A Premier in Pretty Colors for Dumb Politician About a week ago, I was gifted with a link to a study published in 2010 called Giving Birth to a “Rapist’s Child”: A Discussion and Analysis of the Limited Legal Protections Afforded to Women Who Become Mothers Through Rape by Shauna R. Prewitt. Thank you, Paula for sending me the link! Considering the recent discussions in the media regarding “forcible rape”…
I received an email yesterday, that I am sharing here. I would not normally do this, but I think that in this case, words of wisdom need to come from more people than just myself. It’s one thing for one person to offer advice, but it’s different if many give the encouragement and support.
I know there is a small chance that the whole story is made up and perhaps someone thinks they are sneaky and is digging for information to use against me. I don’t care about that. Have fun it that’s the case. My advice would be the same no matter what. Plus, I really don’t believe that to be true. I am leaving out the new mother’s name and the date of the baby’s birth to be safe.
Adoption is particularly hard because it is never something we really learn about before we find it in our lives. I know I never dreamed that one day I would grow up, have a baby, give him to other parents to raise and not see him for 19 years. I believe that is true for many adoptive parents as well. Maybe you always felt that you would eventually adopt a child, maybe you were always intrigued, maybe you thought about it long and hard, or maybe suddenly, you just felt that you were thrust into it, maybe you entered it blindly; I don’t know, but I bet, looking back now, you would say that you had no idea what the experience of adoption a child would really be like. That you think now there was no way to have planned for it all. You could not have known
The Ugly Mythology of Motherhood Today A few weeks ago, we met up with some friends who have a lovely child who is just about two. The mom and I were talking about the inevitable “terrible twos” and her concerns that her daughter hits. I was in my soothing “older mom been there done that” role and was saying how all kids hit at age two. I do call it…
I don’t know why, but the responses to my last post about my dreading with November was overwhelming to me. It wasn’t that people responded with kindness; I actually expect the innate goodness and compassion of most. It wasn’t that my feelings obviously resonate to what other moms feel during the birthday months of our relinquished children either. It was more like I was so struck at how very similar…
Back to “normal” life, but nothing would ever be the same normal again. That was always the bit of irony about adoption. You went through this experience, this incredible perceived “sacrifice” and certainly a heartache for the ultimate plan to not have your life changed, but no one tells you how unavoidable that is. You can’t have a baby and place it for adoption with the experience changing your very…
This story begins here:” How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1 I returned home from New York City, hastily packed, defeated, depressed, and full of fear. Back to my room, back to the life of which I so wanted to get away from and this time without any dreams of escape. My physical load much lighter, but my heart filed with failure and regrets, now fearful and more doubtful of…
It’s kind of funny, considering that it is me, but I have been volunteering all over the place for Tristan’s and Scarlett’s school. The last week has been all about the PTA Holiday Gift Shoppe… Yup, running the holiday gift shoppe. Yup, the PTA. But, it’s been fun and I can do it one handed. And it’s good for all these kids, it’s good for the school, and people really…
In the midst of the conversation, we touched upon that just bad feeling that we both have, that we in a certain way, did this to ourselves. Though she was up here at the time, and I on LI and in NYC, being the same age, getting pregnant at the same time, having boys 5 days apart, it was the same time frame and the same social order that we experienced. The greatest difference is that I went the agency route and she fell in with a private lawyer/ private adoption. And as she said “I did this.. I found them”.
“So did I. I called my agency. I sent myself away”
Even with all that you see here, all that I DID sign, all that I was told, I still felt that I had no choice. I did this because it was the only thing I could do. And I signed all, I agreed to all, I waived all because I was trying to be the best dern birthmother the agency had ever had. I wanted them to be so proud of me. I wanted acceptance and I knew that by being “strong”, by being determined, I would make them happy. I would prove my worth.
Yes, I “decided” to lose my child. Yes, I was “very sure”. Yes, technically, I had ‘other options’, but in my heart, in my head..there was no other option just this thing that I must do for us both. I believed what I was told. I wanted to believe it since at least believing it gave me some hope. Of abortion, of parenting..both were dark and cold as seen by me. My views were skewed. Our lives at stake. And I was in no position to make this life long decision. Yes, I needed to be protected from myself.
Adoption as a Solution to Crisis Pregnancy The following is a collection of post recounting my experience as a teenage mother and how I found myself in the situation where I placed my infant son for adoption. It is wholly based on my current memories and my writings of that time of my pregnancy and relinquishment, and while I might be off on some things due to memory lapse, it…