Adoption Relinquishment

Place your baby for adoption Pregnant and Considering Adoption? What The Adoption Agencies Will Not Tell You About Adoption Relinquishment

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering becoming a birthmother and making an adoption plan there are some things you should know about first- as in BEFORE you contact an adoption agency!

Adoption relinquishment is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

  • If you are too young to parent:  Know that you will not be this young forever, but even if you surrender your parental rights you will still be a mother forever. That piece of paper does nothing to change the way you will feel.
  • If you are not ready to parent: You will get ready. Seriously. No one is ever ready to parent even if they have waited and planned; having a child freaks out everyone.  This is normal.  Whatever it is that you think is so much more important now will pale in comparison to the feeling you will have regarding your child. School, parties, fun- imagine looking your child in the eye and telling them that you gave them away  because you couldn’t bother getting your act together.
  • If you lack financial support: Ask for help. Go to social services, even if you think you are not eligible Most public assistance has special applications for pregnant women and children. DO NOT BE ASHAMED.  A few years of assistance is much better than a life time separated from your child. Do not be swayed by promises of help from an adoption agency. They will help you, but they will take your baby as payment.
  • If your child’s father is a pain: Your child’s father is libel for support: Legally. He has a right to know that his child is to be adopted. He has a right to parent his child. He is responsible for support. It will be worth fighting him for it.
  • If you want your child to have a two parent household: Adoptive parents have the same divorce rate, rates of cancer, job loss, and death. There is NO guarantee that  they will all live happily ever after. On the flip side, there is nothing that says that you can’t meet the man of your dreams in 6 months and  he will love your child just as much as you do. Plus, it’s completely illogical for a child to lose one real mother to gain two strangers.

Your Baby Needs YOU, Not Perfection

Your child will be born knowing your voice, your smell and needing YOU; his or her mother. Mother child bonding happens pre-birth and sets up a model for the rest of the child’s life. Children do not care, especially at young ages, about brand name clothing, special diapers, or fancy toys. They want their mothers.

Separating of a mother and child is painful to babies, even newborns. They might not have the ability to verbalize their pain, but  it can cause damage.  Some adoptees suffer what is called the Primal Wound. Many adopted children are colicky. Others adapt by being complete “content” which means they are in a survival mode. Adopted children are over represented in both the mental health field and the prison system. Many suffer from trust issues their entire lives. No matter what happy adoption story they are told, some will feel abandoned and rejected by you.

Chances are, your child will be denied their civil rights to access their original identity.

Adoption is Not The Answer to an Unplanned Pregnancy

Research studies show that the long term consequences to relinquishment  increase over time and continue to affect a birthmother, her subsequent parenting and her relationships.

Birthmothers suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and long term unresolved grief.

The rate of secondary infertility in women who have relinquished is 7 times higher than the general population.

Open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable. It doesn’t matter what you all agree to now; once you sign the relinquishment consent, you have no rights and no say. Many “open adoptions” close when the child is about five due to the verbal communications that show a preference for their original mothers.

The adoption industry is an almost 13 billion dollar a year business whose job is to transfer the parental rights of children form those  without resources to those who can pay for the privilege. It’s legalized child trafficking.

The rest of the world will not think that you are strong and selfless, they will think you are horrible person for getting pregnant and giving up your child.

Read More About Life as  Birthmother and Be Warned

There is no “right ” way to do this. You’re no different.

Saving Our Sisters; An Adoption SOS

SAving Our Sisters from Adoption

The simple fact is that we CAN do this. And it is becoming more and more clear that we MUST do this. So if you are at all interested in actually DOING something to really help preserve families, support successful parenting and provide a viable option to a unplanned crisis pregnancy and avoid adoption, PLEASE join this list. read more…

A Question for Birthmothers: Nurses and the Hospital During Relinquishment

online information about adoption

Looking for examples of experiences where a hospital nurse directly interacted with a mom and in some way pushed an unwanted opinion on adoption. Whether or not this opinion resulted in a changed outcome isn’t as important as what was said, how it was said and how it made you feel. read more…

Four Birthmothers – for Mothers

jean strauss film 4 birthmothers

I feel blessed and honored to have been included in the filming of this piece.
The last day of the AAC Conference in San Francisco last year, I heard Jean wanted to film some birthmothers and I volunteered. So we sat in a room and talked about our experiences relinquishing our children to adoption.
Then Jean Strauss worked her magic and this is the end result read more…

Adoption Book Review: “Birth Mother” by Denise Emanuel Clemen

Denise Emanuel Clemen's memoir "Birth Mother"

What I love the most about Denise Emanuel Clemen’s memoir “Birth Mother” is that it is ONLY the pregnancy and immediate adoption experience that she tells. Just as the reader has so many unanswered questions and wonders, the birthmother is left always wondering about her child and the child is left wondering about the mother. It is that complete separation that makes this story so powerful. read more…

What are the Costs of Adoption? Is Adoption Trauma?

