Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Top Ten

By Lori Holden Want a peek under my hood? I thought I’d dig into my stats and reveal my top ten posts of the past 10 years. Today this blog turns 10. On May 11, 2007, I published my first post — 1099 posts ago. In celebration and before we get to the countdown, here’s an earworm for … Continue reading Top Ten → The post Top Ten appeared first…



The Promise

By AstridBeeMom I told myself I wouldn’t cry. I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want her to think this stranger was emotionally unstable. Then I worried if I didn’t let myself cry she’d think maybe I was emotionally inept. I changed my shirt 3 times. I was about to change it a fourth time when I decided that nothing would be good enough so I may as well…


Adoption and the College Application Process

By Lori Holden I haven’t had reason to think much about adoption and college applications — yet — but an article in AdoptionToday magazine by college consultant and adoptive mother Debbie Schwartz made me think a little bit ahead. Evan struggled as he decided how to respond to the section regarding ethnicity and race. For those students who … Continue reading Adoption and the College Application Process → The post…


Operation Matthew 6:25-34

By AstridBeeMom Welcome to one of the most coercive pre-adoptive stories you will ever read. Take a seat and prepare to look through a “story book” that defines coercion and duress in expectant mothers. I almost titled this post “Faces of Adoption Coercion: Level Infinity.” Meet Tuesday Laine Watson and her husband, Josh. Tuesday is very young, in her 20’s and is hoping to adopt a young woman’s baby when…


Five More Days

By AstridBeeMom 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. It’s been 5,364 days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 more days. 5,983 days since you were born. You and Me Just. 5. More. Days. Unless the bottom drops out. Unless something happens. Dare…


Open Adoption and Playing God

By AstridBeeMom velvet bocephus Another birthday has come and gone. Each year, it feels like that baby, MY baby, becomes more of a stranger. I dreamed of her my entire childhood. I carried her for 41 weeks, labored with her for 36 hours, and held her tightly against my chest in our remaining 32 hours together. What does “Open” Adoption feel like for a mother, or more frequently what we’re…


“Nobody Should Ever Feel Like They’re a Mistake”

By Lori Holden Elijah Thomas, who just turned 24, was determined to find his birth father. In a sort of reverse Gotcha, he shares with us the story of his adoption reunion. Adoption is Never Totally Closed in Our Hearts. First off, I am no adoption expert. I don’t recommend what I did for everyone. Ultimately I think … Continue reading “Nobody Should Ever Feel Like They’re a Mistake” →…


Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows?

By Lori Holden With St Patrick’s Day upon us, I know this weekend is about all things Irish, but I want to share a Chinese proverb. Once there was a poor farmer. He was able to grow just enough to feed his family. One day his horse ran away. “BAD LUCK!” the neighbors cried. “Now you won’t be … Continue reading Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows? → The post…


Reunion Flashback

I wrote this some time ago as a submission to some contest some place. I have been holding on to it until today. It was ten years ago today that this happened. Last Hours of Cold She couldn’t find a freaking parking space to save her life. After all the meticulous planning and her careful timeline, she was going to be late because she couldn’t find any  visitor or public…


Dear Abby, We Need to Talk About Gotcha!

By Lori Holden Gayle Swift here, guesting in Lori’s space. She wasn’t ready to take on another adoption expert so soon after the last one, but seeing as how I have strong feelings about Gotcha, as well as ideas on a more attuned approach, I am happy to step in with my own advice. Dear Abby: Three Reasons … Continue reading Dear Abby, We Need to Talk About Gotcha! →…


Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give Open Adoption Advice

By Lori Holden But there are a few problems with that. First of all, he has no direct experience with open adoption, or even plain old adoption, as far as my sleuthing skills reveal. Second of all, his advice is terrible. Though he apparently has a big following, Jim Rosemond is new on my radar. I heard of … Continue reading Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give Open Adoption…


Brace Face

By Lori Holden Through their orthodontic treatments, I watched as my kids’ smiles got gorgeouser and gorgouser. And I got jealouser and jealouser. So then I got braces. Again. Yes, at my age. I decided it wasn’t a sin to treat myself, so I had a consultation, signed a contract with Dr Vyas (love her), and got my … Continue reading Brace Face → The post Brace Face appeared first…


Independent Adoption Center Goes Belly Up Without Warning

By AstridBeeMom Yesterday and today, without warning, hundreds, maybe thousands, of prospective adoptive parents checked their email and found that the adoption agency they had been working with (see: paying) was no longer in business. Some were near the end of the adoption process and already have children in their homes and are just waiting on finalization, some had just began the process and didn’t have too much invested quite…


Domestic Adoption Support Network; Tim Elder, Melissa Kay Robinson and the Conflict of Interest in Support Groups

By AstridBeeMom Bethany is one of THE largest adoption agencies in the United States I could go on and on about I have been a member of a mixed adoption support group for a couple of years by the name of “Domestic Adoption Support Network” on Facebook. The group was apparently created by a man named Tim Elder and recently added an admin by the name of Melissa Kay Robinson…