• A Must Read List for Adoption Truths

    • In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.

    • I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.

    • I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever. Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?

    • So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.

    • There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.

    • What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.

    • The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.

    • Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.

    • When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.

    • Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.

    • The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..

    • Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.

    • I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.

Oh No, Please Don’t Go! We Lose Maurice Sendak

I will admit, I never imagined this day.

“Where the Wild Things Are” Author Maurice Sendak Dies

When I got to the office this morning, I glanced at my Facebook feed again as I do. Usually nothing has changed in the world during my 7 minute walk to the office and the 5 minutes it takes me to grab a cup of coffee. Today, I was not to be so lucky.

The minute I saw the cover to “Where the Wild Things Are” I let out the groan. I knew, though I had not imagine his death ever before, I knew. As Twitter confirms all deaths, I was quickly jumping to another window to check the Tweet Stream, but already Deidra said it was true.

And, as I do all too often, I sat at my desk and cried.

Let the Wild Rumpus End

I don’t have to tell you again how vital and influential Where the Wild Things Are to me. Just take one look at this blog or any of my “main internet properties” and yes, Where the Wild Things Are is “my theme”. Maurice Sendak has been an idol for over 30 years and yes, of course, we all know that Max is named after Max in his wolf suit.

I sent a texted message to my Max. FYI: the Author of your namesake passed on. RIP Maurice Sendak. 

The one lovely thing and a small silver lining is what followed:

REPLY: That’s too bad. I’ll have to give that book a read again today. Proper eulogy and such. 

To which I took that opportunity to ask whether he still had the copy of Where the Wild Things Are that was purchased by me when he was three days old and sent forth with him when he was surrendered to adoption. And was happily reassured that it was “Right here in my bedroom. As Always”.  Sendak has given me gifts throughout his life, though he never knew. In death, he has confirmed that my son always did have that piece of me, handwritten, in a copy of his book.

Someday, I will have to take a peek and see what my 19 year old self wrote there.

May He Find His Supper Waiting for Him

I have no words. I’m just shocked and sad. I have no deep insights, nor eulogies, or poignant thoughts.

All I can do is recite the words by heart and know that with one look anyone can see that I have been greatly influenced by the life and art of Maurice Sendak.

I have been prepared as other favorites of mine grew old and I knew the time was near. For years I worried about what would happen when Katherine Hepburn passed. She was a favorite of both mine, my mothers and my grandmothers. Kate outlived both of them and in some ways was a final mental link to my maternal line. Kate almost outlived us all. I was actually in the hospital myself when she died just recovering from emergency surgery to remove my damaged spleen. After bleeding internally for over 12 hours, the ER doctors had told Rye that they were not 100% sure that I would make it. Five pints of blood later however, I laid in that hospital bed and cried over the news of Kate’s death.

Some deaths take us by surprise ( Davey Jones) and some we know are coming ( Steve Jobs). Some we should know are coming, like MCA as he was sick, but still we are surprised. At age 83, Maurice Sendak’s death should not come as a shocker, yet I was not, by any means, prepared.

I think I imaged that he would live forever.

I know his influence on my life will.

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Claudia Corrigan DArcy

About Claudia Corrigan DArcy

Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. Blogging since 2005, her website Musings of the Lame has become a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. She is also an activist and avid supporter of Adoptee Rights and fights for nationwide birth certificate access for all adoptees with the Adoptee Rights Coalition. Besides here on Musings of the Lame, her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine, Adopt-a-tude.com, Lost Mothers, Grown in my Heart, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences, other radio and print interviews over the years. She resides in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, Rye, children, and various pets.
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8 Responses to Oh No, Please Don’t Go! We Lose Maurice Sendak

  1. Myst says:

    (((Claudia))) A very sad day indeed. Sending you much love and care xxx

  2. I thought of you when I heard. A very tough day. (((hugs)))

  3. It’s been a terrible, no good, very bad day!

  4. Coco Rogers says:

    I knew his loss would hit you very hard, my friend. Mr. Sendak was an amazing gift to the world.

  5. Anonymous says:

    When I heard the news this morning, I automatically thought of you. I know we don’t know each other well, but your blog has helped me in so many ways, including being able to acknowledge all the sadness in my adoption experience.

    Thinking of you today.

    Jennifer

  6. I know, I was shocked when I heard. I must admit that I had forgotten about him for the last years, but I was quick enough to dig up all the books I had of his and spent the evening reading it aloud with the kids. I mean, ok, our 9 year ols loved it, but my teens really liked it to!
    He was a classic!

  7. Suzy says:

    It is so unfortunate. I too was shocked when I heard. My husband’s favorite book was “Where the Wild Things Are”. We use to tease that our son should have been called Max.Although he is gone, we are blessed by his books, his art, and by the gift he gave by himself.

  8. Pingback: Better Than a Caldecott, Always Wild Thing | Musings of the Lame

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