Forced adoption is a drastic step; there aren’t words to express the trauma it causes to all concerned. It surely should be preserved as a last resort, a final call for those cases where children are in grave danger and need a fresh start. In the case of loving parents who also happen to use illegal substances there are almost certainly much more appropriate methods to help, if help is required.
I put the wings on they gave me
Woven of diaphanous words
“Gift giver”
“Selfless”
“Angel”
They kept me aloft for awhile
Where I hovered above my son and his family
Their voices murmurs far below
“Yet whether it was an accident, ambivalence, or a careless mistake, it’s always the woman’s fault. She allowed herself to get pregnant. She couldn’t keep her legs closed”
Other women, other mothers, who have faced the surprising results on the dreaded “pee stick of doom”. But it’s not about adoption, it is in support of parenting, and parenting young. Rolling with the natural and biological results of sex, accepting a pregnancy before it’s time and the battles of birth control, but most of all the judgment that society, often other women, thrust upon us for daring to get pregnant in the first place.
On a foundation of good intentions and corruption, domestic infant adoption has rebranded itself thorough strategic public relations moves, market research and a well funded legislative lobby. While the public thinks sweet thoughts about adopting all those “unwanted children”, the adoption industry creates a product and cashes in on a billion dollar business.
They agreed to send updates (letters and pictures) every 6 months until she turned 18 and kept up with that until about 3 years ago when the updates suddenly stopped. No explanation, no warning, nothing. The updates were being sent to me through CHS so I called the agency and got the run around. This, to me, is one of the most heartless and cruel things that can be done to a Mother and I’m in utter shock that this is actually happening.
And like many of us affected by adoption, for a spouse of a birthmothers, it helps just to know that one is not alone, which is then altered with the desire to help others also feel that validation and acknowledgment. I do infrequently run into other spouses that wish there was more public support. Perhaps one day we will have something really good for you all. Of course, we’ll have to make it ourselves. The adoption industry probably never will, as then they will have to admit that adoption has long term affects on behalf of relinquishment.
WHEN: First Wednesday of the Month 7pm to 9pm
WHERE: Hillside Children’s Center 2075 Scottsville Road, Rochester NY
BONUS: Jeff Hancock Runs the group!
WHO: Hudson Valley Adoption Support Group
WHEN: 1st Thursday of every month
WHERE: locations change, please confirm
BONUS: You get to hang out with me!!
WHO: RIARG: RI Adoptees Resource Group
WHEN: 3rd Thursday of every month
WHERE: 5 New London Avenue Cranston, RI
BONUS: John Greene runs this Adoptee Support Group!!
We make it out the double glass doors and I burst into hysterical tears. Not weeping, not crying, but gut wrenching hysterical deep soul crushing sobs. Rye looks at me shocked, I am beyond all logic. I make it about ten steps to the car, and then turn around….sobbing, tears flowing down my face, I am not sure what I said. It was like I had stepped on an emotional land mind and now all this shrapnel of myself was just flying.
I had no way of knowing it, but when I had to leave my “baby” cat behind and walk out that door without turning back..I hit that place that every relinquishing mother fears. It really was an emotional land mind that exploded when I walked out that door. I wasn’t crying over the cat, it was over Max…two days old. It’s no one’s fault that this experience reenacted the worst trauma of my life, but it did. Just ripped that scab off with such a force, that it took me hours to find the place to stop the bleeding.
She is not a saint. She is not a whore. She is a woman faced with one of the most awful concepts a mother can imagine: the willing separation of one’s child for life. Saints or sluts are not real. They are labels use to dehumanize the relinquishment experience. Both are used to separate the birthmother form the rest of the population and create impossible social contracts from which any person, birthmother of not, cannot continue to love within. The saint cannot admit to the pain and the slut does not deserve to feel the love. Polar opposites and not realistic for anyone. Not helpful for anyone. Not healthy for anyone.
