Even with all that you see here, all that I DID sign, all that I was told, I still felt that I had no choice. I did this because it was the only thing I could do. And I signed all, I agreed to all, I waived all because I was trying to be the best dern birthmother the agency had ever had. I wanted them to be so proud of me. I wanted acceptance and I knew that by being “strong”, by being determined, I would make them happy. I would prove my worth.
If you can recall when you called me on the phone at my home on my son, Max’s, 18th birthday, I inquired as the location and availability of the relinquishment forms and my records. As I had previously stated, I never did receive a copy of anything I signed at the time and did now desire to have a copy of my legal records.
Yes, I “decided” to lose my child. Yes, I was “very sure”. Yes, technically, I had ‘other options’, but in my heart, in my head..there was no other option just this thing that I must do for us both. I believed what I was told. I wanted to believe it since at least believing it gave me some hope. Of abortion, of parenting..both were dark and cold as seen by me. My views were skewed. Our lives at stake. And I was in no position to make this life long decision. Yes, I needed to be protected from myself.
Will you document the Mothers who were lied to and forced to lose the children they so desperately wanted, or will you only show the few happy reunions of such broken women? Will you discuss the issues and problems of current adoption practices that do not really honor the bond between mother and child and how to make things better, or will you just show the smiling faces of the “happy good birthmother” and promote more adoptions for a 13 billion dollar industry?
If you think that infant adoption is a benevolent social service, then reading the highlights of a job description appearing in the Wall Street Journal’s Executive Career Site online for an “Adoption Recruiter” might change your mind. Originally posted by the Boys and Girls Aid Society of Oregon, this detailed job description reveals the aggressive marketing strategies used by adoption agencies and proves that babies are marketable products used to generate agency revenue
Since he would be 18, he could open up his records..if he desired. And if he did that, then he could “find” me and we could be “official” and then completely manage to avoid telling his folks that this has now been happening already for almost 7 months. Really, at this point all I wanted to do was avoid getting them upset and get him out form the burden of secrets.
Look at this face of the one you would die for. Feel that love that you have for them..full force..and imagine the source of that delight, that joy, was gone from your life. Not dead, just unreachable. Forever for all you know. Completely out of your control and grasp.
The pain of adoption separation is so awful, I could not demand that my son is returned to me form his adoptive family. Give the adoptee back is said in anti-adoption circles, but then I am no better than the evil forces that did this to me. I am only contributing to more pain to relieve my own, I am them part of a problem.