Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble
Honestly, really. I think I should get paid off for relinquishing Max to adoption. The happy fuzzy feelings from relinquishment and my adoption counseling has worn off. It’s been gone for years now. Instead, I think maybe getting at least some cash for the years of pain and suffering won’t do any good in getting back what I lost, but nothing ever will. At least, I could get some new…
Back to “normal” life, but nothing would ever be the same normal again. That was always the bit of irony about adoption. You went through this experience, this incredible perceived “sacrifice” and certainly a heartache for the ultimate plan to not have your life changed, but no one tells you how unavoidable that is. You can’t have a baby and place it for adoption with the experience changing your very…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1“ As an unmet, joyful and excited couple marveled and cooed over my precious baby, now theirs.. I was then packing all my meager belongings, waiting for my mother, sad goodbyes, uncomfortable silence, more feelings of shame. As they fussed over the first diapers changed, and made happy phone calls, I was on the cold drive back..5 hours due to…
Sometimes adoption just confuses me. Not in the regular old sense like “how does all this corruption continue and why won’t so many people bother to see the so logical truth” or “how exploitive and sleazy will agencies have to get before moms see through their tricks?”, but in the tradition of the Talking Heads: Well how did I get here? The fact remains that the relinquishment of my son…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1 We did keep on seeing each other. In fact, most of the trysts and dates and sex, happened after I was with child. Every time I would tell myself that I just had to tell him and I never could though it stuck on the tip of my tongue like a bad sore. Now I am a small person…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1 I returned home from New York City, hastily packed, defeated, depressed, and full of fear. Back to my room, back to the life of which I so wanted to get away from and this time without any dreams of escape. My physical load much lighter, but my heart filed with failure and regrets, now fearful and more doubtful of…
This story begin’s here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1“ My parents probably should never have married. I think that they were not well matched at all. Married at 23, I think my mom did it to escape her own parent’s house. She never did get very far, always living within a few miles of her own parents house, but she at least, had her own home to rule….
This will not make sense unless you begin here: Becoming a Birthmother Chapter1 Now I had a great secret in my life. It was beyond exciting. Ah, yes…I had him. The real games began. The pattern of our affair began to emerge. By day, I was the ever eager little worker bee. Now, even more desperate, to please my mighty employer. Working late took on new meaning. I would manage…
This will not make sense unless you begin here: Becoming a Birthmother Chapter1 **** We left the office separately. There was no need to tell me that I was not to announce our upcoming escapade to anyone. When he was ready, he said good night like always and I quickly followed him down to the lobby. He was waiting for me out on the street where we hailed a cab…
A few weeks ago, my dear friend Lena hit me up on Facebook with a question: “I was going through some stuff and found some old letters you wrote while you were in Boston. Would you like to have them?” Of course, the answer was yes, because as much as I lived through being 19, pregnant, away from home, alone and about to have my first child and relinquish him for…
Judgement. Choices. Lack of True Choice. Variations of this theme have been running through my head for a long time. To some the birth mother is a saintly figure. Wise. Sacrificing. Selfless. A builder of Families. A deliverer of dreams come true. Adoptive families want to thank her. Poor girl, she is just in a sad situation, but through her wisdom she can make the best of the situation and…
I recommend reading “How to become a Birthmother Chapter 1” first **** There was a second lunch. It rode on the innocent coat tails of the first. You know, “That was nice. Let’s do it again” I am a sucker for great food. Growing up, my Uncle Mike would think nothing of spending eighty or ninety dollars at the specialty Italian deli on imported prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella that we…
Some people have read this already, some have not. It’s the whole damn thing.. how I came to be a birthmother. How I ended up in that place where I was open to adopiton to save me from this situration I got myself in. This is the story of getting myself in it. Oddly enough, 22 years ago today….just occuring to me now….so this is me… 22 years and about…
I think this is really important. Please, spread this news: We have consisitantly been fustrated by the unscrupolusness of the adoption agencies as a whole. Between their blantnet marketing, their trolling for expectant mothers who are young and unwed, recruitment and false advertsiment, the lack of truthful impacts of adoption, the lack of regulation and oversight,and general coersive and exploitive practices; agencies often seem very unstopable. They have the power…