Inside Out Adoption Healing in California
WHO: Inside Out Adoption
WHEN: Saturday, May 18th, 2013 10:00am until 6:00pm
WHERE: TBD
WEBSITE: Inside Out Adoption
I was sitting on the bus, waiting to get home and I was amazed at the what ended up bubbling forth. Not that I am a skeptic on the need for healing, or finding issues, but I had really managed to convince myself that I had control of that volcano of emotion. It is a testament to both Craig and Patrick that the program they are perfecting is a very helpful tool for identifying areas that are still needing some attention. I’m coming home with a new shopping list of things that require further exploration.
It’s not the “gay” that makes adoption lesser, for adoption is an equal opportunity loss provider. Children who are adopted, no matter how wonderful their gay or straight parents are, have already experienced a known harmful trauma; the breakage and separation from their original family. It’s not that they are getting substitute Daddy in place of a substitute mommy, or trading a daddy for a second mommy that is adding to the issues. It’s that the mommy and dada that they were born to have been replaced at all: period.
But that STILL has nothing to do with Marriage Equality. Nothing.
I’ve decided to once again stick my neck out. Because giraffes have such long necks, they always see the “bigger picture” – the bigger picture is that someday no child will have to be separated from their family of origin and no mother feel forced to give up her a child. I’m hoping that those of you who also see the bigger picture will want to become giraffes and join me. If so, think of ways that you can stick out your neck – and help to change an very archaic system.
One of the things that I love about my former “marketing” stint was that I really had the opportunity to understand the way business see the public and use marketing for their own needs. This does not happen organically, but through a series of calculated moves, designed to appeal to the targeted end users, and reached a desired outcome that benefits the business.
It really helps to understand adoption as an industry when you apply the lenses of a marketer.
To begin, let’s just remove the idea that adoption is here for some altruistic reason like “proving homes to children that need them” in some vein of social services or community outreach or as part of the metal health field or anything like that.
We need to look at adoption like it is; a business that has supply and demand and profits and losses.
PDF of the full white paper “Re-Marketing Adoption” can be found here for download. Read more
Because it’s much easier to Tweet a link.
As a member of the media, I wanted to take a minute to ensure that you were aware of one of the last disenfranchised class of individuals that are denied their civil rights by law in the United States. Did you know there are over 6 million adult adoptees in the United States who are affected by outdated adoption legislation?
Adopted people are the only group of US citizens denied access to their Original Birth Certificate (the OBC). It truly is a form of discrimination as the adoptee has no way of choosing the circumstances of their birth, relinquishment and adoption, but the circumstances of their birth is held against them long into adulthood. By law, they are treated like perpetual children.
This is one of the many areas of adoption legislation where the states have power over making the laws. In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates upon finalization of the adoption.
As it is a state issue, there is a real patchwork of varied laws regarding OBC access Alaska and Kansas never sealed the OBC. New Hampshire, Oregon, Maine, and Alabama have changed legislation to allow adoptees access to their OBC upon age 18. Rhode Island lets the adoptee have access at age 25. Other states, such as Illinois, allow access at age 18, if the birthparents allow it which is insane considering that birthparents have long given up any rights to the said “child”. Still other states, such as Ohio and Massachusetts, allow some adoptees to have their legal documentation while other adoptees are denied based on arbitrary years of their birth.
Normally, I would stick to the point that our American adoptees must be treated equally as a matter of civil rights; which is a recognized right of all children according to the UN Convention on the Rights of a Child (articles 7 to 10 specifically) and the government has no business legislating to whom adults can have or not have a relationship with.
But I would like to point out another side affect of this cruel treatment. Read more
The adoption industry loves to tell mothers considering adoption how “happy” their adopted children will be when they are relinquished to their new families. It’s the guarantee of the perfect family; happily married, vetted by the home study, ready and wanting to parent, fine homes, good jobs, and usually, more money. I was recently really reminded of this during the recent Twitter discussions as the “happiness” of not yet born and already adopted children were proclaimed to be “happier” by the birthmothers and birthmothers to be.
