What are the Costs of Adoption? Is Adoption Trauma?

Avid adoption separation trauma

Separating mother and child causes varying degrees of lifelong trauma for both. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, please listen to the mothers of adoption loss and more importantly, the adoptees. Educate yourself of the effect adoption will have on both of you before it’s too late.
Anyone (including agencies) that will gain if your baby is adopted will NOT inform you read more…

How to Have Openness in a Foster Adoption

By Lori Holden Question: Can you talk about open adoption for foster kids who have been abused? We are about to adopt Daughter through foster care and there has been severe and repeated abuse. Birth Dad was the abuser and is in jail for it, and we’re not sure how to proceed with Birth Mom. By court order, … Continue reading How to Have Openness in a Foster Adoption →
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The Perversion of American Birth Certificates

By Mirah Riben What is a Birth Certificate?
A birth certificate is issued to legally register every birth. It is a vital record documenting the facts of a birth. It memorializes the arrival of each and every human being – setting the date, time, and location of that auspicious and unique event.
Every person has just one original certified birth certificate (OBC) which serves to verify their age and citizenship as the basis for all of one’s identification such as driver license, passport, and social security. Birth certificates (BCs) connect us to our ancestral line and as such serve a critical role in genealogy.
This is verified by the following definitions:birth cer·tif·i·cate
an official document issued to record a person’s birth, including such identifying data as name, gender, date of birth, place of birth, and parentage.(FreeDictionary,com) the certificate that is filed with the right authorities when a child is born that records the date and place of birth and the parent’s names etc. (TheLawDictionary.com)A birth certificate is a vital record that documents the birth of a child. The term “birth certificate” can refer to either the original document certifying the circumstances of read more…

“7 Core Issues In Adoption”

By Susie In her latest blog post, Tao linked to a website that had lists of “7 Core Issues In Adoption”, one list for each person in the so-called “Triad”. Every item listed on the “Birth Parent” list was spot on for me. Every Single OneAs Tao mentions in her post, these type of lists try to simplify things that are much too complicated to be put into bullet points. When I saw that this list was on a web page described as “A non-profit adoptive family support center, serving families, professionals and educators since 1998″, I was sure that the list for us moms was going to be far from reality. I’m still surprised at the honesty they have listed.If only any mother considering adoption could read this page and KNOW the truth behind it! My surprise ended as I browsed the rest of that website however…Under the description of their support services for “Birth Parents/Families” was this gem:C.A.S.E. provides support for the birth parent(s) in grieving the loss of their child upon relinquishment as well as read more…

Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion

By Lori Holden Question: My son came to me 9 months ago from a Caribbean island. He’s now 3 ½ years old and adjusting quite well. When I went to get him, I met his birth family — his birth mom, half-sister, and paternal aunt. They love my son and wish him the best and I really liked them … Continue reading Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion →
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Are Parents Disposable and Interchangeable?

By Mirah Riben Recently CBS News reported on what they called “The New Fatherhood,” which featured two men: physician Conrad Cean and photographer Alan Cresto, each of whom decided to be a parent, without a partner. Each purchased eggs and hired a surrogate to carry a child for them, intentionally creating motherless children.
Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg appeared on the segment applauding their family-building, joining the CBS News anchors in admiring the men’s choice to be fathers. There was no recognition in the entire news report of the controversy surrounding surrogacy, which is illegal in most of the world and which has a movement in the U.S.to ban it. Nor any mention that anonymous gamete donation is banned in 11 countries or that there are efforts to offer alternatives here.
The promos for the CBS News report described the segment as: single men “having” babies “all alone” because “their biological clocks were ticking, too.” Men and women can raise children alone, but they cannot “have” them “all alone” and suggesting that they can totally negates and dehumanizes half of their children’s read more…

Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming

By Lori Holden I had the pleasure of dining last week with a half-dozen women who farm Colorado land. Over a delicious meal to which they certainly contributed, I got to find Common Ground with these farmers. Less than 2% of our population provides food for 100% of our population. — Ann Cross, CommonGroundCO Ann is part of … Continue reading Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming →
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Does Open Adoption Work?

By Lori Holden My last post touched on the debate spurred by publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother. I started with a courtroom scene but decided to go this route instead. (You don’t have to have read that book to get this post.) Rorschach Test I see the debate about … Continue reading Does Open Adoption Work? →
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Amy Seek’s God and Jetfire: Open Adoption on Trial

By Lori Holden Note: Though tempting, please do not comment on the headline only without reading the full post. Recent publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother seems to have put open adoption on trial. Amy Seek, a landscape architect and writer living in London, gives readers an account of her … Continue reading Amy Seek’s God and Jetfire: Open Adoption on Trial →
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Six Years Ago Today… Happy Birthday Sweet Girl

By Susie Six years ago today, I had been in reunion with Christopher for 7 months and 3 days. Six years ago today, I realized just how much I really lost when I lost him to adoption.Six years ago today, Christopher and his wife welcomed their beautiful baby girl into the world.Six years ago today, the reality hit me that I not only lost my son to adoption, I also lost my grandchildren…Happy 6th Birthday sweet Brooklyn ~ Grandma Susie loves you more than you will ever know. I hope that one year I will be able to celebrate your birthday with you in person. I hope you enjoy your present as much as I enjoyed being able to send it you!

