Denial is a rather impossible to arrest. You don’t know you are even experiencing a state of denial until you are out of it. Denial denies itself.
Often I feel that adoption denial is too strong a word.
Many people enter into adoption believing in some form of its innate goodness. There is often a real shock and a true disbelief that what they wanted to believe about adoption is different than the truth. That’s not denial, but just being unaware. The question is whether or now, we are able to see past what we want to believe and see the reality presented by the facts. This takes time as we need to process those changes in thought. Some resistance, the continued disbelief, is normal.
“How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.”
Coming out of the Adoption Fog is a kinder, more realistic descriptive of the process.
It denotes the ability to see the truth through the lies that the adoption industry would like us to believe. It demonstrates the ability to see clearly, connecting all the dots in the adoption tapestry, finding the patterns. It provides a landscape where we can see past our own stories and view the larger picture without having the need to continuously apply our own perspective.
Don’t Drink the Adoption Kool Aid!
I have no business telling you to stop drinking the adoption kool aid.
I, too, used to think that adoption was the greatest win-win solution to an planned pregnancy. I thought I was smarter, more selfless, and stronger because I gave my newborn son away to others. I was proud of my heroic act for the first dozen years after relinquishing my baby to adoption.
I understand why so many birthmothers do not want to see, cannot bring themselves to see what adoption really means. It’s not just yummy tasting kool aid, it’s survival. So survive. I mean that. It’s Ok if you don’t want to believe me now. Maybe you never will, but maybe one day you find yourself having your own WTF moment, lying on the kitchen floor in a heap, wondering why this adoption stuff keeps on bringing your down. On that day, remember me and come on back. I’ll be waiting for you.