• A Must Read List for Adoption Truths

    • In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.

    • I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.

    • I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever. Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?

    • So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.

    • There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.

    • What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.

    • The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.

    • Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.

    • When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.

    • Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.

    • The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..

    • Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.

    • I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.

What are the Costs of Adoption? Is Adoption Trauma?

Avid adoption separation trauma

Separating mother and child causes varying degrees of lifelong trauma for both. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, please listen to the mothers of adoption loss and more importantly, the adoptees. Educate yourself of the effect adoption will have on both of you before it’s too late.
Anyone (including agencies) that will gain if your baby is adopted will NOT inform you read more…

Background Checks For Prospective Adoptive Parents

By AstridBeeMom I posted previously about one mother’s horror story surrounding her daughter’s adoption. One of the topics I touched on was the background checks given to prospective adoptive parents during the adoption process. Since the case I wrote about was from several decades ago, I decided to do some investigative work into the current standards that prospective adoptive parents must live up to if they wish to gain the approval from the government to adopt a child.
The law in the United States says that federal will set standards where state does not. In other words, the federal standards are the minimum that must be upheld. If states wish to enact other regulations of their own they are free to do so as long as it doesn’t infringe on anyone’s Constitutional rights or contradict the federal law. Because of this, let’s first explore the current federal law in regards to background checks for prospective adoptive parents.
Before 1997, no prospective adoptive parent was required, federally, to undergo a background check in order to become a foster parent receiving payments from the state. Some states and agencies may have required it, but it was not mandatory read more…

Un-Adopting: Is Divorcing Children an Acceptable Option?

By Mirah Riben A couple identified as Allen and Cheryl was the latest to seek the help of Dr. Phil in dealing with an out of control child who has been terrorizing their family. Their son, nine-year-old Steve, was diagnosed with 18 mental illnesses. He was placed in three mental hospitals in the last year alone and takes multiple medications to control his behavior, but nothing helped for long.
Home cameras recorded Steve tossing his younger sister across a room like a rag doll. The couple also reported he tried to suffocate one sibling and drown another.
Steve’s teachers reported that he has expressed a desire to blow up his family’s home, and that he shows no empathy for others or remorse for his bad behavior.
Steve’s violent outbursts and the fear of his parents for the safety of their other children mirror descriptions of adoptive parents in reports by Reuters and Dan Rather. The behaviors were the same as were the parents’ fears and diagnoses of ADD, ADHAD, and a host of other behavioral maladies.
The one difference is that adopted children displaying these behaviors read more…

Once I Was a Troll

I was reminded of an old mistake today. Granted, it was not a gentle reminder, but a let me shove this in your face because look you SCREWED up taunt, but I had completely forgotten about it, so it was a reminder for me. And yes, I had screwed up. And thankfully, I learned a very valuable lesson on internet transparency, trust, integrity and owning up to mistakes. read more…

Adopted Child Doe and Amended Birth Certificates

By Mirah Riben The Supreme Court case of Adopted Child Doe brings to a head the absurdity of amended “birth” certificates issued to adoptees.
The 20-month-old known as Adopted Child Doe is Cooper Talmas-Vitale. Cooper was adopted by Joseph Vitale and Rob Talmas shortly after his birth in Ohio. The adoption is recognized in New York, where the two men are married and live with the toddler.
But Ohio, the place of Cooper’s birth and where his birth certificate was issued, has told adoptive parents Vitale and Talmas that they have to choose which man gets to be the legally listed father on Cooper’s new certificate of birth. Cooper’s case has been consolidated into four cases from Ohio and one case each from Tennessee, Michigan and Kentucky. All are awaiting a U.S. Supreme Court ruling on whether same-sex marriage is an unalienable constitutional right.
The case of Adopted Child Doe, however, goes beyond issues of marriage or the right to marry. It is about a child’s birthright, his dignity and his 14th Amendment rights.
“Children, as they figure out who they are in the world, care about things like dignity,” said Amy Davidson, writing read more…

2014 Year in Review

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By AstridBeeMom

Thank you all for making my first active year (really my first active 6 months) so great!!

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,300 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

Calling All Ohio Adoptees

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By AstridBeeMom

As you may have read in my previous posts, my friend, Joey Ashbridge, is doing a documentary about the upcoming unsealing of adoption records in Ohio. For this project, he is in need of Ohio adoptees that would be willing to do interviews with him via Skype. If you or someone you know would be interested in helping out, please contact Joey on his public Facebook group, “Who Am I?” or contact me here to put you in touch with him. Please share this far and wide to get the word out for Joey!! Thank you!!


Click here to see Joey’s video message and visit his group or watch the video below:

Filed under:

Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

Paving a Path to Adoption

As I type this right now, it has occurred to me that I do not recall one single time when any one of my family members ever sat down with me and really asked how I was doing. Not even after I ran away and my whole family was involved in that. No wonder I was looking for love in the wrong places and I ran into the arms of that adoption agency. At least they acted like they cared and I was literally starving. read more…

A Birthmother’s Worst Nightmare – Aundria Bowman/Alexis Badger

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By AstridBeeMom Missing Persons Flyer

Today I am going to tell you a heartbreaking story. A story so sensational that you would think it was the makings of some fancy Hollywood screenwriter. I only wish this was the case.

