musings of the lame an adoption blogAll Things Adoption; Relinquishment, Search, Reunions, Books, News and Information

Lots of people know adoption stories, but they don’t know how to search for an adopted child or birth birthmother, or the rules of a good reunion, or what to watch out for when making and adoption plan. I have tried to provide as much information as possible broken down into categories so you can hopefully find the information you need, when you need it.

If you don’t see what you are looking for, let me know. There is a good chance I have an adoption post  buried someplace in the  Musings of the Lame archives as I have been writing this adoption blog since 2005 and they are NOT all categorized yet. It’s been a very long process! And then, if you need something that is not here, there is a good chance that someone else also could benefit from that adoption information, so please do tell me what can help improve the adoption information here!

Basic Adoption Information Categories

Information about Adoption Relinquishment

Place your baby for adoptionIf you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering becoming a birthmother and making an adoption plan there are some things you should know about first- as in BEFORE you contact an adoption agency!

How to Give Your Baby Up for Adoption

Giving my son away to adoption in 1987I sure wouldn’t advise anyone following this plan of action, but this is the whole story, from beginning to end, of how I became a birthmother. Let it serve as words of warning.

Adoption Searches

searching for adopted child find my birth motherSearching for  your Birthmother? Do you want to find your adopted child? What you need to know if adopted and searching for a birthparent, birth mother, siblings lost to adoption.

An Adoption Reunion Roadmap

Adoption family reunionsTips and considerations to help you prepare for the emotions of an adoption reunion. There is no such thing as too much planning for an adoption reunion.  The time to start preparing for an adoption reunion is actually way before you start your actual adoption search.

Adoption Books

adoption stories and booksWhile everyone seems to love an adoption story; whether it be adoption horror stories or adoption reunion stories, adoption success stories  or adoption stories gone wrong. Opinions, personal reviews and discussion on each adoption book is encouraged in the comments of each books post.

Adoption News

adoption in the mediaAdoption in the media, news coverage on adoption, and the adoption stories that make the headlines. Only adoption can produce such a range of human interest from the heartwarming reunion stories to the horrors of an adoption gone wrong.

Costs of Adoption 

How much does it cost to adopt a childGoogle says 3600 people a month want to know “how much does adoption cost?” The monetary cost to adopt a child is easy; let’s look at the emotional costs of adoption to all affected.

Websites for Adoption Information

online information about adoptionOnline information about adoption all in one place. There are many sources for adoption information online. You will find research and support groups and history and facts. More support, national organizations, worthy places to donate money to, place to volunteer time and effort, people to contact.

Adoption Language and Use of the Word “Birthmother”

adoption language and the word birth motherMy choice to use the word “Birthmother” is based off a need to get this information out to as many people as I can and to do that, I use Search Engine Optimization. Language is important. SEO is a tool. I am geek. I talk about it a lot. Find out more here.

If you are looking to learn more about life as birthmother specifically, please find a whole category and sub-category broken up regarding birthmother issues.  Likewise, adoptee rights, the adoption community and truth about adoption; facts, research, the industry an culture of adoption can be found in main menu headings. Just read it all.

And then, some posts will just be about adoption overall or generically about adoption.

Adopted Child Doe and Amended Birth Certificates

By Mirah Riben The Supreme Court case of Adopted Child Doe brings to a head the absurdity of amended “birth” certificates issued to adoptees.
The 20-month-old known as Adopted Child Doe is Cooper Talmas-Vitale. Cooper was adopted by Joseph Vitale and Rob Talmas shortly after his birth in Ohio. The adoption is recognized in New York, where the two men are married and live with the toddler.
But Ohio, the place of Cooper’s birth and where his birth certificate was issued, has told adoptive parents Vitale and Talmas that they have to choose which man gets to be the legally listed father on Cooper’s new certificate of birth. Cooper’s case has been consolidated into four cases from Ohio and one case each from Tennessee, Michigan and Kentucky. All are awaiting a U.S. Supreme Court ruling on whether same-sex marriage is an unalienable constitutional right.
The case of Adopted Child Doe, however, goes beyond issues of marriage or the right to marry. It is about a child’s birthright, his dignity and his 14th Amendment rights.
“Children, as they figure out who they are in the world, care about things like dignity,” said Amy Davidson, writing read more…

2014 Year in Review

Thumbnail for 13081

By AstridBeeMom

Thank you all for making my first active year (really my first active 6 months) so great!!