Read at the Source: : Finding Christopher, Finding Myself

Dying To Breastfeed

By AstridBeeMom We all know there is a huge debate in the adoption community about the ethics surrounding breastfeeding in adoptive mothers. Some have even gone so far as to call this practice child abuse. The reasons stated for this will not be the same reasons that I give, however, I understand the sentiment. I have more concrete reasons for considering this child abuse. There are a wide array of reasons that people argue for and against breastfeeding in adoptive mothers. My argument will be more specific and will follow simple medical logic. Regardless of your feelings on adoption, I would hope that with facts in hand you will all see how truly horrid breastfeeding is when it comes to adoptive mothers.
First let’s take a look at how breast milk is produced in a pregnant/post-natal mother. We all know that our bodies are designed to nurture our children. The natural process includes many things and the production of breast milk needed to sustain a newborn is definitely one of the major ones.
An article on Baby Center gives a general read more…

Bloom Where You’re Planted

By Lori Holden This is a cucumber plant in our yard. I did not put it there. I planted cucumbers about 75 feet away in a carefully tended garden. But this rogue cuke somehow grounded itself in the rocks, near the children’s swing set and assorted pairs of stomping feet. Stubborn thing. ~~~~~ In that carefully tended garden, … Continue reading Bloom Where You’re Planted →
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In The Funk. Again.

By Susie I’ve been in an adoption funk again for the last couple of weeks. I know it’s partially because a planned visit to see Christopher in July didn’t happen due to my getting another kidney stone a couple of days before I was supposed to go. Now we are finding it difficult to find time when we are both free at the same time. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen him, two years since I’ve seen his children. I miss them dearly.The funk felt bigger than that though. On facebook the other night, someone had posted a link to a site that calculates your probable conception date according to the date of birth. Since I was bored, I clicked on the link and was going to punch in my kids’ birthdays, starting with the first one ~ Christopher’s birthday. Then I see. Huh… Does the body, the heart and soul remember? It’s probably exactly 37 years ago, give or take a day or five, that I became pregnant with my firstborn son lost to adoption.The Birthday was: Tuesday, May 8, 1979Conception Date:Tuesday, August 15, 1978Implantation Dates: Between Monday, August 21, 1978 and Sunday, August 27, read more…

When There’s No Birth Parent Information to Share

By Lori Holden Question: For adoptive families who do not have contact with birth families due to a variety of situations — perhaps their child was adopted internationally or through a relinquished/closed domestic infant adoption, and they did not receive much if any info about the child’s birth family — what would you recommend for how to raise … Continue reading When There’s No Birth Parent Information to Share →
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Donald Trump and the Polarization of America

By Mirah Riben Donald Trump came out of the gate attacking immigrants and (with the help of Fox’s Megyn Kelly) has kept the discussions centered on his complaint du jour: McCain, women, “political correctness.”
Donald Trump didn’t create divisiveness. It was always there.
I grew up in 1950s Brooklyn. Ethnic slurs were part of everyday life. Edith and Archie Bunker were depictions of people not unlike my parents. Ya’ had yer ‘Guineas,’ yer ‘Chinks,’ yer ‘Hebes,’ ‘Spics,’ ‘Ruskies,’ and ‘faggots.’ I don’t recall hearing the “N word” (common in other parts of the country) but I did hear the Italian (moulinyan) and German/Jewish (schwartze) words for “black” used derogatorily. That’s simply the way it was. We were all immigrants and all fighting for our piece of the pie. Dog eat dog. Those who grew up in the South were accustomed to other disparaging labels such as ‘crackers,’ ‘damn Yankees,’ and a smorgasbord of insulting terms for Blacks.
Cultural mores and language evolve and change over time. In the 60s, some of us became sensitive to marginalized populations, especially if we lived in or attended schools read more…

Hate In My Heart

By Cassi I have come to know so many First Moms in my years fighting for Adoption Reform, Adoptee Rights, and even Father’s rights. Some I consider my greatest friends. Wonderful allies in this knock-down, painful world of adoption and the fight to change it. Then there are those who I often disagree with. Believe are playing right into the coercion and manipulation the adoption industry seeks. Pushing and encouraging more vulnerable, pregnant mothers into giving up their babies to make themselves feel better for their own experiences.And though it’s no secret that I am often frustrated and angry with these First Moms, I also have an understanding, in my heart and mind, of what they have gone through. I know the counseling they’ve had. The messages they’ve received from society. I can understand, on a level, why they do what they do. Why it’s so important to them to push adoption as some wonderful thing that creates only read more…