Censoring the Truth and Issuing Lies

So I get this package in the mail. It comes certified and I have to sign for it, so I do. I already have received the hardcopy of the latest Cease and Desist, so it’s not that, plus it’s too heavy for just a C&D.  Without further thought, I open this package and truthfully, I am still rather confused. It’s recent legal docs issued by Adopting by Gentle Care in Carri’s case. It has no cover letter. Nothing that informs me why I am getting a copy, but it looks to have come from THEIR side though I don’t know the lawyer who sent it even by name. The whole things strikes me as amusing as they don’t WANT me to have access to the court documents, but then they send them? Really? 

I read. Now, this document is plastered with my name. I know that AGC really HATES what has been posted here about them. I can’t say I disagree. Personally, I wish I didn’t have to. The world would be a much better place if I didn’t have to keep talking about this agency as it would mean that Camden has been returned home to Carri, but that’s not my decision and it out of my hands. All I can do is keep updating to the best of my ability what happens as this story moves forward, so I do. I do believe it is vitally important that people see and understand what is happening in the name of adoption. It’s really important that the truth about the tactics used to separate mothers and children be understood. And yes, it is very important that Adoption by Gentle Care be held accountable for their actions. All I can do is really state what I know and even then, there is MUCH I cannot state, so I do not, but I do the best I can. Some things I do get wrong because information is not forthcoming. I report on things as they unfurl as it happens. SO I think they really just hate me because I am saying things that they do not want anyone saying. It’s pretty obviously that they are doing all they can to ensure that people do not find about how Adoption by Gentle Care operates. They do not want people knowing the truth.

Yet, there is something quite challenging about the truth. It’s not based on opinions. It’s not based on what we wish might be happening. It’s not based on our desires for others to see us in a way that we would like. The truth, in the end, is based on facts. And no matter what others might try to do to cover up that truth, in the end, it’s always there and just begging to be uncovered.

Poor Poor Adoption By Gentle Care aka Crybabies

So this document tells the tale of the this “poor” agency who is just being subjected to the horror of what people are saying about them on the internet. This is, apparently, all my fault. I am a crazed “anti-adoption blogger“. They seem to really like throwing the words “anti-adoption” about as some kind of insult. I am guessing that that label might be included so that the court might think me less stable or biased in some way? Or maybe they think it’s some kind of insult? It’s not.

Anyway, I and my cohorts have apparently some master plan to smear the agency with some nightmare adoption fantasy we have made up for no good reason other than our own dark sick desires or so the story goes. But what is very clear is that Adoption by Gentle Care has an innate ability to keep lying and it seems that right now they are lying to the courts. Their version of the story goes like this; “They are mean and keep saying bad things about us. We ‘drag” others into this saga. We have “perused a campaign of harassment” against “adoptive families” and the result of that campaign is that the first adoptive family disrupted the potential adoption of Camden  “largely out of fear an concerned that their personal information was being published in the internet.”

Now that’s would be all well and good, once again, if that was TRUE. However, once again, we need to go look to the facts to see what is actually the truth.

A Factual Timeline of the Supposed “Harassment”

Now, I first spoke to Carri on April 24th, 2014. That was a Wednesday.

The first post about AGC  went out on April 26th, 2014 and on that same day, the Saturday, we were able to identify the pre-adoptive family based on their still public parent profile listed on AGC’s waiting families. It took us about 13 hours and the majority of that was done on my own Facebook profile page. Once they were located, I did something I normally do NOT do, which is to delete the thread as I didn’t want AGC to see that we knew  who the family was.

Now, here is where this gets interesting. It appears that the truth is that the original family started to consider returning Camden on that same day. At this point, there was nothing public published with their names nor had ANY contact been made with them at all, with the exception of that now deleted FB thread. Again, I did NOT, at this point, tip our hand and publish any photos of the profile nor their images or anything. Their identity was completely under wraps. So how could the family have known anything about anyone finding them?  AGC had to have told them because they already knew to watch my page and saw that we had identified the family. I will concede they were slightly smarter than I gave them initial credit for as they watched my page earlier than I had thought and have been adding to their screen shot collection for the entire time frame.

However, unbeknown to anyone, the original family and AGC were already in contact as the family was considering returning Camden as they were concerned about the lifelong ramifications of keeping a baby away from his mother and having to look over their shoulders… again before anything had even happened on this end at all.

