• A Must Read List for Adoption Truths

    • In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.

    • I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.

    • I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever. Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?

    • So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.

    • There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.

    • What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.

    • The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.

    • Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.

    • When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.

    • Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.

    • The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..

    • Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.

    • I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.

I Placed My Baby for Adoption: Now PAY Me!

Honestly, really.

I think I should get paid off for relinquishing Max to adoption.

The happy fuzzy feelings from relinquishment and my adoption counseling has worn off. It’s been gone for years now. Instead, I think maybe getting at least some cash for the years of pain and suffering won’t do any good in getting back what I lost, but nothing ever will. At least, I could get some new shoes or a new roof or something, right?

“The attorney for the responsible party will likely send you for an independent medical examination to determine if there is anything emotionally wrong that is still causing you to have pain so long after the relinquishment. You will also need to prove how you have suffered. It is up to you to make your case. How has the pain in your soul affected your life? Can you no longer be happy when you used be happy three times a week? Can you smile when oyu see a child, something you have always done? Does someone bring you flowers on birthdays when you cry? Your attorney will communicate all of this information so that a fair assessment of your pain and suffering may be made. If you can prove your claim, then yes, you will be appropriately compensated for your true pain and suffering.”*

So how much money would it take to compensate a woman to place her child for adoption?

I found this: The jury awarded the estate of Evelyn Forman $120,000 for pain and suffering she endured between the time the missile struck the airplane and the time the airplane crashed’ Not for her death, but for her emotional pain and suffering for the perhaps though at least 104 seconds for time actually suffering before she died.

For arguments sake, we will round that up to 2 minutes. We’ll take the 120K and reduce it to 100K for easy math making us a nice round number of 50K per minute of suffering at a legally acceptable rate. I’ll even be so kind as to say: Ok we won’t measure my Kool Aid years, but only count the last 8 when I was mentally transforming to the pain filled bitter birthmother that I am infamously known for today. So that’s 8 years with 365 days each times 24 hours in a day times 60 minutes in an hour times the 50K per minute rate for emotional pain and suffering.

Great! I’ll take my 210,240,000,000 dollars for adoption please.

Unrealistic? Ok we’ll chop that in half for the time spent sleeping bad dreams be damned. I’d still end up a billionaire! Completely ludicrous of an idea? Yes, I would agree, but so is this idea of paying women NOT to have abortions, but to place their children for adoption.

Luckily, over at feministe, it has already gotten ripped apart and if you are very scared of this idea catching on a good reading of the comments allows some trust in the world to be rebalanced.

It also got a good bashing over at Gloria Feldt as well as Possibly the Most Idiotic “Common Ground” Discussion I’ve Ever Heard. Thank God.. and I don’t think these writers are even involved in the adoption arena, they just see logic and understanding and .. oh what’s that word coercion!

Yeah, I will even give in and recognize that the author of the original stupid discussion and bad idea thought it was fraught with some issues.

Like how the hell can they afford to give me all my money!

*Words changed to reflex life as a birthmother

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Claudia Corrigan DArcy

About Claudia Corrigan DArcy

Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. Blogging since 2005, her website Musings of the Lame has become a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. She is also an activist and avid supporter of Adoptee Rights and fights for nationwide birth certificate access for all adoptees with the Adoptee Rights Coalition. Besides here on Musings of the Lame, her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine, Adopt-a-tude.com, Lost Mothers, Grown in my Heart, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences, other radio and print interviews over the years. She resides in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, Rye, children, and various pets.
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3 Responses to I Placed My Baby for Adoption: Now PAY Me!

  1. Anonymous says:

    you and and all the other moms who suffered as you did and do…great piece once again Claud

  2. Margie says:

    As always, lots to think about here – and learn from!

    Hey, just want you to know that I was really glad to find you speaking out in the Adoption Voices forum. It’s incredibly disturbing to see just how one-sided the dialog is there. Scary.

  3. Pingback: What's Wrong with Selling Your Baby for an IPhone? | Musings of the Lame

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