• A Must Read List for Adoption Truths

    • In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.

    • I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.

    • I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever. Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?

    • So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.

    • There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.

    • What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.

    • The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.

    • Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.

    • When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.

    • Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.

    • The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..

    • Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.

    • I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.

Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators or Anyone Else Part II

My Cliff Notes of What I Say  by Request Part II

talking adoptee rights in philly 2009So in part one of Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators, I talked about not so much what I say, but how I say it. We are now at the part where we must frame out the simple purpose of the Adoptee Rights legislation and why you are speaking to said legislator:

“What we would like to see is new legislation that will restore the adult adoptees access to their original birth certificates. “

Pause.

Yes, WHY CAN’T Adult Adoptees Get Their Birth Certificates?

“Why can’t they get their birth certificates? You mean adoptees don’t have birth certificates?”

“Well, they do. In fact, adopted people actually have two birth certificates! It’s just that the first one  is sealed away by the state… see, when a child is born they are issued, as you know, a birth certificate by the state. Everyone gets that and it records the baby’s name, the name of its parents,  time of birth and all that”

You are telling a story now, so they will have on their interested face. Keep going.

“Now, when a child is relinquished for adoption, the birth parents give up their rights and responsibilities to parent the child and the child is given to new parents who adopt it. When the adoption is finalized, the state issues a new birth certificate. The Original Birth Certificate, which we call the OBC,  is then sealed away forever! Now, the new birth certificate is called the Amended Birth certificate, or the ABC, and it has the child’s new name on it and lists the adoptive parents as the parents. Which is fine when they are kids. They use that to get into school and little league and all that, but really (and I usually chuckle here like I am amused by the silliness of it all) it is a false legal document because the adoptive parents, are listed as  ‘mother of birth’.”

“The thing is,  the adoptee, even when they are grownups can never see their OBC again! Adult adoptees in the United States are the ONLY classification of people who are denied the right to access their legal documentation! And that really, is the definition of discrimination as the state is treating one class of people different that another based on the circumstances for which they were born.”

 Again, I look horrified and shocked. I speak in a very incredulous tone.  Now at this point, being that this particular legislator is completely unaware, the favored response is also to looked shocked and maybe say how insane  that is.

Often they will ask ” Well, why do they do that?” So we explain.

“Well, the laws are very old. It used to be that if a child was born to an unmarried mother, then the actual birth certificate would be stamped it a big red “Illegitimate” on it, so originally the laws issues a new birth certificate to avoid the stigma of that.  Of course, no one does that anymore! And what we know about adoption and how adoption is practices is very different from when these laws were put on the books. I am sure you know how most adoptions now are not secrets and people aren’t all embarrassed because they choose to adopt! Look at Hollywood. (chuckle) Everyone adopts!  Most are open adoptions and just everything is different, but these antiquated laws really just need to be updated. “

At this point, hopefully everything that has been said is agreeable and they are shaking their heads yes. So we go for the action item.

“So what we are proposing is introducing ( or supporting) new legislation ( or support of HB X12345) that will restore an adult adoptee over the age of 18 to be allowed access to their Original birth Certificate just like every other citizen in the United States.”

Bright Smile!

Centering the Adoptee Rights Conversations on Civil Rights

Now as  I smile, I see it sinking in and I get ready for the questions.

“Well why do they need it of they have another birth certificate?”

Now, I can go off into the possible needs of the OBC, but first I do want to frame out the issue more now that they know what the hell I am asking for and try to keep the issue centered on the simple fact that it is about  civil rights… so I say:

“Well,  at the most basic level it’s about civil rights and being treated equally. I mean why should we have special laws for people just because they happen to be adopted when they were born? That’s just not right.”

“So for many adoptees, they want to right to have this piece of paper because it is theirs.. it’s their original identity. It has their name on it. It’s their documentation and why shouldn’t they be allowed to have it?”

This becomes a nice place to bring up the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Sometimes I bring up my own kids here, but usually I can go through most of the spiel without actually letting the legislator on to the fact that I am a birthmother. They assume I am an adoptee and I let them. Sometimes I wait until they say something really silly about birthmothers and then I let on.  But here is a good place to bring it up. I have established that there is no shame or secrets in adoption, what better way to prove that point then by announcing proudly?

