musings of the lame an adoption blogAll Things Adoption; Relinquishment, Search, Reunions, Books, News and Information

Lots of people know adoption stories, but they don’t know how to search for an adopted child or birth birthmother, or the rules of a good reunion, or what to watch out for when making and adoption plan. I have tried to provide as much information as possible broken down into categories so you can hopefully find the information you need, when you need it.

If you don’t see what you are looking for, let me know. There is a good chance I have an adoption post  buried someplace in the  Musings of the Lame archives as I have been writing this adoption blog since 2005 and they are NOT all categorized yet. It’s been a very long process! And then, if you need something that is not here, there is a good chance that someone else also could benefit from that adoption information, so please do tell me what can help improve the adoption information here!

Basic Adoption Information Categories

Information about Adoption Relinquishment

Place your baby for adoptionIf you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering becoming a birthmother and making an adoption plan there are some things you should know about first- as in BEFORE you contact an adoption agency!

How to Give Your Baby Up for Adoption

Giving my son away to adoption in 1987I sure wouldn’t advise anyone following this plan of action, but this is the whole story, from beginning to end, of how I became a birthmother. Let it serve as words of warning.

Adoption Searches

searching for adopted child find my birth motherSearching for  your Birthmother? Do you want to find your adopted child? What you need to know if adopted and searching for a birthparent, birth mother, siblings lost to adoption.

An Adoption Reunion Roadmap

Adoption family reunionsTips and considerations to help you prepare for the emotions of an adoption reunion. There is no such thing as too much planning for an adoption reunion.  The time to start preparing for an adoption reunion is actually way before you start your actual adoption search.

Adoption Books

adoption stories and booksWhile everyone seems to love an adoption story; whether it be adoption horror stories or adoption reunion stories, adoption success stories  or adoption stories gone wrong. Opinions, personal reviews and discussion on each adoption book is encouraged in the comments of each books post.

Adoption News

adoption in the mediaAdoption in the media, news coverage on adoption, and the adoption stories that make the headlines. Only adoption can produce such a range of human interest from the heartwarming reunion stories to the horrors of an adoption gone wrong.

Costs of Adoption 

How much does it cost to adopt a childGoogle says 3600 people a month want to know “how much does adoption cost?” The monetary cost to adopt a child is easy; let’s look at the emotional costs of adoption to all affected.

Websites for Adoption Information

online information about adoptionOnline information about adoption all in one place. There are many sources for adoption information online. You will find research and support groups and history and facts. More support, national organizations, worthy places to donate money to, place to volunteer time and effort, people to contact.

Adoption Language and Use of the Word “Birthmother”

adoption language and the word birth motherMy choice to use the word “Birthmother” is based off a need to get this information out to as many people as I can and to do that, I use Search Engine Optimization. Language is important. SEO is a tool. I am geek. I talk about it a lot. Find out more here.

If you are looking to learn more about life as birthmother specifically, please find a whole category and sub-category broken up regarding birthmother issues.  Likewise, adoptee rights, the adoption community and truth about adoption; facts, research, the industry an culture of adoption can be found in main menu headings. Just read it all.

And then, some posts will just be about adoption overall or generically about adoption.

Yes,  VSA Partners  Kleenex ® And Adoption Go Together!

A Case of Kleenex Tissues

So I kind of LOVE this idea that PSA Agency has, but wow I would so love to see it expanded on. It could be literally amazing. Of course, here I go dreaming again, but imagine if Kleenex did something like focusing on adoptees searching and were able to tied that in with little PSA’s about the fight for Adoptee Rights in this country? Especially now that there has been successful legislation passed on quite a few states and we have all the pending legislation in a good handful of states in 2015. I could see a final product that might resemble these trailers for Jean Strauss adoption films. read more…

Denying Adoption vs Dwelling on It: When to Tell

By Lori Holden Question: We already have an open adoption. My son is 4 years old and I keep wondering: when is a good time to tell him that he was adopted? I still think its too early right now, but when do other parents start to open up about this? I just don’t want to make it … Continue reading Denying Adoption vs Dwelling on It: When to Tell →
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Chasing Myself

