter of Camden being on Carri’s insurance. There is an insurance card making the rounds, again, supplied by wife of the ex cop, which has this child on their plan. That doesn’t mean that the same child is NOT covered on Carri’s insurance. It simply means that there is secondary coverage which doesn’t really matter as this father has NO relationship with his child anyway. That also does not mean that Camden was  not covered under Carri’s name as recently as July? Because he was. Carri has, and I have seen, the letter from the insurance company. It doesn’t not mean that he is STILL on her plan. It was both against the law and insurance fraud for AGC to NOT have provided for Camden’s medical care and this is brought up in the Writ. So being that it is part of the legal record and her legal team included it, it’s a true fact. I am sure that by now, AGC has “fixed” this mistake, but they certainly aren’t very forthcoming about what they are doing, so who knows.

Now apparently it is some huge deal that when we say ” insurance plan” we didn’t specifically say Medicaid? To that I have to say that once again, people don’t have the right to have every single intimate detail about one’s personal business. If you think that means that Carri is a somehow a lair because you didn’t know that then all I can say to you is that’s pretty sad.

Scamming and Stealing Money:

Now  the “right” of people to know THE TRUTH has been  stated as required because “when you are asking for large sums of money” referring to the fundraising happening especially to purchase the needed transcripts for the Appeal. Again, if you don’t feel good about it, then do not give. End of story, but let’s make this very clear. Carri NEVER touched any of the money directly.  The fundraising was administered by another individual who happened to handle a bunch of other’s as well and payments were made directly from this person to Carri’s attorney.  Nothing went to ANYTHING other than and not to ANY other supposed legal issue that Carri’s supposedly had. And yes, it was used to retain the  attorney to write the appeal and for the transcripts. The original account was shut down official for “irs and tax ” reasons, though I strongly suspect it was due to these issues and the pressure put on the former administrator, but everything collected was paid out to Carri’s attorney. I have documentation of that. And yes, the transcripts were purchased. I know because I have them in my files. I cannot share them as it is illegal in the state of Ohio for any person, even one personally named in the proceedings, to distribute juvenile court transcripts so you are just going to have to take my word on that! I believe that the very LAST batch might still have to be ordered, as the final funds just came though, or they might have been and are not yet received, but in the end ALL the transcripts were required and the final cost was close to 10K. I know that is crazy, but it is what it is and there is documentation to the price of those as well.

Now, further accusations about what Carri might be doing with the funds are just crazy. Literally.  I have been told things as varied as how the hell can she afford rent to her kids clothes are too nice.  They just aren’t even worth writing about.

Jeff and the Eviction

Then, we can get on about poor Jeff and how she was so abusive to him. There are rumors that Carri’s Aunt Kelly said ” Jeff kept the Kids safe” and she was going to speak out against her. Others that make Jeff out to be some saint for taking in  all those  children that weren’t even his. And how he was so afraid of Carri.

I will say this; Jeff is a sterile dude who wanted a large family. I am SURE that Carri and her readymade brood was very appealing to him at one point. I used to feel very sympathetic for him as Carri did cheat on him and that sucks for anyone.  I tried for a long time to understand that he was hurt and that is why he forced her to choose. I don’t feel that way anymore, but see that the relationship was not  in a good place way before Camden was conceived. Was he a “good dad” to the kids; yes,  this while “he stayed to keep the kids safe” is BS.   Yes, I was contacted by his sister way early on who  was kind of nasty and told me about how much she dislike Carri. And you know what?  It didn’t matter to me because Jeff is a grown ass man who is capable of making his own choices. Maybe his family didn’t like Carri and thought him a big pushover for taking them all in, but my final opinion of Jeff is that he was a narcissistic tool who didn’t have the balls to stand up to anyone and take ownership of his decision. His biggest fear was not Carri but putting in the effort to talk to anyone and having  to own up. He couldn’t own up to his ultimatum. He couldn’t own up to his family and say ‘hey. I want this and it works for me”. He feared people asking him questions, worried about how they would judge him for staying with a woman who cheated,  and couldn’t see past that and eventually his lies caught up to him. He couldn’t keep playing poor Jeff on the outside and then keep playing house. And that is what he did do indeed. Eventually he had his overzealous  cousin “save him” by evicting Carri and the kids while at the same time he was purchasing  tickets for them all to go to Florida next month and Carri agreeing with him that she was moving. Talk about a stab in the back and mind fuck. Yup, that’s Jeff.

But yeah, it was a horrible move. It was even worse because it was the very thing that Carri had tried so hard to avoid in the first place; disrupting the other children’s home lives. And the reason she had called Gentle Care in the first place, but the reality was that the perfect home with Jeff was far from that and it happened anyway. As I said to her, I wish we had known each other a month earlier because I would have said then, dump Jeff and keep the baby.

But “Jeff kept the kids safe?” Really. He loved them so much and was protecting them from their horrible mother? Funny then that he was SO QUICK to THROW them all away.  And he did. He had his cousin make it a legal process and Carri happily left. And then he filed that she had abused him in retaliation. And you know what? It was  followed up by Child protective services as it must. He never answered their calls, but Carri happily met with them.

So let me make this perfectly clear again for all those “Carri is a n abusive mother” accusations: Child Protective Services gave her a clean bill of mothering  JUST LAST MONTH. Yup, I saw that letter, too.

Oh, and by the way, I also spoke directly and privately to both Aunt Kelly and Carri’s 15 year old daughter who confirmed this as well.

