Adoption

musings of the lame an adoption blogAll Things Adoption; Relinquishment, Search, Reunions, Books, News and Information

Lots of people know adoption stories, but they don’t know how to search for an adopted child or birth birthmother, or the rules of a good reunion, or what to watch out for when making and adoption plan. I have tried to provide as much information as possible broken down into categories so you can hopefully find the information you need, when you need it.

If you don’t see what you are looking for, let me know. There is a good chance I have an adoption post  buried someplace in the  Musings of the Lame archives as I have been writing this adoption blog since 2005 and they are NOT all categorized yet. It’s been a very long process! And then, if you need something that is not here, there is a good chance that someone else also could benefit from that adoption information, so please do tell me what can help improve the adoption information here!

Basic Adoption Information Categories

Information about Adoption Relinquishment

Place your baby for adoptionIf you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering becoming a birthmother and making an adoption plan there are some things you should know about first- as in BEFORE you contact an adoption agency!


How to Give Your Baby Up for Adoption

Giving my son away to adoption in 1987I sure wouldn’t advise anyone following this plan of action, but this is the whole story, from beginning to end, of how I became a birthmother. Let it serve as words of warning.


Adoption Searches

searching for adopted child find my birth motherSearching for  your Birthmother? Do you want to find your adopted child? What you need to know if adopted and searching for a birthparent, birth mother, siblings lost to adoption.


An Adoption Reunion Roadmap

Adoption family reunionsTips and considerations to help you prepare for the emotions of an adoption reunion. There is no such thing as too much planning for an adoption reunion.  The time to start preparing for an adoption reunion is actually way before you start your actual adoption search.


Adoption Books

adoption stories and booksWhile everyone seems to love an adoption story; whether it be adoption horror stories or adoption reunion stories, adoption success stories  or adoption stories gone wrong. Opinions, personal reviews and discussion on each adoption book is encouraged in the comments of each books post.


Adoption News

adoption in the mediaAdoption in the media, news coverage on adoption, and the adoption stories that make the headlines. Only adoption can produce such a range of human interest from the heartwarming reunion stories to the horrors of an adoption gone wrong.


Costs of Adoption 

How much does it cost to adopt a childGoogle says 3600 people a month want to know “how much does adoption cost?” The monetary cost to adopt a child is easy; let’s look at the emotional costs of adoption to all affected.


Websites for Adoption Information

online information about adoptionOnline information about adoption all in one place. There are many sources for adoption information online. You will find research and support groups and history and facts. More support, national organizations, worthy places to donate money to, place to volunteer time and effort, people to contact.


Adoption Language and Use of the Word “Birthmother”

adoption language and the word birth motherMy choice to use the word “Birthmother” is based off a need to get this information out to as many people as I can and to do that, I use Search Engine Optimization. Language is important. SEO is a tool. I am geek. I talk about it a lot. Find out more here.


If you are looking to learn more about life as birthmother specifically, please find a whole category and sub-category broken up regarding birthmother issues.  Likewise, adoptee rights, the adoption community and truth about adoption; facts, research, the industry an culture of adoption can be found in main menu headings. Just read it all.

And then, some posts will just be about adoption overall or generically about adoption.



Yes,  VSA Partners  Kleenex ® And Adoption Go Together!

A Case of Kleenex Tissues

So I kind of LOVE this idea that PSA Agency has, but wow I would so love to see it expanded on. It could be literally amazing. Of course, here I go dreaming again, but imagine if Kleenex did something like focusing on adoptees searching and were able to tied that in with little PSA’s about the fight for Adoptee Rights in this country? Especially now that there has been successful legislation passed on quite a few states and we have all the pending legislation in a good handful of states in 2015. I could see a final product that might resemble these trailers for Jean Strauss adoption films. read more…

New Adoption Search TV Show Looking for Those Needing Help

LONG LOST FAMILY ADOPTION SEARCH TV SHOW

LONG LOST FAMILY, the TV documentary series for TLC that aims to reunite family members, is looking for participants. The show is based off a UK version and is made by the “Who Do You Think You Are” folks. read more…

Whispers of Grace – FREE E-book Promotion – Royalties Benefit Saving Our Sisters

By AstridBeeMom As some of you may know, I have been writing a memoir of sorts for the past several months. It will be a series and the books are novellas. I have completed the first edition of book one entitled, “Whispers of Grace.” It is my story, with names changed, and I would love for you to read it. Starting Friday, May 29th, 2015 you can get a copy of “Whispers of Grace” for free on the Amazon Kindle (or the Amazon Kindle app for Android or iPhone) for 5 days. This promotion will run until June 2nd. For the first 90 days 25% of any royalties (after this promotional period) will go to Saving Our Sisters. After those 90 days 50% will go to Saving Our Sisters. The reason for this is because of Amazon’s fees during the first 90 days. This book will be free to all Amazon Kindle subscribers for 90 days. For those who don’t have a subscription, hurry and get it during the 5 day promotion.
If you would like to donate directly to Saving Our Sisters please email me at musingsofabirthmom@gmail.com
WHISPERS OF GRACE EBOOK ON AMAZON KINDLE
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My Particular Shade of Gray

