Pregnant and Considering Adoption? What The Adoption Agencies Will Not Tell You About Adoption Relinquishment
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering becoming a birthmother and making an adoption plan there are some things you should know about first- as in BEFORE you contact an adoption agency!
Adoption relinquishment is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
- If you are too young to parent: Know that you will not be this young forever, but even if you surrender your parental rights you will still be a mother forever. That piece of paper does nothing to change the way you will feel.
- If you are not ready to parent: You will get ready. Seriously. No one is ever ready to parent even if they have waited and planned; having a child freaks out everyone. This is normal. Whatever it is that you think is so much more important now will pale in comparison to the feeling you will have regarding your child. School, parties, fun- imagine looking your child in the eye and telling them that you gave them away because you couldn’t bother getting your act together.
- If you lack financial support: Ask for help. Go to social services, even if you think you are not eligible Most public assistance has special applications for pregnant women and children. DO NOT BE ASHAMED. A few years of assistance is much better than a life time separated from your child. Do not be swayed by promises of help from an adoption agency. They will help you, but they will take your baby as payment.
- If your child’s father is a pain: Your child’s father is libel for support: Legally. He has a right to know that his child is to be adopted. He has a right to parent his child. He is responsible for support. It will be worth fighting him for it.
- If you want your child to have a two parent household: Adoptive parents have the same divorce rate, rates of cancer, job loss, and death. There is NO guarantee that they will all live happily ever after. On the flip side, there is nothing that says that you can’t meet the man of your dreams in 6 months and he will love your child just as much as you do. Plus, it’s completely illogical for a child to lose one real mother to gain two strangers.
Your Baby Needs YOU, Not Perfection
Your child will be born knowing your voice, your smell and needing YOU; his or her mother. Mother child bonding happens pre-birth and sets up a model for the rest of the child’s life. Children do not care, especially at young ages, about brand name clothing, special diapers, or fancy toys. They want their mothers.
Separating of a mother and child is painful to babies, even newborns. They might not have the ability to verbalize their pain, but it can cause damage. Some adoptees suffer what is called the Primal Wound. Many adopted children are colicky. Others adapt by being complete “content” which means they are in a survival mode. Adopted children are over represented in both the mental health field and the prison system. Many suffer from trust issues their entire lives. No matter what happy adoption story they are told, some will feel abandoned and rejected by you.
Chances are, your child will be denied their civil rights to access their original identity.
Adoption is Not The Answer to an Unplanned Pregnancy
Research studies show that the long term consequences to relinquishment increase over time and continue to affect a birthmother, her subsequent parenting and her relationships.
Birthmothers suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and long term unresolved grief.
The rate of secondary infertility in women who have relinquished is 7 times higher than the general population.
Open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable. It doesn’t matter what you all agree to now; once you sign the relinquishment consent, you have no rights and no say. Many “open adoptions” close when the child is about five due to the verbal communications that show a preference for their original mothers.
The adoption industry is an almost 13 billion dollar a year business whose job is to transfer the parental rights of children form those without resources to those who can pay for the privilege. It’s legalized child trafficking.
The rest of the world will not think that you are strong and selfless, they will think you are horrible person for getting pregnant and giving up your child.
Read More About Life as Birthmother and Be Warned
There is no “right ” way to do this. You’re no different.