Adoption

musings of the lame an adoption blogAll Things Adoption; Relinquishment, Search, Reunions, Books, News and Information

Lots of people know adoption stories, but they don’t know how to search for an adopted child or birth birthmother, or the rules of a good reunion, or what to watch out for when making and adoption plan. I have tried to provide as much information as possible broken down into categories so you can hopefully find the information you need, when you need it.

If you don’t see what you are looking for, let me know. There is a good chance I have an adoption post  buried someplace in the  Musings of the Lame archives as I have been writing this adoption blog since 2005 and they are NOT all categorized yet. It’s been a very long process! And then, if you need something that is not here, there is a good chance that someone else also could benefit from that adoption information, so please do tell me what can help improve the adoption information here!

Basic Adoption Information Categories

Information about Adoption Relinquishment

Place your baby for adoptionIf you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering becoming a birthmother and making an adoption plan there are some things you should know about first- as in BEFORE you contact an adoption agency!


How to Give Your Baby Up for Adoption

Giving my son away to adoption in 1987I sure wouldn’t advise anyone following this plan of action, but this is the whole story, from beginning to end, of how I became a birthmother. Let it serve as words of warning.


Adoption Searches

searching for adopted child find my birth motherSearching for  your Birthmother? Do you want to find your adopted child? What you need to know if adopted and searching for a birthparent, birth mother, siblings lost to adoption.


An Adoption Reunion Roadmap

Adoption family reunionsTips and considerations to help you prepare for the emotions of an adoption reunion. There is no such thing as too much planning for an adoption reunion.  The time to start preparing for an adoption reunion is actually way before you start your actual adoption search.


Adoption Books

adoption stories and booksWhile everyone seems to love an adoption story; whether it be adoption horror stories or adoption reunion stories, adoption success stories  or adoption stories gone wrong. Opinions, personal reviews and discussion on each adoption book is encouraged in the comments of each books post.


Adoption News

adoption in the mediaAdoption in the media, news coverage on adoption, and the adoption stories that make the headlines. Only adoption can produce such a range of human interest from the heartwarming reunion stories to the horrors of an adoption gone wrong.


Costs of Adoption 

How much does it cost to adopt a childGoogle says 3600 people a month want to know “how much does adoption cost?” The monetary cost to adopt a child is easy; let’s look at the emotional costs of adoption to all affected.


Websites for Adoption Information

online information about adoptionOnline information about adoption all in one place. There are many sources for adoption information online. You will find research and support groups and history and facts. More support, national organizations, worthy places to donate money to, place to volunteer time and effort, people to contact.


Adoption Language and Use of the Word “Birthmother”

adoption language and the word birth motherMy choice to use the word “Birthmother” is based off a need to get this information out to as many people as I can and to do that, I use Search Engine Optimization. Language is important. SEO is a tool. I am geek. I talk about it a lot. Find out more here.


If you are looking to learn more about life as birthmother specifically, please find a whole category and sub-category broken up regarding birthmother issues.  Likewise, adoptee rights, the adoption community and truth about adoption; facts, research, the industry an culture of adoption can be found in main menu headings. Just read it all.

And then, some posts will just be about adoption overall or generically about adoption.



Yes,  VSA Partners  Kleenex ® And Adoption Go Together!

A Case of Kleenex Tissues

So I kind of LOVE this idea that PSA Agency has, but wow I would so love to see it expanded on. It could be literally amazing. Of course, here I go dreaming again, but imagine if Kleenex did something like focusing on adoptees searching and were able to tied that in with little PSA’s about the fight for Adoptee Rights in this country? Especially now that there has been successful legislation passed on quite a few states and we have all the pending legislation in a good handful of states in 2015. I could see a final product that might resemble these trailers for Jean Strauss adoption films. read more…

The Truth about Troy Dunn “The Locator”

I declare war on Troy Dunn the Locator Idiot

The arrangement Search Quest America made as Troy’s third party search provider started in 2008 and ended in early 2014. According to Troy, he has not charged anyone for doing a search since 2002 however he did receive compensation from Search Quest America as his third party search provider. This arrangement ended after the website traffic leads were diverted to his “Troy Alert” app and the requests coming in through the TroyTheLocator.com website dwindled. read more…