By AstridBeeMom Sometimes it feels as if adoption swallows EVERY. SINGLE. PART. OF. MY. LIFE. While I love what I do, the people I help, the people I educate, the people who help me, the people who educate me, sometimes I find myself shutting down in the adoption world as it all becomes extremely overwhelming at times. Since this is a personal journey, for me, like so many others, it is often hard to separate all the pain that I feel with what I’m trying to do. I still find that I am at a place where I am forever playing tug of war with acceptance and denial. Intellectually I know that I carried my daughter for nine months, gave birth to her after almost a full day of labor, nurtured her in her first days, and got to know her in her first weeks….and then said goodbye. While I was lucky to have been able to see her on two separate occasions during the first 2 years of her life, I had wanted so much more. The expectations that I had in my heart for how this whole journey read more…

Update on the Guatemala Kidnapping and American Adoption of Karen Abigail Monahan

By Mirah Riben In December 2014 I reported on the Guatemala kidnapping of Anyeli Liseth Hernández and her US adoption by Timothy and Jennifer Monahan of Liberty Missouri who named the child Karen Abigail. Susana Luarca, aka Susana María de la Asunción Luarca Saracho who was charged with criminal association, human trafficking, and the use of forged documents in 2013, was recently sentenced to 18 years in a Guatemalan prison for arranging the illegal adoption of Anyeli.
In addition, the judges ordered the immediate activation of an international alert Alba-Keneth alert – similar to our Amber Alerts – of Anyeli Hernández Rodríguez and all the names that are known to the child.
Loyda Elizabeth Rodriguez, Anyeli’a Guatemalan mother said they will fight to have their daughter back and he will not rest until she does. Norma Cruz, head of the Fundación Sobrevivientes (Survivors’ Foundation), has also pledged to continue the processes needed for the recovery of the child, who lives with her adoptive family in the United States.
The kidnapped child remains with the Monahans, the American family who adopted her.

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Bait and Switch Foils NYS Adoptee Rights

By Mirah Riben “In this day and age, there is no reason why there should be restrictions on an adoptee having access to their original birth certificate.”
David Weprin, New York State Assemblymember
representing Queens 24th Assembly District.
A New York bill allowing adults who were adopted as children to obtain access to their original birth certificates, was “destroyed” by members of the NY State Assembly before it passed by a 125-19 vote on June 18, according to members of the group New York Adoption Equality.
For initial supporters of the bill, S5964 is no longer an adoptee rights bill. There is no urgency to push this legislation through without it receiving committee review and input, yet, the bill was pushed through at the last minute, Sunday night at midnight. Neither S5964 nor its companion, A2901a, was reviewed by any committee in either house.
C. Catherine Swett, co-founder and downstate coordinator of NY Adoption Equality, believes no one should be denied access to a legal document on the basis of his or her status as an adopted person, as is the case with current laws. The original bill supported read more…

Totes Adorbs

By Lori Holden Take a little bit of poodle and add in some bichon. Mix together and you end up with my sweet, sweet, funny, sweet, thoroughly adorable Dexter. (Alert: when you hit play you’ll hear music.) Six Months of Dexter in 15 Seconds More gratuitous Dexter pics are just a click away. ~~~ This post is part … Continue reading Totes Adorbs →
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How to Explain to Children Differing Levels of Openness in Adoption

By Lori Holden Dear Lavvie: How do we explain different levels of openness to our children? We have a very close relationship with our son’s birth mother and his biological brother and grandparents but because of our daughter’s birth mother’s lifestyle our relationship with her and her other children is limited. Our children are only 2 and … Continue reading How to Explain to Children Differing Levels of Openness in Adoption →
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American Adoption Congress Speech ~ May 4, 1979

By Susie I’ve seen this before. From a speech given at the first American Adoption Congress in Washington, DC. It’s not that I agree with every word that makes it hit home especially hard. It’s the date that this speech was given.May 4, 1979Just four days before Christopher was born. Just four days.Four Days I had no idea…I was not indifferent.My son was NOT unwanted. I did not wish to remain forever hidden from him.Sadly, 36 years later and this still rings true… ”It is the child welfare establishment that has provided the picture of birth mothers as indifferent – as mothers who abandon their unwanted children with a wish to remain forever hidden from them. They know that this is seldom true, but it helps to facilitate their work for the public to believe this. Society does not dismiss the importance of the natural family as readily as the social planners, and so it is useful to portray relinquishing parents as different from caring parents.””The birth mother must be different, an aberration; for if it were true that she had the same degree of love for her child as all other mothers, the read more…

