What are the Costs of Adoption? Is Adoption Trauma?

Avid adoption separation trauma

Separating mother and child causes varying degrees of lifelong trauma for both. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, please listen to the mothers of adoption loss and more importantly, the adoptees. Educate yourself of the effect adoption will have on both of you before it’s too late.
Anyone (including agencies) that will gain if your baby is adopted will NOT inform you read more…

The Paradox of Adoption Grief {Book Review & Givaway}

By Laura Marie Scoggins
It has been 15 years since I found out my birth mother died of breast cancer. My story had a lot of twists and turns until two years later I was able to walk into the office of Catholic Charities and obtain her true identity. How those events unfolded and why it took so long is a long story.
Search, reunion and even the post reunion years involve a lot of highs and lows. It’s like a roller coaster ride with many twists and turns.
The past two weeks have been bittersweet for me because on March 20 my birth state of Ohio became an open records state, and the following Monday on March 23 my adopted state of Indiana tabled the open legislation bill for possible amendments. Sometimes it seems like the roller coaster ride never ends.
Yesterday I sat glued to social media reading the posts of Ohio adoptees who started receiving their OBC’s in the mail. Tears of joy streamed down my face as I read their stories unfolding and marveled and the support and read more…

NY Times Interview Request for Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

By AstridBeeMom The New York Times is working on a piece about adoption from a birthmother/expectant mother point of view. Emily Brennan has already conducted interviews with many birthmothers. I, myself, have already interviewed with Emily and I think you will find, should you decide to interview with her yourself, that she does a very good job and is totally up front. Currently, Emily is seeking expectant mothers who are considering adoption, at any level, for her article. If you are an expectant mother considering adoption, please see the email, from Emily, below.
Thanks!
NY Times Interview Request

For a New York Times article, I am interested in speaking to pregnant women who are considering adoption for their child. I’m open to speaking to women at any level of consideration, from those who are already in touch with an agency to those who have given it just a passing thought. I’d like to ask you about your life and your circumstances to understand how adoption first came to mind. I’m particularly interested in talking to women who already have a child or children at home. Most of read more…

Voices of Adoptees – The Results of the Adoptee Survey

By AstridBeeMom The thought had never even crossed my mind. I did a birthmother survey and that was all I ever expected to do as far as polls go. However, first I had one, then a few more, adoptees ask if I would consider doing a survey of adoptees. Like my birthmother survey, I’m sure it was viewed as a chance for everyone’s voices to be heard. I knew that it would be more difficult to come up with questions for adoptees to answer as I was not an adopted person. The birthmother survey had been almost a no-brainer since I have been active in birthmom communities for about two years now. I understood the many struggles and varied histories of all of us. I was not an adopted person and had no idea where to even start with a survey for adoptees. So, the first thing I did was to take to mixed support groups. The ones where all members of the triad are welcome. I read, I read more…

Withholding Information from Adopted Kids

By Lori Holden This is part 2 of the Parenting GPS series, in which I’m sharing Q&As from a webinar I delivered recently on openness and embryo adoption (or donation — pick the term that works for you), which is similar in many ways to traditional adoption. In fact, many of the questions that arose from the Nightlight … Continue reading Withholding Information from Adopted Kids →
The post Withholding Information from Adopted Kids appeared first on Lavender Luz.

Read at the Source: :

How Can Closed People Be Nudged Toward Openness?

By Lori Holden I delivered a webinar recently through Nightlight’s Embryo Adoption Center. I was delighted to have a chance to address this new-to-me audience, people who are in the middle of making family-building decisions. Because why wouldn’t we transfer what we now know about parenting people who grow up adopted to parenting people who grow up as … Continue reading How Can Closed People Be Nudged Toward Openness? →
The post How Can Closed People Be Nudged Toward Openness? appeared first on Lavender Luz.

Read at the Source: :

The Trauma of Mothers Who Have Lost Children to Adoption

By Mirah Riben In a public hearing before the Assembly Institutions, Health and Welfare Committee on Adoption, December 9, 1981, in Trenton, New Jersey, attorney Harold Cassidy made the following impassioned plea:There is a need for us in society to learn to know the women who have come to call themselves ‘birth-mothers.’ They are women who know that a child is part of his mother forever… They know the pain of wanting what is best for the child they love, while society tells them that what is best is that they never see that child again… They know the neverending grief of being continually denied what every portion of their souls demands: the knowledge that their children are well.
We, as a society, have perpetrated the crudest deception. What we have believed to be altruistic has been, in reality, destructive. We have sought to create without any understanding of how much we destroy in the process.
Birth parents now know that separating a mother and her child is not in the best interests of either of them. Their enormous sacrifice was based on society’s misconceptions. The adoptees’ sense of read more…

Life in Limbo

By AstridBeeMom My last personal update was in the middle of January so I figured it was time to write again. I’ve been struggling a bit more with things, in regards to adoption, and I think that getting it all out would be helpful. I am almost finished writing a memoir novella about the time of my pregnancy, birth and the following weeks. I know this has taken its toll on my emotional health as revisiting that time period is always difficult, let alone writing about it. At the same time, it is healing to get it all out. I plan to self publish on Kindle with the majority of the proceeds going to our new organization “Saving Our Sisters” for family preservation efforts.
So where am I now? I feel as though my life is in a perpetual state of limbo. I am always waiting for the next communication, the next picture, the next update. As of lately my thoughts have obsessively gone to everything adoption. I play out endless amounts of scenarios in my head. In some scenarios IKL comes to visit with her adoptive parents and we all have a great time and continue read more…

A Look at the Laws: Termination of Parental Rights for Fathers and Mothers – Who Does It Protect?

