• A Must Read List for Adoption Truths

    • In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.

    • I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.

    • I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever. Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?

    • So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.

    • There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.

    • What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.

    • The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.

    • Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.

    • When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.

    • Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.

    • The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..

    • Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.

    • I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.

A Message From Claud

Musings of the Lame is a Blog about Adoption and my Life as a Birthmother.

Since early 2001, I had been very involved in online adoption forums and other websites and adoption organizations where I would spend hours writing about my deepest feelings and talking to others about adoption issues. At some point in 2005, a blog sounded like a good place to put all my writing, so I started blogging on Musings of the Lame.

Some Things You Should Know:

I write the way I speak and speak the way I write. I suck at typing and I misspell all too often. Thank God for spell check and my online proof-readers. I’m not going to play games or get involved in drama. I will be 100% to both myself and you and I completely believe in transparency. I dye my hair and I have tattoos.. and I like to curse when needed. I have been “FauxClaud” online since the beginning. I still am. Google it. You’ll see. What you see is what you get.

I’m not an Amazon woman or some Goddess; I am just one woman who made a terrible mistake and will do what I can to stop the pain and loss and grief of adoption for as many more a possible. I’m not hateful or angry or trying to push blame on the rest of the world. I am not a victim, but I am fighter. I don’t believe in just complaining about something, I believe in doing.

I Am Not a Fan of Adoption

I placed my son for adoption in 1987 and you may feel free to read the whole my story on how I became a birthmother and placed my son for adoption. It was a closed adoption, but like many of the adoption agencies, now, they treated me like I was a queen with a desired product. Like many birthmothers of today, I thought that relinquishing my son to adoption was a very good idea. Like most mother’s considering adoption for their children, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Kind of like blogging.

My Views on Adoption Since then Have Changed

  • I have since searched and found my son and we are in an adoption reunion.  That doesn’t make it all better or a happy story. Nothing will. Again, I have written out the search for Max who was placed for adoption . Most of that happened online and it was my great honor to share that experience and be supported by the adoption community.
  • I feel very strongly that we must restore adult adoptees rights to their original birth certificates. Please see the Adoptee Rights page for more about the fight to free adoptee records.
  • I believe that the language used in adoption is very important. I don’t mince words. I don’t try to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. I usually do not attack people personally, though there are times I am driven to be ruder than I would like. I have a talent for making people cry.
  • I do understanding that using the word ‘birthmother” is demeaning and the origins of the word birthmother is a story of spin doctors, politics, social worker brainstorms and, believe it or not, anagrams. Adoption Language and SEO is important. I purposely choose to use the word birthmother in my writings because that is what people search for and how this blog can be found by the very people who need to find it.
  • If you want to see my “Adoption Resume”as I like to call it, you can check it out here and maybe be impressed.
  • If you want me to help you do anything online, I am available for just about anything you need. Seriously, get in touch through Adopting Social, my consulting business.

Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like.

Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

I believe the enemy is the adoption industry and I believe in working together to change it. That means adoptee, birthparents, and adoptive parents need to find common ground . I believe we are all responsible to put aside our personal issues and fix adoption for the benefit of all our children. I pretty much will work with just about ANYONE who shares mutual goals.

For that reason I will speak to pretty much anyone and I am pretty damn good at it too.

I am available for media and print interviews, I will do TV and Adoption documentaries. I will speak at meetings and conferences. I can do a mean power point presentation. I write on other adoption blogs. I will guest blog. I will write for you, whatever it takes. If you need help online, ask me. I have tons of good ideas, like seriously, too many for me to use.

I believe we all have a voice and we need to use it. I don’t ask to be paid, but travel expenses will guarantee that I can make it. Sorry, that will change when I will Lotto. More on my contact page for all that jazz. Twitter, Facebook, etc. I’m there.

Find me, friend me, follow me, link to me, hire me, give me money if you want to help and don’t know how, email me.. it’s all good.

Come on, Let’s go. We have a lot of work to do!

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

- Margaret Mead.

In Truth,

Claud~

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