Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Family Preservation

By Mirah Riben If your neighbor lost his job a year after his wife died, and he had three small kids, would you “help” him by taking away his kids? If a family in your church or congregation’s house burnt down and they had no family to stay with, would you help them by adopting their infant child? Recently, Ronnie Stewart a Florida minister of the Refuge Church of New…

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Why & How Adoptive Parents Must Face the Truth

By Lori Holden Question: Adoption in my country is closed because children are usually found at the hospital or mosque. But some were put in the orphanage because their parents either divorced or there’s some reason that the parents can not or will not take care of their children. In the old days these kids stayed in the … Continue reading Why & How Adoptive Parents Must Face the Truth…


Her Letter Hurts! When a Birth Mom Rejects Her Daughter

By Lori Holden Question: I was adopted back in the day and I finally tracked down my birth mother, now 85. My worst fears were realized when she rejected me a second time. I was so hopeful to finally hear from her, but her letter has put me in such pain. Do you mind reading this and giving … Continue reading Her Letter Hurts! When a Birth Mom Rejects Her…


I Know Something I’m Not Supposed to Know about My Child’s Birth Mom

By Lori Holden Question: We brought our son home through domestic private adoption 14 months ago (he spent a month in agency foster care because of some time in NICU and a bunch of red tape delays). We have openness with Ben’s birth mother, Tina — at least we did. I send pictures through an app so she … Continue reading I Know Something I’m Not Supposed to Know about…


When Does an Adoptee Voice Stop Being Elevated Above All Others

By AstridBeeMom “I’m not traumatized by my adoption.” “Not all adoptees feel that way.” “You say adoptee voices matter most but I guess that’s only if they have a bad adoption story.” A year ago I would presume to stick my nose into a debate between adopted people. Today I am very cautious and calculating about doing this because the adoptee voice SHOULD ALWAYS be the loudest voice in the…


Adoption as a Punchline

By Lori Holden I had to decide in an instant what to do about an exchange I witnessed on a lunch break at school. A parent at my school was performing volunteer duties. I watched as her son, one of my high school students, passed by her near the main office. “You’re adopted,” he said to her affectionately. … Continue reading Adoption as a Punchline → The post Adoption as…


Adoption Awareness: Stealing Fathers’ Children and the Gladney Machine (once again)

By AstridBeeMom In honor of the month, I have decided to bring awareness. The Awareness I’m bringing will violate some privacy but I don’t concern myself with the privacy of those who seek out to defraud fathers of their rights or build barriers for them that are impossible to go over in order to sever their God-given right to parent their child. Welcome to Adoption Awareness Month. Today I’m going…


Her Son is Only Hers. She Can’t Bear to Think Otherwise.

By Lori Holden Question: I’m in a support group for adoptive mothers. We have a new member who adopted her son at about 3 months old. The boy is now 5. This mother strongly believes her son is hers and there is no need to talk about adoption with him. Her husband supports this opinion. She broke down … Continue reading Her Son is Only Hers. She Can’t Bear to…


The Adoption Split in “This Is Us” & How to Help Heal It

By Lori Holden Did you tune in to NBC’s This Is Us last week? Randall brings up the Adoption Split. And with this meme I reiterate a remedy I often talk about: openness. It’s with openness (not necessarily contact) that the grownups in an adoption can help their child integrate and heal. Randall Pearson, a transracial adoptee on … Continue reading The Adoption Split in “This Is Us” & How…