The Crucifixion of Carri; How to Make her Less Than a Human Being Worthy of Compassion

adoption by gentle care sends in the credibility troll

Because This Is How the Game is Played; Let’s Dig the Dirt Up!

adoption by gentle care sends in the credibility trollI will admit that I am not at all surprised. I knew it was only a matter of time. I know how this game is played. See, in a contested adoption case, it’s not about the facts, it not about the truth, it’s not even about the law. Eventually it is all about public perception and the real crux of adopting; who is worthy of a the child being fought over.  I knew it was only a matter of time before Adoption by Gentle Care started playing.

Let the Mud Slinging Begin!

So oddly enough, yesterday, one of the many balls in the air dropped, as it was supposed to. A tiny bit of solid ground, though not the solid ground we hoped, was found. The DNA results came back and the preferred presumed father of Camden was NOT the daddy, so the game got a tiny bit more difficult as this dad isn’t doing what he should. Bad news for us; good news for  Adoption by Gentle Care; they only have to deal with the simple fact that Carri has incredible evidence, great testimony, tons of support, and the relinquishment consent was not at all legal, not a father ready to fight consent.

So, what could be a pretty sucky day, could only get better by this comment on the last post:

“I find this story interesting since I live in the same city as Carri. My research though does show that Carri has convictions-some very recent for theft, forgery, and fraud. My question for her then would be, how are we supposed to believe her version of the events? Those type of convictions do lead me to doubt a person’s integrity. If I found the wrong person, I do so apologize, but since there seems to be such a focus on reputation – agency rep, social worker rep, and adoptive family rep, then perhaps Carri would be willing to address this?”

Really? Yeah.

So “Hope h” who used-the-never-used-on-another -website-ever-because- she-probably-just-made-it-up-to-make-this-comment email of Hopeh4114@gmail.com comes from IP address 69.47.133.163. I was hoping it didn’t come from Columbus just so I could call her out as a Liar liar pants on fire, but it actually does originate from Columbus. Now the IP address comes from Saint Christopher Catholic Church at 1414 Grandview Ave, Columbus, OH 43212. Interestingly enough,  the address of the church is 1414 and Hope is 4114??   There is only ONE person there that is listed that uses Gmail. Everyone else is AOL old school. I can’t say for sure that our “HopeH” is Sarah, but whatever;  it doesn’t really matter, Hope/Sarah just pulled the plug on what I knew was going to come soon anyway.

So let’s go there.

The Sins of the Mother Dug up by the Unethical Adopting Agency

Yes,  folks it is true;  Carri is not an angel sent straight from heaven. Nope, no family building angels here. She is probably like many of us a human being who has lived on this earth for almost 40 years and made some mistakes. I don’t know many people who can really be considered Polly Pure and Perfect. I know I can’t, but since this a contested adoption, the fact is that we might as well as talk about this all now and get it out of our system.  There is no use trying to hide the truth and I’m not one to be party to such things anyway.
When she was in college she screwed up and has a ancient forgery conviction! Yes, back in 1995!!  Almost 20 years ago. AGGGAKK!

So please if you are a completely unforgiving person who hold grudges and judges folks for mistakes they made when they were clearly young and stupid then go take yourself  to some deserted island and live alone. Because I don’t know too many people that didn’t seriously screw up some place. I used to steal money from my mom. And oh, I was the best shoplifter, especially of  art supplies.  What, we are not all telling tales of our stupid mistake made in the past? Oh damn, I’ll shut up now.

If messing up in college means you are lousy parent then the population of the world is in for a serious decline and the foster care system is not going to know what to do with all these kids!

There are also two DWI’s. They are almost ten years old.

Now I cannot say I am a fan of DWI’s, and I can do a mean public tsk tsk and “where’s your DD”  like the rest of us, but the fact is I KNOW I have driven before when I probably should not have. I worked in the restaurant industry for years, and that after shift drink got more people than I can shake a stick at. I also know that I am one of the few people I know who has NOT ever gotten a DWI. I happen to have been VERY cute when I was young and know how to talk to cops. And show cleavage. And flash my dad’s NYPD card.  So if we are damning  all to hell for a DWI then I know lots of folks to line up for that firing squad. Having one glass too much of wine with dinner and running into a check point on your way home does not make you a liar.  It means you should have stayed for desert  and now you have to pay more insurance.

Oh and last time I looked, a DWI conviction did NOT mean that you get your kids taken away. In fact, I am pretty sure it has little to do with parenting. Unless you are driving with your kids in the car all shitty, Which she wasn’t. So let’s move on.

Now here is my favorite. And I really mean it.  Are you ready?

There really is a recent theft conviction. It is on Carri’s record just this past year. I made her tell me about it. She was horribly embarrassed. I feel bad. When she told me, she was crying, I just laughed. I mean, I feel bad, but I was literally ecstatic.