By Lori Holden Aging is a humbling experience. (I see teens and twenty-somethings who primp and angst about their appearance and want to yell at them, DON’T YOU REALIZE HOW GOOD YOU LOOK WITHOUT EVEN TRYING?) First it was spider veins showing up on my thighs. Then crow’s feet near my eyes. I’m emotionally bracing myself in case … Continue reading My Particular Shade of Gray →
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Guilt, Coercion, Threats – A New Mom Changes Her Mind – SOS In Action

By AstridBeeMom As some of you may know, we are in the process of legitimizing our grassroots organization called Saving Our Sisters (SOS). The goal of SOS is to help vulnerable women avoid adoption relinquishment. Over the past couple of years the organization’s brain child and front-runner, Lynn Johansenn, has helped dozens of women, that had decided to utilize adoption, to keep their babies and successfully parent. SOS offers whatever support is needed to achieve this. Sometimes the support is emotional, sometimes financial, and sometimes legal. Most people who have been helping with this are members of the adoption community themselves. They include birth/first/natural mothers, adoptees, and even a couple of adoptive parents. When the alarm call is sounded, this vast network of people contributes to what is needed and we always end up with enough for the new mom.
Initially, when hearing about an expectant mother who is set on an adoption “plan,” she is approached gently and given the encouragement she needs to know she is worthy of read more…

7 Things Search and Reunion Taught Me About My Adopted Mom

By Laura Marie Scoggins
When I received my original birth certificate from Ohio, one of the first things I did was show it to my adopted mom.
We ended up having one of the best conversations about my adoption that we’ve ever had in my entire life.
It was a healing conversation. It was like the whole thing coming full circle.
The conversation made me realize a few things.
1. My adopted mom has always supported me no matter what.
My adopted mom and I have always had a very difficult relationship. I’m not sure which came first the chicken or the egg. Did I not bond with her causing resentment which led to her treatment of me, or did her behavior cause me not to bond?
I will never truly know the answer to that question.
My adopted mom and I have been to Hell and back throughout our 49 year relationship. We have stood toe to toe with the boxing gloves on.
The very relationship that almost destroyed me has turned me into the strong independent person that I read more…

It Was Meant To Be – Using Religion to Justify Adoption

By AstridBeeMom In the adoption community, from birthmoms, adoptive parents, and even the occasional adoptee I often hear statements about adoption being the “destiny” for the adopted child. Some of these statements include, but, of course, are not limited to:
“I knew from the first time I met them (adoptive parents) they were meant to be -insert child’s name here- mom and dad.”
“It was God’s plan for my child to be adopted by -insert adoptive parents names here.”
“My mom and dad were meant to be my real parents. I can’t imagine my life without them!”
“I know why our previous placement failed. I was meant to be -insert child’s name- mom.”
These types of statements always irritate me. It implies that there is a pre-determined destiny for every person living in this world and that there is nothing you can do to change that. It implies that there is no free will. It was “meant to be.” It also implies (when you use the “God’s plan” phrase) that either 1) God makes mistakes and put the wrong baby in the wrong womb or 2) God is read more…

Dear Abby Misses the Mark on Adoption Question

By Lori Holden Dear Needs Help in Indiana, It must be exhausting for an adoptee to live in an Either/Or world. If you even think about your birth mom, some will judge you as disloyal to the woman who is raising you. Because, y’know, there is room for only one set of “real” parents in Either/Or world. About … Continue reading Dear Abby Misses the Mark on Adoption Question
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2-year-old taken away from parents because they used marijuana, killed by foster mother

By AstridBeeMom AstridBeeMom:Our system does NOT protect these children.
Originally posted on WPMT FOX43:

Cameron Texas- A 2-year-old was killed while in foster care, and her foster mother will now serve a life sentence for the crime

Alex Hill was placed in foster care after her father admitted to using marijuana according to the Houston Press.

Joshua Hill told Texas child welfare investigators that he smoked after the child was in bed at night. A case worker determined that the father’s marijuana use and the mother’s medical condition (frequent seizures) warranted removal from the home.

The toddler had appeared healthy and happy with her parents, but she was placed into the foster care system in early 2013.

On Tuesday Alex’s foster mother, Sherill Small, was sentenced to life in prison for the July 2013 death of the little girl, who would have turned four on Friday.

