What are the Costs of Adoption? Is Adoption Trauma?

Avid adoption separation trauma

Separating mother and child causes varying degrees of lifelong trauma for both. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, please listen to the mothers of adoption loss and more importantly, the adoptees. Educate yourself of the effect adoption will have on both of you before it’s too late.
Anyone (including agencies) that will gain if your baby is adopted will NOT inform you read more…

#NotInTheBrochure: How We Must Make Adoption World Better

By Lori Holden Nobody Told Us Have you heard this from a birth parent? No one told me it would hurt this much for this long. They told me about open adoption, but no one told me how hard it would be to navigate these relationships and feelings. Or this from an adoptive parent? Wasn’t it supposed to … Continue reading #NotInTheBrochure: How We Must Make Adoption World Better →
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You Are Invited: 2016 Saving Our Sisters Summit

By AstridBeeMom
We have been frantically excitedly planning the Saving Our Sisters Summit since the beginning of the year and are ready for you all to register!
Consider this your official invitation!
REGISTER TODAY!
SOS SUMMIT May 12th – 15th, 2016
Hilton Airport Kansas City
Review the registration form and tentative agenda at: www.cubirthparents.org
What is the Summit?
A gathering of “family preservation first” supporters to come together to connect face to face to learn, grow and understand how we are going to continue to support mothers and fathers to successfully be the parents that they want to be and to make a bigger and better impact in the movement to reform adoption and eliminate coercive persuasion used by many unethical adoption “professionals.”
What if I can’t afford the registration fee?
Well, we have a couple of options for you!
First, Clean & Care Laundry Detergent has offered a way for your to pay for your entire registration fee!
This is all explained on the registration form as well on the 2nd page.
read more…

7000 Words for the Last 6 Months

-Just-Keep-Swimming

In my zeal to help, in my desire to carry the load and rid others, I managed to lose myself. I needed to physically separate myself from all of you so that I could being to understand how *I* felt about adoption and how it was actually affecting my life. I think I literally had no idea what my own emotions were anymore because I was all entwined with everyone else. The anger was most notable absent, but what else was there? This kept me busy for weeks, months.

And again, more paradoxes; how can I be some sort of spokesperson for pain if I find, that in some ways, I, myself am healed? Without the anger, I felt completely unauthentic. And how am I suddenly going to be able to say ‘”Oh by the way, AdoptionLand, you know how I have said that birthmothers cannot ever heal? Yeah, I was wrong. See, I’m fine now.”

See what I mean about a massive identity crisis?
read more…

Where is the Oversharing Line in Our Adoption Stories?

By Lori Holden Question: I just read your article and am an adoptive mom to a beautiful 10 month old boy named Quinton. We have a good relationship with the birth parents and have stayed connected though we reside across the country from them. We tell almost everyone that Quinton is adopted, often because people exclaim how much … Continue reading Where is the Oversharing Line in Our Adoption Stories? →
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Consequences of Openness in Adoption

By Lori Holden The Winter/Spring issue of Pathway 2 Family is out. The magazine’s target market isn’t people considering traditional adoption, but those considering embryo adoption*. The issue contains an article I wrote about the consequences of openness in adoption. Here’s an excerpt and a link to the issue (read for free). *** Consequences – the word sounds … Continue reading Consequences of Openness in Adoption →
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Can You Get to Ohio in March?

By Lori Holden If you’re interested in adoption issues and able to be in the Cleveland area the weekend of March 18-20, you’ll want to know about the Annual Adoption Gathering hosted by Adoption Network Cleveland. Coinciding with the first anniversary of this, ANC offers this: From Adoption Network Cleveland’s Open Invitation: The Ohio adoption community has experienced … Continue reading Can You Get to Ohio in March? →
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Letter to Indiana Legislators in Support of SB91

By Laura Marie Scoggins

I am writing to encourage your support of Senate Bill 91 which will allow ALL Hoosier Adoptees equal access to their original birth certificates. Pre 1994 adoptees deserve the same access as post 1994 adoptees.
One of the most common questions adoptees are asked when they tell people they are searching for their biological family or have been reunited is “why would you even want to search?”
Imagine what it’s like your entire life every single time you go to the doctor and are asked to fill out a medical history form you can’t. All you can do is write ADOPTED in large letters across the page which is code for being totally and completely clueless about your medical history Then, despite writing adopted across the page you are still badgered with questions once you reach the examination room (first by the nurse then by the doctor). Every single time you visit a physician, dentist, eye doctor, or have any type of medical procedure performed you are reminded that you are read more…

