musings of the lame an adoption blogAll Things Adoption; Relinquishment, Search, Reunions, Books, News and Information

Lots of people know adoption stories, but they don’t know how to search for an adopted child or birth birthmother, or the rules of a good reunion, or what to watch out for when making and adoption plan. I have tried to provide as much information as possible broken down into categories so you can hopefully find the information you need, when you need it.

If you don’t see what you are looking for, let me know. There is a good chance I have an adoption post  buried someplace in the  Musings of the Lame archives as I have been writing this adoption blog since 2005 and they are NOT all categorized yet. It’s been a very long process! And then, if you need something that is not here, there is a good chance that someone else also could benefit from that adoption information, so please do tell me what can help improve the adoption information here!

Basic Adoption Information Categories

Information about Adoption Relinquishment

Place your baby for adoptionIf you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering becoming a birthmother and making an adoption plan there are some things you should know about first- as in BEFORE you contact an adoption agency!

How to Give Your Baby Up for Adoption

Giving my son away to adoption in 1987I sure wouldn’t advise anyone following this plan of action, but this is the whole story, from beginning to end, of how I became a birthmother. Let it serve as words of warning.

Adoption Searches

searching for adopted child find my birth motherSearching for  your Birthmother? Do you want to find your adopted child? What you need to know if adopted and searching for a birthparent, birth mother, siblings lost to adoption.

An Adoption Reunion Roadmap

Adoption family reunionsTips and considerations to help you prepare for the emotions of an adoption reunion. There is no such thing as too much planning for an adoption reunion.  The time to start preparing for an adoption reunion is actually way before you start your actual adoption search.

Adoption Books

adoption stories and booksWhile everyone seems to love an adoption story; whether it be adoption horror stories or adoption reunion stories, adoption success stories  or adoption stories gone wrong. Opinions, personal reviews and discussion on each adoption book is encouraged in the comments of each books post.

Adoption News

adoption in the mediaAdoption in the media, news coverage on adoption, and the adoption stories that make the headlines. Only adoption can produce such a range of human interest from the heartwarming reunion stories to the horrors of an adoption gone wrong.

Costs of Adoption 

How much does it cost to adopt a childGoogle says 3600 people a month want to know “how much does adoption cost?” The monetary cost to adopt a child is easy; let’s look at the emotional costs of adoption to all affected.

Websites for Adoption Information

online information about adoptionOnline information about adoption all in one place. There are many sources for adoption information online. You will find research and support groups and history and facts. More support, national organizations, worthy places to donate money to, place to volunteer time and effort, people to contact.

Adoption Language and Use of the Word “Birthmother”

adoption language and the word birth motherMy choice to use the word “Birthmother” is based off a need to get this information out to as many people as I can and to do that, I use Search Engine Optimization. Language is important. SEO is a tool. I am geek. I talk about it a lot. Find out more here.

If you are looking to learn more about life as birthmother specifically, please find a whole category and sub-category broken up regarding birthmother issues.  Likewise, adoptee rights, the adoption community and truth about adoption; facts, research, the industry an culture of adoption can be found in main menu headings. Just read it all.

And then, some posts will just be about adoption overall or generically about adoption.

Yes,  VSA Partners  Kleenex ® And Adoption Go Together!

A Case of Kleenex Tissues

So I kind of LOVE this idea that PSA Agency has, but wow I would so love to see it expanded on. It could be literally amazing. Of course, here I go dreaming again, but imagine if Kleenex did something like focusing on adoptees searching and were able to tied that in with little PSA’s about the fight for Adoptee Rights in this country? Especially now that there has been successful legislation passed on quite a few states and we have all the pending legislation in a good handful of states in 2015. I could see a final product that might resemble these trailers for Jean Strauss adoption films. read more…

Tummy Mummy in Adoption: Survey SAYS — !

By Lori Holden Two weeks ago I asked what you thought about the term “tummy mummy.” Boy, did you have a lot to say. Among the nearly 300 respondents, who chimed in? 66% were adopting or adoptive parents 11% were adoptees 13% had a professional or nonprofessional interest in adoption 10% had placed a child or lost a … Continue reading Tummy Mummy in Adoption: Survey SAYS — ! →
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Complete and Total Transparency: Saving Our Sisters is Attacked

By AstridBeeMom Original Post about this: SOS Update: Mom in Georgia
I really hate that I have to do this. It’s ridiculous, but now it’s necessary. Since publicly announcing that we are no longer endorsing the campaign for the mom in Georgia, we have had a lot of accusations thrown our way all over the internet. Most of these come from the family and friends of the mom. One person, however, is Beth S. Brock. Beth is a member of the adoption community and had signed up to be a volunteer person for Saving Our Sisters. Since she lived close to the mom in Georgia we utilized that as our local contact person. Since then, Beth has, regrettably, participated in a smear campaign and has decided that she no longer supports SOS. She has accused us of fraud and keeps claiming the FBI is now investigating us as well as there being “pending charges.” Honestly, I believe it is a lot of “fluff” since this all supposedly transpired on a Sunday evening. Because of the actions of others, and a read more…