Statements Made By Adoptive And Hopeful Adoptive Parents – More Education Is Still Needed

By AstridBeeMom “As an adoptive mom, I honestly think that there is nothing worse that one mother can do to another mother than withholding promised contact with a child.”
As a member of the adoption community I come across many comments from adoptive parents through various outlets on the Internet. My blog has always focused on the unethical side of adoption as that is what needs addressing. Over the past several months I have been collecting statements made by adoptive parents online and wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them. When I decided to start compiling these statements, as I have run into so many horrid ones, I started to run across adoptive parents that blew me away, and not in the negative way you may be thinking. Sadly, the ignorant, cruel, and selfish statements no longer surprise me. They still enrage me but they don’t surprise me. It is sad that I am surprised by statements that are the opposite of the ignorant ones. However, to be well-rounded, I needed to get a platform for both.
The opening statement of read more…

Kate Mulgrew Comes Out as a Birthmother

kate mulgrew memoir born with teeth adoption

I have to say quite clearly; Birthmother and actress Kate Mulgrew’s new memoir “Born with Teeth” is NOT an adoption book. It’s really a memoir of an actress who is a birthmother. The adoption story part of it is very true to the experience and very real, very raw and one will find themselves totally “getting it”. There just isn’t nearly as much “adoption” as one might think based on the press coverage. Like she really goes into way more and, in some ways much deeper and better, with the interviews. Granted she does write about the relinquishment, but after that, until the VERY end, it’s more of an undercurrent of sorts that doesn’t really get addressed all that much, but referred to in passing. If you are looking for birthmother validation, then you might be disappointed. read more…

I Don’t Look So Good in Huffy (Found Out the Hard Way)

By Lori Holden It’s first period and I’m teaching high schoolers. The end of class is near and I’m starting to worry if each small group is going to get a chance to present what they’ve been working on. There’s a commotion in the hallway. An entire class of middle schoolers, many of whom I teach on a … Continue reading I Don’t Look So Good in Huffy (Found Out the Hard Way) →
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A Comparison in Adoption – The United States Vs. Europe

By AstridBeeMom While all countries differ in political climates and cultures, the United States can be lumped into a category with other countries that we can generalize as “civilized.” Countries such as Canada, France, Germany, Australia, Ireland and others would all fit into this category as we have similar ethics and cultures in a broad sense of the word. Since domestic infant adoption has been seen as something that is necessary to “save” babies from a life of poverty and no opportunities, thousands of babies, each year, in the United States, are relinquished to adoption from perfectly capable mothers. I was wondering why the babies in this country needed to be “saved” and decided to take a look at other countries, like ours, to see if the same theories and ethics applied, in regards to domestic infant adoption. Certainly, because we are all human beings, the same situations of what we consider a “crisis pregnancy” would exist in other countries. How do other countries handle crisis pregnancies? In America, the solution seems to be adoption, at all times. That is what is encouraged. That is what is socially acceptable as the “selfless and right” thing to do.
read more…

Just Get Over It: The Narcissistic Adoptive Mom

By Laura Marie Scoggins

One of the best things that has come out of open records legislation is the connections and community of adoptees. Adoptees are only truly understood by each other, and most of us live our lives without other adoptees to express what life adopted is like. In addition to reunions unfolding each day with birth families the biggest reunion of all just might be OUR reunion in the universal adoptee family. I’m not sure what we would do without each other, and I don’t know how I survived life without them for so long.

These fellow adoptees have validated all of my feelings. They have just expressed everything I could possibly say. This is so my story. My heart is breaking for them right now. I know what this feels like. It’s sooo crazy how much alike we all are. Similar relationships with our adopted parents (especially the bad ones with our adopted moms), their reaction to our reunion (even when they said they were supportive). The common abusive, narcissistic mom stories running throughout this community has left me stunned and at the same time relieved that I’m not the only one.

