In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.
I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.
I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever.
Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?
So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.
There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.
What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.
The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.
Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.
When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.
Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.
The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..
Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.
I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.
It’s the Bastard Love Child Homecoming Tour and my job as a travelling partner is to document and share Rhonda’s homecoming trip.The entire trip with be documented live via social media, but look to Rhonda’s pages, not mine! So both Facebook at and Twitter @5thandFinalName will have the comings and goings! read more… →
When: Friday, October 3, 2014
Where: The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library at 40 Presidential Dr, Simi Valley, CA 93065
Who: International Children’s Rights Institute
Bonus: I’m there presenting with Cathi Swett AND the CBC’s Jennifer Lalh will be speaking too! read more… →
Met Ana; she was told that she had the 30 day revocation timeframe under PA law because she is from PA, she lives in PA, she was told the family lived in PA, and the baby was born in PA, only to now be told that it’s a New Jersey adoption. Of course, New Jersey does not have a revocation of adoption consent period recognized by law. How convenient. read more… →
Now obviously, much of what is said here is wrong. But before we delve into the nitty-gritty of how they are again manipulating the events to serve them just as they have manipulated the law to serve themselves, I just want to point out one thing:
The fact that they HAD to issue to statement in itself is a very good thing. More than anything they do NOT want people finding out the truth and by issuing a statement they might think they are quenching fears, but probably are causing more questions to be asked. Questions that they are NOT answering, but must have been asked too many times already, therefore leading to this statement. However, because they will not / cannot answer honestly, more folks will be apt to look into this themselves. Lord knows if you tell someone that someone is saying horrible things, but don’t say what curiosity gets the best of most people. read more… →
On March 31st a baby boy was born outside Columbus, Ohio. A scheduled early C-section, there was no joy, no flowers, no balloons for the birth of this little guy, rather he was born into a perceived crisis, in panic, in shock and confusion. His existence was seen as a great rift that would destroy a family and cause other children harm; a 2014 version of Sophie’s Choice and adoption’s “Gentle Care” swooped in as the answer to was thought of as a problem.
Of course, too soon the problem turned out to be the intended adoption, not the birth of this innocent baby.
His mother’s name is Carri. She isn’t and is a “typical birthmother“.
Adoption by Gentle Care Still Refusing to Do the Right Thing for this Baby!
Once again, all logic and justice is lost when adoption enters the picture. This unethical fiasco continues with Ohio’s Adoption by Gentle Care trying to control a situation at the expense of all the parties involved. SO much for the “best interest” of anybody but them!
Hedging Their Bets While We Wait DNA Results
Risk analysis should never enter the conversation when a child’s life and well being is in the equation; but that is exactly what is happening here. It seems that AGC is doing what so many other adoption agencies have done in the past, even with disastrous results, stall the process, waste time and watch a child’s life hang in limbo while they hope that Carri will give up a very mentally and emotionally exhausting fight for her motherhood. This time, they have bit off more than they might be able to chew.
Because This Is How the Game is Played; Let’s Dig the Dirt Up!
I will admit that I am not at all surprised. I knew it was only a matter of time. I know how this game is played. See, in a contested adoption case, it’s not about the facts, it not about the truth, it’s not even about the law. Eventually it is all about public perception and the real crux of adopting; who is worthy of a the child being fought over. I knew it was only a matter of time before Adoption by Gentle Care started playing.
That’s the first question I am asked when I start talking about this sad situation in Ohio. It is followed up with, “Why don’t they just give the baby back?” as the second question. The third is often, “How CAN they DO that?”
To all these questions, I just shake my head and say, ” I don’t know.”
We actually cannot ascertain WHERE Camden is right now. Based on a communication I received on Monday 5-6-14 from the original hopeful adoptive family’s attorney, we believe that they might have bowed out and the agency has placed him elsewhere.
A Mother in Ohio is Fighting to get her Newborn Back from an Adoption Agency
So this hit the local NBC News station in Columbus, Ohio today. I would have really liked it they had mentioned that Adoption by Gentle Care had been previously involved in another disputed adoption case: Grayson Vaughn, but whatever. Meanwhile, they did get some things incorrect. Ignore the “allegedly”, “claims” and all that; they have to do that to cover their butts!
Using Social Media to Put on the Spin on Clients’ Questions
Back in April, when I first came into contact with Carri and began writing about the pending revocation of Camden and Ohio’s Adoption by Gentle Care, one of the very first things Gentle Care did was unpublish their Facebook page. The first post went live on 25th, and by that evening the page was down and AGC went silent. Obviously, they were unsure how they planned on handling the public pressure and questions that would come from maintaining a social media presence during such a difficult phrase in their agency’s reputation.
Two months later, I guess they either figured out some form of crisis social media policy, or perhaps someone told them that saying nothing makes them look guilty? In any case, they have returned to Facebook and the Adoption by Gentle Care Facebook page is back in business.
Your adoption plan is what you think you want and how you hope it will go down, but you want it to be like right now doesn’t matter either because like labor, you really won’t be in control once you sign the relinquishment consent. That signature gives up ALL control.
I can tell you that the pain from labor fades. I cannot say the same about adoption. read more… →
David yanks her from my arms and says, ” I’m not dealing with this!” and walks out the door. I followed him watching her cry and reaching for me and yelling for me. He puts her in the car and shuts the door.
I never told her I loved he. I never told her I missed her. I never told her will miss her. I didn’t get to even tell her goodbye.
I didn’t know I wouldn’t ever see her again. read more… →
After the adoptive parents of her daughter stopped communicating, Kristina learned that they placed her child in foster care to be rehomed. Kristina has decided to try to adopt her daughter back and is not in court. read more… →