Oh, lots and lots of discussion on the “B” term going on..and I don’t think I shall shy away from posting my view on the round and rounds going on, but…this has lead ( again!) to the question of:
WHO COINED THE WORD BIRTH MOTHER???
- It has been attributed to CUB.
- I have read that Betty Jean Lifton came up with it.
- I have heard it being used by Pearl S. Buck.
My personal feeling, which was challanged, was that CUB decided to use it. but they did not coin it. They did not invent the word. The took a little known word that fit their needs and used it. I even played with the idea like this:
Personally, I wonder if the “Legend” of the coining is not also made into a great noble fairy tale…
I mean…Concerned United birth parents = CUB….kind of sweet ( baby bears and all), catchy, easy to remember
Concerned United Natural Moms = CUNM…ewwww..dirty! So close to the vicious female C word..add the T!!
Concerned Untited Mothers = CUM…..oh NOOOOOOOOO!! That will never do!
See, they needed that “B” to have a name. I can imagine that CUB just ended up sounding the best.
So what did I do with all the confusion started about this? I hate not knowing what I am really talking about and I hate taking my information form sources that make me wonder. I mean, who was the first one documented to use the damn word.
I love being a nerd. It pays off.
Starting with Pearl S buck, knowing that she was the farthest down in the time line..if I could find a place where she used it…then no one else can say that they coined it. They can have made it known, used it, gave it its intended meaning, taken what they will from it, claimed it or what have you , but they are not the first.
As of right now, I am going with Pearl S. Buck. See, CUB was formed in 1976, so this little ditty written by Buck in 1972 clearly predates CUB for Coining and also throws BJ out of the running.
Pearl Buck, “I Am the Better Woman for Having My Two Black Children,” 1972
This personal reflection by Pearl Buck about her own experience with transracial and transnational adoptions expresses her lifelong commitment to intercultural understanding and belief that it was possible for love and common humanity to overcome racial and national prejudice. The story is especially interesting, however, because it was published at a time of enormous controversy over the adoption of black children by white parents. For a view quite different than Buck’s, see the statement opposing such adoptions by the National Association of Black Social Workers.
My husband and I thought our family of five adopted children was complete when she first came to us. Her birth mother was a girl in a small town in Germany. Her father was an American soldier who was killed. He was black. The German mother said his black child was despised in her town and had no future there. She begged his university president in Washington to find the father’s family.
I was a trustee of the university. We tried to find the family, but they had disappeared without trace. What then should we do with the child? From experience we knew that the little black children from Germany had difficulty adjusting to black mothers.
The president looked at me. “Would you. . .”
“Of course I will,” I said. “We’d love to have another child.”
AH!! EDIT!!!!
______________
I have been provided with another ditty of Buck’s..so yes, I wold say she has the coining of the addition of “birth” added to mother to make the distintion that the woman is no longer parenting her child:
WE CAN FREE THE CHILDREN, Pearl S. Buck, Women”s Home Companion, June
1956
“What chance has the child born out of wedlock to find a wholesome
family
and community life if his mother keeps him? The California citizens
noted
shrewdly that, while persons are eager to adopt children, though born
out of
wedlock, yet society as a whole condemns the unwed mother. If it is
better
for the child born out of wedlock to stay with his birth mother, what
can be
done to change social attitudes toward her and her child?” p. 63
Notice the date? 1956
and copies of the magazne do exist…Karen Wilson Buterbaugh has a copy in her possession..hence, I have the quote.
Now granted it is two words..so I’ll give it to CUB that they put them together to make one word, but at least that is the truth in that distintion. They did not nobelly give us “birth”. It was there, just unsed….And you know what? Even my little mental idea of what it was really like the day the CUB name was born still fits…CUBM…doesn’t make sense. They still needed the one word for the warm and fuzzy.
Too bad it didn’t stay that way, but we can thank the industry for taking a good word and making it mean degrigation.
I googled “birthmother” and “coined,” and the list was pretty amazing. One entry caught my eye, in a footnote on an about.com entry on this topic here – http://adoption.about.com/od/adoptionissues/a/motherhoodissue_2.htm:
“The term “birthmother” was coined by social workers in United Kingdom maternity prisons in the 1950’s to replace the term “natural mother.” It was further promoted by social workers in the United States in the 1970’s. This word was coined to define us as having been mothers at the time of birth but not after, and thus to diminish us to having a solely reproductive purpose in our children’s lives. In order to sell adoptive parents on the idea of adoption providing them “a child of their own,” social workers must first eliminate our motherhood in their clients’ eyes.”
