Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

The Adoption Split in “This Is Us” & How to Help Heal It

By Lori Holden Did you tune in to NBC’s This Is Us last week? Randall brings up the Adoption Split. And with this meme I reiterate a remedy I often talk about: openness. It’s with openness (not necessarily contact) that the grownups in an adoption can help their child integrate and heal. Randall Pearson, a transracial adoptee on … Continue reading The Adoption Split in “This Is Us” & How…


Another Milestone ~ 8 years and 8 months in the making!

By Susie Another milestone in my reunion with my firstborn happened last weekend. (It only took 8 years and 8 months!) For the first time ever, all of my children AND (almost) all of my grandchildren were together! It was the first time Christopher’s two children met their aunt, uncles, and cousins. It was an amazing weekend, to say the least. I am so thankful that all three of my…


4 Problems with NBC TODAY Parents Adoption Article

By Lori Holden Beware any article that paints open adoption as terrible. Beware any article that paints open adoption as wonderful. Open adoption — which occurs when people come together under less-than-optimal circumstances — is a mix of the sublime and the sorrowful. I was encouraged when I saw a headline for a TODAY Parents article: “Open Adoption … Continue reading 4 Problems with NBC TODAY Parents Adoption Article →…


Learning to Swallow

By Lori Holden Did you know babies are born with an instinct that involves thrusting the tongue forward in order to latch on to a nipple? And did you know that at about 8 months of age, these infants gradually find a better way to swallow, one that retires action at the tip of the tongue in favor … Continue reading Learning to Swallow → The post Learning to Swallow…


Sacrificing Our Outrage

By Lori Holden A sampling — a sliver, really — of outrage from my Facebook feed. Why aren’t you outraged every single day? This should outrage everyone who reads it. Where’s the outrage about this guy?? After a week of constant outrage and fear, I’m physically and emotionally ill. Study Finds People Are Morally Outraged by Those Who … Continue reading Sacrificing Our Outrage → The post Sacrificing Our Outrage…


Book Review: Patricia Florin’s “A Life Let Go”

By Lori Holden I’ll cut to the chase: I loved this book. Months ago author Patricia Florin sent me A Life Let Go to review. I had a big stack of books in my queue and not enough reading time to get to hers in a gracious manner, but I finally got time to read during our recent … Continue reading Book Review: Patricia Florin’s “A Life Let Go” →…


Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with Birth Mom

By Lori Holden A year ago I published a letter from Charlene that explained her son had found his birth mother and they had all attended his college graduation. The reunion had gone so well that the son had decided to move to another state to live with his birth mom and get to know his biological family. … Continue reading Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with…


Everybody Owns a Scar: Trials in an Open Foster Adoption

By Lori Holden Lynn Sollitto tells of the difficulties that arose for her when a desire to remain open to her daughters’ first mother collided with the imperative to protect her children from unsafe and unpredictable situations — either which could lead to physical and/or emotional trauma. Foster Adoption / Infant Adoption In 2008, my husband and I … Continue reading Everybody Owns a Scar: Trials in an Open Foster…


Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive Mom

By Lori Holden Can a Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom from the Closed Era Coexist? And if so, how? Clare is a first mom who was found this year by her adult son. She left a comment recently, one that led to our email exchange. She recognizes that the readers here are savvy and sage, and that she … Continue reading Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive…


Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive Mom

By Lori Holden Can a Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom from the Closed Era Coexist? And if so, how? Clare is a first mom who was found this year by her adult son. She left a comment recently, one that led to our email exchange. She recognizes that the readers here are savvy and sage, and that she … Continue reading Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive…


Everybody Owns a Scar: Trials in an Open Foster Adoption

By Lori Holden Lynn Sollitto tells of the difficulties that arose for her when a desire to remain open to her daughters’ first mother collided with the imperative to protect her children from unsafe and unpredictable situations — either which could lead to physical and/or emotional trauma. Foster Adoption / Infant Adoption In 2008, my husband and I … Continue reading Everybody Owns a Scar: Trials in an Open Foster…


Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with Birth Mom

By Lori Holden A year ago I published a letter from Charlene that explained her son had found his birth mother and they had all attended his college graduation. The reunion had gone so well that the son had decided to move to another state to live with his birth mom and get to know his biological family. … Continue reading Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with…


I Can See the Horizon 

By AstridBeeMom Sleep found me easily and peacefully. I usually suffer from insomnia and will lay awake for hours praying that slumber will come upon me. A peace I’d never known before washed over me as all of my children were under my roof in the same place at the same time. The people I value and love the most in this world. The ONLY people whose opinions about me…


Book Review: Patricia Florin’s “A Life Let Go”

By Lori Holden I’ll cut to the chase: I loved this book. Months ago author Patricia Florin sent me A Life Let Go to review. I had a big stack of books in my queue and not enough reading time to get to hers in a gracious manner, but I finally got time to read during our recent … Continue reading Book Review: Patricia Florin’s “A Life Let Go” →…


Top o’ the Summer To Ye

By Lori Holden Earlier this month, Roger and I boarded a flight with our two teenagers for a family trip to Ireland. Once in Dublin we met up with my husband’s father and sister. We were three generations ranging in age from 14 to 81 (at any point in time, you can bet that someone had to stop … Continue reading Top o’ the Summer To Ye → The post…