I however, did not know this, so on April 27th, the Sunday, I sent out the email to the family. You can see the whole content of that letter here. As it was emailed, on Monday, April 28th, I printed a copy and stuck it in the mail to ensure that it was recovered. I am always wary of sending emails to strangers least they get stuck in spam boxes. I can assume that the email was received, but even if it was not, the simple fact remains that sending communication whether by email or through the postal service is not illegal. It’s a letter, people, not a pipe bomb. It was actually a really nice, sympathetic and understand letter that only pointed out some simple truths that I did not believe AGC would volunteer to inform the family about even if the facts had a very real and important effect upon said family. Again, I refuse to apologize for sending a letter that simply gives people information that they have a RIGHT to know.

And they did have a right to know it as they did change their mind about the adoption.

In fact, on TUESDAY MORNING  April 29th, indeed, AGC social workers went to their home to pick up Camden and then subsequently he was put into the first of TWO foster homes.  It seems that AGC has also conveniently forgotten that the first foster home Camden was placed with asked for him to be moved after a few weeks and then he went to foster home number two.

Again, I did not know this and went ahead later on Tuesday and Wednesday, April 30th,  releasing a Press Release to the public which did state their names. Now, this was not done our of a desire to distress or vilify the family. Truthfully, I have always hoped, and that hope was indeed realized- that they were good honest folks who actually wouldn’t want to be part of an ongoing public adoption battle where they would have to be fighting a mother for the right to parent her child in the media. That press released was pulled on Wednesday evening due to a complaint filed saying that the family was NOT involved in the adoption of Camden. I had no idea at the time if this was true or not; it might have been (and it was) but there was also the very real possibility that it was just a complaint filed to get the information pulled off. It had not even been out for 24 hours. I did republish the PR without the families names. Also, on the 30th, some of the photos of the family, WITHOUT THEIR NAMES, was provided to the Give Carri Back her Baby page… as the idea was simply to show the equality of this adoption and beg to question both the need and the “betterness” assumed in these situations.

Where is the Harassment? What True Threat ?

So just to be clear: By the time that the original family’s names were at all given to the public media in the PR on the 29th, the original family had ALREADY DECIDED that they didn’t want to be part this adoption proceeding and it was NOT because they were “harassed” but because they were concerned about the issue of parenting a child when the biological parent was fighting for him.

Adoption by Gentle Care is well aware of this and still has chosen to present a version of the timeline that was authored by Hollywood script writer intent on creativity rather than the actual facts. To the courts no less. You know, that place where you are supposed to be totally truthful?

As a side note, on May 6th, I did receive a confirming C&D email from the family’s lawyer and, after happily thanking both her for the information and requesting that my appreciation for their ethical decision be shared with them, I immediately took down all the photos that were taken from AGC’s public parent profile.  Yup, that’s me. The evil anti-adoption harasser thanking folks and cheerfully submitting to my cease and desists letters.

So the factual timeline of events does indeed show that  what Adoption by Gentle Care states as fact to the courts –  that the adoptive family disrupted the potential adoption of Camden largely out of fear an concerned that their personal information was being published in the internet – is completely false. Again, one might wonder why  any agency would go so far as to lie about how things went down. I mean, if they are so damn confident in what they are doing and how they are so in the right, then why not just tell the truth?

Who is the Victim Here?

Again, it is because the truth hurts them and therefore is the very thing that they MUST try to cover up. See, by pretending that they are so wronged, so hurt, and all us evil anti-adoption crazies are just out to get them for no reason, then they are desperately trying to somehow garnish some sympathy for their own actions. They are purposely misleading the court, even though they KNOW the events in question did not happen the way they are telling the story to a judge, because it, again, makes them look better and THEY benefit from being cast as the victims.

When in reality, a victim is about as far as one could get away from the truth. It’s actually more like AGC is acting like an arrogant teenager who was caught in a lie and like a child, instead of just owning up to what they did wrong and accepting the consequences of their actions, they just keep on lying. I have mental images of Trina Saunders stomping her feet like a petulant toddler in the midst of a tantrum;

“No! I’m NOT giving that baby back to that chick! I HATE her!”

I wonder sometimes if they have actually lied so much that they actually believe their own lies as they are so desperately clinging to them for redemption. It seems that every time they accuse us of something is already an action that they themselves are horribly guilty of – can we say projection much? Like can they really be so unaware that they cannot see that they are the perpetrators in this tale? That they are the ones victimizing EVERYONE else involved?

I wouldn’t be surprised if the people who have Camden aren’t all  paranoid and watching to see if anyone is following them in the expected dented white vans. Sad to have to basically terrorize folks to cover up one’s own bad behavior.

