If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering giving the baby up for adoption, there are many things you should know before making an adoption plan.
In fact, there are many things that you should know about the process of adoption before you make any contact at all with a infant domestic adoption agency.
- Even if you think it would be a good idea to make a few inquiries and get some information about their newborn adoption programs, please STOP TALKING TO THE ADOPTION ANGECIES and READ.
- If you are already in contact with an adoption agency and talking to them about giving up your child for adoption; please STOP TALKING TO YOUR ADOPTION SOCIAL WORKER, no matter how much you like her, and READ.
- If you have already “chosen” adoption and are worried about finding the perfect set of parents,; please STOP LOOKING AT ADOPTION SITUATIONS AND DEAR BIRTHMOTHER LETTERS ONLINE and READ.
- If you are already matched with a lovely pre adoptive couple and have plans to pick out a hcnaging table next week, please STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW HAPPY YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THEM and READ really really fast.
After It’s Too Late in the Adoption Process
If you have already relinquished your rights to your child and think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, please don’t waste your time telling me that I am crazy and have no idea what I am talking about. Come back and see me in five or ten years.
If you have lost your child to adoption and realize that this post relinquishment life is not panning out exactly as the adoption agency told you it would, or are wondering why you still feel this way, or suddenly feel like you’re going to lose it, then Welcome Home.
Recommended Reading Before You Start the Adoption Process:
I look at the photographs of my childhood and I can see the big smiles, and all the gifts under the Christmas tree. I can see how most people would look at me and see a happy adopted 16.5 year old girl. Most people would think I am lucky to have two families, other adopted people may think I am fortunate to know my genetic history, my heritage and where I came from. But what I see is different from what other people see; I can plainly see the pain behind the smile.
I figured I am usually so means against adoption agencies and never do anything nice for them. I am always doing things like the Craigslist Adoption Truth Project that makes it harder for them to find babies to place for adoption. So I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. See, look at me supporting adoption!
Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more vulnerable for adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.
Somewhere inside, they are baby who misses their mothers smell and they don’t have the words to describe that feeling. Someone inside they could be a 3 year old who is scared and angry and wishes that you could come and take them away. Someday, they could turn out to be a person who doesn’t care about stuff, but only wants to fit in with people that get them. Or maybe, just maybe, they think that THEY should have been important enough to warrant a better plan on our part. That THEY were worth working harder, pinching pennies, putting off school, fighting the system, arguing with parents, going on social services.
We see the messages that mother who keeps the child that she can ill-afford is considered irresponsible. The mother who needs public assistance is considered a freeloader. The mother who gets pregnant again too soon should “know better how babies are made”. The mother who is too young and unwed should have “thought about the consequences before she spread her legs”. The single mother raising her children is “breaking the fabric of the American values”.
It is only after the true depth of the loss can be accepted that we see that we made a great error in judgment. There is value in the connection between mother and child that cannot be replaced by monetary things and perceived life successes. There is value in being with our own clans and the biological connections that make us who were are. There is great pain and loss in adoption for both the original family and the adoptee no matter how beneficial their placement is. The adoption industry is just that: an industry and it is often corrupt and money driven.
I received an email yesterday, that I am sharing here. I would not normally do this, but I think that in this case, words of wisdom need to come from more people than just myself. It’s one thing for one person to offer advice,
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