Birthmother, Good Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption

The Premier Adoption Relinquishment Brainwashing Training Guide

Just a few blurbs from Birthmother, Good  Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption:

“The fear of not having any idea of what becomes of their children is also an impediment to considering adoption. Some birthmothers are more open to adoption when they envision an adoption that will allow them to receive updates on their children’s well-being.”

“Birthmothers are concerned that if they choose to parent, their children will not have father and will miss out on a stable married family.”

“By choosing parenting birthmothers fear that they would become unwed, teenage mothers or dependent, single mothers.”

“After working through their fears and conflicts, birthmothers choose adoption because they believe is best for their children. They realized that adoption is not abandonment; it is a loving, responsible act. By choosing what is best for their children, birthmothers see themselves as good mothers. Instead of feeling like bad mothers were abandoning their children or “giving them away,” now they begin to see that placing their children with loving couples is what it means for them to be good mothers.”

“Birthmothers must be able to separate their children in their minds from themselves in order to arrive at a decision about what is best for their children.”

“She is proud of herself for helping to satisfy the adoptive parents longing for a child. She sees herself as a heroine, because she helped the couple was unable to have children.”

“In choosing adoption they can now see themselves as good mothers, the highest form of motherhood – the mother who chooses what is best for her child regardless of sacrifice it requires of her. In doing what is best for her child, she fulfills her need to see herself as a good mother and accept the pain of relinquishment. In this way, she transforms agony of the entire story into a redemptive experience where she becomes a heroine in her own eyes and in the eyes of others.”

Hard to believe? I know, but the fact is that this is considered acceptable adoption practices and training for pregnancy counselors to understand how to convince women that adoption is a loving option. It’s how they brainwash us. It says what we fear so they can exploit us. It explains how to take our fears and change them, so all roads lead to adoption relinquishment.

Advanced Adoption Research and Birthmother Studies

In 1999, the Family Research Council conducted research to understand the factors involved in considering adoption and how best to present adoption as a viable option for women.  In conjunction with the National Council for Adoption,  the Family Research Council focused on discovering the most basic impressions that women and counselors have about adoption and on the psychological dynamics of decision-making concerning adoption. The Missing Piece: Adoption Counseling in Pregnancy Resource Centers by Curtis J. Young is the result of that study.

Now they claim to have conducted MORE research for the Birthmother, Good  Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption, but after reading the two of them entirely, I believe that this new publication is still coming off of the original study. Both reports use the same copy for the methodology and both have the same research group, with the same number of participants in the same age ranges.  I see Birthmother, Good  Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption as a modified piece that demonstrates the actual twisting of the mind of a women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. It’s really like a “How to Create an Kool-Aide Drinking Happy Birthmother” guide. It’s really rather frightening. I’m not sure whether women are really that easily manipulative or we are just really stupid for falling for this. Or maybe it’s just all internal and they have managed to tap into it. All I can tell you is that this feels like reading the inside of my brain during the whole adoption process.

About Birthmother, Good  Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption

The original printed study is still available at the Family Research Council website , however, it will be a printed booklet. To my knowledge there is not a digital online version of this report to be found online…until now.

To create a digital version of this file, like The Missing Piece, I sat there and read the 23 page report out loud to my DragonSpeak headset and then edited the final copy for typos, missed words and formatting. I am sure there are mistakes that I missed. They have in pretty full color images, but they are just stupid stock photo shots, so I didn’t bother with them.

As I think it is very important that this kind of research is both available and public, I am posting the entire study here. Please note that the post is password protected only to ensure that it can remain  an accessible post as long as possible.

Please feel free to copy and paste sections as needed for blog posts, commentary, reference etc. Please do NOT post the whole thing in its entirety.  There is a PDF version of the whole booklet at the end of the digital post. You may copy that and save it to your computer for your own files. Again, please do not re post in its entirety.

While I am not trying to control who does see it, I think there might be folks who we don’t want to know we have full access to it.

To Access Birthmother, Good  Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption

To access Birthmother, Good Mother; Her Story of Heroic Redemption click here.

Thank you for your cooperation and I hope you get what you were looking for out of Birthmother, Good  Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption. I would say “enjoy” but I do not think that is possible.

Share on Facebook
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Claudia Corrigan DArcy

About Claudia Corrigan DArcy

Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. Blogging since 2005, her website Musings of the Lame has become a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. She is also an activist and avid supporter of Adoptee Rights and fights for nationwide birth certificate access for all adoptees with the Adoptee Rights Coalition. Besides here on Musings of the Lame, her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine, Adopt-a-tude.com, Lost Mothers, Grown in my Heart, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences, other radio and print interviews over the years. She resides in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, Rye, children, and various pets.
Tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Birthmother, Good Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption

  1. Pingback: I'm Not Convinced, Changing My Mind, or Shutting Up About Adoption |

  2. Kathleen Moran Indianapolis, IN says:

    Excellent work Claudia!

  3. Pingback: The Act of Redemption in the Adoption Process | Musings of the Lame

  4. Cindy Aulabaugh says:

    Claudia The blurbs you quoted from Birth Mother Good Mother: Her Story of Heroic Redemption really needs some … enlightenment? Hope you don’t mind. I know, my bad. (grin)
    **********************************************************
    “The fear of not having any idea what becomes of their children is also an impediment to considering adoption…
    (impediment=roadblock to us/me/them getting your baby)…Some birth mothers are more open to adoption when they envision..(you can dream about it, won’t necessarily make it so.)..an adoption that will allow them..(maybe, or for a little while)..to receive updates ..(after we have sanitized / approved them. We could also make up stuff out of thin air, give you false information. We’re good at falsifying documents.) ..on their children’s well-being.” (yeah, we’ll leave out the stuff about putting them in therapy, or a home for troubled youth, and we sure won’t mention the a divorce making your child now raised by a single parent, or alcoholism or the abuse of your child. If you manage a reunion, you know, if your kid can get past being abandoned and possible added traumas of divorce, abuse, beatings and want to meet you–ever–, you and your child can deal those issues at that time. Have fun.)

