The Adoption Cyber Bully Map

anti cyber bully adoption ass kicking NOW

A Map of the Nasty and Adoption Ignorant in the USA

I know that sometimes people like to be anonymous when they post online. I understand that, I really do. Sometimes people can only truly say things freely when they can hide behind a veil of secrecy. Adoption conversations are hard. We don’t always want our families or friends, especially parents and or children, to know what we are saying! I fully respect anyone who chooses to keep their identity a secret in AdoptionLand.

But Nasty Drive-bys? Horrible Comments of Hate Hidden?

Yeah, I’m just not going to play that game. I have a really rough comment policy here. It’s called “Don’t piss Claud off” and that doesn’t mean that I have to agree with you, or even understand you, but if you are an outright asshole hiding behind the fact that you hope no one in your real life will figure out that you are a cyber bully? I’m gonna find you.

Please know that doesn’t mean that you cannot disagree with me. I actually LOVE a good debate. You can challenge me. You can say ignorant things. You can ask questions. You can even come right out and tell me that I am wrong.  That’s ALL good. I won’t even put you on the map if you are a self admitted baby stealer. Please self identify and all if fine! It’s the pretending that gets me all riled up.

It’s the real nasty stuff, the internet version of “hate crimes”, that will get you to this infamous hall of shame. Is it a fine line? Sure. It’s like what they say about child pornography (it’s a Law and Order quote, but they DO say it!): I can’t describe it, but I know it when I see it.

This is a good example of what will get you mapped:

“Drink some arsenic and put yourself out of your misery.”

And for the same commentor that gave me that bit of advice above; No, I don’t see this as “Bullying”. See you chose to come to MY blog.  As guest, I expect you to play by my rules or at least display the signs of common kindness and manners to fellow human beings that you have choose to interact with over the net. When you comment here, you are voluntarily providing me with some information necessary to invoke or revoke the privilege of commenting and interacting here. No one is holding a gun to YOUR head and making you act like a douchebag.  I am not responsible for your failure to act as a human being.  I am responsible, as a member of humanity and the host of this blog, to call you out on your failure to act as such and to give you appropriate consequences to your actions.

You read these rules, and still you and others have chosen to disregard them; therefore, you have chosen to evoke the consequences as they have been spelled out.

Introducing the Adoption Cyber Bully Map

Yes, this is EXACTLY what it looks like. If you comment here, your IP address is recorded. And then I use that to find you location and from that map, I add you to this one with any other juicy bits of information I might find.

Consider yourself warned.

And if anyone else wants a certain IP address or such, just let me know. I will be happy to trace down the people attacking you too.

Why? Because I can.

I don’t get hate email much either because if you send me one of those, I usually write a whole post about it. Consider yourself warned or you will be another Marcie Cheney.

And because we should not live in fear and be paranoid that bad people are watching and plotting bad things. I don’t hide online; I never did. I have always used my real name and there is nothing that cannot be found out about me because I already have outed myself. So stop being a chicken shit and come on out. Stand out for what you say even if you are stupid.  I’ll find you anyway. Don’t mess with me or my people.

Oh and horrible SEO spammers and agency shrills pretending to comment? Yeah, you get on here too! My tolerance level is ZERO.

And again.. I PROMISE I will NEVER use my super powers to harm anyone who really is speaking freely the only way they can. Just the assholes. And I CAN tell the difference.

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About the Author

Claudia Corrigan DArcy
Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. Blogging since 2005, her website Musings of the Lame has become a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. She is also an activist and avid supporter of Adoptee Rights and fights for nationwide birth certificate access for all adoptees with the Adoptee Rights Coalition. Besides here on Musings of the Lame, her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine,, Lost Mothers, Grown in my Heart, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences, other radio and print interviews over the years. She resides in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, Rye, children, and various pets.

21 Comments on "The Adoption Cyber Bully Map"

  1. trancedander | August 30, 2013 at 7:41 pm |

    Really effing amazing Claudia. You take the names and contact info of people who disagree with you and use it to publicly ridiclue them. And you call THEM cyber bullies. Drink some arsenic and put yourself out of your misery.

    • No sweet cheeks; it’s NOT people who “disagree” with me. I LOVE disagreement. I LOVE discussion. I have a VERYopen comment policy. I enjoy a great debate.

      It’s foul minded asshats like yourself who think it’s OK to say something like; “Drink some arsenic and put yourself out of your misery.” while hiding behind an exit router.

      Now the funny thing is, I really don’t believe that you are in France, though the “arsenic” reference was a little bit intelligent. So I’m thinking the server which resides in Greenfield Indiana is more realistic? Yeah, I’m guessing Indiana is probably closer to your home especially as you registered through which is just so pedestrian. Now based on that; which with you trying to be all slick and all, I admit might not be dead on, I just have to ask; do you work for Avery Dennison and is making nasty comments telling people to kill themselves is just a fun way to kill time ( oh a pun! funny!) on a Friday afternoon?

      Oh and in case you didn’t get it. I am SO not miserable with this at all. I find it very enjoyable!! Thanks for the good time! Kisses! Love Claud~

      • His arsenic reference wasn’t *that* smart. Arsenic doesn’t work fast at low doses the way something like cyanide does. Historically it’s been favored as a murder weapon, not as a suicide attempt. My guess is he heard some news story in passing about arsenic in rice and since it sounded like a big word, he thought he’d sound cool if he repeated it.