Signs of  Bad  Mother? Trying on Jeans Bought off of Craig’s List

true-religion-maternity-jeansSo she buys New Religion Jeans off of Craig’s List and they don’t quite fit. So she goes to the store where they sell New Religion Jeans with the JEANS SHE BOUGHT on Craig’s List to try on other sizes and compare them. She goes to leave WITH THE JEANS SHE HAD ALREADY BOUGHT and they have mall cops or whatever come running after her thinking that she ripped off the tags and stuffed her “stolen jeans” in the bag SHE BOUGHT IN. She gets upset because SHE KNOWS SHE DIDN’T STEAL these DUMB JEANS and lets the mall rats take her driver’s license because she thinks it will get sorted out.

So even if the damn security tape SHOWS her WALKING INTO THE DRESSING ROOM WITH the BAG that HELD the JEANS, they go and press charges anyway for stealing the jeans she already bought.

And, her lawyer tells her that it is actually easier and cheaper to not fight it, but to plead “no contest” (not “guilty” –  she would not admit she stole the jeans because she did not) and the changes get expunged in a year anyway. So she does. Seriously, I know this sounds crazy, but I live it myself when I was “Arrested for Grand Theft Larceny“. I was so NOT a thief either, but it would have cost me 10K and another 4 years of fighting to prove I was innocent or give up and pay 3K and in one year I would be done. I plead, I paid, I was expunged. Guess, what, if you think you can get justice in America because you are right, then you are truly ignorant. You get justice if you can pay for the privilege of being innocent. The rest of us, just pay and open ourselves up to judgment from fools that want to rip us apart.

Yes, by all means because some overzealous mall cops think you stole true religion jeans that you bought off Craigslist you deserve to lose your baby! Because, THAT folks, is where we are going with stupid dumb ass, seemingly “innocent” questions like Hope’s.

There we go. The no good awful terrible things Carri did that somehow might make it OK that Adoption by Gentle Care lied, trick and deceived her ILLEGALLY ( as in against the law).

Yes, Hope. OMG you found it all out with your “research” that you just “happened” to feel like looking into. You just were “wondering” what this Carri person was really about and felt the need to see if she was “trust worthy”. And yes, by all means, let us now DOUBT everything about her “story” because of these past “credibility issues.”

I am so sorry  and  if I am wrong then I do so apologize “Hope” but man, I really do smell an agency troll. See, I know how this story goes. Grayson Vaughn’s father Benjamin was a “criminal”, Dusten Brown was a “deadbeat dad” and I suppose Carri must require some sort of character assassination as well. And this is the best you can come up with “Thief”?  Whatever, yawn.

Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right, Even in Adopiton

See, here is the thing. It  really is very simple and it is actually parenting 101; Two wrongs don’t make a right. I tell my kids that all the time. Just because your sister annoyed you, you don’t get to punch her in the face.

It actually does not matter WHAT mistakes Carri has made in her past even if they were recent. No matter what a person has done; it does not mean that they DESERVE to have to have their child taken away unless they were in actual danger to that child. It doesn’t matter if Carri did have a penchant for overpriced  designer jeans, it still does not mean that Adoption by Gentle Care gets to lie to her. And no matter what she did or did not do, no matter if you believe me or not, it does not take away that what Adoption by Gentle Care did was WRONG and illegal. 

Blaming the Victim for Being Victimized Much?

See, what you are saying is akin to blaming the rape victim. Her skirt was too short. She was drunk. She was too pretty. She should not have been walking alone. Why was she on that side of town? Whether these things are true of not does not take away from the fact that a rape victim is RAPED and what the RAPIEST did was wrong.

Yeah, Carri has made mistakes. And again, I say what freaking world do you live in where you are so freaking perfect that you can caste stones?  She has screwed up. We came into this SAYING that. She should not have had a one night stand. She should not have been in an emotionally vulnerable place after her father died. She should not have gone back to her home town for the funeral services. She should not have drank too much and let her guard down with an old friend. Ok maybe all those things are “ok” in your book. Maybe you draw the line that she should not have fooled around with another guy, but she did and there is no changing that. She knows it was wrong. She is not hiding that. She owns that just like she is owning all this stupid stuff you dug up, but again, it does not ever mean that what Adoption by Gentle Care did was right.

One Ione mistake, even if you call them “big mistakes” in your book, does not mean that she is required to pay penance for them for life.

There is no reason that CAMDEN must pay for her mistakes with HIS life. And I bet you cannot find ONE adoptee or even a regular person that would say; “Damn, my mother bounced a check once, she got a DUI before I was born – I wish I had lived with another family and lost all my heritage, my connections, my relationships with siblings and grandparents, my genetic mirroring, my original indentify because my mother is a HUMAN BEING and has erred.”