    “Birth mothers are concerned that if they choose to parent, their children will not have a father..(yeah, it was an immaculate conception. Right? The child does have a father, whether involved or absent.) …and will miss out on a stable, married family.” (Married does not guarantee a stable or problem free family as many of us know.)

    “By choosing parenting birth mothers fear that they would become unwed, teenage mothers… (REALITY CHECK, at this point if you are pregnant, unmarried and a teenager you are already an unwed, teenage mother) …or dependent single mothers.” (another reality check, if you are receiving medical, housing, or food assistance for you and your unborn baby, you are a dependent single mother. Your mind, body and spirit will always know and remember you are mother. No matter if baby is put up for adoption.)

    “After working through their fears and conflicts, birth mothers choose adoption because they believe it is best for their children.” (yes, me. [the only mother you have ever known]walking away from you [maybe forever] is best for you even though there’s a pretty strong likelihood you will have some abandonment issues, serious trust issues, relationship difficulties [because hey, love means leaving you] it’s ””’best””” for you. Cause I’ve been made to feel like I’m not now and even with help wouldn’t ever be good enough to be your mother.)

    “They realized that adoption is not abandonment, it is a loving, responsible act.” (‘Now, now, put those feelings that you were abandoned out of your mind and body. They convinced me that this is not abandonment. Here, drink this, it’ll help. See? Don’t you feel the love? No, no, come on have another sip. Another, that’s it. Finish this and I’ll fix you another glass.’)
    side thought; I’ve come to realize that it is not -what-you drink but how dependent you are on it to maintain that, ‘I feel good’ feeling that constitutes a drinking problem. Adoption koolaid falls under those parameters.

    “By choosing what is best for their children, ..(any mother but me. yeah, I thought I felt like crap before.) …birth mothers see themselves as good mothers.”

    “Instead of feeling like bad mothers (who) were abandoning their children or “giving them away”, now they begin to see that placing their children with loving couples is what it means for them to be good mothers.” (Here honey, have some more koolaid and let us tell you about how you would destroy your child if you were to parent them. Question. Why don’t all women give their children to some other loving couple, if that is what makes a good mother?
    Wheeee! I’m the best good mother of all! Mothers who parent aren’t good mothers. Adoptive mothers aren’t good mothers. Only Me-e-e-e! I’m a good bee mommy. The ONLY kind of good mommy……….. then why do I feel like somebody took a board and smacked me flat?)

    “Birth mothers must be able to separate their children in their minds from themselves….(No, no, no baby. I’m not your mommy, I’m a good mommy, give baby, not mine, is mine, no. not mine to loving couple so I can be a good mommy. Adoptive mom isn’t a good mommy like me because she’s not giving her baby, wait, my baby, no not my baby to another loving couple. I’m the bestest mommy of all! Oh, I’m getting so confused, I feel awful. Tell me again how good I am.) ….in order to arrive at a decision about what is best for their children.” (Now we want you to think about this baby in the abstract. It’s not real. It’s not yours. Now what would you do for this not real, not yours baby? Oh, you would place this abstract with a loving couple. Beautiful! That’s RIGHT! Good mommy.)

    “She is proud of herself for helping to satisfy (no words for this) the adoptive parents longing for a child. She sees herself as a heroine, because she helped the couple (who) was unable to have children.”
    “In choosing adoption they can now see themselves as good mothers, (cause before they were just, well, ya know.) the highest form of motherhood–the mother who chooses what is best for her child.. (as long as it’s adoption, remember that.) …regardless of sacrifices it requires of her.” (Doing the most unnatural uh, sorry, loving thing in the world and giving your child ..oops.. placing your child for adoption.) “In doing what is best for her child, she fulfills her need to see herself as a good mother and accept the pain of relinquishment… (aka give up, surrender. similarly; abandon, desert, discard, forsake, etc.) …In this way she transforms agony of the entire story (another way of saying your entire life) into a redemptive experience.. (It will atone for your sins! uh, no! Adoption for your child will not ‘redeem’ you. It often adds to the guilt, shame and sorrow.) where she becomes a heroine in her own eyes (give her lots of koolaid powder and we better add this next bit so she will think others actually ”respect” her for giving her own child ..sorry.. placing her own child for adoption.) and in the eyes of others.”

    good bee mommy: Whoopie! Where’s my angel wings? Oh, cool! Uh, aren’t the feathers a bit thin?
    Agency: Don’t worry, they’ll ‘fluff’ up. (rolls eyes)
    good bee mommy: Where’s my halo? Well, that looks all crinkly and beaten up.
    Agency: This is the new and improved more sainted angel halo.
    good bee mommy: Where’s my super, bestest, goodest mommy in the whole world super hero outfit?
    Agency: Here you go. We’ll be in touch, super, bestest, goodest mommy.
    good bee mommy: Neat stuff! Wow, I’m the super, bestest, goodest mommy in the world. Look at Meeee!

    SPLAT!

    shit. this hurts.

Leave a Reply

Or

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>