When a Adoption Agency Misuses It’s Power

Now the simple fact is that Adoption By Gentle Care can act as the oppressor and be this way because they are the ones with literally all the power.

Due to the way  adoption laws work, one a mother signs the consent, ALL control of the child goes to the agency and they are the ones who can return the baby or move the baby form one adoptive family to another. Literally, the laws allows an agency to basically “own” a child and be able to give that child to whomever they want, whenever they want. It doesn’t matter that the biological mother wants the child. It doesn’t matter that the potential adoptive family thought the child should go back to his mother. It doesn’t matter that the child is being hurt and in his best interests he should be returned to his biological family. It doesn’t matter who believes that Camden should go home, or how wrong the law is, or that this is just an injustice. Really, all that matters her is that AGC can do whatever they want with Camden and they have. And while the Juvenile court in August did uphold the consent, I still content that this was the incorrect ruling, and as the case is being appeals, I have little doubt that the Court of Appeals will see the truth and do the right thing.

However the worst thing for Adoption by Gentle Care is to have people know that this is what is happening and that Camden is without a real home due to the actions of this agency. AGC is desperate to try to recast themselves in the role of “unexpected hero” or something more like the “vicitmized underdog”??  So they are trying to literally censor the entire internet to prevent people from talking about the truth.  While they seem to claim that they are just very very concerned that the transcripts will be released publicly, which I already know is not something that we can legally do:

public use of transcipts


In other words; I’m NOT going to release the transcripts for public use, so chill out.

They also are very concerned that they don’t want other potential adoptive families of Camden being told about the facts of this case.  Because, again, you know- getting a LETTER in the mail is so very horrible. Now I am not sure if it is the fact that it’s a letter from me, an unknown stranger? Or maybe because I live in NY and those Ohio folks are scared of us bad New Yorkers? I mean, I know I got a TON of LETTERS in the mail from all my congressman and other potential legislators just last month and I wasn’t freaked out by them. If I didn’t want to read them, then I just threw them away. You know what? NOT one of those letters rose out to the trash pail at night and fatally stabbed anyone of us nor were my cats kidnapped or nothing. Really, unwanted mail is really pretty benign. I’ll send a freaking letter to anyone I want to ( except for the nice folk who said, “No more letter’s Claud.” I’m not a pest.)

Internet Censorship at it’s Worse

So.. If I know that I cannot legally share transcripts and have stated so and I don’t know where Camden actual is now anyway to send another letter should I want to, why is Adoption by Gentle Care wasting the courts time by crying to them over and over about how mean people are on social media? Like what I received in the mail is literally laughable. They have submitted screen shots of my FB status posts when I returned from England saying ” I’m back! Did you miss me Gentle Care?” and then Carri ‘s response that “I love you” is also somehow ” bad”?  The things they have taken offense to and are crying to the court about are just laughable. If a middle school student went to the principal with some of these accusations, they would be the ones labeled the troublemaker. I’d love to share the examples that they submitted, but I have no idea if I can without getting Carri in trouble! I mean, they sent it to me in the mail, but then I am not supposed to be allowed to talk about what I get in the mail?  Is this a trick question or something?

Oh yes, it is.. Adoption by  Gentle Care is trying to play a mean trick with the truth and continue to manipulate the laws to serve them best.They literally want to be able to hold Carri responsible if ANYONE says ANYTHING bad about Adoption by Gentle Care ANYWHERE on the internet!  Besides this being  completely unfair,  almost certainly impossible, I am pretty dern sure it is also unconstitutional.

And then, again, we get to the place where Adoption by Gentle Care is whining to the court to shut off the internet based on a concocted story peppered with false statements and  more mistruths. So you are lying to prevent others from knowing that you are lying? Their logic, or lack of, just kills me. If they just stopped being “butts” as my kids would say, then I wouldn’t have to talk about them being such butts.

How’s the instead? Just stop lying. Accept that you done gone and fucked up; own it and make it right. Seriously, I think your reputation would do much better of you just took the high road and stepped up to the plate.

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About the Author

Claudia Corrigan DArcy
Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. Blogging since 2005, her website Musings of the Lame has become a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. She is also an activist and avid supporter of Adoptee Rights and fights for nationwide birth certificate access for all adoptees with the Adoptee Rights Coalition. Besides here on Musings of the Lame, her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine, Adopt-a-tude.com, Lost Mothers, Grown in my Heart, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences, other radio and print interviews over the years. She resides in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, Rye, children, and various pets.

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