It doesn’t seem to matter that adoptive parents are not automatically excused from the trials and tribulations of live. Somehow, we have got it in our heads as a society that the issue of infertility or the desire to be parents and not have that fulfilled gives a couple a fee pass. As if there is a check box of life’s difficulties that get checked at one point and if you get a big X by infertility then you are immune from all other issues.
Of course this is not true and while many adoptive parents are lovely people who are good parents, I know enough adoptees that get adopted by people that really, seem seriously, bat shit crazy. I have heard stories of sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse at the hands of adoptive parents (and Yes, I KNOW biological parents are also abusive, but adoption does not protect a child from abuse that has not occurred yet). I have heard stories of adoptees who always felt like they didn’t fit in or that something was missing, even if they had super excellent parents. I have heard stories of adoptees whose parents got divorced, remarried, lost their jobs, got sick, had cancer, and even died. In fact, I personally have mourned the loss of friends who were adoptive mothers and lost battles with cancer leaving their adopted children behind without any mothers. Read more
I know we did this years back, but I can’t find the numbers we crunched anymore. So I did it again since I keep on referencing figures that are covered in memory dust. I am a fan of facts.
Australia has long been known to be a model for adoption reform which is kind of amusing since they modeled their original adoption practices off of the USA. They both have their history in forced adoptions, genocide, eugenics, etc, and follow very similar patterns in both the growth of domestic infant adoptions and population curves.
We do have two major differences between the USA and Australia in Adoption and Culturally;
Then most of the country took it a step further and that resulted in a complete overhaul of the practice of adoption most specifically in regard to the act of relinquishment.
I find it pretty clear to compare, say, a typical ‘Thinking about Adoption” American Agency website versus an Australian state run “Parents Considering Adoption for your Child” website. By the way, this US agency I picked as I typed out one word “Pregnant” in Google and this was the first site that came up. Read more
I often get requests for guest post and my answer is always the same. I like to be helpful to other SEO writers and professionals as I still consider myself ”one of them” and it is hard! So, I do accept posts written more for their SEO value, but ONLY if they are relevant and fit the overall goals of this site. So, while I know this post might be controversial in it’s concept, I think it is good food for thought.
It’s not saying that I think drug addicts should always be allowed to raise their children, as a child should never be in danger, but do we punish a person with an addiction, a disease, by removing heir child rather than helping?
I also have to say that so many times, when I hear of a birthmother who “struggled with addiction”, I wonder. Is this her way of dealing with the grief and loss? Would she have been able to fight the addiction should she had been helped, rather than having someone help themselves to her child? Is she addicted BECAUSE of the adoption is was the adoption because of the addiction?
The issue of adoption is emotive enough, but when coupled with that of drug use it becomes even more so. For many outsiders the issue is clear cut, people who use illegal drugs, or even misuse legal substances such as alcohol, should not be bringing up small children. In reality, as with so many things in the world of adoption, the line is blurred, and the black and white merges to grey. There can’t be many people who wouldn’t agree that there are cases when babies and children need to be taken into care for their own safety; for people whose drug use out of control, or if it leads them into risky behaviors or dangerous situations. Few would condemn an innocent child to this sort of life, but what of the other drug users? There are legions of people walking our streets right now who would test positive for illegal drug use, and the truth is, in many cases you can’t tell by looking.
For parents who are using any kind of illegal substance the reasons behind their use can be complex. Almost universally they confess to the fear that their behavior will cause them to lose their child. Can we assume that they don’t love their children, or that they are not capable of raising them and giving them a good life? In many cases this would be an unjust and untrue assumption. This sort of stereotyping is also self-defeating; if the aim is to stop parents from using illegal substances, since the fear and shame it causes can actually deter them from seeking help. The truth is the help is out there, there are addiction treatment centers in every state and city in the US; from California to New Jersey addiction rehab facilities provide the support for those battling their habits. However if parents fear having their children forcibly taking for adoption, they may well keep their addiction secret, which will not help them to overcome it. It might be more helpful to talk about addiction as an illness or compulsion, rather than a crime, in order to help addicts to find the strength to seek help from professionals who can help them to regain control over their lives.
