What are the Costs of Adoption? Is Adoption Trauma?

Avid adoption separation trauma

Separating mother and child causes varying degrees of lifelong trauma for both. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, please listen to the mothers of adoption loss and more importantly, the adoptees. Educate yourself of the effect adoption will have on both of you before it’s too late.
Anyone (including agencies) that will gain if your baby is adopted will NOT inform you read more…

Anonymous Third Party Reproduction Ignores Children’s Rights and Welfare

By Mirah Riben Sheena and Tiara Yates, a New Jersey couple and parents of two, are challenging the visitation rights of the biological father of their second child. It will be interesting to see if the courts, in deciding this case, will base their decision solely on the legal rights of the parents, or if they take into account the rights and best interest of the child created.
The Yates’ child was conceived privately for the lesbian couple with a sperm donor who signed a legal contract terminating his parental rights. The law in New Jersey, however, upholds third party reproductive contracts only when the insemination is conducted in a medical facility, and this conception occurred privately.
The law is the same for heterosexual married couples as it is for same sex couples, with one hitch. Parental right laws are based on the assumption of the husband being the father of all children produced during the marriage. While some states — including New Jersey — allow for exceptions with proof of paternity, in the case of lesbian conception, that exception is null.
Concern has been raised that laws requiring the use of a medical facility read more…

My Desperate Plea – Searching – October 29, 1993, Kingsport, Tennessee

By AstridBeeMom There are SO many people that are searching for birth family or for the child they relinquished. I know that this may seem like one of the many thousands, but I really need everyone’s help here. Tawney is such a wonderful person. She has been through so much as a birthmom. More than anything I want to be able to give her the gift of knowing that her daughter is alive, happy, and healthy.Even though her child’s adoption was done in 1993, it was a traditionally closed adoption and she knows next to nothing. I have watched this brave mama celebrate in the reunions of others, help in searches for other people, and still have no peace of her own to be found. I hate that I have not been able to help her, or the many other people that have tried. I know Tawney’s daughter is out there somewhere and, as a last resort, I am hoping that social media can help us find her.
Tawney has two Facebook pages to assist in her search. The first is October 29, 1993 Searching for My Daughter 10-29-1993 Kingsport, TN and the second is October 29, read more…

How to Find Your Child’s Adoptive Parents – A Step by Step Guide

By AstridBeeMom With an alarming number of women who were promised open adoptions having the door slammed shut in their face, I thought I would write about some methods that can be used in order to solve this problem. Almost every search group will not search for a child until they are 18 or 21 years of age, regardless of whether or not it was supposed to be an open adoption. However, I think that searching for adoptive parents, who promised to always keep you in the loop, is something that all first moms should know how to do.
Most women who were promised open adoptions would probably not have even considered adoption,at all, if they knew they would spend years wondering if their child was healthy or, at the very least,alive. The promise of open adoption does seem to lure in a good number of mothers who would not otherwise have signed the dotted line. This “glamorizing” or “dolling-up” of adoption is a way to fill the demand for babies. While a good number of adoptive parents do keep their promises (and should be given kudos for read more…

Happiness vs Contentment

By Lori Holden Which do you pursue: happiness or contentment? And do you perceive a difference between them? ~~~~~ I wasn’t a Spanish major, but I do remember learning when to use ser, “to be,” and when to use estar, also “to be.” The former has to do with identity — I am a wife and mother – … Continue reading Happiness vs Contentment →
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The update to “Newly Minted Birthmoms”

By AstridBeeMom AstridBeeMom:Pay attention.
Originally posted on Adoption: Second Generation Birthmom:
This in an update to the post Newly Minted Birthmoms. It is in response to me flipping out over yet another Newly Minted Birthmom with her head in the clouds claiming that she’s at peace with her decision and that she has no regrets. Then I ask the question “how old is your child?” and I get the answer I was fully expecting…Yep…under 3 yrs. For those of you who haven’t read Newly Minted Birthmoms, here is the link. This post will make so much more sense if you read that first. https://adoptionbirthmom.wordpress.com/2014/12/01/newly-minted-birthmoms/

Here’s the thing. Newly minted birthmoms are a whole other breed of brainwashed. I don’t say it to be cruel, only to say that the brand of koolaid the adoption industry is peddling now, I think is the most dangerous batch ever made. The changes to the “formula”over the years have made the physiological effects of adoption…
View original 3,161 more wordsFiled under: Uncategorized read more…

Finally! Accurate Data on Profits in Adoption

380 .9 million profits adoption

So if out of the 14.1 billion is 100% of the revenue, adoption’s 8.2% equals $1,156,200,000.00 in revenue and out of the $380,900,000.00 in profits, adoption’s 8.2% portion results in $31,233,800.00.
Now this “adoption” category does includes both licensed agencies and unlicensed facilitators that arrange adoptions, but does NOT seem to include the attorneys and legal fees.
So REALLY if we want to sound like we know what we are talking about then Adoption services by agencies and facilitators ALONE are supposed to bring in over 30 MILLION dollars in PROFIT in 2015. read more…

A Case For Adoption

By AstridBeeMom Every couple of years or so I go through the folder in my filing cabinet labeled “adoption.” This is where I store all pertinent papers in regards to my relinquishment of IKL. It is a “keepsake” folder of sorts, as I literally put every paper I received during that time in it. For 14 years a little purple book entitled, “A Case For Adoption” has remained in that folder and I’ve never even read it. I didn’t read it when I was pregnant and I didn’t read it after relinquishment. I acquired it on accident. Among some hand-outs and other “informational” paperwork I was given by my agency, this was left behind, in my home. I assumed it was meant to be left, and have all these years. Several months ago I decided to skim the pages with my newly “out of the fog” eyes. It appeared to be some sort of handbook on how to convince expectant mothers to relinquish their babies. Tonight I decided to read it from front to back and I just had to share it with you all.
There read more…

