Expectant Mothers

Universal Motherhood

There is not a “birthmother” gene. There is not a nerve that is cut. There is not a build up around her heart. She will give birth like every other mother has before her and every mother after. The very act of giving birth creates a mother even if legal paperwork or extenuating circumstances leave her unable to parent. There are no lines separating us here, no boundaries, no differences in race, country, or in time. There are no lines, either, separating a “normal” birth process from one that ends up as an adoption. One cannot just turn off those bonding hormones no matter what legal paperwork might be later signed.

Aly’s Unethical Fight

“We are so blessed by our two girls, but we are supposed to be coming home with three. …. We felt God tell us to adopt this baby. Even though we have two, we cannot not fight for one we clearly felt was ours. …. Our blessings are many, but that does not mean we will stop fighting for the one…the one we felt God told us was ours when we said yes to adopt again in January.”

Aly, you heard God wrong.

The Desperate Antics of Adoption Agencies; Finders Fees for Birthmother Recruitment

A Guardian Angel Adoptions is making it known that they want previous clients to do their marketing for them to help them find at risk mothers. The $500 is a finder’s fee. Which in itself is pretty damn gross, but let’s think about this; It’s NOT just for a simple referral. Notice the words “when they have completed a successful adoption” meaning .. when your friend has signed the irrevocable relinquishment consent form for her baby THEN you get the $500.

Birthing, Labor, and Adoption Relinquishment

Your adoption plan is what you think you want and how you hope it will go down, but you want it to be like right now doesn’t matter either because like labor, you really won’t be in control once you sign the relinquishment consent. That signature gives up ALL control.
I can tell you that the pain from labor fades. I cannot say the same about adoption.

Birthmother Gaslighting Manipulation by the Adoption Industry

I know many birthmothers who have “chosen” to relinquish a child to adoption have great difficulty explaining the very subtle coercion and thought process that goes into it. It’s not so obvious to be called brainwashing. It is often not forceful enough to be openly accepted as coercion. We don’t even know or want to call ourselves “victims”. Is it the sophisticated manipulation tactic known as “Gaslighting”?

There are No Contracts in Adoption

Actually the word “contract” is not used in adoption legalese due to the nature of who can sign it. See, minors are not allowed to enter a contract under contract law. And since many times women under the age of 18 are encouraged to relinquish their babies to adoption, an “adoption contract” would just not do. So adoption relinquishment consent form is just that; an: adoption relinquishment consent form.

“What to Expect” from a Post Relinquishment Pregnancy

There is a good chance that motherhood will never be the same for a birthmother. Even under completely different circumstance than the adoption, years later, the mother we could have been has been altered. She is gone. What is left is a new mother, a new persons, one forever altered by the relinquishment experience.

Creating Adoption Change Along Unlikely Paths

I just willingly did the “Adoption Perspectives” show on “Powerful” Christian talk radio with two adoptive mothers. Sounds like I spent a lot of time deflecting stereotypes and horrible comments, You would think I spent an hour defending my right to be considered a mother? Not even once it was basically a love fest. As in, there was this crazy mutual agreement. I didn’t censor my words once. I didn’t hold back any opinion. And there was not one disagreement at all. Not. One. How in God’s name did this happen?

Societies Attitude when Birth Control Fails

“Yet whether it was an accident, ambivalence, or a careless mistake, it’s always the woman’s fault. She allowed herself to get pregnant. She couldn’t keep her legs closed”

Other women, other mothers, who have faced the surprising results on the dreaded “pee stick of doom”. But it’s not about adoption, it is in support of parenting, and parenting young. Rolling with the natural and biological results of sex, accepting a pregnancy before it’s time and the battles of birth control, but most of all the judgment that society, often other women, thrust upon us for daring to get pregnant in the first place.

Biological Mother’s Grief: The Post Adoptive Experience in Open Versus Confidential Adoption

Indications were strong that biological mothers who know more about the later life of the child they relinquished have a harder time making an adjustment than do mothers whose tie to the child is broken off completely by means of death. Relinquishing mothers who know only that their children still live but have no details about their lives appear to experience an intermediate degree of grief. It might seem a paradox that continued knowledge about the relinquished child would intensify a mother’s grief symptoms. The question of whether open adoption inhibits a healthy grieving process needs careful consideration before open adoption becomes a standard method of practice

This is Adoption Happily Ever After

No matter how perfect the outcome, it still hurts. The only way to avoid the hurt is to avoid adoption, and it’s too late for that, for me. The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today. It’s not because I had a “bad experience”, it’s that it was a “good experience”, and yet there are too many tears and the worry never stops.

Blog for Choice 2013 Lame Style

If you don’t believe in abortion, then don’t have one. I promise I won’t force you, but please don’t force my daughter to feel shame or cross state lines for wanting to control her fertility. Don’t give our countries women fake choices and then blame them and shame them for doing what they must. Don’t make them endanger their lives or be slaves to their bodies. Don’t let sex become something only the rich deserve. Don’t feed the adoption machine at the risk of women’s lives. You decide your moral code for your body and I will decide the moral code for my body.

Letters From My Pregnant Self – Pre Adoption

What Really Happened When I was Away On the surface, everything here is OK.  Inside I’m feeling pretty lost – but nothing can be done about that. I’ll hold out. From my first letter written August 24th, 1987 I think it was back in ’06 when I first asked Laura if she still had my letters from Boston saved. I used to inquire about them periodically. I was writing out…

Good Mothers Don’t Even Think About Adoption!

We see the messages that mother who keeps the child that she can ill-afford is considered irresponsible. The mother who needs public assistance is considered a freeloader. The mother who gets pregnant again too soon should “know better how babies are made”. The mother who is too young and unwed should have “thought about the consequences before she spread her legs”. The single mother raising her children is “breaking the fabric of the American values”.

Conversations with the “Other Side”

Huge said: “So you are an anti-religious bigot. What about the millions of women who regret killing their baby for the rest of their lives??? What about all the of women that are maimed and ruined for life by being pushed into killing their own child? Do you really think mass abortion is a sound choice for birth control when so many other methods are available? I think you hate yourself and other women.”