Now the “reason” Carri  is “preying” upon our community and we all need “saving” is because she is getting some form of enjoyment out of this, supposedly.  Yeah, because putting yourself out there and getting ripped apart daily by strangers is much freaking fun.  She needs the attention? She has nothing better to do beside  torment us and scam us and watch us destroy each other. This is just stupid talk as she didn’t even KNOW that this community existed.  In fact, I have often felt bad for helping her be so exposed because it is so damn hard.  I have warned her that there are all too many people with their own issues and egos and it gets crazy.  I feel really bad now because I didn’t keep her away from other folks who I had been warned about before multiple times and  who I know have had issues in the past. But again, I am too trusting and do overlook things when perhaps I should not.

Now I know there are more “lies” that supposedly been exposed. Seriously some of the accusations I have heard in the last week are beyond insane and I can’t even remember them all. I could just take screen shots of my attempts to provide logical answers, but I hate sinking that low. I also have screen shot proof of both the initial cause of this witch hunt, which is in part a jealously over the successful fundraising and certain people who wanted the funds for themselves I am to believe. I also have extensive criminal records that actually look a hell of a lot worse than Carri’s, about one of her lead accusers. The phrase “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” comes to mind, but again, I am not going to publish them. I will be preparing them all together in one document as they are collected (more are coming in) and  early next week, I might  share them privately. I might not. It feels so gross that I hate stooping to that low level,  but my mother use to tell me.. when people play dirty you have got to play by those rules or be prepared to lose.

The most important thing is that Carri is not a crazy, manipulative, alcoholic child abuser.  Her children are NOT in danger from her and Camden will not be either. She has full custody of three of the kids and the other two have shared parenting plans with their biological fathers. None of them have ever been removed from her care. No convictions nor arrests for child abuse have ever happened. She has never lied to me and I have proof of just about everything. Again, I have spoken directly to people who have known her for years personally and have been reassured repeatedly that she is a good mother who loves her kids and they are cared for.

Now Carri might not be the easily person to deal with. I can tell you that yes, she has a temper. She is quick to anger and  I wouldn’t want to be her enemy especially when it comes to her children. Yes, she has people who have an ax to grind against her because she does not suffer a fool and doesn’t take shit lying down. She does stand up for her rights and has held many others accountable before. And that is why she is exactly who she is and how this case has gotten as far as it has. Because she is a fighter. Because she doesn’t give up. Because she hold people accountable.  If she was anything less then she would have given up months again because this stuff is insanely hard.

So forgive me if you think that she must be the pinnacle of internet etiquette perfection as she open herself up to every stranger online who wants a piece of her for their own satisfaction while she goes through what has to be seriously one of the most stressful situations of one’s life. She doesn’t owe anyone that. If you can’t understand the emotional toil and stress and desire to look for ways to discredit her, and by default trash me, then I have one rude statement for you and it begins with an F and with a U.

When we begin to think we are entitled to sit back and decide who is worthy of being a mother based on some half assed information, then we are no better than the industry that we are supposed to be aligned to fight against.  It is so sad and disheartening to see that we have our own Trio Solutions and Jessica Mundys in our own community.

But what this has taught me is that the distrust of the mother who can consider adoption is still there. We are still guilty for even considering adoption  by too many folks;  whether fathers who had no choice, adoptees who are hurt themselves and need to fulfill their own projected fantasies of saving themselves,  or just other outside bystanders and players, just do not get it. It is still too tempting to see the relinquishing mother as an “other”;  a freak who somehow deserves the pain and suffering of maternal separation based on her own doing.  It makes me very sad, but thought this is a truth I cannot and will not ignore again; sometimes the only ones who understand the mothers is other mothers and that is that.  I guess there is an “us” and them. I thought we could transcend that. I was wrong.

Instead, there has been much plotting and truly conspiracy. Private message groups where “files” have been shared and people pressure to “keep your distance”;  warning that this is all about to implode. And it did. Carri’s support group was taken over; there are quite a few false profiles and people pretending to be who they are not.   In fact, if you think SHE removed you from the group ever then you are wrong. She was NEVER even an admin in her own groups. OTHER people were. And if you got removed the other night, join the club. We ALL were. Please do not take it perosnally. There is a list of profiles of people who are actively participating in the witch hunt. I don’t even know how any of them are real profiles. It’s so incredible stupid if only because it is so damaging to the community and so completely unnecessary and wrong.

But it is what it is and I did not make it so. This is a not Carri’s fault either. She came to us for help. And really, but most especially, because this “truth” is only half a story blown out of proportion and based on half assed lousy information, it has NOTHING to DO with the price of tea in China.

For even if you don’t “approve” of what you think you know of Carri as a person, it doesn’t take away from the fact that what Gentle Care has done is wrong. And that is what we are fighting.  And if you think that I am so blinded by my own blood lust that I am willing to accept a liar and hurt a child, then again, you could not be more wrong. I know many more people will believe that I would never be that person, than there are fools who would be persuaded.  And others who cannot see past their own issues, I doubt anything I would say now you would be able to accept.

As far as I am concerned this matter is concluded. If anyone has a legitimate question and is willing to accept what I can share with them, then by all means I am more than willing to dispel any confusion or doubts. Anyone else, please get the fuck out of my way. I know who you are and I am aware now that you are no friend of mine, so pardon me if I don’t ask nicely twice and just push you aside;

I have work to do and you have already wasted way too much of my time.