How to Best Increase Life Saving Organ Donations

By Mirah Riben An organ transplant is often a patient’s last hope for life, and it is well known that there are an insufficient number of organs being donated from living or deceased donors. The wealthy always have the option of avoiding long waiting lists by finding quasi legal organs for sale within and outside the US. For the rest of us, it could take years to get an organ transplant. There is an urgent need and we must investigate how to best increase the donor pool.
According to the US Department of Health & Human Services, and UNOS (United Network for Organ Sharing), a nonprofit organization in Richmond Va. that administers the country’s only Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network, approximately 28,000 organs are transplanted each year in America; 79 a day. Hearts, kidneys, liver, lungs, pancreas, intestine, and thymus all can be transplanted. (Additionally, tissue transplantation includes bones, tendons, cornea, skin, heart valves, nerves and veins.)
Approximately 18 people die every day – more than 6,000 a year – due to a shortage of donated organs, and the lack of organs for transplant will continue to rise as the population ages. While people die in read more…

Whose Story Is It?

By Lori Holden Question: I am adoptive mom of two adorable kids and I attend a monthly support group for mothers like me in my country. We have been discussing the importance of telling the child they are adopted. Not everyone thinks it needs to be told, since in our culture (which is fairly homogeneous) you can’t always … Continue reading Whose Story Is It? →
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Adam Pertman on Supporting Adoptive Families

By Lori Holden You might think that once adoption papers are signed and the child has a forever family, that’s the end of the story. Guest poster Adam Pertman stresses that while finalization is the end of one journey, it’s also the beginning of another. Permanency for Children & Support For their Families Finding safe, permanent homes for … Continue reading Adam Pertman on Supporting Adoptive Families →
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Perfect Start

By Lori Holden My friend and I met on New Year’s Day at the beautiful Dushanbe Tea House in a nearby suburb. It’s the second time in a row we’ve met there on this day, making it our brand new New Year’s tradition. The food is delicious and just a bit exotic. The architecture and aesthetics are gorgeous. … Continue reading Perfect Start →
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The Adoption Rollercoaster: Reunion?

By AstridBeeMom As my relinquished daughter gets older it’s become more difficult to keep up with personal updates in regards to my adoption story. The older she gets, the more I realize that it isn’t just my story to tell and I have become conflicted about just what to share and what to keep private.
I see so many birthmom blogs of mothers early into the adoption journey blogging all the details of their great open adoption story. I see the same thing with adoptive parents as well. I’m guilty of putting things out there without thinking as well. I’d just like to remind everyone to be cautious when publicly sharing your story. The way you see things may not (probably isn’t) exactly how your child does.
Even so, I would like to share some things that have transpired. I’ll keep things simple out of respect for IKL’s privacy. I won’t imply that I know how she feels. This is just my side of the story and I’ll stick with facts and how I feel.
I learned that some decisions read more…

A Reflection For New Years

By AstridBeeMom This New Year’s Eve I have taken some time to contemplate where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going. A new year is upon us, and that usually comes with resolutions we make with all the best intentions, but somehow fail to follow through with. I don’t even bother anymore. This year, so many things have transpired in my life that I can’t help but look back on not just 2015, but all of my previous years and the trials and triumphs that came with them.
Almost 11 years ago, during a very trying time in my life (both financially and emotionally) I left everything I knew and that was familiar, with my kids, and moved to a different state. I had no job, no home, and relied on the kindness of family to help me on my feet. It was one of the scariest experiences as an adult that I can remember. No real stability and structure, I was left wondering if we’d ever be okay. All I knew is that we were on a sinking ship and this move was the only life raft I had. There was no read more…

The Year of the Luz 2015

By Lori Holden Highlights and lowlights of 2015. Quarter 1: Family Fight Night It was a rough start to the year. My inner badass was activated at my son’s basketball game and I almost got into a brawl. That was on the heels of our 3 Wheelchair Night. Quarter 2: Paperback (and Letter) Writer My book came out … Continue reading The Year of the Luz 2015 →
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3rd Annual SOS Sponsor a Saved Family for the Holidays Thank You!

By AstridBeeMom
Wow! I cannot even begin to express the gratitude that I feel for those who were able to help with the 3rd Annual SOS Sponsor a Saved Family for the Holidays this year. It truly was amazing what you all have done.
This Christmas there were 12 families that we sponsored and 28 kids in total. These are families who trusted SOS when we stepped in and said, “You are what’s best for your baby, regardless of your temporary situation. You are deserving of your baby and your baby deserves you.” Our entire network makes a commitment to these moms when they decide to let us help and it continues to amaze me what this network is able to do. The show of love, support, monetary donations, and giving is nothing short of awesome. You all rock!
Because of you, 28 children were able to snuggle up in some new jammies on Christmas Eve, with a bucket of popcorn and snacks, and watch a movie after making their gingerbread read more…