NOTHING she has done or can do will excuse  the way she was lied to and misused by Adoption by Gentle Care. NOTHING takes away from her ability and desire to be Camden’s mother.  NOTHING takes away from the FACT that she IS Camden’s mother. And nothing takes away from the fact that she is a GOOD mother.
No Calls to CPS. No investigations. No concerns for the school. No police records for child abuse.

Credibility? Who Has a Pattern of Unethical Behavior? Adoption by Gentle Care!

Now you mention credibility, so  let’s talk about that then.

Let’s first question YOURS. Is your name really Hope? How do I know for sure? Maybe YOU are a Liar? You post from a Catholic Church, but how do I really know you are a good Catholic? Here you are casting stones; didn’t Jesus say that was a no-no? Did not God say confess your sins and ALL is forgiven?  Are we know owning up? How do you know Carri has not repented. Maybe she said her Hail Marys. You are emailing from a church.. come on! Where is YOUR compassion? Maybe I should ask Monsignor John K. Cody what gives with all this not caring “for the widows and orphans” coming from his house of the Lord?

“I find this comment interesting since I used to be a practicing Catholic. My research though does show that this person who has emailed from your church is kind of judgmental and I question her true identity. My question for her then would be, how are we supposed to believe her version of the events? These type of comments under a false name do lead me to doubt a person’s integrity. If I found the wrong person, I do so apologize, but since there seems to be such a focus on reputation – and damning of a woman for past sins that have nothing to do with her God given right to be a mother, perhaps  Monsignor,  you would be willing to address this?”

Oh but wait, it’s about Carri’s credibility, not yours. Oh right, then there is thing called EVIDENCE. And supporting testimony. And the fact that the whole relinquishment consent was taped. Oh and the text messages from Kelli.  Yeah, see, you Hope or the next agency shrill that is planted to call names, caste stones and called in to question Carri’s credibility are not the one who will untimely judge this situation, thank goodness. Because it is actually, in the end, NOT about just what Carri has to say about her version of the event, but about what is the truth. And the facts, the witnesses, the evidence, supports everything that Carri has said to be true.

So you can say that her skirt has been too short. You can make statements like she already has five kids or she egads, isn’t married, or maybe she leaves her dishes in the sink too long  ( I have no idea I am totally making that up. I leave MY dishes in the sink too long) but again, none of that changes at all the FACT that she has been VICIMZED by the unethical and predatory practices of an unscrupulous adoption agency.

Oh, and that agency, in case your bias prevents you from Googling on both sides, actually DOES really have an existing credibility issues and is already documented as being unethical. And that is what we call FACTS, not speculation, blaming the victim and being all judgmental.

The big difference here also is that Carri has been held accountable for the things that she has done in the past and paid her price to society. She has already been punished. That is what the justice system is SUPPOSED to do. On the other hand, Adoption by Gentle Care has NOT been held accountable for the things that they have done in the past and present. They have NOT paid their price. They have NOT been punished. And Justice has turned a blind eye. They have gotten away with it.

Plus tell me; what is more dangerous to the very fabric of civilization here?  The thought of stealing a pair of designer pants or separating mothers and families for a profit? If the whole ” jeans things” gets your goat, rather than the later, then you might really need to reexamine your personal morals.

And just one final word, Hope. Unless you have NEVER EVER EVER made a mistake at all in your life, unless you truly have NOTHING EVER to Confess in that Church of yours,  you can take your judgmental questioning self and go shove it up Dr. Phil’s ass. I’m sure he has room for you. He likes this kind of talk.

This post was originally written and published on May 6th, 2014.

The date has been changed so that the updates and stories can be read more easily in chronology order.

Please see the main mini site pages on the Unethical Ohio Adoption Agency   pages to continue learning about Carri and Camden’s adoption story and how you can help Bring Camden Home.

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About the Author

Claudia Corrigan DArcy
Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. Blogging since 2005, her website Musings of the Lame has become a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. She is also an activist and avid supporter of Adoptee Rights and fights for nationwide birth certificate access for all adoptees with the Adoptee Rights Coalition. Besides here on Musings of the Lame, her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine, Adopt-a-tude.com, Lost Mothers, Grown in my Heart, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences, other radio and print interviews over the years. She resides in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, Rye, children, and various pets.

1 Comment on "The Crucifixion of Carri; How to Make her Less Than a Human Being Worthy of Compassion"

  1. Barbara Calchera | May 6, 2014 at 1:35 pm |

    @ Hope..then the AP’s deserve her other children, take them away too, because Carri such a crack whore. (sarcasm)

    I pray Carri gets her son back. Go natural family preservation!!

Comments are closed.

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