    • No one dragged these idiots here to harass Claud. No one dragged you here either. If anyone did any bullying, you bullied yourself and YOU tried to bully other people. You go where you’re not invited (yes, this is a public site–and private homes are publicly visible too, do you just walk into any old one you want?) and say stupid s?!t. So sorry you expected her to just take it and say nothing.

    • Well if the cowards had the same gall to say it publicly instead of hiding behind an exit router, she wouldn’t have to out anyone making such vile statements, now would she? I myself take great comfort in knowing not one of your cowardly idiots had the balls to say something like that to a natural mother of adoption losses face. I wish like hell you would to me, just once. Four years into a “reunion” with a child who turned out to be as cold and hateful as the con artist liars I chose to raise him have made me disdain folks like you. I would have not one issue knocking your teeth down your throat, so bring it straight on cowardly punk…

  2. Michelle Wright | August 30, 2013 at 9:46 pm |

    Love love love it! Nothing to hide either 🙂

  3. Right on!! You so rock.

  4. Karen Whitaker | August 31, 2013 at 12:23 pm |

    Thanks Claud. I got hammered recently on a post I commented on (not from the blogger who I was in support of her blog post) by other followers/commenters (adoptees). The gist of the comments were that I’m a bad person, I have done no justice to either sons, and both will end up hating me. I was very hurt and it did set me back. I almost emailed you for moral support. Luckily, I have a very good friend (she is 20 years older and much wiser) who comforted me. I agree with you that I don’t want to hear the white wash about adoption from anyone. I appreciate people’s honesty. We need to know the truth. But when someone attacks me personally who does not know me or my story, that hurts me. I’m a tender heart anyway. However, people should not take my meekness or for weakness. Mostly, I get frustrated when people get off the topic of the post and stray off in some dark universe looking for, well I don’t know what really?

    Everyone else spoke about us (birth/bio/first mothers) for far too long. We were painted as unworthy, unloving, heartless, emotional human being, and whatever else. Now that we are speaking and telling our stories about who we really are, and the truth about our stories, people seem to want to stamp out our light and put us back in our place. Well, I refuse to allow society dictate who or what I am. I am so glad I have strong women like you to help carry the torch. No…. adoption is NOT a perfect solution but society doesn’t get to blame birth mothers any longer. There are just too many hands in the pot. So thank you Claud! from the bottom of my tender heart.

  5. ditto, you rock!

  6. You’re right I do not think anyone should have to hide behind a fake name on the internet because I think it would have won nothing.
    It’s good to be yourself and you will have much to gain.
    I say this from experience.

  7. OMG! LMAO! I freaking LOVE this! This is what happens when people are naive enough to believe that they can post stuff on the internet anonymously and that makes it ok..because they are exercising their first amendment right..THAT is so laughable..With every RIGHT there comes a responsibility..people often forget that..Conveniently I might add.

  8. Claud You ROCK! I Too, don’t think the arsenic comment was really that intelligent either… now if say Hemlock was mentioned… i’d be like yes…. knows Socrates….. maybe some brain behind the keyboard….LOL … but alas the season for Cowbane aka Poison Hemlock is over… its an early spring/summer plant and its dried up here in the midwest…. trancedander Will have to wait until next spring… when it will be in abundance on the roadsides of Indiana.

  9. Claudette Trahan-Garman | September 2, 2013 at 2:02 am |

    Thank you for “bringing out” the cowards! I have been attacked many of times by people with “fake profiles”. For what??? My open and honest opinion? Sad enough, that I have been attacked just for the simple fact that I am not an “adoptee” nor a “birthmother”, and told that I have NO right to any opinion! Well I hate to say it, but adoption does effect us bio siblings also, for those who disagree. Love it Claud…my name is open for all to see!!! Claudette

  10. It’s just a comment on a blog. Delete it if you don’t like what they say.

    • Nah… I DO like free speech. So comments that I don’t “like” are fine. They usually provide a great base for needed discussion. It’s nasty hate filled cowards that will be taken that extra distance.

      • Nasty hate filled cowardly “free speech”, same thing as a comment you don’t like. Just delete it. I think they love the extra attention, a whole post dedicated to them is way too much energy wasted. Delete, move on, simple.

        • I tend to agree Kim. By reacting to attacks you just feed into what the attack was intended to do and that is to provoke a reaction. I find the best way to battle it is by ignoring it or come back by being overly nice. That usually gets the person to back off. I recently got into it on twitter with someone with a lot of venom in their blood. At first I attacked back but then realized I was dealing with someone who would go at great lengths to attack me. I then backed off didn’t react any further and nothing has happened since. But every situation is different and it’s unfair what to say what you would do if you were in another’s shoes.

          However, I don’t know as to what length the attacks were or if there were threats to Claudia. If you are talking about someone making physical threats to her or her family then I don’t believe you can sit back and wait for something to happen. With adoption being such a sensitive issue to so many people (and rightfully so) there are a lot of emotions involved that cloud a person’s judgment from doing something uncalled for. Plus with how sick the world is, it wouldn’t surprise me if crazy threats were made.

  11. Let’s not fight fire with fire =\

    • My mother always told me; “Play by the rules, but if the other party changes the rules, you got to be prepared to play their game or lose” I DO take the high ground, but in this case, it’s calling folks on bad behavior. We teach our kids in school to stand up to bullies. Works the same here!

  12. Michele merryman | April 10, 2016 at 7:05 pm |

    How do I contact show about looking for a sister my biological mother put up for adoption in state of no.

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