Mothers Considering Adoption

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Relinquishment December 22, 2012

Letters from Boston, Notes to the Past

” I go to the agency. Talk about depressing! We had to go over all these horrible forms which I’ll have to sign. All official shit. No turning back. ” You understand that you are giving up all rights as a mother and you will never see your child again” I don’t want to sign THAT! It’s so horrid. Until today, it didn’t seem so very real. I feel like it’s a bad dream and I’d like someone to wake me up. There’s no choice. There’s no way out. And I don’t think I like this at all. I’ve always thought about it and felt I could do it fine, but now I can’t image really going through with it forever and I have to. It sucks. I hope I can just stick I tin a box deep deep down like I do with everything and not think about it. As long as I don’t think about it, I’ll do OK, If I can just do it and stuff it in a box.”

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Relinquishment December 21, 2012

Letters From My Pregnant Self – Pre Adoption

What Really Happened When I was Away On the surface, everything here is OK.  Inside I’m feeling pretty lost – but nothing can be done about that. I’ll hold out. From my first letter written August 24th, 1987 I think it was back in ’06 when I first asked Laura if she still had my letters from Boston saved. I used to inquire about them periodically. I was writing out…

Costs of Adoption, Cultural Views on Adoption, Relinquishment December 14, 2012

Birthmother’s Cake: What People Really Think About the Act of Selfless Love Called Adoption

Where Is All This Birthmother Cake They Speak of? The mysterious “Birthmother Cake” that birthmothers all expect to feast upon. Somehow, people actually believe that being separated from one’s child is easy and maybe even selfishly pleasurable? Pardon my pun, but do they think that relinquishment is actually a cakewalk?A mother is suppose to give her children away to more deserving parents, dry her tears, buck up and move on. She is suppose to leave the adoptive parents alone and “get over” herself.

Community, Relinquishment November 17, 2012

The Craigslist Adoption Truth Project

The article points out that the BEST results were from Craigslist. All the other avenues of baby procurement were trickles as far as results. I’m not sure why expectant moms are turning to Craigslist for the adoptive parents of their unborn children rather, but maybe they are looking for used cribs and get sucked in by their sad stories? The fact is the article clearly tells US where WE have to go to reach moms BEFORE they answer the horrid pathetic ads and get sucked into the adoption machine. To that I say thank you very much.

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Costs of Adoption, Relinquishment, Reunions & Support November 15, 2012

Thinking About Adoption Affects on the “Kept” Child

When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. The pain and loss was to be mine to bear as Max would be “better off”, his father unaware, my brother and extended family equally as clueless and my mother, well she didn’t matter.. at least I was not give pause to consider how nay one else felt. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. Like we say, the “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Relinquishment, The Adoption Industry November 14, 2012

What Preplacement Adoption Counseling Should Look Like

Over and over we hear again, “I wouldn’t have done this if I knew it was so hard”. The intensity of grief is really glossed over. Maybe we can never truly begin to understand this until we live it, but “feelings of peace and contentment” do not come close. Maybe if adoption agency counseling warned of blind, toe numbing, soul clutching waves of grief and never ending tears that you eventually sort of get used to “living with” then we could talk. I have yet to see that on ANY agency website or in their literature. How about we just begin to include BOTH sides of the coin with their “Birthmother Testaments” so considering mothers get an idea of what COULD be the outcome.

Adoption Questions and Facts, Before Making an Adoption Plan, Relinquishment November 11, 2012

Hard Truths; A Birthmother is Abandoning Her Child

Somewhere inside, they are baby who misses their mothers smell and they don’t have the words to describe that feeling. Someone inside they could be a 3 year old who is scared and angry and wishes that you could come and take them away. Someday, they could turn out to be a person who doesn’t care about stuff, but only wants to fit in with people that get them. Or maybe, just maybe, they think that THEY should have been important enough to warrant a better plan on our part. That THEY were worth working harder, pinching pennies, putting off school, fighting the system, arguing with parents, going on social services.

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Research into adoption surrender documents

Adoption Research & Statistics November 9, 2012

The Culture of Poverty and Adoption: Adoptive Parent Views of Birth Families

Kathryn A. Sweeney* Purdue University Calumet Abstract This study used data from 15 in-depth interviews to better understand how perceptions of birth families by White adoptive parents rely on and challenge cultural perspectives of poverty.  Findings show the complexity of their views: even when adoptive parents recognize structural causes of poverty, they tend to rely on the idea that birth parent poverty results from inadequate choices made by individuals.  Findings…

Adoption is not a gift!

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Cultural Views on Adoption, Relinquishment November 7, 2012

Good Mothers Don’t Even Think About Adoption!

We see the messages that mother who keeps the child that she can ill-afford is considered irresponsible. The mother who needs public assistance is considered a freeloader. The mother who gets pregnant again too soon should “know better how babies are made”. The mother who is too young and unwed should have “thought about the consequences before she spread her legs”. The single mother raising her children is “breaking the fabric of the American values”.

Choices, even adoption, based on fear, are bad choices

Adoption Questions and Facts, Before Making an Adoption Plan, Relinquishment, The Adoption Industry October 30, 2012

Can We Understand why Mothers Relinquish Babies to Adoption?

It is only after the true depth of the loss can be accepted that we see that we made a great error in judgment. There is value in the connection between mother and child that cannot be replaced by monetary things and perceived life successes. There is value in being with our own clans and the biological connections that make us who were are. There is great pain and loss in adoption for both the original family and the adoptee no matter how beneficial their placement is. The adoption industry is just that: an industry and it is often corrupt and money driven.

Research into adoption surrender documents

Adoption Research & Statistics, Relinquishment October 9, 2012

Birth Parents in Adoption: Research, Practice, and Counseling Psychology

Mary O’Leary Wiley; Independent Practice Amanda L. Baden; Montclair State University This article addresses birth parents in the adoption triad by reviewing and integrating both the clinical and empirical literature from a number of professional disciplines with practice case studies. This review includes literature on the decision to relinquish one’s child for adoption, the early postrelinquishment period, and the effects throughout the lifespan on birth parents. Clinical symptoms for birth…

Research into adoption surrender documents

Adoption Research & Statistics, Relinquishment October 8, 2012

Known Consequences of Separating Mother and Child at Birth Implications for Further Study

 Wendy Jacobs, B.Sc., B.A.    “The past is never fully gone. It is absorbed into the present and the future. It stays to shape what we are and what we do.” Sir William Deane, Inaugural Lingiari Lecture, Darwin, 22 August 1996 Separating mother and child at birth was the way adoption was practiced in Australia in the latter half of last century. We have heard from other speakers about current…

Adoptees have no choice

Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Relinquishment, The Adoption Industry October 8, 2012

Adoption Speech:”Mothers Without Their Children”

The Association for Research on Mothering York University  Karen Lynn  2001 Good afternoon. This speech is a message from the mothers of the Canadian Council of Birthmothers, mothers who have suffered the trauma of having lost a child or children to adoption and who are learning to understand what happened to us and our children. Much of what I say here is a collection of thoughts shared by the members…