Birthmother Regrets & Lessons

Painful Life Lessons; What I Wish I Knew Before Adoption

Adoption is a very isolating experience. Many birth mothers and adoptees go through life without having other people understand the journey and the lifelong affects post-relinquishment. Most birthmother support focuses on pre-birth and immediately post-adoption, but relinquishment changes everything. The feelings change over time, while new situations in life have a funny way of bringing up the initial loss and grief. Plus, losing a newborn is one thing, 10 years later, it’s a whole childhood you have missed. In 20 years, it’s a life. Death, marriages, new births, search and reunion are all frequent triggers and moms often need additional support, or just someone who understands.

I certainly have found that I was not prepared for what it all entails to be a birthmother, but I did learn some things along the way that might help.

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Flipping Learning- Shut Your Pie Hole

Yeah it might be hard sometimes.. for all the parents involved.. adoptive and birth parents…but the role I have taken for #FliptheScript is to just Re-post, re-tweet, re-share, but not redirect. I always remember, it’s not about me. It’s about the adoptee as it always should be. I’m just a parent doing the best I can to support the rights of my child…even though the voices of others.


In Family Betrayal; When Your Aunt Plays Adoption Baby Broker

David yanks her from my arms and says, ” I’m not dealing with this!” and walks out the door. I followed him watching her cry and reaching for me and yelling for me. He puts her in the car and shuts the door.
I never told her I loved he. I never told her I missed her. I never told her will miss her. I didn’t get to even tell her goodbye.
I didn’t know I wouldn’t ever see her again.





Thinking More About the Birthmother Closet

Sometimes, I literally surprise myself when I say things. I did that while on the show. If you note, I did mention the “skeleton” in the closet in my “before” writing. Rather expected and cliché, I know, but when I took it literally, as a real set of bones, which did mean that something died in the closet; then the visual became, I think, a powerful truth. If there is a real place called the birthmother Adoption Closet, then what really died inside was the mother we were supposed to be before surrendering.