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,300 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom


Calling All Ohio Adoptees

Thumbnail for 12838

By AstridBeeMom

As you may have read in my previous posts, my friend, Joey Ashbridge, is doing a documentary about the upcoming unsealing of adoption records in Ohio. For this project, he is in need of Ohio adoptees that would be willing to do interviews with him via Skype. If you or someone you know would be interested in helping out, please contact Joey on his public Facebook group, “Who Am I?” or contact me here to put you in touch with him. Please share this far and wide to get the word out for Joey!! Thank you!!

Click here to see Joey’s video message and visit his group or watch the video below:

Filed under:

Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom


A Birthmother’s Worst Nightmare – Aundria Bowman/Alexis Badger

Thumbnail for 12349

By AstridBeeMom Missing Persons Flyer

Today I am going to tell you a heartbreaking story. A story so sensational that you would think it was the makings of some fancy Hollywood screenwriter. I only wish this was the case.

A few posts back I touched a little bit on ambiguous loss. To help you understand it better I compared it to the loss one may feel when a loved one goes missing. To further explore this topic, I have asked a fellow birthmother, Cathy Terkanian, to allow me to share her story. We have done an informal interview of sorts and it is my honor for you to be a part of her story and possibly help to share her story in hopes that her heart may finally find peace.

On June 23, 1974, when Cathy was 17 years old, she became the mother of Alexis. A bouncing baby girl, the joy of Cathy’s life. Perfect in every way and loved just as perfectly by her mother, Cathy. Alexis was born in Louisiana and shortly thereafter Cathy headed back to Virginia where her mother read more…

Get Syndicated on Musings of the Lame


I think most of us write because we have something valid to say and we do want to share our point of view. That’s important as all our voices matter, but the things is, of course, it only works if someone else actually sees our words and reads them. And that’s what syndication on MOTL can do; you WILL get more people reading your words. This isn’t about tooting my own horn, but the fact is that this site usually ranks number one nationally in Google for many relevant and important search terms. And yes, there is that simple fact that over a third of a million pages, 377,378 URLs to be exact, were seen on the site here in 2014. Most “posts” initially are seen by approximately 1000 readers. However, I can also say that I know there is a direct correlation between the number of posts and the amount of views; more posts generates way more traffic- so in this way the system continues to feed itself!

Are you in? Please?

All I Need is Your Feed read more…

My Not So Perfect Life

Thumbnail for 10765

By Cassi Did you know my family is crazy? We’re dysfunctional. We make huge mistakes. We can be irritating and annoying. And we are so far from perfect or anything close to it.

And yet, as one who was literally saved from becoming yet another “unplanned pregnancy” lost to adoption, I am so thankful for my family, all the good AND all the bad.

We had another big family wedding over the weekend. It was my cousin’s wedding on my maternal side and since my mother is one of seven siblings, I have an abundance of aunts and uncles and amazing cousins that flood such family events.

I used to take it for granted . . . the crazy, wonderful, irritating family I’d been blessed with. As a child, it was just my life. I didn’t know any different. Didn’t know any better to know different. I had absolutely no clue how close I came to being separated from my own family. Forced to suffer the loss of my heritage, my roots. read more…

Scream Until It Hurts

By Cassi

When my middle son was just a baby, I worked at a day care center that included infant care – it was all about the benefit of reduced child care costs and being able to work while still being near my baby. During my time there, I had an experience I will never forget. An experience that forever changed me. In the crib next to my son’s in the infant room was a baby boy named Garrett. One afternoon, during the routine checks of the sleeping babies, the two wonderful ladies who cared for the infants discovered Baby Garrett wasn’t breathing. Those of us who knew CPR were hurried into the infant room. And there I was, knowing my own son slept in a crib just a few feet away, holding a limp, lifeless baby, desperately pumping air into his lungs. Praying with everything I had that he would just gasp, open his eyes, cough . . . all those miracle actions you always see in the movies . . . and come back to us.

Unfortunately, that never happened. It was determined that Baby Garrett died from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) read more…

A Day For Change

Thumbnail for 10492

By Cassi

There is a story I could write today. One that will never go away. Will always break my heart a little bit more when I think of it. But after a lot of thought, I’ve decided to give this first year a moment of peace, for an innocent little girl and her natural family who lost so much more than anyone ever deserves. I can’t, though, let this day go with complete silence. It holds too much pain. Too many reminders of the hard realities that are so much a part of what adoption has become in our country. Truths that so many still choose to ignore, dismiss or simply not care about it. How in the world can we continue to turn a blind eye to the pain and loss adoption has caused for so many? How can so many continue to bury their head in the sand, stick their fingers in their ears, so that they don’t have to face the dark truths staring them in the face? It’s heartbreaking to know, to see the proof every day, that we, as a society, have accepted adoption as a read more…

The Modern Day Maternity Home

Thumbnail for 10488

By AstridBeeMom

Most people believe the most distinguishing characteristic between the Baby Scoop Era (BSE) and today is the absence of those maternity homes where women were sent to discreetly give birth and have their babies taken from them against their will. However, this is not the defining end of the BSE. “Why?” you may ask. For many reasons but, to stay on the subject of this post, we want to focus on this falsehood. If the BSE ended with the dying out of maternity homes, we would still be in the BSE.