An aspect of drug use where adoption is particularly controversial is the use of marijuana; either for medical or recreational purposes. There is a large and growing voice calling for the universal decriminalization of cannabis and for more research to be done into its potential medical uses. In Idaho recently three conspicuous advocates for the use of medical marijuana, Lindsey and Josh Rinehard and Sarah Caldwell, had their children arbitrarily taken into care in their absence. There is no suggestion that the children were neglected or unloved. The Rinehards claim that they had educated them about the dangers of all medicines, including the cannabis which their mother took to combat her multiple sclerosis. In point of fact in almost every house in America there are probably drugs and medications far more dangerous than the cannabis was, but, still the children were taken into foster care. Lindsey Rinehard has stopped using the cannabis which managed her MS symptoms, in an effort to get her little ones back as quickly as possible. Despite anyone’s feeling about the rights and wrongs of using illegal drugs as medication, the damage this will do to the children, the bewilderment and fear they must have gone through, is hard to exaggerate. Are these children better off away from their loving parents? It is difficult to understand why they would be. The Rinehards are possibly lucky since it seems likely that they will get their children back; other families have been less fortunate. There are cases where children have been permanently removed from their families due to minor drug use.
Forced adoption is a drastic step; there aren’t words to express the trauma it causes to all concerned. It surely should be preserved as a last resort, a final call for those cases where children are in grave danger and need a fresh start. In the case of loving parents who also happen to use illegal substances there are almost certainly much more appropriate methods to help, if help is required. For parents who take controlled levels of marijuana to combat severely painful diseases, it could be argued that compassion and not censure is called for. Otherwise one day someone is going to have to explain to these children why they were taken away from their loving families because they were using the wrong medicine.
Please, feel free to send me your adoption stories and I will post them here. I can give you credit or keep you unknown; whatever works for you.
Mother’s Day is particularly hard for birthmother’s. Leading up to it, we are reminded for weeks, that the day is coming. In a closed adoption, we just wonder. “What is my child doing today. Is his other mother getting a lovely card and a gift? Does he think about me?” In an open adoption, it’s most likely just as hard, maybe worse, if your child can contact you and does not. And even in reunion it’s still hard.
We are mothers, but often not recognized as mother’s and silently cry alone, while smiling outside.
I have written about it before:
Maybe Some Adoption Poetry to Get you Through?
My friend Brenda shared this on Facebook the other day. She said to share, just credit her name. So in honor of Mother’s Day, I think this is something many birthmothers can related to.
Brenda says:
Every year around Mother’s Day i write a birthmother poem. Usually I read them at a Birthmother’s Day gathering in Ann Arbor. This year I will not be able to because I will be working. The theme this year is “Agape” – selfless love. I had a visceral reaction to the theme. All this selfless talk gives me hives. So I wrote this.
I put the wings on they gave me
Woven of diaphanous words
“Gift giver”
“Selfless”
“Angel”
They kept me aloft for awhile
Where I hovered above my son and his family
Their voices murmurs far below
Soon after
words of stone
tore and bent my fragile wings
They said:
“You are not worthy”
“unneeded”
that they “could never give their baby away.”
And in the night, an inner voice joined their chorus
“you did it for yourself too.”
With tattered wings I slowly descended to earth
The closer I came
Another voice, strong and persistent
soon only slightly out of reach said:
“Let’s play the game”
So I leaned into this game of his own making
and I grabbed him
and I rocked him
and I crooned
“I love you”
“I love you”
“My baby”
“My baby”
And I was grateful
for the two feet firmly planted on the ground.
And I threw the wings away
deciding not to mend them
in order to remain in reach
A fallen angel
Fully human
Mother’s Day 2013
I have been a slave to my fertility for years. I lived in fear of pregnancy. It was a constant diligence against my body’s desires to make more people. I would keep pregnancy tests on hand just so I could be assured that yes, this month, I controlled those damn eggs. But the next month would roll around and the fearful wait would begin. I used to actually welcome the monthly migraine that signaled the beginning of my cycle. One of the greatest days of my life was when my husband had his vasectomy. I was finally free of the fear of pregnancy, but for 25 years.. I feared.
