What are the Costs of Adoption? Is Adoption Trauma?

Avid adoption separation trauma

Separating mother and child causes varying degrees of lifelong trauma for both. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, please listen to the mothers of adoption loss and more importantly, the adoptees. Educate yourself of the effect adoption will have on both of you before it’s too late.
Anyone (including agencies) that will gain if your baby is adopted will NOT inform you read more…

The Truth about Troy Dunn “The Locator”

I declare war on Troy Dunn the Locator Idiot

The arrangement Search Quest America made as Troy’s third party search provider started in 2008 and ended in early 2014. According to Troy, he has not charged anyone for doing a search since 2002 however he did receive compensation from Search Quest America as his third party search provider. This arrangement ended after the website traffic leads were diverted to his “Troy Alert” app and the requests coming in through the TroyTheLocator.com website dwindled. read more…

Statements Made By Adoptive And Hopeful Adoptive Parents – More Education Is Still Needed

By AstridBeeMom “As an adoptive mom, I honestly think that there is nothing worse that one mother can do to another mother than withholding promised contact with a child.”
As a member of the adoption community I come across many comments from adoptive parents through various outlets on the Internet. My blog has always focused on the unethical side of adoption as that is what needs addressing. Over the past several months I have been collecting statements made by adoptive parents online and wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them. When I decided to start compiling these statements, as I have run into so many horrid ones, I started to run across adoptive parents that blew me away, and not in the negative way you may be thinking. Sadly, the ignorant, cruel, and selfish statements no longer surprise me. They still enrage me but they don’t surprise me. It is sad that I am surprised by statements that are the opposite of the ignorant ones. However, to be well-rounded, I needed to get a platform for both.
The opening statement of read more…

Kate Mulgrew Comes Out as a Birthmother

kate mulgrew memoir born with teeth adoption

I have to say quite clearly; Birthmother and actress Kate Mulgrew’s new memoir “Born with Teeth” is NOT an adoption book. It’s really a memoir of an actress who is a birthmother. The adoption story part of it is very true to the experience and very real, very raw and one will find themselves totally “getting it”. There just isn’t nearly as much “adoption” as one might think based on the press coverage. Like she really goes into way more and, in some ways much deeper and better, with the interviews. Granted she does write about the relinquishment, but after that, until the VERY end, it’s more of an undercurrent of sorts that doesn’t really get addressed all that much, but referred to in passing. If you are looking for birthmother validation, then you might be disappointed. read more…

I Don’t Look So Good in Huffy (Found Out the Hard Way)

By Lori Holden It’s first period and I’m teaching high schoolers. The end of class is near and I’m starting to worry if each small group is going to get a chance to present what they’ve been working on. There’s a commotion in the hallway. An entire class of middle schoolers, many of whom I teach on a … Continue reading I Don’t Look So Good in Huffy (Found Out the Hard Way) →
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A Comparison in Adoption – The United States Vs. Europe

By AstridBeeMom While all countries differ in political climates and cultures, the United States can be lumped into a category with other countries that we can generalize as “civilized.” Countries such as Canada, France, Germany, Australia, Ireland and others would all fit into this category as we have similar ethics and cultures in a broad sense of the word. Since domestic infant adoption has been seen as something that is necessary to “save” babies from a life of poverty and no opportunities, thousands of babies, each year, in the United States, are relinquished to adoption from perfectly capable mothers. I was wondering why the babies in this country needed to be “saved” and decided to take a look at other countries, like ours, to see if the same theories and ethics applied, in regards to domestic infant adoption. Certainly, because we are all human beings, the same situations of what we consider a “crisis pregnancy” would exist in other countries. How do other countries handle crisis pregnancies? In America, the solution seems to be adoption, at all times. That is what is encouraged. That is what is socially acceptable as the “selfless and right” thing to do.
read more…

Just Get Over It: The Narcissistic Adoptive Mom

By Laura Marie Scoggins

One of the best things that has come out of open records legislation is the connections and community of adoptees. Adoptees are only truly understood by each other, and most of us live our lives without other adoptees to express what life adopted is like. In addition to reunions unfolding each day with birth families the biggest reunion of all just might be OUR reunion in the universal adoptee family. I’m not sure what we would do without each other, and I don’t know how I survived life without them for so long.

These fellow adoptees have validated all of my feelings. They have just expressed everything I could possibly say. This is so my story. My heart is breaking for them right now. I know what this feels like. It’s sooo crazy how much alike we all are. Similar relationships with our adopted parents (especially the bad ones with our adopted moms), their reaction to our reunion (even when they said they were supportive). The common abusive, narcissistic mom stories running throughout this community has left me stunned and at the same time relieved that I’m not the only one.

