Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Reforming Adoption at Your Level

By Lori Holden Imagine a glorious time in the future when all desired adoption laws are passed and all adoption arrangements are codified. Won’t it be great to be finished with the hard work of adoption reform? While changes in adoption laws and policy are necessary, these alone will not make Adoption World all better. If laws were … Continue reading Reforming Adoption at Your Level → The post Reforming…


Adoption on Screen: “This is Us” and “Lion” Give New Focus

By Lori Holden My daughter told us the other night of a time in middle school when she shared with two teachers her complex feelings about being adopted. Yes, I really love my family, she reported as they nodded sympathetically. But also, she continued, being adopted sometimes sucks. The sympathetic nodding ended. Oh, you don’t mean that! one … Continue reading Adoption on Screen: “This is Us” and “Lion” Give…


Between the Extremes; Complexity of a Birth Mother

Yes, it is complex being a birth mother. This one act involves a duality of polar opposites. How can I be a victim of an industry, yet I made a choice? How can I be selfless and selfish at the same time? How I can I be a survivor, yet completely broken? How can I do the unthinkable, and then manage to carry on? How could I have been so weak as to lose my child, to not fight for him, and then so strong as to breath into another day?


Universal Motherhood

There is not a “birthmother” gene. There is not a nerve that is cut. There is not a build up around her heart. She will give birth like every other mother has before her and every mother after. The very act of giving birth creates a mother even if legal paperwork or extenuating circumstances leave her unable to parent. There are no lines separating us here, no boundaries, no differences in race, country, or in time. There are no lines, either, separating a “normal” birth process from one that ends up as an adoption. One cannot just turn off those bonding hormones no matter what legal paperwork might be later signed.


When Do My Children Talk to Me?

By Lori Holden When do my teenagers start deep conversations with me? Conversations about their hopes and dreams, possible love interests, and behind-the-scenes social goings on I’m not often privy to?Let’s look at the possibilities.Is it over breakfast when we lovingly prepare to send each other out into our days?Nope. In the mornings we are fighting over hot … Continue reading When Do My Children Talk to Me? → The…


#flipthescript 15: No Easy Button in Adoption

By Lori Holden Tracy Hammond is a baby scoop era adoptee and adoptee rights activist. This is her second post here in this #flipthescript series (the first: Why Are Adoptees Doing It?), in which adopted people take over the microphone in this space for November’s National Adoption Awareness Month.You may not agree with everything that is said in these … Continue reading #flipthescript 15: No Easy Button in Adoption →…


#flipthescript 14: Adoption & Eating Disorders

By Lori Holden Jodi Haywood returns for the third November in a row (2014 post | 2015 post) to participate in the #flipthscript movement, in which adopted people take over the microphone in this space for November’s National Adoption Awareness Month.You may not agree with everything that is said in these #flipthescript posts. You may even find parts … Continue reading #flipthescript 14: Adoption & Eating Disorders → The post…


#flipthescript 13: Healing & Hope for an Adoptee

By Lori Holden The subtitle of Anne Bauer’s memoir is An Adoptee’s Quest for her Origins because one of the main reasons she wrote The Sound of Hope was to “get people to realize how damaging it is to make adoptees feel guilty when they want to know about their origins.”Three years ago, we wrapped up her book … Continue reading #flipthescript 13: Healing & Hope for an Adoptee →…


Heart to Heart Adoptions; Andy and Melissa Moore; The Taking of Ja’Meka

By AstridBeeMom Johnny with his daughter, Ja’Meka, at the hosptial, when she was born. Johnny is a father to a beautiful little girl named Ja’Meka that was born on October 18, 2016 in Georgia. Ja’Meka’s mom, while heavily medicated (having had a tubal ligation the previous day) and under duress, on October 19, 2016 was driven to two attorney’s offices by Bonnie Lin Hilton of Heart to Heart Adoptions based…


When I Lived in Aleppo

By Lori Holden Early in our marriage, my husband and I liquidated or stored most of our meager belongings, hopped a plane, and landed in one of the beigest places we’d ever seen. We set out on our first adventure together — teaching at an international school in Aleppo, Syria (known regionally as Halab).I want to share with … Continue reading When I Lived in Aleppo → The post When…


#flipthescript 12: A 1970s Adoption Story

By Lori Holden A friend from high school reached out to tell me that her biological mother had died. She told me that the whole thing had been a nightmare and that I should write about it. Here is Cheryl’s story, part of November’s #flipthescript series in which adoptees take over the microphone.Image: Tracy HammondHow I Got Informally AdoptedCheryl: … Continue reading #flipthescript 12: A 1970s Adoption Story → The…


#flipthescript 11: Abuse to Adoption to Addiction to Affirmation

By Lori Holden Only recently did Michael Schwerman realize that being adopted at age 12 by a step father was not nothing — as he’d always thought — nor was the difficult relationship he’s had with his mother. He’s figuring out that instead, the circumstances around his adoption and rejection shaped his life and affected his future. Adopted … Continue reading #flipthescript 11: Abuse to Adoption to Addiction to Affirmation…


(Birth) Moms ~ Search for Your (adult) Child!

By Susie from: Wild Women Sisterhood FULL MOON PRAYER by Rumi What in your life is Calling you, When all the noise is silenced, The meetings adjourned.. The lists laid aside, And the Wild Iris blooms By itself In the dark forest… What still pulls on your Soul? Are you a mother who lost a child to adoption? Does your (now adult) child call out to your soul? Are you…


I Got Jackassed. TWICE.

By Lori Holden The parking lot was not full when I drove up. I slid into one of many available spots, grabbed my mat and headed in to a yoga class. I got some exercise, met my physical and mental edge, practiced staying present, and closed with a moment of stillness.That last step was important.Because when I came … Continue reading I Got Jackassed. TWICE. → The post I Got…


#flipthescript 10: I Guessed My Birth Mother’s First Name

By Lori Holden Lenore Paletta found out she was born Giuseppina Morellato in Italy. With aching candor, she shares a portion of her search for her identity.The #flipthescript series gives adoptees the microphone during November, National Adoption Awareness Month.Image: Tracy HammondWhen I Think of SearchingI guessed my birth mother’s first name. Yes, I really did. I was sitting … Continue reading #flipthescript 10: I Guessed My Birth Mother’s First Name…