Avid adoption separation trauma

Separating mother and child causes varying degrees of lifelong trauma for both. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, please listen to the mothers of adoption loss and more importantly, the adoptees. Educate yourself of the effect adoption will have on both of you before it’s too late.
Anyone (including agencies) that will gain if your baby is adopted will NOT inform you read more…

Birthing, Labor, and Adoption Relinquishment

When You Throw the Birthing Plan Out the Window

Your adoption plan is what you think you want and how you hope it will go down, but you want it to be like right now doesn’t matter either because like labor, you really won’t be in control once you sign the relinquishment consent. That signature gives up ALL control.
I can tell you that the pain from labor fades. I cannot say the same about adoption. read more…

In Family Betrayal; When Your Aunt Plays Adoption Baby Broker

Kaleigh Holcomb of Alabama born April 17th, 2007

David yanks her from my arms and says, ” I’m not dealing with this!” and walks out the door. I followed him watching her cry and reaching for me and yelling for me. He puts her in the car and shuts the door.
I never told her I loved he. I never told her I missed her. I never told her will miss her. I didn’t get to even tell her goodbye.
I didn’t know I wouldn’t ever see her again. read more…

Adoption ReHoming Injustice in Minnesota

Broken Promises in Adoption and Silence - Leading to Rehoming

After the adoptive parents of her daughter stopped communicating, Kristina learned that they placed her child in foster care to be rehomed. Kristina has decided to try to adopt her daughter back and is not in court. read more…

Birthmother Wars; When the Positive Fight the Negative

subconscious external justification amoung birthmothers in adoption

“This Support Group is SO Negative!”

Lately, it seems that someone who feels “Ok’ about their choice, will express displeasure at what they see as lack of support. Which pretty much ends up being another long drawn out discussion where the Polly Positives complain about the Negative Nancys and the Negative Nancys defend their right to be negative. Rinse, wash, repeat. read more…

The Act of Redemption in the Adoption Process

• In doing what is best for her child, she fulfills her need to see herself as a good mother and accept the pain of relinquishment. In this way, she transforms agony of the entire story into a redemptive experience where she becomes a heroine in her own eyes and in the eyes of others.

Yes, if I am trying to be completely honest and self aware, then I have to admit that some aspect of my motivation to do this work, my obsession with all things adoption, is a form of redemption. I can see that I am making up for the mistake of relinquishment, but I am not 100% sure who I am redeeming myself to. read more…

New Jersey’s Golden Cradle Adoption Inc; More Unethical Adoption Agency Hyjinks 

case of a revocation of an adoption relinquishment consent in Pennsylvania, but Golden Cradle Adoption is insisting that the Adoption in a New Jersey Adoption.

Met Ana; she was told that she had the 30 day revocation timeframe under PA law because she is from PA, she lives in PA, she was told the family lived in PA, and the baby was born in PA, only to now be told that it’s a New Jersey adoption. Of course, New Jersey does not have a revocation of adoption consent period recognized by law. How convenient. read more…

The Birthmother Shift – 12 Years In an Adoption Fog

shifts in birthmother understand and adoption losses

At or around age 12, childhood is over.
And for birth mothers, it is obvious that we missed the whole thing. It’s over. Our child is in the final stages of growing up without us. Their whole childhood is gone. They grew up without us. It’s done. read more…

The Rich Do Not Relinquish Children to Adoption

The rich do not relinquish their children to adoption

Despite how wonderful a choice those in the adoption industry would like the world to believe, mothers do not want to give up their babies for adoption and that can be easily seen as the rich do not relinquish. read more…

Birthmother Gaslighting Manipulation by the Adoption Industry

Birthmother Gaslighting Manipulation by the Adoption Industry

I know many birthmothers who have “chosen” to relinquish a child to adoption have great difficulty explaining the very subtle coercion and thought process that goes into it. It’s not so obvious to be called brainwashing. It is often not forceful enough to be openly accepted as coercion. We don’t even know or want to call ourselves “victims”. Is it the sophisticated manipulation tactic known as “Gaslighting”? read more…