Articles by Lori Lavender Luz

Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive Mom

By Lori Holden Can a Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom from the Closed Era Coexist? And if so, how? Clare is a first mom who was found this year by her adult son. She left a comment recently, one that led to our email exchange. She recognizes that the readers here are savvy and sage, and that she … Continue reading Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive…


Everybody Owns a Scar: Trials in an Open Foster Adoption

By Lori Holden Lynn Sollitto tells of the difficulties that arose for her when a desire to remain open to her daughters’ first mother collided with the imperative to protect her children from unsafe and unpredictable situations — either which could lead to physical and/or emotional trauma. Foster Adoption / Infant Adoption In 2008, my husband and I … Continue reading Everybody Owns a Scar: Trials in an Open Foster…


Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with Birth Mom

By Lori Holden A year ago I published a letter from Charlene that explained her son had found his birth mother and they had all attended his college graduation. The reunion had gone so well that the son had decided to move to another state to live with his birth mom and get to know his biological family. … Continue reading Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with…


Book Review: Patricia Florin’s “A Life Let Go”

By Lori Holden I’ll cut to the chase: I loved this book. Months ago author Patricia Florin sent me A Life Let Go to review. I had a big stack of books in my queue and not enough reading time to get to hers in a gracious manner, but I finally got time to read during our recent … Continue reading Book Review: Patricia Florin’s “A Life Let Go” →…


Top o’ the Summer To Ye

By Lori Holden Earlier this month, Roger and I boarded a flight with our two teenagers for a family trip to Ireland. Once in Dublin we met up with my husband’s father and sister. We were three generations ranging in age from 14 to 81 (at any point in time, you can bet that someone had to stop … Continue reading Top o’ the Summer To Ye → The post…


9 Tips to Long term Success in Parenting Through Adoption

By Lori Holden Technically, the title is “9 Steps to Long Term Success in Parenting Through Embryo Adoption.” But practically, this webinar applies to parenting through adoption of other types: traditional, international, foster, open, as well as other third party reproduction methods like donor egg, donor sperm, donor embryo. And closed. This message is especially for people inclined … Continue reading 9 Tips to Long term Success in Parenting Through…


Commencement

By Lori Holden Last week I got be the commencement speaker for the graduating class of 2017 at the school where I teach. Even though the audience was smaller than the adoption agency groups I usually present to, I got about ten thousand times more nervous this time. The people in the audience here know me. Afterwards, some … Continue reading Commencement → The post Commencement appeared first on Lavender…


Top Ten

By Lori Holden Want a peek under my hood? I thought I’d dig into my stats and reveal my top ten posts of the past 10 years. Today this blog turns 10. On May 11, 2007, I published my first post — 1099 posts ago. In celebration and before we get to the countdown, here’s an earworm for … Continue reading Top Ten → The post Top Ten appeared first…


Adoption and the College Application Process

By Lori Holden I haven’t had reason to think much about adoption and college applications — yet — but an article in AdoptionToday magazine by college consultant and adoptive mother Debbie Schwartz made me think a little bit ahead. Evan struggled as he decided how to respond to the section regarding ethnicity and race. For those students who … Continue reading Adoption and the College Application Process → The post…


“Nobody Should Ever Feel Like They’re a Mistake”

By Lori Holden Elijah Thomas, who just turned 24, was determined to find his birth father. In a sort of reverse Gotcha, he shares with us the story of his adoption reunion. Adoption is Never Totally Closed in Our Hearts. First off, I am no adoption expert. I don’t recommend what I did for everyone. Ultimately I think … Continue reading “Nobody Should Ever Feel Like They’re a Mistake” →…


Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows?

By Lori Holden With St Patrick’s Day upon us, I know this weekend is about all things Irish, but I want to share a Chinese proverb. Once there was a poor farmer. He was able to grow just enough to feed his family. One day his horse ran away. “BAD LUCK!” the neighbors cried. “Now you won’t be … Continue reading Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows? → The post…


Dear Abby, We Need to Talk About Gotcha!

By Lori Holden Gayle Swift here, guesting in Lori’s space. She wasn’t ready to take on another adoption expert so soon after the last one, but seeing as how I have strong feelings about Gotcha, as well as ideas on a more attuned approach, I am happy to step in with my own advice. Dear Abby: Three Reasons … Continue reading Dear Abby, We Need to Talk About Gotcha! →…


Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give Open Adoption Advice

By Lori Holden But there are a few problems with that. First of all, he has no direct experience with open adoption, or even plain old adoption, as far as my sleuthing skills reveal. Second of all, his advice is terrible. Though he apparently has a big following, Jim Rosemond is new on my radar. I heard of … Continue reading Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give Open Adoption…


Brace Face

By Lori Holden Through their orthodontic treatments, I watched as my kids’ smiles got gorgeouser and gorgouser. And I got jealouser and jealouser. So then I got braces. Again. Yes, at my age. I decided it wasn’t a sin to treat myself, so I had a consultation, signed a contract with Dr Vyas (love her), and got my … Continue reading Brace Face → The post Brace Face appeared first…


How Apt are You to Use this Adoption App?

By Lori Holden Maybe you’ve already heard about it. People involved in adoption are buzzing about it. It’s a new app called Adoptly, billed as “a better way to adopt.” It’s already been dubbed The Tinder of Adoption, and, as you can imagine, that has not gone over well in online adoption communities (at least not in the … Continue reading How Apt are You to Use this Adoption App?…