Articles by Lori Lavender Luz

Commencement

By Lori Holden Last week I got be the commencement speaker for the graduating class of 2017 at the school where I teach. Even though the audience was smaller than the adoption agency groups I usually present to, I got about ten thousand times more nervous this time. The people in the audience here know me. Afterwards, some … Continue reading Commencement → The post Commencement appeared first on Lavender…


Top Ten

By Lori Holden Want a peek under my hood? I thought I’d dig into my stats and reveal my top ten posts of the past 10 years. Today this blog turns 10. On May 11, 2007, I published my first post — 1099 posts ago. In celebration and before we get to the countdown, here’s an earworm for … Continue reading Top Ten → The post Top Ten appeared first…


Adoption and the College Application Process

By Lori Holden I haven’t had reason to think much about adoption and college applications — yet — but an article in AdoptionToday magazine by college consultant and adoptive mother Debbie Schwartz made me think a little bit ahead. Evan struggled as he decided how to respond to the section regarding ethnicity and race. For those students who … Continue reading Adoption and the College Application Process → The post…


“Nobody Should Ever Feel Like They’re a Mistake”

By Lori Holden Elijah Thomas, who just turned 24, was determined to find his birth father. In a sort of reverse Gotcha, he shares with us the story of his adoption reunion. Adoption is Never Totally Closed in Our Hearts. First off, I am no adoption expert. I don’t recommend what I did for everyone. Ultimately I think … Continue reading “Nobody Should Ever Feel Like They’re a Mistake” →…


Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows?

By Lori Holden With St Patrick’s Day upon us, I know this weekend is about all things Irish, but I want to share a Chinese proverb. Once there was a poor farmer. He was able to grow just enough to feed his family. One day his horse ran away. “BAD LUCK!” the neighbors cried. “Now you won’t be … Continue reading Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows? → The post…


Dear Abby, We Need to Talk About Gotcha!

By Lori Holden Gayle Swift here, guesting in Lori’s space. She wasn’t ready to take on another adoption expert so soon after the last one, but seeing as how I have strong feelings about Gotcha, as well as ideas on a more attuned approach, I am happy to step in with my own advice. Dear Abby: Three Reasons … Continue reading Dear Abby, We Need to Talk About Gotcha! →…


Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give Open Adoption Advice

By Lori Holden But there are a few problems with that. First of all, he has no direct experience with open adoption, or even plain old adoption, as far as my sleuthing skills reveal. Second of all, his advice is terrible. Though he apparently has a big following, Jim Rosemond is new on my radar. I heard of … Continue reading Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give Open Adoption…


Brace Face

By Lori Holden Through their orthodontic treatments, I watched as my kids’ smiles got gorgeouser and gorgouser. And I got jealouser and jealouser. So then I got braces. Again. Yes, at my age. I decided it wasn’t a sin to treat myself, so I had a consultation, signed a contract with Dr Vyas (love her), and got my … Continue reading Brace Face → The post Brace Face appeared first…


How Apt are You to Use this Adoption App?

By Lori Holden Maybe you’ve already heard about it. People involved in adoption are buzzing about it. It’s a new app called Adoptly, billed as “a better way to adopt.” It’s already been dubbed The Tinder of Adoption, and, as you can imagine, that has not gone over well in online adoption communities (at least not in the … Continue reading How Apt are You to Use this Adoption App?…


Reforming Adoption at Your Level

By Lori Holden Imagine a glorious time in the future when all desired adoption laws are passed and all adoption arrangements are codified. Won’t it be great to be finished with the hard work of adoption reform? While changes in adoption laws and policy are necessary, these alone will not make Adoption World all better. If laws were … Continue reading Reforming Adoption at Your Level → The post Reforming…


Adoption on Screen: “This is Us” and “Lion” Give New Focus

By Lori Holden My daughter told us the other night of a time in middle school when she shared with two teachers her complex feelings about being adopted. Yes, I really love my family, she reported as they nodded sympathetically. But also, she continued, being adopted sometimes sucks. The sympathetic nodding ended. Oh, you don’t mean that! one … Continue reading Adoption on Screen: “This is Us” and “Lion” Give…


When Do My Children Talk to Me?

By Lori Holden When do my teenagers start deep conversations with me? Conversations about their hopes and dreams, possible love interests, and behind-the-scenes social goings on I’m not often privy to?Let’s look at the possibilities.Is it over breakfast when we lovingly prepare to send each other out into our days?Nope. In the mornings we are fighting over hot … Continue reading When Do My Children Talk to Me? → The…


#flipthescript 15: No Easy Button in Adoption

By Lori Holden Tracy Hammond is a baby scoop era adoptee and adoptee rights activist. This is her second post here in this #flipthescript series (the first: Why Are Adoptees Doing It?), in which adopted people take over the microphone in this space for November’s National Adoption Awareness Month.You may not agree with everything that is said in these … Continue reading #flipthescript 15: No Easy Button in Adoption →…


#flipthescript 14: Adoption & Eating Disorders

By Lori Holden Jodi Haywood returns for the third November in a row (2014 post | 2015 post) to participate in the #flipthscript movement, in which adopted people take over the microphone in this space for November’s National Adoption Awareness Month.You may not agree with everything that is said in these #flipthescript posts. You may even find parts … Continue reading #flipthescript 14: Adoption & Eating Disorders → The post…


#flipthescript 13: Healing & Hope for an Adoptee

By Lori Holden The subtitle of Anne Bauer’s memoir is An Adoptee’s Quest for her Origins because one of the main reasons she wrote The Sound of Hope was to “get people to realize how damaging it is to make adoptees feel guilty when they want to know about their origins.”Three years ago, we wrapped up her book … Continue reading #flipthescript 13: Healing & Hope for an Adoptee →…