I haven’t really been “tagged” for this meme. And even I like to be part of something community wide..even out of adoptionland.

So without going into the whole “real” vs “unreal” thing..as that has been done..and done well, I can get totally down with the whole “guess what we are not supermoms, and not perfect, but really…we are” thing.

Fill in the Blank: Real Moms…

Like I definitely DO think that Motherhood, with the capital M, has reached this insane height of impossible perfection. And here we all are, in the trenches, doing our best with whatever we have, and never feeling like we are good enough, doing enough.

And, then I can of course, tie it into adoption, as the thought of perfection that one personally needs to be able to reach, which is of course unattainable, must be reached before one can think that they are “ready’ for Motherhood. And how that myth of society is used by the agencies and unethical evil doers to strip mothers of their children  But that would be too predictable even for me..so, I won’t go there.

I’m Just a Normal Mother Trying to Do Her Best Each Day

I forget things. I am terrible with notes to the kids school when they are absent. I make a lousy lunch..today the bread was squished and I squished it more getting it into the baggie. Poor Scarlett, there is no way she got it out without being covered with mayo.

My kids jackets are filthy. Even Rye pointed that out to me three weeks ago, and I am too backed up on laundry to care that much. But then I see kids with clean jackets and feel bad, but then I forget again. All our clothes have dog hair on them. ALL the time. I give up. I am not going to shave the dog. Sometimes  heck, most times, my kids look like ragamuffins  but they are so cute so who cares? Of course I wear black, still (23 years but who is counting?), all the day, even to work so that white dog hair is super chic. At least I pretend. I could act like I will vacume more, but I won’t. My mother would be horrified.

I never feel like I am doing enough, as there is always more to do. I could stop doing all my adoption “work” but I really can’t, so my house suffers. Of course, right now I am relishing in another house I saw recently that was really..sooo super cluttered ..like nutsy messes everywhere..so I feel really good about my homemaking skills to date.

I say it is a good thing as if my house was really, really nice and clean, then I would be a real crank when the kids made a mess. So I do less and let them be free more and we have much less yelling in the house.

Confessions of a Real Mom

Yeah, I yell. Sometimes, I just have to. My kids are so loud. And they all talk at once and make my ears ring. I guess it is competition for my time. I do work and then I made this damn laptop my priority..so mommy is up in the attic…begging to finish reading, or write one more email before I have to fill a juice cup.

I am big into my kids independence because I am lazy. But I don’t want to wait on them hand and foot and I don’t want them to go though life not being able to do for themselves, think for themselves, figure things out, be inspired, have ideas, or think that every thing they want gets handed to them on a silver platter. That parenting ideal also fits my laziness.

I hate Chuckie Cheese. I just will NOT go there. I tell the kids how horrible it is and how the commercials are all fake because they want them to whine to me. That’s true. I saw it on The Corporation. Great flick by the way. Watch it. I also hate birthday parties, but I do them. I would rather make Rye do them, but he won’t. Though Scarlett’s was good this year I have to say. But now, damnit, they will expect that level.

Both S and T are doing soccer this year ONLY because they are on the same team, so I only have to do ONE game a week. Rye gets stuck with practice and his track record last year was worse than mine. Last year, we went to one game totally hung over. I mean, really I refuse to spend my whole day running them around from activity to activity. I don’t think it is healthy for them..to be on that rat race so early. And I know it would suck for me. I like to be home. I think Scarlett would like to do dance lessons, but she is soo outgoing and all. The problem is that Tristan can stay home all day and just hang..like me. How to balance all the needs.
And Garin, thank goodness that kid is good at getting rides. I do it, when I have to, but it is such a pain. Here I am ..thrilled that soon he will be driving. I think the worry will be overcome by my lack of desire to stop what I am doing.

And maybe that’s it. I have to be doing something. I cannot really relax. I don’t watch TV much anymore, unless I am sick or really tired or feeling mopey  I use to read more, but now I read so much online..so not so much books for fun. If I wasn’t on here all the time, well I would be doing these crazy home improvement projects and then getting mad for interruptions and then for them chipping my newly painted walls. I don’t just sit and hang well. I don’t play. Actually, I rather dislike playing.

I tell my kids things that people probably don’t tell their kids much, I think? I like to tell the truth a lot.  I don’t lie and protect them from crap. Sometimes things suck, sometimes things are bad, yeah we all get mad, people can be jerks, we have to play the game. I don’t want them to be surprised when life hands them a whopper  I don’t want anything in life to break them. I want them to know that they have to work for it all..and work hard..and if you want something bad enough, you do what you got to do to make it happen. Though sometimes you can’t control everything and you got to let things roll.

They seem like happy kids. People tell me I am a good mom, but hey, they don’t have kids yet. So many are just amazed by the idea of having kids.

My hair is crazy, I have tattoos, I drive a old punk rock van that is huge and I mean huge. We still go out sometimes. We get angry at each other. Sometimes, dinner is a joke. We do try to eat dinner together..even when it is fishsticks.

I don’t really KNOW what I am doing, I just do it. I do what I have to do, I do what I want to do. I treasure those moments when all seems right in the world. Going out sometimes, or just all hanging on our bed..and it hits me..I have so much..look at us.

I figure it must be working. The kids are good. They want me for the PTA? People hear say I inspire them? WTF? You all actually think I know what I am talking about? Yeah, my job is a joke, but I make ok money usually..and the food perks are good.

I know I am real. I know I am a mom. But this is who I am. I am not going to try to be perfect or have a hairless house, or even socks, or do it all, or impress anyone..really. I am just me..muddling though it all. Trying to steer this pirate ship of so many fools. They are my fools. I rather like them. I think they rather like me.

And then their are the hug perks..which really make it all worth while. As long as I have them, clueless is good enough.

I guess the point is…we don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be who we really are..not who we think we should be..and for our kids..that’s perfection. That’s how we fit, that’s how we roll. That’s good enough. That’s real.