Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog - Adoption & Birth Mothers*

Choices of the damned; Damned if you do, damned if you don't

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons, Cultural Views on Adoption, Relinquishment March 9, 2006

The Choice of the Damned

Yes, I “decided” to lose my child. Yes, I was “very sure”. Yes, technically, I had ‘other options’, but in my heart, in my head..there was no other option just this thing that I must do for us both. I believed what I was told. I wanted to believe it since at least believing it gave me some hope. Of abortion, of parenting..both were dark and cold as seen by me. My views were skewed. Our lives at stake. And I was in no position to make this life long decision. Yes, I needed to be protected from myself.

A Birthmothers Life, Reunions & Support March 8, 2006

What to do, what to do?

One of Max’s bands is playing a show this weekend. I got the invite, though I have to wonder if it didn’t just go out to everyone. I mentioned it to Garin who is very sure of the fact that HE WANTS TO GO. Or, rather, he says “we are going”. Never mind that I am slated to work, never mind that I would have to send the other two…

Adoption March 8, 2006

More…

New bloggers..or new to me I should say…added to my linky links. If I link you and you don’t want to be linked, please just drop me a line and away it will be. No hard feelings. And the same goes if you are Blogging, and I have overlooked you. It’s not personal, it just measn that when I saved you in favorites, I put you in the wrong file..so…

Adoption March 7, 2006

Adoption: The Tapestry of Gray, Weaving Truth.

There is no simple answer in adoption. Adoption is made of millions of individual experiences. We all have a thread in it. We all weave it together.

Adoption is not one color. It is not one shade. It is millions of different shades of gray, some threads change mid stream…from brightly colored, to the black of death, back to a pale whisper of what it once was. Some are almost invisible, but they are still there, holding their place, keeping the pattern alive.

Adoption March 7, 2006

I think it is postworthy…

So here’s the thing. When I think about all the mothers of adoption loss I “know”, I wonder why it is that we all seem to fall into the same type of catagory. Like really, I know of two groups. The moms from the Baby Scoop Era who were really and trully forced into maternity homes and made to surrender their children. And then there is the Willing Moms who…

Rants and Raves March 5, 2006

And the Winner of the Ugliest House in the Whole World is…

This one: This monstrosity is being built in the middle of nowhere right by Rye’s Aunt’s house. We had to stop and get a better look, a picture, and as luck would have it, we ran into the neighbors who gave us the dirt. Aparently, the guy who is bulding this wants to create this thing that is suppose to be a testiment to what one can achieve without an…

Before Making an Adoption Plan, Birthmother Regrets & Lessons March 4, 2006

Momma Bears Unhinged and Non-thinking Pitfalls

How else can a mother be able to walk away from her child except that she feels that it is the best and only thing for her baby’s well being? Where else does she get that strength except from her internal momma bear? And what if that momma bear has been given the wrong messages? What is it is based on crazed idealistic fantasies and stupid lists based on doubt? What if she could harness all that internal strength needed to fight the grief and instead use it to fight all the reasoning behind a possible loss? What if she stopped trying to be the “best birthmother” but tried to be the best mother? What if adoption reasoning and lists and generic feel good thoughts of grateful and happy adoptive parents didn’t get in the way of natures supreme processes?

A Birthmothers Life, Rants and Raves March 3, 2006

Irony? Perhaps..

I spend my days hunting for women who are considering adoption and do my damnest to talk them out of it. Usually. Sometimes, I just don’t feel like I can click with them..and I say just a bit and bow out rather then leave them thinking I am some insane fanatic. OK, I am a bit of in insane fanatic, but not militantly insane. But really, either they are going…

Adoption News March 1, 2006

How babies are treated in the beginning could shape the way they see the world

First impressions: Carolyn Skelton, CanWest News Service Saturday, February 25, 2006 VICTORIA – Until six years ago, Debby Takikawa was a counsellor in California who ran a family therapy clinic where she helped moms and dads form healthy bonds with their brand-new babies. Then she decided to make a 20-minute film for her clients. She started with the question: “What does it mean to a person to be ‘met’ at…

Adoption News March 1, 2006

Unintended Pregnancy Linked to State Funding Cuts

Unintended Pregnancy Linked to State Funding Cuts First-of-Its-Kind Study Cites Impact On Teenage Girls and Poor Women By Ceci Connolly Washington Post Staff Writer Wednesday, March 1, 2006; Page A06 At a time when policymakers have made reducing unintended pregnancies a national priority, 33 states have made it more difficult or more expensive for poor women and teenagers to obtain contraceptives and related medical services, according to an analysis released…

Rants and Raves February 26, 2006

Compromises in Marriage, Panic Attacks

When I was pregnant with Scarlett, Rye and I had to go to Colorado for his mother’s wedding. She was being married at Garden of the Gods, beautiful place, and the whole family was on a week long vacation for the event. While it was a great place to visit and I njoyed seeing the country, I discovered a very sad fact out there. I have a tremondous fear of…

Adoption News, Pending Adoption Legislation February 26, 2006

Big Trouble for Reproductive Rights

Allot of us knew that it was going to happen. The way this current administration was so busy taking about family values. Georgie W speaking of the government funding maternity homes in the presidential debates. The ban of funding towards stem cell research, but over a million dollars going to funding embryo adoptions at Snowflakes in California. Aggressive and mandatory adoption awarness training for any place that provide abortions. The…

13 BILLION Dollars made through ADoption

Adoption News, Bad Adoption Practices February 24, 2006

Adoption Fundraising on Ebay

So, while I don’t particulary like hearing or seeing these kinds of things on Ebay, this is NOT a call to write in and tell these folks how awful they are. For one, I don’t think that much said will really change their point of view, and second, it just makes the people who do look like the mad minority. “We” have already gotten the “credit” for the “nasty” emails…

unsolicited opinions and horses assholes

Rants and Raves February 23, 2006

Low fat fun..

Just a quickie! This woman comes in tonight and orders Pumpkin Ravioli..good stuff!! Delicate taste, brown butter sherry sauce…note: made of real butter, and sherry..that’s about it. Eats it all..yum yum THEN proceeds to give her food server, a marvelous left handed Gay Capricorn Man, named James the Cat AKA Poodle..a HUGE hard time because….egads! We don’t have skim milk for her freaking capachino. Like a major hard time: “What…

Community, Cultural Views on Adoption February 22, 2006

An Email from an Adoptee

I know that sometimes, it seems we are hitting our heads against the brick wall of adoption. Here we are, so few at times, in the trenches, so to speak, with peashooters against the mighty industrial adoption gaint machine. BUT …there is a purpose. Granted the over all goal of many is a complete reform of adoption as we know it, but until that day comes, there are the small…