Getting “Knocked Up”, Judgment of Mothers, Support of Motherhood
- I have gotten pregnant on the pill.
- I have gotten pregnant on the Sponge.
- I have gotten pregnant using condoms.
- I have, I swear, gotten pregnant by sperm flying though the air like little honing missiles intent upon my ripe ovum targets. Might as well paint bulls eyes on my ovaries.
I have been a slave to my fertility for years. I lived in fear of pregnancy. It was a constant diligence against my body’s desires to make more people. I would keep pregnancy tests on hand just so I could be assured that yes, this month, I controlled those damn eggs. But the next month would roll around and the fearful wait would begin. I used to actually welcome the monthly migraine that signaled the beginning of my cycle. One of the greatest days of my life was when my husband had his vasectomy. I was finally free of the fear of pregnancy, but for 25 years.. I feared.
How Could You Get Yourself Knocked Up?
There are some great discussion happening right now on the very same topic. Other women, other mothers, who have faced the surprising results on the dreaded “pee stick of doom”. But it’s not about adoption, it is in support of parenting, and parenting young. Rolling with the natural and biological results of sex, accepting a pregnancy before it’s time and the battles of birth control, but most of all the judgment that society, often other women, thrust upon us for daring to get pregnant in the first place.
I just don’t understand how in this day and age, with all the birth control options out there, women get pregnant by accident,
It’s not about adoption, but the stigma is the same:
Yet whether it was an accident, ambivalence, or a careless mistake, it’s always the woman’s fault. She allowed herself to get pregnant. She couldn’t keep her legs closed — as one commenter judged.
Everyone from small-town gossipers to Internet commenters immediately jump to a “well you were asking for it” conclusion.
This conversation is on parenting.com, and does request shared stories of unplanned pregnancies, so if you have a moment, share your voice.
Support for Young Mothers Facing Unplanned Pregnancies
The other bonus of this read, is the resources that our fertile sisters have created.
The author of this piece, Michelle Horton has a site EarlyMama.com which shares tips and support for mothering before the societal accepted “planned time”.
And then there is Chaunie, who also blogs about her positive experience in being a mother before she thought she would. She writes over at TinyBlueLines.com.
Seems like good places to add to our lists for mothers considering adoption. Rather than false, kool-aide driven “testimonials” from adoption agencies saying how wonderful separation from our children is, there are success stories from other mothers who were wise enough to embrace their motherhood.
And a confession: I wish I was them.
These judgmental, hypocrite, hateful nutters sicken me.
I don’t think this is as much about being too young as it is about being too single.
I used to conduct “sociological experiments” when I was pregnant with my son–I was married when he was conceived (and we split in my seventh month), but I was young (19) and looked considerably younger. The reactions to my pregnant belly when I was wearing my wedding ring were VERY different than when I wasn’t.
I don’t think any of this garbage is actually about parenting. I think it’s about controlling female sexuality.
They try to limit our access to birth control. They try to limit our access to abortion. Then they judge and shame and guilt us when we get pregnant. Then they try to punish us by taking our children away–so that “deserving” married women can have their “reward.” Punish the bad girls, reward the good girls.
And whenever I hear pro-lifers talking about rape exceptions for abortion, I know I’m right. If you’re purely about protecting the fetus, then the manner in which it was conceived shouldn’t matter a bit. Life is life, right? Fetii created via rape are no less alive than any other. Of course, if pregnancy is how you punish bad girls for having all teh sex, then those who didn’t consent to sex musn’t be made to suffer.
The best piece I’ve ever read on the subject is here: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2012/10/how-i-lost-faith-in-the-pro-life-movement.html
It’s very long, but it’s worth reading. An excerpt:
If it were about babies, they would be making access to birth control widespread and free and creating a comprehensive social safety net so that no woman finds herself with a pregnancy she can’t afford. They would be raising money for research on why half of all zygotes fail to implant and working to prevent miscarriages. It’s not about babies. It’s about controlling women. It’s about making sure they have consequences for having unapproved sex.
It’s the same thing when you are unable to get pregnant. People are just ignorant about many topics that they have no idea what they are talking about.
I get some weird looks from people when I tell them my adoption had nothing to do with me. It was about punishing my first mother.
She wanted to keep me. She refused to sign the papers for four months. But it was 1971, and she was 18 and unmarried. They eventually wore her down. She had to be taught a lesson, so that she never did that again.
Well, it worked. She never had another child.