Before Making an Adoption Plan

before making an adoption planIf you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering giving the baby up for adoption, there are many things you should know before making an adoption plan.

In fact, there are many things that you should know about the process of adoption before you make any contact at all with a infant domestic adoption agency.

  • Even if you think it would be a good idea to make a few inquiries and get some information about their newborn adoption programs, please STOP TALKING TO THE ADOPTION AGENCIES and READ.
  • If you are already in contact with an adoption agency and talking to them about giving up your child for adoption; please STOP TALKING TO YOUR ADOPTION SOCIAL WORKER, no matter how much you like her, and READ.
  • If you have already “chosen” adoption and are worried about finding the perfect set of parents,; please STOP LOOKING AT ADOPTION SITUATIONS AND DEAR BIRTHMOTHER LETTERS ONLINE and READ.
  • If you are already matched with a lovely pre adoptive couple and have plans to pick out a changing table next week, please STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW HAPPY YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THEM  and READ really really fast.

After It’s Too Late in the Adoption Process

If you have already relinquished your rights to your child and think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, please don’t waste your time telling me that I am crazy and have no idea what I am talking about. Come back and see me in five or ten years.

If you have lost your child to adoption and realize that this post relinquishment life is not panning out exactly as the adoption agency told you it would, or are wondering why you still feel this way, or suddenly feel like you’re going to lose it, then Welcome Home.

Birthing, Labor, and Adoption Relinquishment

When You Throw the Birthing Plan Out the Window

Your adoption plan is what you think you want and how you hope it will go down, but you want it to be like right now doesn’t matter either because like labor, you really won’t be in control once you sign the relinquishment consent. That signature gives up ALL control.
I can tell you that the pain from labor fades. I cannot say the same about adoption. read more…

New Jersey’s Golden Cradle Adoption Inc; More Unethical Adoption Agency Hyjinks 

case of a revocation of an adoption relinquishment consent in Pennsylvania, but Golden Cradle Adoption is insisting that the Adoption in a New Jersey Adoption.

Met Ana; she was told that she had the 30 day revocation timeframe under PA law because she is from PA, she lives in PA, she was told the family lived in PA, and the baby was born in PA, only to now be told that it’s a New Jersey adoption. Of course, New Jersey does not have a revocation of adoption consent period recognized by law. How convenient. read more…

Birthmother Gaslighting Manipulation by the Adoption Industry

Birthmother Gaslighting Manipulation by the Adoption Industry

I know many birthmothers who have “chosen” to relinquish a child to adoption have great difficulty explaining the very subtle coercion and thought process that goes into it. It’s not so obvious to be called brainwashing. It is often not forceful enough to be openly accepted as coercion. We don’t even know or want to call ourselves “victims”. Is it the sophisticated manipulation tactic known as “Gaslighting”? read more…

Rainbow Unicorns and The Mythical Birthmother Who Wants to Relinquish Her Child

Rainbow Unicorns and The Mythical Birthmother Who Wants to Relinquish Her Child

If there are other options that CAN BE sought BEFORE adoption, then the adoption itself, not matter how happy anyone claims to be, is a tragedy. “What about the mothers who truly aren’t able to parent?” If we want adoption to really be a good thing, ethical, and used as it should then we have to then ask, ‘What is the obstacle in her way that is making it less than idea for this mother to parent this baby? read more…

The Cost of Adoption: Paying Birthmother Expenses

truth about the adoption industry profits

US Adoption Agencies routinely defraud Medicaid for birthmother medical expenses, then double bill adoptive parents and keep the profits. The cost of adoption is taken on by the American tax payer to the tun of 200 million a year! read more…

What I Didn’t Know About Adoption

Adoption aborts the mother

I’ve learned to be gentle with my younger self. I really didn’t stand a chance up against that agency. They are very good at their business. They know exactly what to say and withhold. I was a prime, easy target for them and they did not hold back. They pounced and turned the knife to the very end. read more…

How Can We Trust the Expectant Mother to Make the Choice in Adoption?

