• A Must Read List for Adoption Truths

    • In many states across the USA including New York, Adoptee Rights bills are introduced to state legislators year after year. Due to lack of public support and misinformation based outdated beliefs about the adoption process, year after year, this bills fail to become laws.

    • I am a product of this experiment. I was born on December 24th, 1988 and I was soon transferred from one mother to another because my first mother, known throughout my life as my birth mother, wasn’t married to my birth father. She was 16 years old and still in high school.

    • I was 14 when I learned I was pregnant and my life changed forever. Once I’d gotten that fateful news, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby; I wondered if I’d be able to finish school, would I be able to give my baby the life she deserved?

    • So How Do We Fix Adoption in the USA? Domestic Voluntary Infant Adoption is what we are discussing here. Women facing and unplanned pregnancy and “choose” adoption rather than parenting. If you aren’t aware of adoption facts, then you might not be aware of the need for reform.

    • There are some facts about adoption that, really, you cannot dispute unless you are just trying to purposely to stay ignorant regarding the facts of infant adoption in this country. Adoption is, in its perfect form, suppose to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.

    • What Happens to the Numbers of Adoptable Infants in the USA if We Compare to Australia? IF the USA had similar adoption practices to Australia and supported mothers, in the US we would have only 539 Voluntary Domestic Infant relinquishments annually give or take.

    • The relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my son was actually picture perfect. I am a perfect example of exactly what adoption is when it works just as it is suppose to.The adoption of my son was perfect, I did everything the “right” way and still; the adoption of my son caused unnecessary pain and was wrong. This is way I speak out against adoption today.

    • Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that that I thought and was encouraged to believe that would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked it’s way in, like water in cement and caused the very foundation of myself to crumble.

    • When I relinquished Max, it was suppose to be something that affected ME. Like so many things in adoption, the professionals were wrong. The “gift of adoption” just keep on giving and giving.. the pain has a huge ripple effect that touches every aspect of a woman’s lives including ALL our children.

    • Secondary adoptee rejection is a very real reality in adoption reunions. We all have a different skill set and experiences to handle a reunion.There are many mothers who were simply told to “never speak of this again” and that has proven to be a real unhealthy bit of advice.

    • The simple fact is that it is less than 1% of all relinquishing mothers desire to never set eyes on their children again. So because these 1% mothers another 6 to 8 million people and their children and their children’s children get denied medical histories, get denied their identity, get denied their truth..

    • Most adoption agencies will offer free “birthmother” counseling as part of their adoption services. A true counselor is supposed to advocate for their client, not the organization for which they work. Often adoption counseling is “in agency” and therefore, not really nonpartisan. There is no guarantee that the “counselor” is neutral and actually has the expectant mothers’ best interests at heart.

    • I figured that I would write a post that makes it easier for women to become birthmothers. Hence, here’s a handy guide on how to become more appealing to adoption agencies and ways to ensure that you will place your baby.

How to Give Your Baby Up for Adoption

Giving my son away to adoption in 1987The whole story, from beginning to end, of how I became a birthmother.

Adoption as a Solution to Crisis Pregnancy

The following is a collection of post recounting my experience as a teenage mother and how I found myself in the situation where I placed my infant son for adoption. It is wholly based on my current memories and my writings of that time of my pregnancy and relinquishment, and while I might be off on some things due to memory lapse, it is not embellished for effect. Certain people might recognize themselves by name or reference, and if you find that unsuitable, please let me know and we will come up with a way to hid your involvement in my story. My adoption story here is not meant to hurt any participants, nor cast blame, no shovel guilt, but to accurately convey what the experience of becoming a birthmother was like for me.

The Story of a Birthmother: How to Give your Baby Up for Adoption

Most Birthmother Stories are very different, yet very much the same.

The feelings are usually along the same themes. The loss and grief after the relinquishment are pretty universal.

Please remember that for all intents and purposes, I was a willing birthmother who choose adoption as an option. I gave birth in 1987 and my agency was considered progressive and top knotch and the adoption tactics I faced were standard for that time, and many continue to this day. My adoption counselling was, in hindsight, subtly coercive and at times, the adoption agency was unethical. But, overall, this was and is, considered a “good” adoption story. Very typical for my agency and still in other adoption agencies of today.

As we see adoption promoted by the National Council for Adoption and even promoted as an alternative to abortion by President Obama, let’s keep in mind that THIS is what we are asking women to life with. THIS is what we are asking them to do. THIS is what we think is logical and a “win-win” solution to a crisis, unexpected, teen or unwed pregnancy.

All I can tell you, that THIS SUCKS. It was horrible to live through it at the time and the legacy of adoption and life as a birthmother is still no better now.

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