• A Must Read List for Adoption Truths

    • In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.

    • I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.

    • I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever. Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?

    • So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.

    • There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.

    • What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.

    • The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.

    • Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.

    • When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.

    • Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.

    • The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..

    • Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.

    • I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.

When Newborns are Shuffled Around in Legal Shell Games

Adoption  Realities; Not “Gentle Care”

“Where is the baby?”

That’s the first question I am asked when I start talking about this sad situation in Ohio. It is followed up with, “Why don’t they just give the baby back?” as the second question. The third is often, “How CAN they DO that?”

To all these questions, I just shake my head and say, ” I don’t know.”

We actually cannot ascertain WHERE Camden is right now. Based on a communication I received  on Monday 5-6-14 from the original hopeful adoptive family’s attorney, we believe that they might have bowed out and the agency has placed him elsewhere.

Not in the Pre-Adoptive Home?

NOT with the family Carri choose anymore 2


So from that we gain this knowledge:

1)They have morals and are now to be left alone; something we shall honor.

2)The agency has NO reason NOT to return Camden now to Carri except that THEY DON”T WANT TO.

3) All agreements about “adoptive family bonding” and their heartbreak are null and void.

4)Any conversations about Camden being “ripped from the only family he has ever known” are also laughable.

5) Adoption by Gentle Care has shown that they do NOT care about the “best interest” of this baby as he is being moved around like a sack of potatoes.

6) And we have no idea where Carri’s baby is at this time.

Of course, they are not telling and that alone is very distressing. Carri doesn’t even know for sure where he is and Mother’s Day is coming up.  It’s just a horrible situation all around and we can only hope and pray that AGC is compelled to do the right thing and just admit their mistakes, as Carri has also done, and rescind the relinquishment. It’s really the only humane outcome for this poor little guy and everyone involved. If they did that,  they could at least show that they are doing the right thing and not concerned about their bottom line. There is just no need to drag this out and have it go through litigation and waste years of everyone’s lives.

But it looks to be where they are headed.

Not in the “Best Interest” of the Pre-Adoptive Couples They Serve

Legal posturing continues and who knows if anyone is even trying to adopt this child and who they might be.  Someone mentioned alerting the FBI on this as I could see the agency NOT informing a prospective adoptive couple of the full implications of the legal risks until it is too late and leading them down a rabbit hole that will cause them to bond with a child who is really NOT free for adoption; continue to claim that the consent was legally obtained, not warn them of the ICWA implications, the unknown actions of the biological father, or the desire of Carri to have her child returned. Unless AGC waits and acts all optimistic and “hopeful” until another couple have bonded and are so thoroughly indebted  monetarily to keeping this child that they have no recourse. Unless the agency finds the most desperate, unethical, wishful thinking and seriously loaded pre adoptive couple around, I can’t see anyone willingly wanting to adopt a baby, no matter how precious, who is such a legal risk.  I would think it would set up the agency for a later lawsuit based on fraud.

I can just see another couple being lined up to take the fall, but these one’s cannot be warned as we do not know who they are. It’s just so sad all around.

Not in the “Best Interest” of this Baby

The majority of child welfare advocates say separating a child from their biological family should be a last resort as adoption is supposed to be about a child who needs a home, not keeping a child away from an able and  loving mother who was ill advised and made a mistake.

How can it be “best” for him to be moved about for maybe the third time since he was born that we know of?  Has ANYONE heard of the Primal Wound???

And I am frustrated, now completely, in the manner that this moves along legally. When a newborns life and well being hangs in the balance, and his lifelong issues of trust and security are being compromised, this becomes a game of legal motions, petitions, actions, courts and stays. I swear there should be some kind of judicial rush that comes into play when a child’s life and well being hangs in balance.  Yet, case after case, we watch as the games drag on, financials are drained and the child  is the one used like a pawn of adults and agencies with their own agenda. Then the courts have the nerve to rule on a child’s best interest when they themselves had a hand in causing the pain and loss that will accompany almost any outcome.

More Attention is Needed; More Growing Support and Eyes Watching

The only good thing I know is that Adopting by Gentle does not seem to like the public attention. They want to work these deceit in private so no one catches on.  It seems these agencies have almost gotten too confident, too secure, in what they do. Or so desperate to keep the baby machine moving that they just keep going blindly through what they know has worked in the past.

Please continue calling and sending notices to the media especially in Ohio. While all the major media outlets HAVE had PRs emailed and tweeted to them, there is some resistance because the issue is “sensitive”.  Some have tip lines (614-481-6848), call them, send email.. anything!

An updated PR is here: 5-7 PR Gentle Care Unethical Ohio Adoption

My daughters skin is “sensitive”;  THIS is an injustice! Beyond running over the rights of  mother, ignoring a father, deceiving an adoptive family, possibly hurting another; this is about a baby and his well being IS being compromised.

I just want to say; I know people want to help and keep asking me what they can do. Noise is what is needed. Please keep making noise: share, post to other pages and groups,  write blog posts, share images, call papers, media contacts, congressmen, anyone!!

And if you have an idea, don’t even worry about it being “ok”;  just do it. I seriously cannot organize and correlate. I can’t ask, assign, or keep track right now, and we are certainly beyond engraved invitations! Just take my blessing and do what you want, do what you can.  I give thanks!

This post was originally written and published on May 7th, 2014.

The date has been changed so that the updates and stories can be read more easily in chronology order.

Please see the main mini site pages on the Unethical Ohio Adoption Agency   pages to continue learning about Carri and Camden’s adoption story and how you can help Bring Camden Home.

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Claudia Corrigan DArcy

About Claudia Corrigan DArcy

Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. Blogging since 2005, her website Musings of the Lame has become a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. She is also an activist and avid supporter of Adoptee Rights and fights for nationwide birth certificate access for all adoptees with the Adoptee Rights Coalition. Besides here on Musings of the Lame, her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine, Adopt-a-tude.com, Lost Mothers, Grown in my Heart, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences, other radio and print interviews over the years. She resides in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, Rye, children, and various pets.
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One Response to When Newborns are Shuffled Around in Legal Shell Games

  1. Claudette says:

    This honestly makes me want to vomit! I just made a call to Senator Hughes, which I received his secretary that was actually extremely polite and interested in what I had to say. She did tell me that he can’t comment on it because it is legal case, but she listened to what I said! I poured my heart and soul out about what it’s like to be a sister separated by adoption! How could the agency not just do this to Carri, but what about all of these siblings that are involved! The woman was genuinely interested in what I had to say as she did ask questions, I take that as a good sign?!? My calls and emails will continue.

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