“I have four children. My oldest son was adopted when I was 19 and my other three I had after I was married. Now, I found him in 2004 and everything is great. He is happy . I am happy, but we can go hand and hand to the county clerk’s office and they will not give us the piece of paper with both our names on it! How come my one son is treated differently than his brothers and sister? They can get their birth certificates! It’s not his fault he was adopted. I choose that! And yet, the laws of the state of MA treat him differently?  That’s unfair.”

 So we have set the stage for civil rights and discrimination and equality for adoptees. Now we expand.

“So really, at the center of the adoptees access to the OBC, it is a civil rights issues, but it’s just so important and really affects so many things. The discrimination and the civil rights are like the center of the wheel and then it continues to spoke out, to affect people ‘s lives in so many different ways!”

“Genealogy is incredibly important to so many people. It’s one of this country’s top national hobbies, with Ancestry.com and that show.. have you seen ‘Who Do You Think You Are? It’s great. Everyone is tracing their family history. It’s a natural desire to want to know where you came from, your linage. There is nothing wrong with it and yet, we deny adoptees this? Why?”

“Its’ also human nature to want to know who you look like and where you get your talents from. There is a technically term for that a called Genetic Mirroring, but basically it’s being about to look in the mirror and seeing a familiar face. It’s a way that people form positive self esteem.”

“And we’re not talking about a handful of people here. It is estimated that close to 7 million adoptees are in the USA. ( good to estimate your states numbers) One in four humans are affected by adoption.  And it’s not just the adoptees, but their children as well and their children’s children. I read someplace that by 2020, over half the family trees in the USA will be completely incorrect because of the misinformation hidden by past adoptions.  That’s an awful loss for all of us! It’s a lost past that cannot be reclaimed by future generations unless we do something about fixing it right now.”

Many times legislators will ask about other states and what they are doing. Governments like to follow trends and keep up with the neighbors. So, knowing your states and how to offer up that information is good:

“Well, Alaska and Kansas never sealed their records. Successful legislation has been passed in Maine, Alabama, New Hampshire and Oregon. So all those states treat the adopted adult equally as the non adopted population. Then we have had legislation pass in, Rhode Island, though Rhode Island used age 25 rather than 18 ( but there is talk of moving the age lower since there are no issues at all.) Last year Washington State and Ohio had bills pass, though they are not perfect and do have a few provisions that leave some adoptees out like the bill that passed in Illinois a few years back. There is also pending legislation in New York, New Jersey, Colorado, Georgia, Pennsylvania and Connecticut. I have also hear that Louisianan is getting ready and Hawaii as well.”

Notice, I DO use them ALL. This point of the conversation is about numbers and trends, so we want to show that many states across the USA are moving towards openness and OBC access.

At some point you might want to think about going for the hard sell: See, legislators want to support legislation that goes through and makes them look good! So you “talk politics” in terms of their jobs:

  • It’s really simple legislation. In fact,  you don’t even have to write it, we have samples where you just have to change the bill numbers! ( Maine clean bill with no CPF)
  • It’s supported across the adoption community: adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents all agree it’s best for the adoptees. So the community can really offer support with letter woriting and positive comments on articles. You look like a good guy!
  • Furthermore, adoptee rights legislation has a positive fiscal impact to the state as you have untapped income coming in when adoptees file for their OBC and pay the fees

Now, the concept of “original identity” is kind of ambiguous for some people to grasp especially if they just take theirs for granted and probably never thought about  it before.  So we have to often bring in more concrete and touchable.  Medical History….

Looking horrified again…

“Oh, and then there is all the medical  information lost. We just didn’t know who important that was back in the day, but now…. We have so much more information about the importance of genetics, and testing and what runs in families. I mean, here we have the Surgeon General of the United States reminding us that the best thing we can do for our health is to obtain an adequate family medical history  and then another government body won’t give the adoptees the tools needed to make that happen! It’s crazy. And that again, is not just about the person adopted, but their children will never know if cancer runs in their family or how to be preventative. And it also affects their health care and even insurance.”

MOST legislators will be in agreement here about the medical information. It’s kind of a no brainer, so we bring it home and make it personal. I go into story mode again.