SOS Update: Mom in Georgia

By AstridBeeMom Update: Mom and sister are now attacking Lynn via her SOS page and have had her account removed from Facebook.
Mom’s name is Dana Jackson
Sister’s name is Beverly Oliver Crowson
First I need to say that the mother in Georgia’s situation was totally legit. She was put on the streets by the hopeful adoptive parents. She did need money for her own apartment. Her sister did take her in so she had a place to stay. However, and regrettably, Saving Our Sisters is going to have to pull support from this case. It’s a long and drawn out story but I’ll do my best to explain it here. We never want to have to step away and leave a mother without our support system. We have an army of people ready and willing to help and help they do. We have helped numerous people avoid adoption relinquishment and successfully parent. The reason this works is because there is cooperation between the mother and SOS. The reason we are able to help all of these mothers is because of our credibility. read more…


By AstridBeeMom I won’t get into the ethics of having an expectant mother live with you so that you can adopt her baby, or how despicable it is to throw her out on the street hours after giving birth because she changed her mind and you’re hoping to force her into relinquishment with homelessness, but I will plead with everyone her to rally around Dana. She is a new Saving Our Sisters mother. I will post screen shots of Dana’s gofundme page as well as the link if you’d like to contribute financially.
As it stands now, her friend has only raised $60 for her.
Yet, I see tons of fundraising pages for prospective adoptive parents doing thousands in hours. Shameful.

Here it is. Your chance to shine. Offer $10, offer a shoulder to lean on, offer those baby clothes in the garage, offer a room in your home. Don’t stand there and do nothing.
Help a Homeless Mother Keep Her Baby
More updates to follow as soon as there is more information. Initial contact has been made.Filed under: saving our sisters

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Adoption Creates a “Split at the Root”

By Mirah Riben In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.
Alex Haley
I am not a fan, in general, of adoption memoirs perhaps because I have read too may. Most are elongated, detailed blog posts. Split at the Root: a memoir of love and lost identity stands head and shoulders above the run-of-the-mill adoption memoir. If Oprah was still on their air, this book would easily have made her list of recommended reading for anyone who likes a well-written autobiography. It is the story of a woman with “three distinct races running through [her] veins” yet ”no racial or ethnic frame of
Catana was a loved and doted over Black child, raised by privileged White German parents in a German community in Guatemala who gave her everything and anything she wanted.
As a child she loved the story her mother told her of awakening very early one morning and finding Baby Catana floating in on a leaf, not unlike the Pharaoh’s daughter finding Baby Moses. While the truth was far less romantic, Catana’s “adoption” is far from a classic adoption. read more…

Hi, My Name Is…

By AstridBeeMom Astrid Beemom.
I’ve remained mostly anonymous on this blog so as not to make waves should my daughter’s adoptive parents happen across it. I feared that my feelings about adoption may make them decide to close the adoption totally on me. Almost a month ago I wrote them an email, updated them about our lives. I still haven’t received a response.
I’ve decided that I really don’t wish to remain that anonymous anymore. For obvious reasons I’m not going to give you all my identifying information. I mean, come on, that would be irresponsible. However, I will show you what I look like and tell you my name.
I should not have to live my life with the fear of being totally cut off from knowing what is going on in my daughter’s life just because I share my story, just because I share reality, just because I expose unethical practices, and just because I help women parent their children. That is, however, the reality for many of us first moms.
Stay in the shadows or risk the unbearable pain of wondering if your child is okay, happy, healthy….alive. Isn’t that sweet?
read more…

My Kid Has No Adoption Issues. That a Problem?

By Lori Holden Question: My daughter is 8 and really, it feels as though she’s having no adoption issues. None at all. Is it possible for her to just be well adjusted about adoption? — Laurel Dear Laurel: I do believe it’s possible. We should welcome, recognize and show gratitude when our kids are seemingly well-adjusted. Enjoy the … Continue reading My Kid Has No Adoption Issues. That a Problem? →
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The Popular Table

By Cassi So . . . there are many reasons why I have been so neglectful here on my blog.One of the greatest ones is I’m finally giving myself permission to concentrate on my other writing without feeling guilty for doing so. I can still help. I can still support pregnant mothers in need. I can still be an advocate for adoption reform and adoptee rights.But it’s okay, at this point in my life, to do that on a smaller scale so that I can concentrate on all I walked away from back when I faced some of the worst struggles in giving up my oldest son.Another reason is . . . regardless of how many times there were the claims that the “new” First Moms would be happier and have better experiences . . . they are speaking out more and more. And their blogs are amazing. They have such powerful messages to tell. And because their experiences are so much closer to the “here and now” it’s easier to step back and read more…

