Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Family Preservation

By Mirah Riben If your neighbor lost his job a year after his wife died, and he had three small kids, would you “help” him by taking away his kids? If a family in your church or congregation’s house burnt down and they had no family to stay with, would you help them by adopting their infant child? Recently, Ronnie Stewart a Florida minister of the Refuge Church of New…

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Parenting Teens amid Rape Culture

By Lori Holden Back before Orlando and Istanbul, when we were still talking about Stanford rapist Brock Turner and the rape culture that he, his parents and the judge arose from and perpetuate, I remember reading lots of opinions about the fact that alcohol had been involved. The gist was something like this: just because the survivor was … Continue reading Parenting Teens amid Rape Culture → The post Parenting…



My Daughter is Hurting in Our Open Adoption. Help?

By Lori Holden Question: My teenage daughter is struggling with rejection and misunderstandings from her birth family. I don’t know how to help.“Sara” will be 16 soon and for the last year she has struggled with depression and anxiety. She spent a week in the hospital after having a breakdown. We are in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) together … Continue reading My Daughter is Hurting in Our Open Adoption. Help?…


Adoption-Related Trauma and Moral Injury

By Mirah Riben When most people think of adoption, they think of the joy of a child in need being welcomed with open arms by those who longed for a child. Like a fairy tale! And when we think of trauma, we think of losing limbs, or eyesight. We think of war … Read at the Source: : Mirah Riben on the Huffington Post       


3 Things I Learned from the Adoption Process

By Lori Holden The adoption process is not for the faint of heart. It requires big things of regular people. Running that gauntlet caused me to develop three new abilities, each which would eventually come in handy years later.Lesson 1: Calm the ChatterThe Wait. I found all the doing of the adoption process to be the easy part. … Continue reading 3 Things I Learned from the Adoption Process →…


What My Adoptive Mom Could Have Done Differently Or Better

I often give my opinion of open adoption and the resulting question from hopeful adoptive parents or adoptive parents is: What could your Amom have done to be better or make your adoption better for you? I really wish that people would take time to read, not only my blog, but as many adoptee blogs as possible, but often, people just want their question answered as quickly as possible. This…


Busting a Fear (with video proof)

By Lori Holden You may recall that I am one of the most bawk! bawk! chicken-y people around (remember the double-dose of Xanax I needed to get through a simple LASIK procedure?).I am on a quest to bust through some of my limiting beliefs, like the one that says I don’t get along well with water, especially wild … Continue reading Busting a Fear (with video proof) → The post…


New York and Adoptee Rights

Getting Screwed Over in NY 2016 Version Greetings from my backyard. Today I am wearing my Constitutional Tramplers T shirt in honor of the New York State legislators who seemed compelled to ignore all their constituents, facts and logic in order to pass some perverted version of a “AdoptionLand; shut the fuck up” bill and dares to say it is Adoptee Rights. This thing, the self admitted “half a loaf”…