 “I know one adoptee and she had breast cancer and the insurance company DENIED her the genetic testing because she could not prove that breast cancer ran in her family. So here she is fighting for her life and she has three daughters, and she has to worry about whether she gave it to them! Thankfully, she was from Illinois and Il changed their laws and she was able to get her OBC and find her family. Her natural mother had already died from breasts cancer, which was sad, but once she knew, the insurance company approved of the generic tests!”

We both act horrified for a minute. It’s like bonding.

“And then, not being able to access the OBC can cause all sorts of legal issues.  You know how “real ID ” and identity is in the news these days! (at election time I bring up voter rights if it is in the news!) Well.. we have had adoptees that have not been about to get driver’s licenses or had trouble getting passports.”

 Wait for the why…  and then explain.

 “Oh well..when the new legal amended birth certificate is issued when the adoption is finalized. And that often happens months after the baby is born due to legalities and court dates and all that.  So post 911, homeland security tightened everything down and they flag any birth certificate that is issued more than a year after the date of birth.  And they don’t understand adoption OBC, they just know what they need  and they are like “go get your original long form certificate” and the adoptee is like “I can’t get it, it’s sealed by the state”. It’s a mess. I have know people who couldn’t leave the countries for their jobs or family vacations. And this affects ALL adoptees.. even step parent and foster care adoptions!. So here we have the whole country trying to find homes for these children in foster care. And we finally  get them in a forever family where they will be happy and cared for, but maybe they are 5 years old when they get their new birth certificate. The state turns around and says, ” Great you have a family, but now you can never to go to Paris! We legally intern a whole population to be hostages of the US.”

The passport issue was really big in Chicago in 2012. It’s real and tangible and they get it.

At this point, all the main facts have been discussed: Civil rights, discrimination, numbers affected, medical history, insurance, legalities etc. The discussion is so logical that many a legislator will then ask the next question which we need not avoid.

“So why isn’t this happening? What is the opposition?”

And we’ll handle THAT rebuttal in part III of Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators

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Claudia Corrigan DArcy

About Claudia Corrigan DArcy

Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. Blogging since 2005, her website Musings of the Lame has become a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. She is also an activist and avid supporter of Adoptee Rights and fights for nationwide birth certificate access for all adoptees with the Adoptee Rights Coalition. Besides here on Musings of the Lame, her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine, Adopt-a-tude.com, Lost Mothers, Grown in my Heart, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences, other radio and print interviews over the years. She resides in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, Rye, children, and various pets.
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One Response to Talking About Adoptee Rights To Legislators or Anyone Else Part II

  1. Adoptees searching is so important fir them to know the agencys are not our friends as they were or are in making the money from new baby humans for the perfectly wealthy.It is so unfair when rejection after rejection ,time after time would let adoptees know after so many years of lies ,stories and none ever truthful Then the adoptees know that their mother is going through the same thing trying to get any information to where is the OBC,med history and ID ? and has tried all these years. The agency has another cruel lie worse than all they do is tell them that their mothers died or were addicts ,prostitutes Mothers in search are told similar things .These mothers are the type of mothers that wanted their babies*now adult adoptees),count -less babies then and now were planned but on paper they changed that too to unwanted .The lying continues even after the search and find money is paid .The social worker being the only one in the triad and no one else is allowed supooosedly by law to have another on their behalf and as we know social workers are not on the behave of the adoptee but the money.Notorizing and signing is NOTHING ,because they can and do just shred them apart.No paper trails and are not allowed to sign and notorize any similar papers,even letters written and sent photos,all said to be signed and notorized,-Why you ask ?when you are refused any repeat of papers as they will always have something wrong we did (which is only a delay until they think of what next rejection to do to them.In this case the adoptee is in a catch 22,who ,and where do they go to find the truth?.As it stands they can lie through their teeth and still win as there are no enforcemnent laws to keep them in place.The wheel never stops spinning with the adoption ring ,until someone throws something right into the center of it, but what? Like the part where they thought they were talking to an adoptee.Which one do they think they can fool the most?(probably both ) I heard that agencys hate audits -wonder why ?as they pocket money

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