When the Lost Get Found

By Laura Marie Scoggins
In all of us there is a hunger, marrow-deep, to know our heritage-to know who we are and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning. No matter what our attainments in life, there is still a vacuum, an emptiness, and the most disquieting loneliness. – Alex Haley, Roots

It was a cold January day with snow on the ground and ice on the roads when I drove to the small rural Indiana town where my birth mom lived. My adoption file had just been opened by the State of Indiana upon the discovery of her death. After 36 years I finally knew her name. I had the address where she grew up and where my grandmother still lived. A two year search with fake names, road blocks, and closed doors culminated in this moment.
My first stop was the local library where I piled old yearbooks high on the table to look for photos of my mom and her siblings. The first book I grabbed was from 1965 because I knew that was the year she graduated. read more…

A Question for Birthmothers: Nurses and the Hospital During Relinquishment

online information about adoption

Looking for examples of experiences where a hospital nurse directly interacted with a mom and in some way pushed an unwanted opinion on adoption. Whether or not this opinion resulted in a changed outcome isn’t as important as what was said, how it was said and how it made you feel. read more…

Surviving Or Thriving

By Laura Marie Scoggins

A comment was made on the Surviving Adopted Facebook Page that I should change the title to Thriving Adopted because surviving has such a negative connotation.
Here’s the difference:
Thrive – grow or develop vigorously. to prosper and flourish.
Survive – continue to live or exist in spite of danger or hardship, to remain alive, sustain oneself, pull through, hold on.
I’m in the portion of the story where I am telling the “nice” version on my life adopted and how I survived. It is not a woe is me pity party kinda story. It is a look what I survived and overcame and see all God has done in my life kinda story.
I began baton twirling at the age of three and entered my first competition at the age of five. My adopted mother was a baton twirling instructor. The ironic thing about this is the fact that she briefly worked with the majorettes at my birth mother’s high school back in the 1960’s during the time she was in high school and in the band.
I competed read more…

1001th: Just Keep Driving

By Lori Holden I’ve been unmotivated to post anew because…this. But I guess when your car’s odometer passes 100K, you just keep on driving. ~~~~~ I had a post syndicated on BlogHer earlier this month and I invite you to check it out. Get your sexy on with these 5 yoga poses (some of them a skosh more … Continue reading 1001th: Just Keep Driving →
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The Adoptee Survey

By AstridBeeMom I was asked, recently, if I would be willing to do an adoptee survey similar to the one I did for birthmothers. I do not pretend to know the first thing about being an adoptee but I have prepared myself for the questions that I am asking by listening very carefully to other adoptees. I have done a lot of reading the past two days in order to gain some insight as to what questions need to be asked. I hope that this survey does my adoptee friends, and the adoption community as a whole, justice. It is so very important to listen to the voices of adoptees, as we learned in #FlipTheScript. If you are an adoptee and would like to participate in this survey it can be found here: Adoptee Survey by Musings of a Birthmom
I thank you, in advance, for your participation!
-AstridFiled under: Adoptee Voices

Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

The Yard Stick

By Laura Marie Scoggins
I started playing piano at a young age. I think first grade. I’ve always loved music, and I think I would have been good at it except there was only one problem. My mother sitting on the couch next to the piano nagging, criticizing, nit picking, and yelling. Then I would start crying and refuse to practice anymore. That’s when the yard stick would come out. Yes, she used it. No, it did not motivate me to practice. After a couple years of this she finally gave up and let me quit. She sold the piano.
Oh how I wish I could play the piano today. Musical talent runs in my family (birth family that is). I have it, I’m pretty sure my daughter has it even though she was an athlete and only played the clarinet in junior high, and my granddaughter…oh my…that child definitely has musical talent!
When I was in about the sixth grade I was diagnosed with Scholiosis (curvature of the spine). It was detected in one of those school screenings where they have all the girls come into a room, take their shirts off, bend over, read more…

The Shame and Blame Game

By Laura Marie Scoggins
Recently I scanned photos from family photo albums to digitize everything. They were photos from my parents childhoods all the way up to current day. One common theme I noticed was how miserable my mother looked in so many of those photos. What caused that look on her face? What demons was she fighting? What caused her to panic and obsessively worry about everything to the point that she sits around inventing things to worry about, become so bitter and angry to the point that she makes everyone around her miserable often to the point of physical symptoms? What caused all the constant strife and yelling?
When I was in Kindergarten there was one day where the parents were to come and visit the child’s classroom. That day my mom fell walking into the school and broke her arm in two places. It was a serious break. Our next door neighbor came to pick us up at school and took my mom to the hospital. In the car my mom was yelling and screaming. She taught baton twirling read more…

The DNA Test

By AstridBeeMom For Christmas I got myself a 23andMe DNA test. Some people wondered why. Most people who utilize these tests are extreme genealogy buffs or are in search of biological family. Because of my experiences working as a search angel in various different groups I have been able to develop a deep appreciation for tests such as these. Furthermore, a deep appreciation for the fact that these tests mean nothing unless more people like me, who are not adopted, submit our DNA.
Yes, I am a birthmother, but DNA will play no role in the life of the daughter I relinquished in regards to her quest to find me. She will never need to search. Her adoptive parents hold all the answers to my location. And if, for some reason, she is unable to obtain that information from them, she will only need to look to the courts in the state she was born in. My notarized signature is on file. She has permission to have her original birth certificate. The fact that read more…