This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1 We did keep on seeing each other. In fact, most of the trysts and dates and sex, happened after I was with child. Every time I would tell myself that I just had to tell him and I never could though it stuck on the tip of my tongue like a bad sore. Now I am a small person…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1 I returned home from New York City, hastily packed, defeated, depressed, and full of fear. Back to my room, back to the life of which I so wanted to get away from and this time without any dreams of escape. My physical load much lighter, but my heart filed with failure and regrets, now fearful and more doubtful of…
This story begin’s here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1“ My parents probably should never have married. I think that they were not well matched at all. Married at 23, I think my mom did it to escape her own parent’s house. She never did get very far, always living within a few miles of her own parents house, but she at least, had her own home to rule….
This will not make sense unless you begin here: Becoming a Birthmother Chapter1 Now I had a great secret in my life. It was beyond exciting. Ah, yes…I had him. The real games began. The pattern of our affair began to emerge. By day, I was the ever eager little worker bee. Now, even more desperate, to please my mighty employer. Working late took on new meaning. I would manage…
This will not make sense unless you begin here: Becoming a Birthmother Chapter1 **** We left the office separately. There was no need to tell me that I was not to announce our upcoming escapade to anyone. When he was ready, he said good night like always and I quickly followed him down to the lobby. He was waiting for me out on the street where we hailed a cab…
I recommend reading “How to become a Birthmother Chapter 1” first **** There was a second lunch. It rode on the innocent coat tails of the first. You know, “That was nice. Let’s do it again” I am a sucker for great food. Growing up, my Uncle Mike would think nothing of spending eighty or ninety dollars at the specialty Italian deli on imported prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella that we…
Some people have read this already, some have not. It’s the whole damn thing.. how I came to be a birthmother. How I ended up in that place where I was open to adopiton to save me from this situration I got myself in. This is the story of getting myself in it. Oddly enough, 22 years ago today….just occuring to me now….so this is me… 22 years and about…
I missed the beginning, and I missed the end, but what I did see made chills run up and down my spine. What Seaparets a Cult from Adoption? Yes, this Michael Travesser guy is a freak. Yes, it’s all very scary stuff. The whole having sex with young virgins because he is the Messiah is nasty stuff. But what really peeked my interest was the control aspect of how this…
Quite a few years ago, I gave up on NOT sleeping with the TV on all night. I use to make a huge point of taking the “I-have-no-function-but-for-the-sleep-timer” controller, and using the sleep timer, since Rye HAD to have the TV on to sleep, but I hated to wake up at 3 am to an infomercial. Eventually, I lost both the battle, the clicker and lost the light sleeping that…
I really do not care that you think that I am overstepping my boundries. I personally feel that people who are so desperae for a baby that they troll on message boards and try to exploit women in vunerable circumstances to be predatory and unethical. Pre birth contact is considered coersive.
Of course, you would like to adopt her twins. And while I am sure that it sucks for you to be infertile, my sympathy really ends there. Sometimes in life you do not get what you want. I do not have to think of people like you.. my job is to think about moms who CAN be good mothers, who need help facing a crisis prenancy and perhaps just someone to tell them the truth.
In the midst of the conversation, we touched upon that just bad feeling that we both have, that we in a certain way, did this to ourselves. Though she was up here at the time, and I on LI and in NYC, being the same age, getting pregnant at the same time, having boys 5 days apart, it was the same time frame and the same social order that we experienced. The greatest difference is that I went the agency route and she fell in with a private lawyer/ private adoption. And as she said “I did this.. I found them”.
“So did I. I called my agency. I sent myself away”
A Case of Birthmother Blues Sitting here now.. feeling all nasty. I din’t know why. Feeling on edge.. like something is about to happen..got so much to do, but not really… should be doing more, but what? Rye is after me to find some job that I can do one handed… I want to laugh.. every thing I find that is work from home sounds like a pyramid scheme and…
The fact is..there are ENOUGH moms who relinquished who are saying…hey, it didn’t work like that. And enough adoptees say the same thing. Human nature is different than the plan and the beliefs. They were built on faulty principles Not your fault, not mine..lets blame the adoption industry. They have known for some time, they have had the information at hand, and still they kept throwing this pipe dream at us all and selling us all down a river.
Yes, I “decided” to lose my child. Yes, I was “very sure”. Yes, technically, I had ‘other options’, but in my heart, in my head..there was no other option just this thing that I must do for us both. I believed what I was told. I wanted to believe it since at least believing it gave me some hope. Of abortion, of parenting..both were dark and cold as seen by me. My views were skewed. Our lives at stake. And I was in no position to make this life long decision. Yes, I needed to be protected from myself.
How else can a mother be able to walk away from her child except that she feels that it is the best and only thing for her baby’s well being? Where else does she get that strength except from her internal momma bear? And what if that momma bear has been given the wrong messages? What is it is based on crazed idealistic fantasies and stupid lists based on doubt? What if she could harness all that internal strength needed to fight the grief and instead use it to fight all the reasoning behind a possible loss? What if she stopped trying to be the “best birthmother” but tried to be the best mother? What if adoption reasoning and lists and generic feel good thoughts of grateful and happy adoptive parents didn’t get in the way of natures supreme processes?