One of the most infuriating things I find is when someone insists that “adoption is different now”. You know, because, I relinquished almost 26 years ago, my feelings and experiences are out dated or that being separated from one’s baby somehow became more appealing to mothers? I suspect that the uneducated like to parrot about the ideals of open adoption and assume the whole “co-parenting” approach to today’s relinquishment, but as always, Open Adoptions, are not legally binding, and many mothers, like Amy and myself, continue to believe the adoption professionals and are convinced that the prospective adoptive parents are more deserving of our babies than we are.
I “met” Amy though Facebook and she shares her adoption relinquishment experience here, in her own words.
I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever.
Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved? As abortion was never an option, it came down to either doing my best to raise her myself or finding a deserving family who weren’t able to have children of their own.
When I was about 3-4 months pregnant, a friend of mine from school told me about her Aunt and Uncle who had been trying to conceive for a very long time. They were on a waiting list with Children’s Home Society to adopt a baby. I called her Aunt one day and out of the blue asked her about their situation, told them a little about myself and suggested that maybe we should meet up. We slowly built a relationship through the course of my pregnancy and I began to really love them. Read more
Long Term Affects of Adoption Relinquishment on Marriage & Relationships
Those of us who speak Adoption Truths warn of the affects of relinquishment upon every aspect of our lives. Many times when it has been said that even our relationships with family members, subsequent kept children and even romantically are altered, the response, feels tinged in disbelief. Of course, my own recent foray into Kitten Adoption demonstrated how the affects of adoption trauma can quickly ruin a husband’s lovingly thought out birthday surprise, but what if the whole adoption experience of relinquishing a baby is a secret to a husband? Read more
WHO: Adoption Resource Network/ Genesee Valley Monthly Search Group
WHEN: First Wednesday of the Month 7pm to 9pm
WHERE: Hillside Children’s Center 2075 Scottsville Road, Rochester NY
ONLINE: http://www.facebook.com/groups/ARNGroupRochester ( closed FB group)
BONUS: Jeff Hancock runs the group!
Adoption Support for Adoptees and Birth families in the Hudson Valley
WHO: Hudson Valley Adoption Support Group
WHEN: Monthly; Please Check Calendar and sign up for emails
WHERE: locations change, please confirm
WEBSITE: Hudson Valley Adoption Support
EMAIL: FixAdoption@gmail.com
BONUS: You get to hang out with me!! Read more
WHO: RIARG RI Adoptees Resource Group
WHEN: 3rd Thursday of every month (email for the time)
WHERE: 5 New London Avenue Cranston, RI (locations change, please confirm)
WEBSITE: RI Adoptees Resource Group
EMAIL: riadopteeresourcegroup@gmail.com
BONUS: John Greene runs this Adoptee Support Group!! Read more
We have one cat in my house, or should I say, Scarlett has a cat named, Pumpkin. Scarlett loves Pumpkin and Pumpkin loves Scarlett, but he barley tolerates the rest of us. OK, truth be told, he’s a decent cat overall, except for some very loud meowing, but serves none of my cat needs. He won’t is on my lap, he won’t come over to me, he hates it when I insist on giving him affection, like visibly looks pained and annoyed. Basically, as cats go, he’s an asshole.
So I have been wanting another cat for like five years, but Rye has always held his guns that one cat is enough. Of course, one cannot make my dear daughter give up her beloved pet so my needs can be met, so I have unsatisfied kitten desires. Hence I have been saying I want a kitten for my birthday, fully expecting that I will continue to be sadly wanting a kitten for another five years or until something terrible happens to the ass-cat…which I cannot wish for because I am not a horrible person like that.
So my birthday comes, and even though I am coming down with some cold germ that kids kindly shared, overall it’s a rather nice day. We didn’t do anything major, but Rye made me a delicious cake and we had tapas and cocktails with friends and family on the patio. I am rather surprised when Rye sits me down mid evening and starts to explain something about the SPCA and an adoption application. Seriously, I never did think he would actually realize that I needed to have some cat affection in my life and give in. He does love me!! I’m excited beyond belief, the kids are thrilled, and apparently the local Ulster County SPCA got in over 100 kittens just the other day. It’s kitten fiesta time. Read more
Spend enough time reading comments about adoption in the public realm and it is plain to see that there are only two socially accepted views of what a birthmother is or isn’t. Sadly, it all comes back to the Madonna or Whore.
