Questions about Adoption


Fellow birth mother and researcher, Dr. Gail Hanssen Perry would like to know more about today’s betrayed open adoptions. She wants to compare today’s experiences with the findings of her doctoral research, “Extending Families: How Adoptive Parents Transition to Openness”, now 20 years old. This will not only enhances the CUB Retreat, but it could become part of a document CUB prepares to alert vulnerable pregnant couples to possible pitfalls. Gail and CUB Founder, Lee Campbell, have collaborated on a handout that includes a few questions for those who have been betrayed. I am happy to be able to make this into a online version for CUB and to help gather the information for them. If you are a Betrayed Birth Parent who was Promised More in Adoption than You Received, PLEASE Take the Survey!

Debunking OBC Access Myths and Fears; Abortion Rates Will Go Up

Have the abortion rates in those states gone up since OBC access was restored which would indicate that women fear this lack of mythological privacy in adoption? If a women knows that someday her relinquished child will be an adult and could access his or her original birth certificate with her name on it, will she abort the pregnancy rather than give birth? Abortions rates say NO! Adoptee Equality Proves to be NO Threat to Unborn Babies!

Rainbow Unicorns and The Mythical Birthmother Who Wants to Relinquish Her Child

If there are other options that CAN BE sought BEFORE adoption, then the adoption itself, not matter how happy anyone claims to be, is a tragedy. “What about the mothers who truly aren’t able to parent?” If we want adoption to really be a good thing, ethical, and used as it should then we have to then ask, ‘What is the obstacle in her way that is making it less than idea for this mother to parent this baby?

Costs of Adoption: Increased Secondary Infertility Rates Infographic

According to multiple studies, women who relinquish a child to adoption are forty to sixty percent more likely to experience secondary infertility that other mothers. Adoption agencies, facilitators, and counselors are not requires to disclose this information to expectant mothers considering adoption – so of course, they don’t. Does that sound like helping people make INFORMED decisions to YOU?

“What to Expect” from a Post Relinquishment Pregnancy

There is a good chance that motherhood will never be the same for a birthmother. Even under completely different circumstance than the adoption, years later, the mother we could have been has been altered. She is gone. What is left is a new mother, a new persons, one forever altered by the relinquishment experience.

A Tale of an AdoptionLand Battle

I have a little bedtime story to tell you my friends. Some of you shared the moments leading up to this, actual, fairy tale ending a you had been participating during the creation of it. Many of you have a part in making it become a happy ending, and that’s why this story gets it own post. If you have been with me up to that point, please feel free to skip down, but don’t go! Our story is NOT over yet! And it’s worth it, I promise! There is a VERY happy ending!!

Adoption Relinquishments by the Numbers

Based on a 100% population, then, the USA IF it had similar adoption practices and supported mothers would have 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or takeWant to do it again? Based on the 2006 numbers, we are looking at only 826 infants relinquished in the USA rather than the 14,000.
I don’t even need my calculator to know that it means we are looking at aproximately 13,500 babies relinquished by mothers who, IF given accurate information regarding parenting and had options and support, would most likely NOT have placed their babies for adoption. Now multiply that by the last ten years: that’s over 135,000 families separated for no other reason than the fact that adoption is a huge profit driven business in the USA.

The Good in the Negative

There are many stories that are so much like mine

Other women like me, wounds that don’t heal with time

They made it clear that we had no choice

They took away our child, our life, our voice

Greedy Adoptive Families

She looked at me and asked, “Why do people adopt a kid if they can have on of their own?”OK ,You started the adoption process, but then got pregnant. So STOP adopting. You don’t need to anymore! What do you have too much money and time invested or something?

The Craigslist Adoption Truth Project

The article points out that the BEST results were from Craigslist. All the other avenues of baby procurement were trickles as far as results. I’m not sure why expectant moms are turning to Craigslist for the adoptive parents of their unborn children rather, but maybe they are looking for used cribs and get sucked in by their sad stories? The fact is the article clearly tells US where WE have to go to reach moms BEFORE they answer the horrid pathetic ads and get sucked into the adoption machine. To that I say thank you very much.

Hard Truths; A Birthmother is Abandoning Her Child

Somewhere inside, they are baby who misses their mothers smell and they don’t have the words to describe that feeling. Someone inside they could be a 3 year old who is scared and angry and wishes that you could come and take them away. Someday, they could turn out to be a person who doesn’t care about stuff, but only wants to fit in with people that get them. Or maybe, just maybe, they think that THEY should have been important enough to warrant a better plan on our part. That THEY were worth working harder, pinching pennies, putting off school, fighting the system, arguing with parents, going on social services.


I Own It; Making Mistakes, Accepting Responsibility and Regret

I would undo it, I would change it, but I can’t. Yes, I regret that I let my son be adopted. I know no one held a gun to my head and no one, in my case, forced me to sign those papers. I know that I had my reasons at the time and they are perfectly acceptable reasons and common to adoption practices to this day. In many ways, I know that I was an ideal birthmother and I admit, over and over, that I was visibly a “content, peaceful and happy” birthmother for many years. I am aware that I sent myself away; I plucked the idea of adoption out of thin air, and I presented it as a solution to my friends and family.