I think back read more…

Presenting the Birthmother Perspective at the NYSCCC Conference in May 2015

Help Shape OUR Birthmother Presentation; In my head, I am telling the story, presenting facts and research that supports what I am saying, with actual quotes by YOU ALL showing on the screen. I would very much to have some really good images of moms that can help break apart every possible stereotype and open that door to get them thinking more. Even if it turns out that maybe there are only six stories that get highlighted, at least it’s not just mine. So like I always say, your voices will give my presentation WAY more credibility. read more…

Sibling Grief In Adoption

By AstridBeeMom “I never know what to say when someone asks me how many brothers or sisters I have.”
This came out of my 12-year-old’s mouth while I was driving the other day. There was no warning for a statement such as this. No conversation that I can think of that brought it on. We were listening to the radio and she just blurted it out. It caught me off guard and I wasn’t really sure what to say. I have tried my best to not shroud in secrecy that her father and I relinquished the daughter that came before her. I would never want to give any of my children the impression that IKL is someone we should be ashamed of or someone who should be kept secret. To do so would deny her and denying her would be to deny our love for her. Regardless of this, for a child, growing up with a sister who has been lost to adoption, challenges unique to these parented children are most definitely present. She is not ashamed of her sister and would love for nothing more than read more…

It’s Summer O’Clock Somewhere

By Lori Holden Spring is still a newborn bald gulping baby bird in the northern hemisphere, but here in Denver we’ve had temperatures in the 70s so I’m prematurely ready to announce Lori’s Summer Drink of 2015. I discovered this concoction in February when Andy came through town and I met her for dinner. So for me this … Continue reading It’s Summer O’Clock Somewhere →
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AAC SEO

search engine spiders

So this is a follow up for those who attended my SEO workshop at the American Adoption Congress Conference:
“While the internet has been an amazing tool to bring the adoption community together, there are basic best practices to utilized to really amplify our voices and reach a wider audience. Whether blogging, sharing or tweeting, knowing what Google wants and how to use SEO can benefit us all.” read more…

Repeat After Me

By Cassi Okay, sit back, get comfortable, clear your throat and repeat after me . . . The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!Let’s say it one more time . . . The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!I have yet, in the many years I’ve been a part of the fight for Adoptee Rights and Adoption Reform, come across a First (Birth) Mom who was promised privacy. And I have never seen a single piece of legal paper guaranteeing such a thing.If you are a First Mom who claims you were promised privacy, you are either lying or were lied to. It is just that simple.To carry out a promise of privacy for First Moms it would mean our children’s original birth certificates would have to be sealed the moment we put pen to paper and sign the relinquishment papers. It would be based on our action of giving up our rights and nothing else.But, not only does that not happen, but there is not a SINGLE law in the United States even allowing for that to happen. It just can’t read more…

Dealing with Adoption’s Ghost Kingdom (and GIVEAWAY)

By Lori Holden Part 3: The Role of Mindfulness in Adoption Even though I just completed a 4-part series called Parenting GPS, today I offer you the last part of a different series, a 3 part interview that was originally published in Foster Focus magazine. Get caught up with Part 1 on Adoption at the Movies (how to … Continue reading Dealing with Adoption’s Ghost Kingdom (and GIVEAWAY) →
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Adam Crapser: Adopted, Abused and Facing Deportation

By Mirah Riben The New York Times called the life of Adam Crapser a bizarre Kafkaesque odyssey. The internationally adopted man, now 40 and living in Vancouver, Washington, has become the face of everything wrong with adoption. He was adopted, abused, abandoned to foster care, rehomed, abused worse than before, and abandoned again all by the time he was 16 years old… and now he faces deportation.
Crapser’s odyssey began in South Korea where was born Shin Song Hyuk. In 1979, he and his older sister were adopted and came to America to their “forever family,” as adoptive families like to call themselves. The NY Times reports: “Crapser remembers being whipped and forced to sit in a dark basement. After six years, the couple decided they no longer wanted the children.”
Crapser was 10 when the foster care system separated him from his sister. He then bounced between foster homes and a boys’ home. Finally, he was adopted again by Dolly and Thomas Crapser of Oregon who beat him more severely than his former adoptive parents. The Times says:”Dolly, Crapser says, slammed the children’s heads against door frames and once hit him in the back of read more…