In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.
I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.
I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever.
Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?
So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.
There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.
What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.
The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.
Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.
When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.
Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.
The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..
Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.
I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.
It’s the Bastard Love Child Homecoming Tour and my job as a travelling partner is to document and share Rhonda’s homecoming trip.The entire trip with be documented live via social media, but look to Rhonda’s pages, not mine! So both Facebook at and Twitter @5thandFinalName will have the comings and goings! read more… →
When: Friday, October 3, 2014
Where: The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library at 40 Presidential Dr, Simi Valley, CA 93065
Who: International Children’s Rights Institute
Bonus: I’m there presenting with Cathi Swett AND the CBC’s Jennifer Lalh will be speaking too! read more… →
Met Ana; she was told that she had the 30 day revocation timeframe under PA law because she is from PA, she lives in PA, she was told the family lived in PA, and the baby was born in PA, only to now be told that it’s a New Jersey adoption. Of course, New Jersey does not have a revocation of adoption consent period recognized by law. How convenient. read more… →
I don’t need to tell you what to do. I don’t need to tell you to be outraged. I don’t need to tell you how to feel about this mother and baby boy. I just ask that you help me do something. He is only 3 weeks old. He doesn’t have to remembered this like Veronica Brown. read more… →
I am very saddened to have to say that this afternoon, the judge granted Adoption by Gentle Care’s motion to dismiss the Writ of Habeas Corpus in the Ohio Juvenile Court.
In other words, we lost in court.
Today we hurt. The message that this Ohio court has sent to the adoption industry is very clear. Adoption Agencies can do whatever they want in order to procure babies for adoption. Adoption Agencies do not need to follow laws. Adoption Agencies are not held accountable. It’s really a complete no man’s land when it comes to the regulation and accountability of adoption. There is no justice. read more… →
Your adoption plan is what you think you want and how you hope it will go down, but you want it to be like right now doesn’t matter either because like labor, you really won’t be in control once you sign the relinquishment consent. That signature gives up ALL control.
I can tell you that the pain from labor fades. I cannot say the same about adoption. read more… →
David yanks her from my arms and says, ” I’m not dealing with this!” and walks out the door. I followed him watching her cry and reaching for me and yelling for me. He puts her in the car and shuts the door.
I never told her I loved he. I never told her I missed her. I never told her will miss her. I didn’t get to even tell her goodbye.
I didn’t know I wouldn’t ever see her again. read more… →
After the adoptive parents of her daughter stopped communicating, Kristina learned that they placed her child in foster care to be rehomed. Kristina has decided to try to adopt her daughter back and is not in court. read more… →
Lee Campbell might as well be the prophet of doom as she speaks about how the pro-adoption stance is growing and how the demand for adoption has begun to increase the stories of forced adoption, unethical practices, and unnecessary separation of families. She calls it.. right on the nose.. THIRTY YEARS AGO. read more… →
So Sherri Shepherd? It’s NOT going to be her genetic child. She has NO biological connection to this child because it was NOT her eggs.
She won’t give birth to this child as the gestational surrogate is carrying it for her. She cannot relinquish because she really has NO hold on this baby anyway. read more… →
Whats More Evil? The word “Birthmother” or the fights caused over it? So, while I hate, hate, hate, the adoption terminology wars and refuse to participate in them, I’m going to break my rules because I also hate, hate, hate assumptions and all the rest too. And since I was literally forced to deal with this today, rather than just enjoying the printed thrills of having my book come in the mail, I’m going to go there. read more… →
Not ALL Adoptive Parents Are Adoptoraptors. Now is this an insulting term? Most definitely. It is actually supposed to be an insult. One really does not want to aspire to sink to the depths of a true “adoptoraptor”. If you happen to find that fit into the actual description of the term, then you should probably go sit in a corner and rethink your life. read more… →
Adoption by Gentle Care is back talking on Facebook. How are they controlling the message and maybe not look like a really unethical and non caring adoption agency? It seems like the course in online reputation management that they took advised AGC to some highly “black hat” ( that’s “unethical” in SEO terms) techniques. I thought it might be fun to take some time out and look into what we can SEE Adoption by Gentle Care doing right now on the public forums. read more… →
I am an adoptee given up by my birth mother in 1966. I was adopted within the family, so grew up with my biological grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins around me. I was raised being told that my mother was my “Aunt Annie”. My adoptive parents (aunt and uncle, whom I called mom and dad) were terribly insecure and once the secret was out that I knew “Aunt Annie” was no aunt to me at all, my adoptive parents became extremely controlling about my access to and communication with my birth mother. read more… →