Adoption Relinquishment

Place your baby for adoption Pregnant and Considering Adoption? What The Adoption Agencies Will Not Tell You About Adoption Relinquishment

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are considering becoming a birthmother and making an adoption plan there are some things you should know about first- as in BEFORE you contact an adoption agency!

Adoption relinquishment is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

  • If you are too young to parent:  Know that you will not be this young forever, but even if you surrender your parental rights you will still be a mother forever. That piece of paper does nothing to change the way you will feel.
  • If you are not ready to parent: You will get ready. Seriously. No one is ever ready to parent even if they have waited and planned; having a child freaks out everyone.  This is normal.  Whatever it is that you think is so much more important now will pale in comparison to the feeling you will have regarding your child. School, parties, fun- imagine looking your child in the eye and telling them that you gave them away  because you couldn’t bother getting your act together.
  • If you lack financial support: Ask for help. Go to social services, even if you think you are not eligible Most public assistance has special applications for pregnant women and children. DO NOT BE ASHAMED.  A few years of assistance is much better than a life time separated from your child. Do not be swayed by promises of help from an adoption agency. They will help you, but they will take your baby as payment.
  • If your child’s father is a pain: Your child’s father is libel for support: Legally. He has a right to know that his child is to be adopted. He has a right to parent his child. He is responsible for support. It will be worth fighting him for it.
  • If you want your child to have a two parent household: Adoptive parents have the same divorce rate, rates of cancer, job loss, and death. There is NO guarantee that  they will all live happily ever after. On the flip side, there is nothing that says that you can’t meet the man of your dreams in 6 months and  he will love your child just as much as you do. Plus, it’s completely illogical for a child to lose one real mother to gain two strangers.

Your Baby Needs YOU, Not Perfection

Your child will be born knowing your voice, your smell and needing YOU; his or her mother. Mother child bonding happens pre-birth and sets up a model for the rest of the child’s life. Children do not care, especially at young ages, about brand name clothing, special diapers, or fancy toys. They want their mothers.

Separating of a mother and child is painful to babies, even newborns. They might not have the ability to verbalize their pain, but  it can cause damage.  Some adoptees suffer what is called the Primal Wound. Many adopted children are colicky. Others adapt by being complete “content” which means they are in a survival mode. Adopted children are over represented in both the mental health field and the prison system. Many suffer from trust issues their entire lives. No matter what happy adoption story they are told, some will feel abandoned and rejected by you.

Chances are, your child will be denied their civil rights to access their original identity.

Adoption is Not The Answer to an Unplanned Pregnancy

Research studies show that the long term consequences to relinquishment  increase over time and continue to affect a birthmother, her subsequent parenting and her relationships.

Birthmothers suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and long term unresolved grief.

The rate of secondary infertility in women who have relinquished is 7 times higher than the general population.

Open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable. It doesn’t matter what you all agree to now; once you sign the relinquishment consent, you have no rights and no say. Many “open adoptions” close when the child is about five due to the verbal communications that show a preference for their original mothers.

The adoption industry is an almost 13 billion dollar a year business whose job is to transfer the parental rights of children form those  without resources to those who can pay for the privilege. It’s legalized child trafficking.

The rest of the world will not think that you are strong and selfless, they will think you are horrible person for getting pregnant and giving up your child.

Read More About Life as  Birthmother and Be Warned

There is no “right ” way to do this. You’re no different.

The Birthmother Shift – 12 Years In an Adoption Fog

shifts in birthmother understand and adoption losses

At or around age 12, childhood is over.
And for birth mothers, it is obvious that we missed the whole thing. It’s over. Our child is in the final stages of growing up without us. Their whole childhood is gone. They grew up without us. It’s done. read more…

The Rich Do Not Relinquish Children to Adoption

The rich do not relinquish their children to adoption

Despite how wonderful a choice those in the adoption industry would like the world to believe, mothers do not want to give up their babies for adoption and that can be easily seen as the rich do not relinquish. read more…

Birthmother Gaslighting Manipulation by the Adoption Industry

Birthmother Gaslighting Manipulation by the Adoption Industry

I know many birthmothers who have “chosen” to relinquish a child to adoption have great difficulty explaining the very subtle coercion and thought process that goes into it. It’s not so obvious to be called brainwashing. It is often not forceful enough to be openly accepted as coercion. We don’t even know or want to call ourselves “victims”. Is it the sophisticated manipulation tactic known as “Gaslighting”? read more…

Rainbow Unicorns and The Mythical Birthmother Who Wants to Relinquish Her Child

Rainbow Unicorns and The Mythical Birthmother Who Wants to Relinquish Her Child

If there are other options that CAN BE sought BEFORE adoption, then the adoption itself, not matter how happy anyone claims to be, is a tragedy. “What about the mothers who truly aren’t able to parent?” If we want adoption to really be a good thing, ethical, and used as it should then we have to then ask, ‘What is the obstacle in her way that is making it less than idea for this mother to parent this baby? read more…

If Adoptees are Gifts Then Adoption is Regifting God’s Presents

Don't regift what God gives you.

