An Anonymous Guest Post to an Anonymous Family Member
This is a guest post letter written by a birthmother I know. It is something that should be said to relative of her child, but like many of us, she cannot say it. It’s a feeling, that I would think, many other moms can relate to. And the question so many of us face, how do we continue to deal with relationships when the people we counted on, the people we needed and deserved to be there for us, failed at the worst possible time. We take the bullet. We face the ultimate loss of our children. And then, they want to reap rewards?
To Whom it may concern,
You gave me an ultimatum when I was pregnant… that if I chose to keep my child you wouldn’t have anything to do with me. And now you want a relationship with my son.
A child that you wanted me to eliminate as a fetus, now you want a relationship with my son.
A child that you wanted me to abandon as a newborn infant, now you want a relationship with my son.
As my heart ached, my emotions smashed, my self-confidence hindered, my life experiences forever altered because I was given an ultimatum (no partner, no family, no love, no respect, no support), now you want a relationship with my son.
An open adoption relationship that I chose along with the adoptive family…that we have cultivated with respect and love for each other without your interference, now you want a relationship with my son.
Your strong-arming and personal desires created a statistic out of us, a punch line, a stereotype and titles that we will forever be known as….a birth mom…a birth child, now YOU want a relationship with MY son.
So tell me, what is different now?
No, I would say you forfeited your right a long time ago to have a relationship with this child that you did not want to be a part of YOUR family.