Literally.
On one hand, usually coming from an adoptive parent, another birthmother, or an adoptee, she is called strong and selfless. Her choice to relinquish is deemed a courageous act motivated by pure love for her child. There are nods of thanks for her “gifts” whether it be “choosing life” or the more insidious “gift” of the child which can be morphed into the more politically correct version of “the gift creating a family”. She is heralded for being mature enough to make the wise and difficult decision of relinquishment. Sometimes there is even sympathy and empathy shown for her loss, but usually the noise is how wonderful she is, how thankful they are, and how honored and loved she is. It’s all just a regurgitation of the carefully honed adoption marketing massage. Really, read the materials and stop parroting, please.
Sometimes she is unknown and mythical; the “Dear Birthmother” at the end of a letter posted on some slick adoption agency website vying for her pregnant attention. Other times, she is the unknown fantasy; the original mother now lost, leaving her child to wax philosophic thanks for her courageous choice to grant them a life well lived with opportunity and loving parents. Other times she is know; the respected first mother of a loved child in an open adoption, granted pictures, updates and even visits. I often wonder what these mothers would honestly say if they were not tempered by the binds of the birthmother rules and the threat of lost contact did not quiet their voices. (That’s a lie, I know what many of them say and that they fear being authentic and losing contact with their children). Other times she is really known, open and honest, and still well meaning folks state that she did the best she could at the time and the relinquishment, by default, was good. Even when she says these things herself, we have to ask if it is the adoption Kool-Aid speaking or fog or, even worse, birthmother justification.
On the other side, the birthmother is a horrific figure. The natural tendency to vilify the unnatural act of choosing to be separated from one’s child overrides all compassion. She is damned for her original sexual impulses that created the conception while no blame is often cast on her assuming lay very willing partner. She is berated for her stupidity of allowing the pregnancy to occur in the first place whether or not the sex was consensual, birth control, used and failed. The morality of abortion is often ignored and the thankfulness of “choosing life” forgotten in the damnation of her surrender. Her possible love of her child is conflicted with her ability to leave the same baby. She is a bad for even considering adoption as so many others envision that they “could never do THAT”. The concepts of coercion, desperate measures, rocks and hard places discredited.
Often, the worst birthmother contempt stems from a parent, often a father it seems, of children adopted from foster care. While these views come from the personal journey of these families and the anger is due to real failures of one mother to protect these particular children, painting all birthmothers as abusive is so very wrong. For others, it is a general ignorance of the adoption industry and practices approved in Adoptionland such as the promises of open adoption. God forbid she has the audacity to think she has a right to access the child she gave birth to because those were the conditions for which she relinquished. There is no birthmother cake served here! She is expected to back under the rock of which she came, keep happy with whatever scrapes provided, and continue to be a baby vending machine. Apparently, once a woman relinquishes once, she should never dare to parent another, but to repeat the process and provide more babies to feed the needs of deserving parents. Sometimes, it is the adoptee who casts blame, even if blanketed with thankfulness, and her existence is deemed less than desirable..the lost life together assumed to be worst the life legally contrived.
Smart selfless family building angel who should be honored and thanked or irresponsible slut who would have abused her baby, now abandoned to those willing to step up and make the sacrifices she was too stupid to do herself?
Neither is often real and both versions hurt us all.
A birthmother is no different than any other human being on this planet. She is not missing some essential gene that allows her to leave her baby and not experience the same feelings as any other mother. She is not a willing participant in the adoption industry, but is simply a person who finds herself in a situation from which there are no obvious positive outcome. Little girls do not desire to grow up and join the ranks of this sorrowful sisterhood. The relinquishment and adoption of her baby is often just thought of the lesser of all evils and taught to be best for the child in question. Of course, the information given to most mothers considering adoption by the majority of adoption professionals is geared to that view and does not reflect a true informed choice made due to risks and consequences of adoption for both mother and child hidden.
