Motherhood

Universal Motherhood

There is not a “birthmother” gene. There is not a nerve that is cut. There is not a build up around her heart. She will give birth like every other mother has before her and every mother after. The very act of giving birth creates a mother even if legal paperwork or extenuating circumstances leave her unable to parent. There are no lines separating us here, no boundaries, no differences in race, country, or in time. There are no lines, either, separating a “normal” birth process from one that ends up as an adoption. One cannot just turn off those bonding hormones no matter what legal paperwork might be later signed.


Saving Our Sisters; An Adoption SOS

The simple fact is that we CAN do this. And it is becoming more and more clear that we MUST do this. So if you are at all interested in actually DOING something to really help preserve families, support successful parenting and provide a viable option to a unplanned crisis pregnancy and avoid adoption, PLEASE join this list.



Updating on the Current UnEthical Adoption in Ohio

This CAN be over any minute. If the HAP’s returned Camden to Adoption by Gentle Care and aren’t willing to take the bullet; if the DNA results prove that they will fighting both an illegal consent of the mother and a refusal to consent from a father, then it just might be too much for these unethical characters.



When Newborns are Shuffled Around in Legal Shell Games

And I am frustrated, now completely, in the manner that this moves along legally. When a newborns life and well being hangs in the balance, and his lifelong issues of trust and security are being compromised, this becomes a game of legal motions, petitions, actions, courts and stays. I swear there should be some kind of judicial rush that comes into play when a child’s life and well being hangs in balance. Yet, case after case, we watch as the games drag on, financials are drained and the child is the one used like a pawn of adults and agencies with their own agenda. Then the courts have the nerve to rule on a child’s best interest when they themselves had a hand in causing the pain and loss that will accompany almost any outcome.


Join me in the New York  Screening of “Breeders: A Subclass of Women?” on June 18th

As I have long said that there is a strong correlation between what happens in surrogacy and what happens in adoption, so a film like Breeders is very important. It is an honest look at the risks of surrogate mothers and the commoditization of fertility and pregnancy, egg donations, and assisted reproductive technology in regard to human rights violations and women’s empowerment. Surrogacy is making all the same mistakes that have been made in adoption and have not yet learned from the past decades of education and awareness because the two have been seen as separate, but it’s really not very different.


There Is No Escaping Mother’s Day for Birthmothers

On a day meant to honor motherhood, you can’t help thinking of the one you never get to see. You can’t help missing those who are missing from your life. Mother’s Day, like birthdays and holidays of any sort, become a time to reflect and wonder where your child is and who he honors on that day. Does he think of you? Does he wonder? What is his name and are his eyes as blue?


The Birthmother Shift – 12 Years In an Adoption Fog

At or around age 12, childhood is over.
And for birth mothers, it is obvious that we missed the whole thing. It’s over. Our child is in the final stages of growing up without us. Their whole childhood is gone. They grew up without us. It’s done.


The Rich Do Not Relinquish Children to Adoption

Despite how wonderful a choice those in the adoption industry would like the world to believe, mothers do not want to give up their babies for adoption and that can be easily seen as the rich do not relinquish.


Same Sex Couples: Don’t Let Your Equality Turn You Into Oppressors

If you believe that you need, want, desire, have a right to, can only accept, are entitled, or even have made a “choice” that an infant though domestic infant adoption (or surrogacy) is the way to go, then please let me warn you that you are in great danger of becoming exactly what you have fought against for so long. You are entering a slippery slope where you are in great danger of becoming the oppressor.


Don’t Put Off an Adoption Cry

I do not “relax” well. I feel guilty when I am not producing things, making things, painting things, cleaning, things, commenting with a vengeance, writing, building sites, networking, etc. Yet, I have been waking up past TEN FREAKING AM and then staying IN BED until NOON. Yes, really. WTF. And that’s what I was doing on Christmas Eve morning, until, that is, I started crying….


Five Lies About Grief & What No One Tells You about Birthmother’s Losses

In many ways, you are restarting your life from scratch. You were not a birthmother before. You did not have this child before. Now you do. You are newly born as a mother, as THIS mother, for THIS child and that mother has been relinquished as well. She is gone. You mourn not only your child, but the mother you would have been, the girl who did not live with this sorrow, the woman who didn’t hold sadness in her eyes.


Searching for Adoption Healing and Birthmother Advice

It’s bad enough that the adoption industry is still promoting that somehow it is OK to relinquish a baby to adoption and that the long term effects of relinquishment on birthmothers does not exists despite all the scientific research to the quandary. But by putting the impossible task to “healing from relinquishment” on the actual birthmother; they are also setting her up to fail.


Geeks and Gamers for Good

It wasn’t fully diagnosed until he was 2, but his pediatrician heard his heart murmur soon after birth. It was hoped that it would clear up on its own as many babies have ventricular holes that do closed up, but his didn’t. So, we were referred to a pediatric cardiologist who did all the chest X-rays and EKGs and echo cardiograms. That’s how it was discovered that my oldest parented child was born with not three flaps on his aortic value, but two.