Before Making an Adoption Plan

What NO Agency Will Tell You About Adoption

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering giving the baby up for adoption, there are many things you should know before making an adoption plan.

In fact, there are many things that you should know about the process of adoption before you make any contact at all with a infant domestic adoption agency.

  • Even if you think it would be a good idea to make a few inquiries and get some information about their newborn adoption programs, please STOP TALKING TO THE ADOPTION AGENCIES and READ.
    • If you are already in contact with an adoption agency and talking to them about giving up your child for adoption; please STOP TALKING TO YOUR ADOPTION SOCIAL WORKER, no matter how much you like her, and READ.
      • If you have already “chosen” adoption and are worried about finding the perfect set of parents,; please STOP LOOKING AT ADOPTION SITUATIONS AND DEAR BIRTHMOTHER LETTERS ONLINE and READ.
        • If you are already matched with a lovely pre adoptive couple and have plans to pick out a changing table next week, please STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW HAPPY YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THEM  and READ really really fast.

        This is the really important stuff that NO adoption agency will EVER tell you!!!!

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10 Things Open Adoption Opened Me To …

Open adoption costs Entering into adoption affects people in profound ways. I cannot speak to the birth mother’s experience or how the kept children may feel (though my siblings have shared some of their feelings with me). But as an adoptee, there were certain costs of adoption to me even in open adoption. Open adoption was supposed to “solve” some of the problems associated with closed adoption such as genetic…




Costs of Adoption: Increased Secondary Infertility Rates Infographic

According to multiple studies, women who relinquish a child to adoption are forty to sixty percent more likely to experience secondary infertility that other mothers. Adoption agencies, facilitators, and counselors are not requires to disclose this information to expectant mothers considering adoption – so of course, they don’t. Does that sound like helping people make INFORMED decisions to YOU?


The Open Adoption Experiment

I look at the photographs of my childhood and I can see the big smiles, and all the gifts under the Christmas tree. I can see how most people would look at me and see a happy adopted 16.5 year old girl. Most people would think I am lucky to have two families, other adopted people may think I am fortunate to know my genetic history, my heritage and where I came from. But what I see is different from what other people see; I can plainly see the pain behind the smile.


The Myth of the Happy Adoptee

When we are pregnant, we don’t pump our own gas or dye our hair. We stop smoking and drinking and eat right. We watch our medications, don’t eat sushi, go in hot tubs or ride roller coasters. There is a mass of other “don’ts’ that I forget since it’s been a while, but I think even goat cheese is “bad” when you are pregnant now. Bottom line, we do not do all these that MIGHT somehow endanger our babies. Even if it’s like .00096% of all pregnant women who eat unprocessed cheese get the weird amoeba that could cause blindness in the fetus, we don’t take that chance. So why are we encouraging mothers, who really do NOT have to relinquish to endanger their babies with maternal separation?