I think back read more…

Presenting the Birthmother Perspective at the NYSCCC Conference in May 2015

Help Shape OUR Birthmother Presentation; In my head, I am telling the story, presenting facts and research that supports what I am saying, with actual quotes by YOU ALL showing on the screen. I would very much to have some really good images of moms that can help break apart every possible stereotype and open that door to get them thinking more. Even if it turns out that maybe there are only six stories that get highlighted, at least it’s not just mine. So like I always say, your voices will give my presentation WAY more credibility. read more…

Sibling Grief In Adoption

By AstridBeeMom “I never know what to say when someone asks me how many brothers or sisters I have.”
This came out of my 12-year-old’s mouth while I was driving the other day. There was no warning for a statement such as this. No conversation that I can think of that brought it on. We were listening to the radio and she just blurted it out. It caught me off guard and I wasn’t really sure what to say. I have tried my best to not shroud in secrecy that her father and I relinquished the daughter that came before her. I would never want to give any of my children the impression that IKL is someone we should be ashamed of or someone who should be kept secret. To do so would deny her and denying her would be to deny our love for her. Regardless of this, for a child, growing up with a sister who has been lost to adoption, challenges unique to these parented children are most definitely present. She is not ashamed of her sister and would love for nothing more than read more…

It’s Summer O’Clock Somewhere

By Lori Holden Spring is still a newborn bald gulping baby bird in the northern hemisphere, but here in Denver we’ve had temperatures in the 70s so I’m prematurely ready to announce Lori’s Summer Drink of 2015. I discovered this concoction in February when Andy came through town and I met her for dinner. So for me this … Continue reading It’s Summer O’Clock Somewhere →
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AAC SEO

search engine spiders

So this is a follow up for those who attended my SEO workshop at the American Adoption Congress Conference:
“While the internet has been an amazing tool to bring the adoption community together, there are basic best practices to utilized to really amplify our voices and reach a wider audience. Whether blogging, sharing or tweeting, knowing what Google wants and how to use SEO can benefit us all.” read more…

Repeat After Me

By Cassi Okay, sit back, get comfortable, clear your throat and repeat after me . . . The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!Let’s say it one more time . . . The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!I have yet, in the many years I’ve been a part of the fight for Adoptee Rights and Adoption Reform, come across a First (Birth) Mom who was promised privacy. And I have never seen a single piece of legal paper guaranteeing such a thing.If you are a First Mom who claims you were promised privacy, you are either lying or were lied to. It is just that simple.To carry out a promise of privacy for First Moms it would mean our children’s original birth certificates would have to be sealed the moment we put pen to paper and sign the relinquishment papers. It would be based on our action of giving up our rights and nothing else.But, not only does that not happen, but there is not a SINGLE law in the United States even allowing for that to happen. It just can’t read more…

Adam Crapser: Adopted, Abused and Facing Deportation

By Mirah Riben The New York Times called the life of Adam Crapser a bizarre Kafkaesque odyssey. The internationally adopted man, now 40 and living in Vancouver, Washington, has become the face of everything wrong with adoption. He was adopted, abused, abandoned to foster care, rehomed, abused worse than before, and abandoned again all by the time he was 16 years old… and now he faces deportation.
Crapser’s odyssey began in South Korea where was born Shin Song Hyuk. In 1979, he and his older sister were adopted and came to America to their “forever family,” as adoptive families like to call themselves. The NY Times reports: “Crapser remembers being whipped and forced to sit in a dark basement. After six years, the couple decided they no longer wanted the children.”
Crapser was 10 when the foster care system separated him from his sister. He then bounced between foster homes and a boys’ home. Finally, he was adopted again by Dolly and Thomas Crapser of Oregon who beat him more severely than his former adoptive parents. The Times says:”Dolly, Crapser says, slammed the children’s heads against door frames and once hit him in the back of read more…

Dealing with Adoption’s Ghost Kingdom (and GIVEAWAY)

By Lori Holden Part 3: The Role of Mindfulness in Adoption Even though I just completed a 4-part series called Parenting GPS, today I offer you the last part of a different series, a 3 part interview that was originally published in Foster Focus magazine. Get caught up with Part 1 on Adoption at the Movies (how to … Continue reading Dealing with Adoption’s Ghost Kingdom (and GIVEAWAY) →
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Pretty Much a Birthmother’s Nightmare

taken_adoption

I mean thank GOD that I had at least a warning that they were going to be there. Can you image if you didn’t expect your agency and they were in your face! They are just lucky that I HAD mentally prepared or the emotional side of me might have taken hold and I might not have been civil and gracious. In fact, the right thing to do on their part would have been to send me a email or note before hand, explaining that they were going to be there for their CEUs and that IF I was open to it, then they would like to take the opportunity to say hello face to face. At least that would have considered my needs and treated me like a valuable person worth of an opinion and having valid feelings. Instead, I somehow feel again like “just a birthmother” whose feelings come last and just don’t matter. That will not work for me anymore! read more…