Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Why All U.S. States Should Allow Adoptees Access to Their Authentic Birth Certificates

By Mirah Riben At the present time only six U.S. states allow adopted citizens unrestricted access to their own authentic birth certificates (AL, AK, CO, KS, ME, OR). Eight other states allow access but with restrictions that do not apply to non-adoptees in those states. Oregon, which granted adoptees access to their birth certificates nearly two decades ago, has now gone a step further and become the most liberal state…


Abortion, Adoption and the Destruction of Family and Parental Rights

The Right has taken a complex issue and narrowed it down to a catch phrase – “Adoption not Abortion” – that arbitrarily and narrowly defines it in black and white terms, positing adoption as the solution to reduce abortion. The debate over when life begins will be left to others. Presenting adoption as an alternative to abortion is an absurd premise. Abortion is a choice to not be pregnant. Carrying…


The Hottest Gift This Holiday Season: Human Babies?

By Mirah Riben A 47-year-old Georgia woman was arrested after attempting to illegally obtain a baby for her teenage daughter. Detectives started investigating Elaine Williams after a citizen called police about a suspicious Craigslist ad. The post asked for unwanted babies, saying mothers could drop them off in a “baby box”. According to investigators, Williams was attempting to buy a baby for her 14-year-old daughter. Police say Williams told them…


Utah, Still the Baby-Stealing State and the On-Going War on Fathers

By Mirah Riben Robert Manzanares has been fighting for his constitutional right to nurture his daughter for an astounding eight years. Colby Nielsen’s case is currently unfolding. These are just two of the many fathers fighting Utah for virtually stealing their children and having them adopted without their fathers’ consent. Colby Nielsen and Kaylee Utah, LDS and Adoption Mormons are opposed to abortion and also to children being raised by…


End the Witch Hunt: In Defense of Dr. Robert Oscar Lopez

By Mirah Riben     “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Evelyn Beatrice Hall, The Friends of Voltaire   Dr. Robert Oscar Lopez is facing loss of tenure and his teaching position at the State University of California because of trumped up charges based on lies and reverse discrimination. Why do I care and why am I supporting…


Triggers: When Adoption Creeps Up On You

By Laura Marie Scoggins Life has been tough lately. I hadn’t been to church in a while due to some of the difficult things I have been going through (my adopted mom’s cancer and rapidly declining health, a frustrating year of my own health issues and trying to get to the root cause of the problem, wounds from relationships). Sometimes you just need to back away from life for a…


Parental Equality, NOT “Adoption Equality”

By Mirah Riben Children need and deserve for both parents raising them to have full parental rights. Children need this regardless of their parents’ sexual orientation. Thus, same sex couples are fighting for what they are calling “adoption equality.” Every child, however, also deserves an unaltered true record of his birth, regardless of who has legal parental rights.Traditional adoption is not the best route to achieve these goals and the…


The Dark Side of Adoption

By Mirah Riben In the midst of all the happily-ever-after media coverage of adoption, now that it’s November, and National Adoption Month (NAM), it’s incumbent upon us to look at adoption realistically and even critically. The fact is that most adoptions are not saintly acts of altruism but simply the fulfillment of the adopters’ hopes and dreams. That means that adoption, adoptive parents, and adoptive families are as imperfect as…


Should Adult Adoptees Have Access to Their Birth Records?

By Mirah Riben Costco Connections, a publication of the discount variety store chain, provided a venue for pro and con essays on the right of adopted adults, which many states deny, to access their own true birth certificates.     The affirmative argument is presented by April Dinwoodie, Chief Executive, the prestigious Donaldson Adoption Institute (DAI), an organization with no ulterior motive or financial backing that would impact their conclusions….


To Speak Or Not To Speak: The Adoptee Dilemma

By Laura Marie Scoggins November is National Adoption Month (NAM).  During this month we are supposed to “celebrate” adoption. The problem with this is that the voices of adoptees are usually absent from the conversation.  Adoptees have historically been left out of the adoption discussion. In 2014 the hashtag #flipthescipt was created by a fellow adoptee as a way for adoptee voices to be heard. For National Adoption Month 2015…


The Sun and the Ghost

By AstridBeeMom The following is a chapter from the book I am writing, “Whispers of Grace.” The months following the relinquishment of IKL I had the same nightmare frequently. I still have this nightmare once in a great while. Most of the nightmares I have now are different but revolve around the same theme, saving my baby. This particular dream incorporates childhood trauma from abuse endured at the hands of…


New York Times Misguided: Anonymous Human Ova Sale Creates a Danger

By Mirah Riben A class action federal lawsuit is being pursued by egg “donors” for what they call “price fixing.” The lawsuit challenges the guidelines prepared by two professional organizations that set suggested limits on payments for egg “donations.” The mega-billion-dollar infertility industry argues that, regardless of the discomfort and risk involved in hormone injections and egg extraction, paying high compensation rates for these procedures would make it too tempting…


Fairness in Adoption?

By Mirah Riben Wisconsin adoptive parents and lawmakers are seeking to make Wisconsin more “friendly” toward adopters by increasing pressure for parents considering placing their children for adoption. The Wisconsin Adoption Fairness Act seeks “to bring Wisconsin in line with other states, many of whom don’t require court hearings and allow mothers the option to relinquish rights after 72 hours.” “Allow[s]” or pressures mothers to do so within a narrow…


Broken Adoptions: When “Forever” Is an Illusion

By Mirah Riben Repairing Broken Adoptions: Symposium Brings Together Leading Child Welfare and Legal Advocates to Address Permanency for Foster Youth For many young people who are adopted out of the foster care system, the promise of a “forever family” is an illusion. In New York City, anecdotal data from child advocates suggests that thousands of children adopted out of foster care end up displaced from their adoptive home. This…


American Surrogate Death: NOT the First

By Mirah Riben “Give me children, or else I die. Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb? Behold my maid Bilhah. She shall bear fruit upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.” Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood In Atwood’s novel, which takes place “after the catastrophe, when they shot the president and machine-gunned the Congress and blamed it on…