Update to Kimberly Rossler Case; More of the Same

By AstridBeeMom Some new stuff in Kimberly Rossler’s case this evening.
Sources report that Judge Don Davis has recused himself, which is good. As you may remember, he was the judge who approved Kimberly’s pre-birth consent. There were also huge conflicts of interest as he sits on the advisory board of Adoption Rocks, the agency that isn’t an agency who Kim initially contacted in regards to a potential adoption for Elliott. As you may also remember, from my previous posts, Donna Ames is the President and founder of Adoption Rocks AND the attorney who represented Kate Sharp for the adoption. She also, coincidentally, campaigned for Judge Don Davis last year, along with several of her associates from the Mobile Bar Association. Lastly, she is the one who brought Kimberly before Judge Don Davis for the pre-birth consent and was advising her throughout her pregnancy, even though Donna Ames admits, in her official statement, that she never represented Kim. Kimberly, however, didn’t get that memo.
Judge Don Davis recusing himself is, indeed, good news. However, from what I’m hearing, that isn’t the end of the story. I’m not quite sure, but after reading Alabama’s code, I THINK read more…

What I Want To Tell You; For IKL

By AstridBeeMom I’ve used this missing piece of my heart to build something beautiful. Nothing will ever replace you, but I’ve decided to fight for truth, justice, and for those who have no voice.
My greatest fear has always been that you may stumble on my little corner of the Internet and that it may scare you away. I certainly hope that doesn’t happen.
I’ve always been the champion of the underdog. Fighting for or against things that seemingly have no chance in hell. For things that no one else will listen to. Its in my nature. Maybe it’s also in yours.
When someone comes to me for help, I usually can never say no. Whether that be to help them find their biological parents, or to give exposure to an unethical practice within the adoption industry. I’ve learned so much from so many people over the past 2 years. My eyes have been opened. I truly hope that you are not one of the ones to have been negatively affected by your adoption. I REALLY do. However, mixed in with read more…

Summer Reading: New Adoption Books

By Lori Holden With about half the summer left, I offer you a harvest of new adoption books that have recently become available. Here are some that have come into my mailbox or across my radar. New Adoption Books 2015 Hole in My Heart by Lorraine Dusky For: adults Lorraine, known to many as one of the driving … Continue reading Summer Reading: New Adoption Books →
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Self Dealing – The Elliott Rossler Case

By AstridBeeMom AstridBeeMom:And this.
Originally posted on Adoption: Second Generation Birthmom:
The last few weeks have been triggering. I have to speak up. Recently, there has been an avalanche of information floating around adoption land having to do with pre-birth consent for adoption, and the right to change your mind about adoption as the natural parent of your baby.

You would think the laws and legislation would be black and white on these matters, but when you bring self dealing attorneys, judges, and a desperate childless single woman , you have muddy waters.

These people are acting in a self dealing capacity. This is different from a conflict of interest. The definition of self dealing is here:

Self–dealing is the conduct of a trustee, an attorney, a corporate officer, or other fiduciary that consists of taking advantage of his/her position in a transaction and acting for his/her own interests rather than for the interests of the beneficiaries of the…
View original 1,960 more wordsFiled under: Uncategorized

Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

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We Don’t Want an Open Adoption But We Do Want a Baby Fast

By Lori Holden I am publishing this brief letter that was recently sent to me not to lambaste the asker, but to help her — and others who may google similar search terms — to see a deeper way of looking at infant adoption. Respectful comments are welcomed. Comments that shame are not. Question: After talking it over … Continue reading We Don’t Want an Open Adoption But We Do Want a Baby Fast →
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Coercion And Manipulation . . . Can’t Fight That

By Cassi Again, another fit, loving mother, Kimberly Rossler, is being forced to fight for her baby.For Kimberly, she had decided before ever giving birth to keep her son. She took him home, raised loved and cared for him for three weeks before he was taken to satisfy the desires of the woman desperate to claim her son as her own.There are many news stories, blog posts, out there that can give you Kimberly’s story and the horror that happened to her, and worst of all, her newborn son. With a visit to the Facebook page, Bring BabyElliott Home, there is plenty of information to find the information on her case and how to help Kimberly in her fight for her baby.As I’ve read through the many different comments on the stories being published and shared, there has been, yet again, a repeated theme in what some have had to say. It’s an anger, disgust, over vulnerable, pregnant mothers receiving expenses paid from those hoping to adopt her baby. And forming a relationship with them before ever giving birth only to “crush” their hopes when they then choose read more…