Alex’s parents, Joshua Hill and Mary Sweeny, had reported bruises on their child during visitations, but…
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The Clock Just Keeps Ticking

By AstridBeeMom It’s almost 1 am. I’m up and thinking.
New information.
New facts.
New revelations.
A big bubble in my “birthmom” life has been popped. Things I thought to be are showing me that they really aren’t. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it all. There is turmoil right now but also cautious hope and excitement. Something very good has happened but it could also be very bad…it depends.
I’m feeling more used than I’ve ever felt, though. Huge betrayal, huge, and not just to me. To her.
All I have is time…waiting…waiting…waiting. How many more days until she has a say so of her own? Not ready to write yet? Pffft. So not true. More than ready, with or without you. Maybe you’re not ready.
What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. Isn’t that what Marmion wrote? But now I’m tangled in your damn web and I don’t know what to do. I want to trust you and fill you in but I also don’t want to do further damage to an already fragile perception of me and, more importantly, an already read more…

Don’t Stop Now! #notabravelove #bravelove #notbravelove

By AstridBeeMom “A movement to increase adoption in the U.S.”
A few years ago an organization came on the scene. It was called, “BraveLove.” It’s mission was and is to increase domestic infant adoption in the United States. There have been a few blog posts about it in the past, but now it is a hot button issue. Why? Because this past week they have launched a billboard assault all over the country with the names of first moms and how adoption is the perfect solution to a pregnancy in a less than ideal situation. By their own accounts, from their website they say, ”
We’re a pro-adoption movement. We’re not an adoption agency. We’re not a pregnancy resource center or a church ministry. We’re a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) public charity organization headquartered in Dallas, Texas that exists to change the perception of adoption through honest, informative and hopeful communication that conveys the bravery of birth mothers. We believe birth mothers are heroes and adoption can be a beautiful thing.”
You may have seen the #notabravelove (or #notbravelove) campaign going on the past few days. This campaign came into inception when one of my read more…

Crazy 8

By Lori Holden Hi. I’m this blog. I’m 8 years old today. Here is my life story so far. I was born a poor, blogspot template and I was originally known as WeeblesWobblog. My midwives hailed from the ALI community (Adoption / Loss/ Infertility), prompting my birth and nourishing me in my … Continue reading Crazy 8 →
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The Cult of Birthmother’s Day – A Mother’s Day Celebration For First Moms

By AstridBeeMom It’s almost electric, the emotions flying around social media this time of year. Like a storm brewing or a dam waiting to explode from too much pent-up pressure in the tidal wave of water, Mother’s Day elicits an almost primal, and strong, response from those of us in the adoption community. Especially us first/birth/natural mothers. If the tension on the Internet is only a fraction of what is really going on inside of our hearts this time of year, I can’t imagine what our real lives, as opposed to online lives, may look like.
Some of us have other children that we parent and I know, at least for me, that helps to soften the blow. We will be getting “Happy Mother’s Day!” cards whether they are handmade or store-bought. We will be recognized on this day as a mother. It doesn’t make the hurt of having one of our children missing any softer, but at least we have recognition of who we are. For those who do not have other children that they parent, Mother’s Day can be one of the cruelest read more…

Honoring All Mothers on Mother’s Day

By Mirah Riben Be kind to your web footed friends,
For that duck may be somebody’s mother
She lives in a hole in a swamp
Where the weather is always damp
My thoughts and prayers this Mother’s Day 2015 are for all the mothers, including those who do not always – or ever – get thanked, remembered or even thought of and those for whom the day holds sad reminders.
The book, A Letter to My Mom by Lisa Erspamer, is a collection of letters by celebrities to the women who raised them. Like Mother’s Day greeting cards, they are filled with flowery words of thanks and appreciation for the big and little sacrifices these mothers have made to care for their children, their encouraging words of support, their love and guidance.
Not all of us, however, had storybook childhoods and not all of us have mothers who were able to meet our every need. Some of us have far less than perfect mothers, and some of us have mothers we do not read more…

Unconditional Love

By AstridBeeMom A love that will stay and persist without limits, without prerequisites. No matter what. To show unconditional love is to put yourself aside for the well-being of someone else. A sacrifice of one’s self because of this love. To voluntarily endure pain, hurt, disappointment, and more in the name of this love. To put someone else above yourself.
-Astrid
This is my definition of unconditional love.
Unconditional is defined as “not subject to conditions.” Love is defined, by man, as “an intense feeling of deep affection.”
Furthermore, God defines love as patient and kind, free of envy, boasting and pride. It is not dishonorable, self-seeking, or easily angered. It also keeps no record of wrongs. It rejoices with TRUTH and does NOT delight in evil.
If you are a believer in God then you know that you are required to try your best to love one another in the way he has described, unconditionally. However, let’s take the layman’s view and assume you don’t HAVE to love EVERYONE unconditionally. You are free to just “love” people, no qualifiers required.
If I asked you how read more…