A few posts back I touched a little bit on ambiguous loss. To help you understand it better I compared it to the loss one may feel when a loved one goes missing. To further explore this topic, I have asked a fellow birthmother, Cathy Terkanian, to allow me to share her story. We have done an informal interview of sorts and it is my honor for you to be a part of her story and possibly help to share her story in hopes that her heart may finally find peace.

On June 23, 1974, when Cathy was 17 years old, she became the mother of Alexis. A bouncing baby girl, the joy of Cathy’s life. Perfect in every way and loved just as perfectly by her mother, Cathy. Alexis was born in Louisiana and shortly thereafter Cathy headed back to Virginia where her mother read more…

Get Syndicated on Musings of the Lame


I think most of us write because we have something valid to say and we do want to share our point of view. That’s important as all our voices matter, but the things is, of course, it only works if someone else actually sees our words and reads them. And that’s what syndication on MOTL can do; you WILL get more people reading your words. This isn’t about tooting my own horn, but the fact is that this site usually ranks number one nationally in Google for many relevant and important search terms. And yes, there is that simple fact that over a third of a million pages, 377,378 URLs to be exact, were seen on the site here in 2014. Most “posts” initially are seen by approximately 1000 readers. However, I can also say that I know there is a direct correlation between the number of posts and the amount of views; more posts generates way more traffic- so in this way the system continues to feed itself!

Are you in? Please?

All I Need is Your Feed read more…

My Not So Perfect Life

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By Cassi Did you know my family is crazy? We’re dysfunctional. We make huge mistakes. We can be irritating and annoying. And we are so far from perfect or anything close to it.

And yet, as one who was literally saved from becoming yet another “unplanned pregnancy” lost to adoption, I am so thankful for my family, all the good AND all the bad.

We had another big family wedding over the weekend. It was my cousin’s wedding on my maternal side and since my mother is one of seven siblings, I have an abundance of aunts and uncles and amazing cousins that flood such family events.

I used to take it for granted . . . the crazy, wonderful, irritating family I’d been blessed with. As a child, it was just my life. I didn’t know any different. Didn’t know any better to know different. I had absolutely no clue how close I came to being separated from my own family. Forced to suffer the loss of my heritage, my roots. read more…

A Day For Change

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By Cassi

There is a story I could write today. One that will never go away. Will always break my heart a little bit more when I think of it. But after a lot of thought, I’ve decided to give this first year a moment of peace, for an innocent little girl and her natural family who lost so much more than anyone ever deserves. I can’t, though, let this day go with complete silence. It holds too much pain. Too many reminders of the hard realities that are so much a part of what adoption has become in our country. Truths that so many still choose to ignore, dismiss or simply not care about it. How in the world can we continue to turn a blind eye to the pain and loss adoption has caused for so many? How can so many continue to bury their head in the sand, stick their fingers in their ears, so that they don’t have to face the dark truths staring them in the face? It’s heartbreaking to know, to see the proof every day, that we, as a society, have accepted adoption as a read more…

Scream Until It Hurts

By Cassi

When my middle son was just a baby, I worked at a day care center that included infant care – it was all about the benefit of reduced child care costs and being able to work while still being near my baby. During my time there, I had an experience I will never forget. An experience that forever changed me. In the crib next to my son’s in the infant room was a baby boy named Garrett. One afternoon, during the routine checks of the sleeping babies, the two wonderful ladies who cared for the infants discovered Baby Garrett wasn’t breathing. Those of us who knew CPR were hurried into the infant room. And there I was, knowing my own son slept in a crib just a few feet away, holding a limp, lifeless baby, desperately pumping air into his lungs. Praying with everything I had that he would just gasp, open his eyes, cough . . . all those miracle actions you always see in the movies . . . and come back to us.

Unfortunately, that never happened. It was determined that Baby Garrett died from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) read more…

The Modern Day Maternity Home

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By AstridBeeMom

Most people believe the most distinguishing characteristic between the Baby Scoop Era (BSE) and today is the absence of those maternity homes where women were sent to discreetly give birth and have their babies taken from them against their will. However, this is not the defining end of the BSE. “Why?” you may ask. For many reasons but, to stay on the subject of this post, we want to focus on this falsehood. If the BSE ended with the dying out of maternity homes, we would still be in the BSE.

You’ve all heard the horror stories. All the time I hear, “I’m so glad adoptions are not done that way anymore” or “I know that horrible things were done to you but it isn’t like that anymore.” It saddens me that so many people in the world (most maybe?) are so ignorant to how things really work in this day and age. Even the ones who had fallen victim to it cannot see it for what it is. For the most part, like anything else, I think it is laziness in being willing to connect the read more…

A Measure of Justice for Father Garrett Joiner and his Son

baby saved from forced adoption by his father fighting for custody

I commend Garrett Joiner and his family for effectively doing what so many cannot: they took on a forced and unethical adoption and have won. This outcome is, by my definition, BEST indeed for Baby Boy W. He is not an adoptee. These battles are horrible and heartbreaking and really do take any person’s last bit of sanity, and often, hope. Garrett Joiner, for a young man, a David, fighting the formidable Goliath has held himself up wonderfully and is a fine example and representative of natural families fighting for their parental rights in forced adoptions. read more…