She is not a saint. She is not a whore. She is a woman faced with one of the most awful concepts a mother can imagine: the willing separation of one’s child for life.
Saints or sluts are not real. They are labels use to dehumanize the relinquishment experience. Both are used to separate the birthmother form the rest of the population and create impossible social contracts from which any person, birthmother of not, cannot continue to love within. The saint cannot admit to the pain and the slut does not deserve to feel the love. Polar opposites and not realistic for anyone. Not helpful for anyone. Not healthy for anyone.
A Birthmother feels nothing less than the next mother on the street even if her own life is damaged in some way, even if she is lacking, deemed a loser, or made poor choices. The mother of a kidnapped teen, a missing adult child, siblings lost in a custody battle, the victim of a shooting, an illness such as cancer; we acknowledge and sympathies in that mother s pain, but the birthmother is damned or sainted while her same feelings are dismissed.
We have got to stop this. Stop glorifying the birthmother. Stop vilifying the birthmother. Accept that each and every one of us is simply a real human being who found themselves caught in the crossfire of life and took the bullet.
Whether we jumped in the line of fire, walked in dangerous places, took risks, or protected or failed another, the shot fired was mortal and went straight to the heart. We all bleed the same color red and the mother we were meant to be has died. The wound simple hurts. That is a the stereotype and label that you can apply to any birthmother. We hurt.
WHO: Inside Out Adoption
WHEN: Saturday, May 18th, 2013 10:00am until 6:00pm
WHERE: TBD
WEBSITE: Inside Out Adoption
The seminar offers the opportunity to identify deep wounds and challenges, and use creative expression and spiritual practices to foster healing. Created and facilitated by Craig Hyman and Patrick McMahon.
REGISTRATION FEE: $100 Includes all materials.
To Register, please visit: http://
I haven’t been to NYC for a while now, but I took the opportunity to head down to the City on March 30 for the Inside Out Adoption Healing Seminar in NYC. I will confess: I didn’t think I had any real reason to go for “healing”, but rather, was interested in having a chance to meet both Patrick and Craig in person and thought that if I went; I could help with some promotion and review of their project. After all, I do adoption work all the time, right? So I shouldn’t have any more issues or wounds, right?
Wrong.
I was sitting on the bus, waiting to get home and I was amazed at the what ended up bubbling forth. Not that I am a skeptic on the need for healing, or finding issues, but I had really managed to convince myself that I had control of that volcano of emotion. It is a testament to both Craig and Patrick that the program they are perfecting is a very helpful tool for identifying areas that are still needing some attention. I’m coming home with a new shopping list of things that require further exploration. Read more
Many adoptive parents and adoptees are up in arms regarding the recent statement by John Eastman, chairman of the National Organization for Marriage. In his argument against the Supreme Court’s review of DOMA and California’s Prop 8, he said:
You’re looking at what is the best course societywide to get you the optimal result in the widest variety of cases. That often is not open to people in individual cases. Certainly adoption in families headed, like Chief Roberts’ family is, by a heterosexual couple, is by far the second-best option.
The effect of this comment “Adoption is a second best option” has, as Adam Pertman writes in HuffPo, “blood of millions of people throughout the United States and beyond…. boiling” and the internet response has begun! Read more
If you do not know who Sandy Musser is or what she has done for Adoption Land, read this and then considering that she has been doing this work since 1976 and is asking for your help. Please Help Sandy Musser.
Since the birth of our nation there have always been individuals in the forefront of their movement who were known as “radical.” What exactly does it mean to be radical? In checking with Webster, we find that the word has two primary meanings – revolutionary and fundamental. Synonyms of revolutionary are nonconformist, rebel rouser, ringleader, but also activist and reformer. The word fundamental means such things as basic, essential, innate, original and constitutional – certainly these terms are appropriate to our discussion here today. Read more
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