PHAIR’S ADOPTION FEARS
2006-05-17 22:32:40 –
Singer LIZ PHAIR is terrified by all the adoptions taking place, insisting the process “screws up” children.
The ROCKET BOY singer, who is adopted herself, is concerned that a baby forms strong bond with the natural mother, which could be emotionally damaging to the child when it is put up for adoption.
She explains, “I don’t think you can be adopted without being a little bit screwed up, just knowing what I know from having (son) Nick.” “I have a lot of friends who are adopting right now. These babies are going to be just eight months old, leaving their mothers who can’t take care of them.
“By eight months, Nick and I were so bonded it was ridiculous. How is that going to work? “My friends say, ‘It’s going to be wonderful.’ I’m biting my nails, thinking, ‘Do you know what you’re getting into?'”
The sad thing is that there are people out there who will look at this and say. “Oh, she is one of those adoptees.”
But hey, at least she is out there. Kudos to her and to you for sharing it.
thanks for sharing. i am also a huge Phair fan. I had no idea she was adopted. Cool
It is interesting that she has these opinions, because she has been open in saying how great her parents (adoptive) have been. That they embraced who she was and never tried to mold her into someone else. She says that their love for her was enormous. She also has said that she wouldn’t search for her birthparents. It sounds like her fears surround infants adopted older than newborns (noting the “8 months” that she uses). Being adopted by a wealthy doctor and his wife who showered her with love gave Liz many advantages, and she realizes that. Who knows where she would be if kept by her birthparents.
anonymous, don’t ever forget most adoptees see being surrendered and being adopted as two entirely different processes.
It is completely feasible for Ms. Phair to think giving up a baby and the baby losing its mother is a horrible thing, while simultaneously thinking her own parents were awesome. My husband has extremely similar feelings regarding his adoption and surrender.
-wkh
Quote from article on Phair: “Both Phair and her brother were adopted, a fact that Phair didn’t pay much attention to until she had Nick. “Becoming a mother gave me an insight into my mom’s struggle,” she says. “I’m presuming because our adoption isn’t really something that she talks about. My mother was absolutely a full mother to me, but what must it have been like to raise us and, every once in a while, wonder about this child’s attachment to you? Because it’s what I wonder about Nick every time I leave town.””
I am just a bit flabbergasted by this from anonymous:
“Being adopted by a wealthy doctor and his wife who showered her with love gave Liz many advantages, and she realizes that. Who knows where she would be if kept by her birthparents.”
Who knows indeed, but as an adoptee who was adopted into a family that was well off- I think it bothers me more– ironically although I was born to a single teenager, my birth family was also well-off, old money people.
I am actually not someone who wonders or thinks I would have been better off not-adopted. There are too many questions, and it doesn’t really matter because I was adopted.
But this is not about money and the opportunities it provides which are real, my reality is that unless I had been adopted by a less well-to do family, which I feel certain my influential bgrandparents had more of a hand in my placement than my bmom, as we were to find out later I was matched with a family that met their requirements, bmom’s were ignored. My bgrandparents were concerned with my future, and had the means to direct it, had I been kept, or adopted out I would have enjoyed the benefits of a well-heeled family.
But my point is this– If that was the answer, my difficulties would have been solved long ago and I wouldn’t be writing long winded comments on other people’s blogs now.
My check for emotional healing is good, just give the address and I’ll send it.
Sorry that just really chaps my hide.
Joy.
Oh p.s. hi fauxclaud, you have a beautiful son and a wonderful blog. My best to you.
oh and p.p.s as to Liz Phair, yes she is wonderful, but if I put myself in her place, as a celebrity, I would not talk about my relationship with my feelings about my bparents with the press, it is too intensely personal, maybe she has feelings she doesn’t express except with people close to her. I think it was incredibly brave of her to say what she did. We can’t possibly know what someone feels through press releases.