I had heard both that Pearl S. Buck and CUB coined the term, but this was a new one to me!
Third mom, this information is good. the source for the word’s use in British maternity prisons is Patricia Basquill of Trackers International, who heard this word used by the wardens (social workers in this case, nuns ran other such prisons such as the Magdeline Laundries) when she herself was incarcerated in such a prison in that era. i will contact Patricia and see if she can provide more details. She is a good friend, right now recovering from heart surgery and i haven’t wanted to write to her while she’s still healing.
you are RIGHT ON, Claud!
If CUB coined the phrase, which I am leaning towards believing, they had no idea how it would eventually be misused. The word took hold with sws, adoptive parents and agencies, and THEY made it into an icky word. CUB members do take the credit (or blame) for the word. http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/people/CUB.htm
The word isn’t the problem – it is using the word to intentionally be insulting and degrading. As in, “my birthmother” used by an adoptive mom, or using “birthmother” for every woman who walks into an a. agency.
The CUB retreat is next month and many of the old-timers will be there. I’m gonna ask them.
P.S. Ms. Buck used it as two words. Maybe CUB combined it to make the group name work better? I wish that they had not, but, how could they have known how it would have been misused and eventually have such negative connotations.
Cookie..I agree with you 100% on that..and why am I not surprised?
I think the intent was for good, and I think it was good in the beginning. Its just so messed up now…and things in life do change…always evolving.
CUB i am certain began using it in order to pay homage to their hero of open records, baby-broker Annette Barran. She was promoting open adoption and open records along with Panor and Sorosky (mid 1970’s).
“Baby Broker” because she managed the adoption agency that stole my friend’s child through massive fraud and illegal actions (which she now claims “shouldn’t have happened”).
Barran was using the term in the early-mid 1970’s. Before CUB existed, anyway.
I disagree with you on this, Claud. the term “birthmother” with or without the space was NEVER good. it meant and still means a mother for birthing purposes only. a broodmare. a breeder. They chose it so they wouldn’t offend the adoptive parents they were courting and trying to influence to open up adoptions and open records.
The term “birthmother” was coined by social workers in United Kingdom maternity prisons in the 1950’s to replace the term “natural mother.” It was further promoted by social workers in the United States in the 1970’s. This word was coined to define us as having been mothers at the time of birth but not after
now this makes alot of sense to me and it clearly spells the agenda of the so called *experts* to diminish our role. thanks for sharing that third mom
It’s possible that the term “birthmother” was coined in the U.K in the 1950’s.
But, as someone who did her time (six months) in two consecutive ‘maternity prisons’ in the U.K during the early ’60’s, I can honestly say I never heard the term used by anyone.
I always thought that birthmother was a ridiculous term. What’s even more ridiculous is that there are people out there who have adopted calling the mums their “Tummymummies”. Or making the children call their own mums “My Tummymummy”. That is such a saccharin, stupid term. Then on a message board debating the use of birthmother, one poster suggested that they use “Natal Mother” in place of the offensive term. Natal is the same damn thing as birth, so why are we looking for more euphemisms.
Then again, Concerned United Natal Tummymummies would go over like a Lead Zeppelin.
this is a tough one. glad you are hitting it head on. pearl buck – who knew???
so i now have to close peeps in my orb “getting” some kiddies from china. hard to clam me up but good golly it does. need you to help me wirte some letters so they get all they can abt the “birth moms”…
Many of us CUB members do have senses of humor. However, I think Umbilicly Challenged’s suggestion -“Concerned United Natal Tummymummies” might go over like a Lead Zeppelin. Then again, some would probably like calling us that!
“Exiled Mothers Mobilizing Actively” would have been an nice name. It is being used right now in Canada. http://mothers-in-exile.tripod.com . EMMA is a nice acronym. CUB could use this as a nice, warm-fuzzy name if it wants warm-and-fuzzy.
CCBM became CCNM a few years ago as well. They have a page about this at Canadian Council of Natural Mothers Name Change. And an article on Honest Adoption Language vs. the dispicalbe “Positive Adoption Language” that the b-word comes from: Adoption-Friendly Language or Honest Adoption Language
I hope these links come through.