Place your baby for adoption

I feel COMPLETELY different when it comes to adoption. With abortion, I trust a women to know what she wants and exercise her right to make an informed choice. With adoption, I feel like she has no clue, cannot know what she wants and is not making an informed choice. This has plagued me. Why are my feelings different? read more…

Costs of Adoption: Increased Secondary Infertility Rates Infographic

Risks to birthmothers

According to multiple studies, women who relinquish a child to adoption are forty to sixty percent more likely to experience secondary infertility that other mothers. Adoption agencies, facilitators, and counselors are not requires to disclose this information to expectant mothers considering adoption – so of course, they don’t. Does that sound like helping people make INFORMED decisions to YOU? read more…

The Open Adoption Experiment

How does it feel to be in an open adoption?

I look at the photographs of my childhood and I can see the big smiles, and all the gifts under the Christmas tree. I can see how most people would look at me and see a happy adopted 16.5 year old girl. Most people would think I am lucky to have two families, other adopted people may think I am fortunate to know my genetic history, my heritage and where I came from. But what I see is different from what other people see; I can plainly see the pain behind the smile. read more…

The Myth of the Happy Adoptee

No guarentee that adopted kids will be happy.

When we are pregnant, we don’t pump our own gas or dye our hair. We stop smoking and drinking and eat right. We watch our medications, don’t eat sushi, go in hot tubs or ride roller coasters. There is a mass of other “don’ts’ that I forget since it’s been a while, but I think even goat cheese is “bad” when you are pregnant now. Bottom line, we do not do all these that MIGHT somehow endanger our babies. Even if it’s like .00096% of all pregnant women who eat unprocessed cheese get the weird amoeba that could cause blindness in the fetus, we don’t take that chance. So why are we encouraging mothers, who really do NOT have to relinquish to endanger their babies with maternal separation? read more…

15 Ways to Be Vulnerable to Adoption Agencies


I figured I am usually so mean against adoption agencies and never do anything nice for them. So I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. See, look at me supporting adoption! Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more vulnerable for adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby. read more…

Hard Truths; A Birthmother is Abandoning Her Child

abondoned adoptee

Somewhere inside, they are baby who misses their mothers smell and they don’t have the words to describe that feeling. Someone inside they could be a 3 year old who is scared and angry and wishes that you could come and take them away. Someday, they could turn out to be a person who doesn’t care about stuff, but only wants to fit in with people that get them. Or maybe, just maybe, they think that THEY should have been important enough to warrant a better plan on our part. That THEY were worth working harder, pinching pennies, putting off school, fighting the system, arguing with parents, going on social services.

. read more…

Good Mothers Don’t Even Think About Adoption!

Adoption is not a gift!

We see the messages that mother who keeps the child that she can ill-afford is considered irresponsible. The mother who needs public assistance is considered a freeloader. The mother who gets pregnant again too soon should “know better how babies are made”. The mother who is too young and unwed should have “thought about the consequences before she spread her legs”. The single mother raising her children is “breaking the fabric of the American values”. read more…

Can We Understand why Mothers Relinquish Babies to Adoption?

Choices, even adoption, based on fear, are bad choices

It is only after the true depth of the loss can be accepted that we see that we made a great error in judgment. There is value in the connection between mother and child that cannot be replaced by monetary things and perceived life successes. There is value in being with our own clans and the biological connections that make us who were are. There is great pain and loss in adoption for both the original family and the adoptee no matter how beneficial their placement is. The adoption industry is just that: an industry and it is often corrupt and money driven. read more…

Support and Advice for Amelia’s Mom

Keep Your Baby!

I received an email yesterday, that I am sharing here. I would not normally do this, but I think that in this case, words of wisdom need to come from more people than just myself. It’s one thing for one person to offer advice, but it’s different if many give the encouragement and support.

I know there is a small chance that the whole story is made up and perhaps someone thinks they are sneaky and is digging for information to use against me. I don’t care about that. Have fun it that’s the case. My advice would be the same no matter what. Plus, I really don’t believe that to be true. I am leaving out the new mother’s name and the date of the baby’s birth to be safe. read more…