Musings of the Lame; An Adoption Blog

Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows?

By Lori Holden With St Patrick’s Day upon us, I know this weekend is about all things Irish, but I want to share a Chinese proverb. Once there was a poor farmer. He was able to grow just enough to feed his family. One day his horse ran away. “BAD LUCK!” the neighbors cried. “Now you won’t be … Continue reading Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows? → The post…


Reunion Flashback

I wrote this some time ago as a submission to some contest some place. I have been holding on to it until today. It was ten years ago today that this happened. Last Hours of Cold She couldn’t find a freaking parking space to save her life. After all the meticulous planning and her careful timeline, she was going to be late because she couldn’t find any  visitor or public…


Dear Abby, We Need to Talk About Gotcha!

By Lori Holden Gayle Swift here, guesting in Lori’s space. She wasn’t ready to take on another adoption expert so soon after the last one, but seeing as how I have strong feelings about Gotcha, as well as ideas on a more attuned approach, I am happy to step in with my own advice. Dear Abby: Three Reasons … Continue reading Dear Abby, We Need to Talk About Gotcha! →…


Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give Open Adoption Advice

By Lori Holden But there are a few problems with that. First of all, he has no direct experience with open adoption, or even plain old adoption, as far as my sleuthing skills reveal. Second of all, his advice is terrible. Though he apparently has a big following, Jim Rosemond is new on my radar. I heard of … Continue reading Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give Open Adoption…


Brace Face

By Lori Holden Through their orthodontic treatments, I watched as my kids’ smiles got gorgeouser and gorgouser. And I got jealouser and jealouser. So then I got braces. Again. Yes, at my age. I decided it wasn’t a sin to treat myself, so I had a consultation, signed a contract with Dr Vyas (love her), and got my … Continue reading Brace Face → The post Brace Face appeared first…


Independent Adoption Center Goes Belly Up Without Warning

By AstridBeeMom Yesterday and today, without warning, hundreds, maybe thousands, of prospective adoptive parents checked their email and found that the adoption agency they had been working with (see: paying) was no longer in business. Some were near the end of the adoption process and already have children in their homes and are just waiting on finalization, some had just began the process and didn’t have too much invested quite…


Domestic Adoption Support Network; Tim Elder, Melissa Kay Robinson and the Conflict of Interest in Support Groups

By AstridBeeMom Bethany is one of THE largest adoption agencies in the United States I could go on and on about I have been a member of a mixed adoption support group for a couple of years by the name of “Domestic Adoption Support Network” on Facebook. The group was apparently created by a man named Tim Elder and recently added an admin by the name of Melissa Kay Robinson…


How Apt are You to Use this Adoption App?

By Lori Holden Maybe you’ve already heard about it. People involved in adoption are buzzing about it. It’s a new app called Adoptly, billed as “a better way to adopt.” It’s already been dubbed The Tinder of Adoption, and, as you can imagine, that has not gone over well in online adoption communities (at least not in the … Continue reading How Apt are You to Use this Adoption App?…


Reforming Adoption at Your Level

By Lori Holden Imagine a glorious time in the future when all desired adoption laws are passed and all adoption arrangements are codified. Won’t it be great to be finished with the hard work of adoption reform? While changes in adoption laws and policy are necessary, these alone will not make Adoption World all better. If laws were … Continue reading Reforming Adoption at Your Level → The post Reforming…


Adoption on Screen: “This is Us” and “Lion” Give New Focus

By Lori Holden My daughter told us the other night of a time in middle school when she shared with two teachers her complex feelings about being adopted. Yes, I really love my family, she reported as they nodded sympathetically. But also, she continued, being adopted sometimes sucks. The sympathetic nodding ended. Oh, you don’t mean that! one … Continue reading Adoption on Screen: “This is Us” and “Lion” Give…


Between the Extremes; Complexity of a Birth Mother

Yes, it is complex being a birth mother. This one act involves a duality of polar opposites. How can I be a victim of an industry, yet I made a choice? How can I be selfless and selfish at the same time? How I can I be a survivor, yet completely broken? How can I do the unthinkable, and then manage to carry on? How could I have been so weak as to lose my child, to not fight for him, and then so strong as to breath into another day?


Universal Motherhood

There is not a “birthmother” gene. There is not a nerve that is cut. There is not a build up around her heart. She will give birth like every other mother has before her and every mother after. The very act of giving birth creates a mother even if legal paperwork or extenuating circumstances leave her unable to parent. There are no lines separating us here, no boundaries, no differences in race, country, or in time. There are no lines, either, separating a “normal” birth process from one that ends up as an adoption. One cannot just turn off those bonding hormones no matter what legal paperwork might be later signed.


When Do My Children Talk to Me?

By Lori Holden When do my teenagers start deep conversations with me? Conversations about their hopes and dreams, possible love interests, and behind-the-scenes social goings on I’m not often privy to?Let’s look at the possibilities.Is it over breakfast when we lovingly prepare to send each other out into our days?Nope. In the mornings we are fighting over hot … Continue reading When Do My Children Talk to Me? → The…


#flipthescript 15: No Easy Button in Adoption

By Lori Holden Tracy Hammond is a baby scoop era adoptee and adoptee rights activist. This is her second post here in this #flipthescript series (the first: Why Are Adoptees Doing It?), in which adopted people take over the microphone in this space for November’s National Adoption Awareness Month.You may not agree with everything that is said in these … Continue reading #flipthescript 15: No Easy Button in Adoption →…


#flipthescript 14: Adoption & Eating Disorders

By Lori Holden Jodi Haywood returns for the third November in a row (2014 post | 2015 post) to participate in the #flipthscript movement, in which adopted people take over the microphone in this space for November’s National Adoption Awareness Month.You may not agree with everything that is said in these #flipthescript posts. You may even find parts … Continue reading #flipthescript 14: Adoption & Eating Disorders → The post…