– Canadian Council of Natural Mothers Name Change.- http://www.nebula.on.ca/canbmothers/English/articles/name.htm
– Adoption-Friendly Language or Honest Adoption Language – http://www.nebula.on.ca/canbmothers/English/articles/adoption-friendly.htm
What an interesting post. As an adoptee, I use the term birthmother. I never used the term as a term of disrespect – but of respect. The other terms just feel wrong to me. That is my thought about it.
dear adoptee, there is nothing respectful about reducing a mother to being a walking uterus, to saying that she is (was) only your mother for the purposes of gestation and being strapped down to the delivery table to have you exit the birth canal, but never afterwards.
calling her your “birthmother” also means that you consider yourself to NOT be her daughter any longer. this would mean that you are reduced to being a “product of conception.” which is just as dehumanizing for you as for her.
i know that this might be new to you, but this is what social workers promote the term to mean. they don’t want to displease their paying customers (adopters) by any word that suggests an ongoing bond or relationship between the natural mom and her lost child.
adoptionroadkill, adoptee is entitled to her own thoughts/feelings on how she creates her relationship with all her moms. Is this how you treat adoptees here????? wow.
On the other hand maybe I need to look at my own expectations. Maybe this is not the place to ask for tolerance? I certainly can just sit and listen….just was feeling a little defensive for adoptee who seemed to be asking a sincere question and sharing a feeling from the heart.
So suntie, then Daughter to 2 women is allowed to express her opinion, but adoptionrodakill is not?
I don’t see any intolerance here. What I see here is two women expressing their different opinion. Why is one opinion fine and the other mistreatment? As an adoptee myself, I would just read her opinion, consider it, and then go about my business. If someone was berating me, then it would be different. But I just see someone stating why she thinks the term birthmother is disrespectful.
Different opinions are healthy when expressed healthily. It teaches us about the world.
Daughter of 2 mothers said, ” I never used the term as a term of disrespect – but of respect. “
Regardless of whether Adoptionroadkill thinks the term “birthmother” respectful or not, if Daughter of 2 mothers MEANS it respectfully, she’s hardly being disrespectful. Disrespect implies intent.
And as far as expressing opinions goes, that’s all that Auntie’s doing – expressing her personal opinion.
Is she disallowing ARK from expressing herself?
No. ARK’s already had her say.
The history of the term “birthmother” is really interesting.
I’m still perplexed about the uproar of one simple word. I understand that some people find it offensive, but it’s a word.
AdoptionRoadKill: I can’t really define my biological mother (the term I tend to use most) in any other term because I don’t know her. I’ve never seen her and I have no relationship with her. However, I feel a lot of empathy for her. I imagine relinquishing a child to adoption would be horrible (especially when that child is as disgustingly adorable as me). If I ever meet her, maybe I will consider her my mother as well as my adoptive mother (who is only my a-mom online, in real life she’s my mom).
Per Pearl Buck..
“”My husband and I thought our family of five adopted children was complete when she first came to us. Her birth mother was a girl in a small town in Germany. Her father was an American soldier who was killed.””
Pearl calls the mother of the child ‘birthmother’, but refers to the father of the child, only as ‘father’, with no dis-qualifier. The mother becomes the non-mother, but father remains father. Interesting!
And just to weigh in on the B Term. The term is not ‘hurtful'(as bringing me to tears or causing me to topple over in a dead faint)to me personally. Rather I find it insulting and ridiculous. The biggest problem I have with this ridiculous word is with other groups/organizations of mothers and adoptees, force-feeding this bloody word down my throat and then demanding that I be grateful that THEY chose this word for me, without my vote, without my consent.
Any mother can call herself whatever she chooses, that is her right. I may not understand her choice, no matter, is hers to make. Is also the right of mother and adult child in reunion, to refer to each other however they see fit or feel comfortable with, again the choice of adults.
But I will never understand why those mothers who have chosen to refer to themselves as ‘birthmothers’, when meeting up with a mother, who does not indentify with that term, nor wishes to be called as such, many times sends a ‘birthmother’ into a hissy fit, anger or lashes out with insults towards the mother who only identifies with the word mother? Why are some ‘birthmothers’ so threatened, get so angry, with those of us who refuse the term for our own person?