By AstridBeeMom When we talk about domestic infant adoption, who do the laws, which vary by state, really protect? Do they protect the biological or expectant mother? What about the alleged or assumed father? The prospective adoptive parents? How about the child in question? There are fifty states, plus the District of Columbia, within the United States. Each state has their own laws and rules that are governed under more broad federal laws. While most states follow the same general guidelines, some states are uniquely different. Let’s take a quick look at the general practices from most states.
Generally speaking, the most accepted standard of practice, and laws, state that a mother cannot sign a consent to adoption or termination of parental rights unless 72 hours (3 days) has passed from the time of the baby’s birth. Most states allow for no revocation period but do allow for the consent to be challenged if duress or coercion can be proven. Some states don’t even allow for the revocation of consent if duress or coercion can be proven, but most do. In regards to the alleged or assumed father, most read more…

The Unknown

By Lori Holden Let’s say you get wind that someone unknown to you is checking you out. Perusing pages and pages your blog. Or angling to get your attention via various social media platforms. Or asking about you in your offline life. Whether online or in “real” life, you get the sense that someone is gathering information about … Continue reading The Unknown →
The post The Unknown appeared first on Lavender Luz.

Read at the Source: :

Extension of Adoptee Survey – Still Need More Participants! Please Share!

By AstridBeeMom Tomorrow would be the final day to participate in the adoptee survey I have running that can be found here: Adoptee Survey by Musings of a Birthmom
However, with only 191 respondents, I feel that I need to extend it until I have at least 300 completed surveys. It is at this point that I would like to encourage you all to share this survey and fill it out if you have not done so already. Not many surveys like this exist and the results should be interesting.
Thank you!
AstridFiled under: Adoptee Voices, survey

Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

Ohio Opens Sealed Adoption Records

By Laura Marie Scoggins
Today is Independence Day for Ohio adoptees. Today is the day that 400,000 Ohio adoptees from the closed records adoption era are finally allowed legal access to their original birth certificate. Records for adoptions before 1964 and after September 1996 were not sealed, but for those of us adopted during the years in between our records were. Today we finally have access to those records.
I was born in Cincinnati, Ohio in 1965 but adopted in Evansville, Indiana. Catholic Charities in Evansville, Indiana sent my mother to St. Joseph Infant and Maternity Home in Cincinnati, Ohio where I was born. Twelve days after my birth I was adopted by a family in Evansville. My birth certificate was altered to say that I was born in Indiana.
Today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. I am supposed to be in Columbus, Ohio today. I scheduled time off from work months ago. My daughter went to great lengths to rearrange her busy schedule, take off work, and make plans for her six year old to stay home with daddy for a few days. I made hotel reservations read more…

Illinois SB1670 Decreasing the Rights of Natural Parents to Their Children

More Garbage the Pretends to “Save” Babies; There is an amendment comin’ down the pike that will make it even more difficult for a mother who may have relinquished her infant under Illinois’ Abandoned Newborn Infant Protection Act change her mind and get her child back. And will codify that the child will have a foundling birth certificate. read more…

A Reunion Question- When Your Relinquished Child Wants to Live with You

adoptee coming home to live with birthmotheer.

Please share your challenges, problems, solutions, and experiences IF your relinquished child has lived with you again post adoption reunion? Or better yet IF you are an adoptee who did move back and live with your original family, what worked? What didn’t? What did you need that you didn;t get or wish had happened? And yes, please use the gift of hindsight to apply to your lessons learned! read more…

Anonymous IF – The Question of Pre-Birth Matching

By AstridBeeMom The topic of pre-birth matching is a hot one. On one hand, an expectant mother would like to get to know the people that will ultimately (if she does indeed decide to go through with an adoption) parent her child. On the other, the emotional and psychological issues that go with such a delicate relationship often do have an affect on a mother’s decision, in the end.
Developing a relationship with a prospective adoptive couple, for an expectant mother, will undoubtedly include huge emotional investments on both sides. Adoption agencies and attorneys teach both parties about the importance of a “good match” being made. After all, you will have these people in your life for the rest of your life, like it or not. To determine whether or not it is a “good match” you would have to make a huge emotional investment, wouldn’t you? Not necessarily. For an expectant mother, this will likely be more important. What does an expectant mother lose, once she becomes a birthmother, if she does not have a solid emotional investment in the relationship between her and her child’s adoptive read more…

Scandalous Stepmother Tries to Terminate Father’s Parental Rights

By AstridBeeMom **Names have been changed for privacy and legal reasons**
Fathers. They are the most under-recognized victims of unethical adoptions. But this reaches far further than just domestic infant adoption. All over the internet you will find hundreds of “Fathers Rights” groups, pages, and resources. You would think that in this day and age it would not be so easy for a woman to systematically eliminate a father from a child’s life. You would be wrong.
Today I will tell you a story. It is the story of a cousin that is more like a brother to me. It’s a sad story and will end even sadder without the help of social media. I am hoping that by sharing we will be able to stop two more unnecessary adoptions.
Wayne and I were born 8 days apart. Our mothers are sisters. We have always been close and lived together on and off for almost half of our childhoods. We’ve both had our issues, in life, in the past. We’ve both made mistakes. We’ve both done things we weren’t proud of, but here we are today, still standing, still fighting, still trying to do right read more…