You’ve all heard the horror stories. All the time I hear, “I’m so glad adoptions are not done that way anymore” or “I know that horrible things were done to you but it isn’t like that anymore.” It saddens me that so many people in the world (most maybe?) are so ignorant to how things really work in this day and age. Even the ones who had fallen victim to it cannot see it for what it is. For the most part, like anything else, I think it is laziness in being willing to connect the read more…

Indiana Adoptee Rights; is 2015 the Year of Change?

Hoosiers for Equal Access to Records

For the last four years, we have tried to get a bill passed in the Indiana State Legislature that would equalize adoption law for all adoptees. Year after year, powerful interests in the adoption law community have ensured that it never got out of committee. This time, it’s going to be different. read more…

Colorado Birth/First/Natural Mothers Support Group

Connecting woman of adoption loss in Colorado!  If you are a woman separated from your child/children through adoption and looking for connection and support, please private message FaceBook page below. We provide connection and support because we understand.  Colorado Birth/First/Natural Mothers Support Group is not pro adoption or anti adoption, it is pro woman supporting women.

  • When: 3rd Thursday of the month
  • Where: Denver Colorado
  • Who: Birth/First/Natural Mothers only
  • Contact: Private Message
  • For More information:
  • Register: RSVP to invitation after you are connected.
  • Fee: $0


Ambiguous Loss

Thumbnail for 9894

By BeeMom

Adoption always begins with a loss for the birth parents (and the rest of the birth family) as well as for the adoptee. Putting your finger on exactly what is lost can be difficult. You have lost a child, but the child still exists. However, you cannot physically touch the child you have lost. Even in open adoptions, with the ability to physically touch the child, you have a loss of your motherhood to that child.

This loss can be defined as an ambiguous loss. Since ambiguous loss is still a theory, there is no official definition. However, I will use Webster’s Dictionary to define each separate word. Ambiguous – not expressed or understood clearly. Loss – failure to keep or to continue to have something; the experience of having something taken from you or destroyed. Wikipedia defines ambiguous loss as “a loss that occurs without closure or understanding. This kind of loss leaves a person searching for answers, and thus complicates and delays the process of grieving, and often results in unresolved read more…

The Letter

Thumbnail for 9386

By BeeMom

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted a personal update. And I’m not quite sure how to even start this blog. So many thoughts are running through my head and I can’t seem to organize them all. Even after 2 days of taking everything in. Where to begin?

Saturday afternoon I sent my oldest daughter out to check the mail for me. When she walked in the door I could see that she had a larger envelope. The color and type of envelope she was carrying is what IKL’s parents have typically sent updates in, in the past. That was confusing, though, because I usually only receive something in the actual snail mail about every 2 years or so. We had just received a small photo book several months ago. But, sure enough, the return address stated her parent’s first names and the PO Box they had set up for me to send things. I thought to myself, “What a pleasant surprise!” I anticipated some pictures, maybe an update.

Let me back up a bit…

Because, by nature, being a birthmother always means read more…

Women That Relinquish To The Famous or Prominent

Thumbnail for 9388

By BeeMom

Every time you turn on the news or stand in line next to a tabloid it seems you cannot avoid being told about how this celebrity or that celebrity has just adopted a baby. A quick search on Google will bring up famous adoptive parents, famous adoptees, even famous birth parents. Some part of me had always wondered about the other side, the side that you cannot Google and come up with a list…or a single name at all. At least not without some serious digging. What about the women who have relinquished to the famous or prominent?

Certainly being a first mom to a child adopted by celebrities would present its own unique feelings and challenges. Typical support groups, while I’m sure are helpful, would always leave out that one issue not covered for these women. Their children and/or their children’s adoptive parents are in the lime light. Some days I want to avoid adoption altogether and I have that luxury. What if you logged onto Facebook and in your news feed was an article about your child or their read more…