A World Changing Revolution? The Entrepreneur’s Manifesto

By Mirah Riben More than three billion people — nearly half the world’s population — live in poverty; more than 1.3 billion live in extreme poverty.
As Americans living on minimum wage are seeking a living wage, Steve Mariotti advocates revolution: a universal, democratic revolution that will benefit everyone.
In his latest book, An Entrepreneur’s Manifesto, the author posits that to sell a product or service to another is a revolutionary act, “an act that has the power to transform lives, rebuild families, and forever change communities.”The entrepreneurship revolution is a revolution of consciousness; it is an awakening of the natural inventiveness, creativity, and desire for freedom deeply rooted in the psyche of every human being.
Mariotti is an MBA who worked as a treasury analyst for Ford Motor Company and ran seven businesses by the age of 21. He has said that learning to embrace his dyslexia led to his success. “I can process information in a very unique way, which helps me see a a market, understand it, and teach young people about it.”
Mariotti’s life changed in 1981, when he was mugged by three teenage boys. He couldn’t read more…

Being Blackish: Race and Self-Identification

By Mirah Riben Rachel Dolezal, former president of the NAACP of Spokane, Washington, was “outed” for being White and apparently lying. That aside, the question remains: can a person feel like or identify as another race in a way similar to taking on a new gender identity? Our Census Bureau seems to think that’s sufficient. The U.S. Census Bureau website states: “The Census Bureau collects racial data in accordance with guidelines provided by the U.S. Office of Management and Budget (OMB), and these data are based on self-identification.
“The racial categories included in the census questionnaire generally reflect a social definition of race recognized in this country and not an attempt to define race biologically, anthropologically, or genetically.”Black and White Thinking in a Multicolor World
The idea of race being ambiguous and fluid rather than assigned and immutable is not new. Rachel Dolezal did not invent the concept. In December 2008 USA Today reported on racial ambiguities on the heels of President Barack Obama – who has a Black father and a White mother – taking office.
The USA Today article reported the findings of a report, read more…

One of My Shortest Posts Ever

By Lori Holden I’m curating an online magazine called Open Adoption Matters, free to read on any of your devices. I hope you’ll subscribe. View my Flipboard Magazine. Also, my book is now out in paperback. $10 less than before. (My actual shortest post is here.) ~~~ This post is part of #MicroblogMondays? Whazzat? A post that’s not … Continue reading One of My Shortest Posts Ever →
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For the Fathers

By AstridBeeMom For the fathers who were never made aware they had a child, this one’s for you.
For the fathers who fought like hell to keep their children but the adoption industry won out, this one’s for you.
For the fathers who felt they had no other choice, this one’s for you.
For the fathers who were tricked, coerced, or lied to, this one’s for you.
For the fathers who were accused of horrible things so that the industry could obtain your child, this one’s for you.
For the fathers who are still fighting a David & Goliath battle, this one’s for you.
For the fathers who are about to embark down the path of hell but don’t know it yet, this one’s for you.
To the overlooked, under-represented, swept under the rug fathers out there, I see you. I hear you. Happy Father’s Day. This one’s for you.Filed under: adoptee, Adoption – Generalized, adoption coercion, Birthfather, fathers, Fathers Rights

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5 Mental Health Takeaways from Disney Pixar’s Inside Out

By Lori Holden As far back as I can remember I’ve been fascinated with how the mind works. In high school I wrote an essay on the subconscious and later I earned a degree in psychology in college. More recently, I started practicing yoga and meditation, as ways to bring the subconscious up to the conscious level on … Continue reading 5 Mental Health Takeaways from Disney Pixar’s Inside Out →
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I Tried to Communicate. She Got Hurt. Things Closed Down.

By Lori Holden Last week’s Dear Lavvie question was from an adoptive mom wanting to open herself up for her daughter’s sake in spite of past hurts. This week we have a birth family member who wonders how to pry open a relationship with the adoptive family in light of a perceived hurt. Dear Lavvie: I am an … Continue reading I Tried to Communicate. She Got Hurt. Things Closed Down. →
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 “Hole in My Heart” Lorraine Dusky’s New Adoption Memoir

“Hole in My Heart” Lorraine Dusky

“Hole in My Heart” isn’t light reading, but it is compelling and necessary. Perhaps it is best described as s strong dose of medicine; a strong antidote to adoption mythology, and a injection of raw honesty wrapped up in a riveting story of a life uncommon to most, much like a spoonful of sugar. The truth goes down smooth leaving needed ethical questions emerging as an aftertaste. read more…