If children are a gift from God then the Birthmother is a regifter!!! Now I don’t know about you, but when you consider adoption to be regifting what God gives you, then I dare say it’s a bit tacky and, again based on my limited churchgoing self, might annoy him when he finds out ( as is unavoidable) that you went and regifted your baby. read more…

What I Didn’t Know About Adoption

Adoption aborts the mother

I’ve learned to be gentle with my younger self. I really didn’t stand a chance up against that agency. They are very good at their business. They know exactly what to say and withhold. I was a prime, easy target for them and they did not hold back. They pounced and turned the knife to the very end. read more…

Day 17 of Adoption Activism; NAAM2013

17. Day 17 of Adoption Activism; NAAM2013

In South Carolina after the relinquishment of parental rights is signed you cannot go back and change your mind or any sort. Twenty-eight (28) states have laws providing a waiting period before relinquishment of parental rights is irrevocable. read more…

Adoption is NOT an Alternative to Abortion

Pick a DOOR.. what's behind door number one??

Increasing adoption awareness does not decrease abortions. The alternative to abortion is giving birth. The alternative to adoption is actually parenting your own child. Separate events at separate times even if in the same pregnancy. It’s NOT the “Price is Right” Pregnancy Door Game. The decisions made when facing an unplanned pregnancy do not happen at once and suddenly face three doors to go through parenting, adoption or abortion. read more…

Surrender and Subordination: Birth Mothers and Adoption Law

US Adult adoptees denied OBC access

This article analyzes the provisions in a collection of birth mother surrender documents assembled by the author—seventy-five mid-twentieth century documents executed in twenty-six different states. In order to establish the significance of the surrender document provisions with respect to these claims, the article first relates depictions by birth mothers of a journey from silence to legislative advocacy. The article then examines the conflicting claims about birth mothers that pervade legislative contests over adult adoptee access to original birth certificates. Finally, the article analyzes the provisions of the surrender documents. The analysis of the provisions definitively supports birth mother advocates’ reports that women were neither offered a choice of nor guaranteed lifelong anonymity. Their opponents’ contentions to the contrary, whether motivated by concern for birth mothers or other interests, reinscribe an earlier culture of shame and secrecy, subordinating women’s own wishes and silencing their newly raised voices. read more…

My Conflicts in AmericaAdopts and CandadAdopts

Adoptin newtowroking to find a baby; Ethical or not?

I am already well trained to ignore the lovely smiling photos of hopeful couples waiting to adopt. There are many of them, so lots of glancing about for me, trying to find a safe place to rest my eyes. I scan for copy, rather than cheesy grins, and pass over the glorified bios that shout “Pick me, Pick me!”. It’s all bright and shiny. Everyone is happy with their best face forward. Why? Because America Adopts is NOT an adoption agency, it’s an “adoption meeting place”. Whaaaat…? Yup, think dating site, but for knocked up chicks thinking about adoption! read more…

“What to Expect” from a Post Relinquishment Pregnancy

"What to Expect" when pregnant after an adoption relinquishment

There is a good chance that motherhood will never be the same for a birthmother. Even under completely different circumstance than the adoption, years later, the mother we could have been has been altered. She is gone. What is left is a new mother, a new persons, one forever altered by the relinquishment experience. read more…

Spouse of A Birthmother Asks: How Do I Tell My Children?

Long Term Affects of Adoption Relinquishment on Marriage & Relationships

And like many of us affected by adoption, for a spouse of a birthmothers, it helps just to know that one is not alone, which is then altered with the desire to help others also feel that validation and acknowledgment. I do infrequently run into other spouses that wish there was more public support. Perhaps one day we will have something really good for you all. Of course, we’ll have to make it ourselves. The adoption industry probably never will, as then they will have to admit that adoption has long term affects on behalf of relinquishment. read more…

Irresponsible Whores or Strong Family Building Angels

Madonna Whore Complex in adoption

She is not a saint. She is not a whore. She is a woman faced with one of the most awful concepts a mother can imagine: the willing separation of one’s child for life. Saints or sluts are not real. They are labels use to dehumanize the relinquishment experience. Both are used to separate the birthmother form the rest of the population and create impossible social contracts from which any person, birthmother of not, cannot continue to love within. The saint cannot admit to the pain and the slut does not deserve to feel the love. Polar opposites and not realistic for anyone. Not helpful for anyone. Not healthy for anyone. read more…

Infertility Does NOT Give You the Right to Adopt!

if you hear the pain in a woman's voice, and choose to shut it out....that says something about you. it says nothing about the voice you choose not to hear

The latest batch of pro-adoption propaganda, “What’s Mine is Yours”, by Katherine Nelson and Deanna Harper, has set a “beautiful” song that highlights the pain and suffering of infertility while promoting adoption and glorifying relinquishment. But with this song and the simplification and romanticism made of the relinquishing mother, Katherine Nelson leaves out millions of real mothers who have suffered a real loss of living, breathing children, many now gown adults. And often this trauma was inflicted by the hands who those claim to want others to understand; women who should be able to appreciate the true longing to be mothers. She promotes a false cure, a band aide, in adoption, by glorifying the very need that claimed so many of our children. read more…