Adoption is a Huge Tapestry
There is no simple answer in adoption. Adoption is made of millions of individual experiences. We all have a thread in it. We all weave it together.
Adoption is not one color. It is not one shade. It is millions of different shades of gray, some threads change mid stream…from brightly colored, to the black of death, back to a pale whisper of what it once was. Some are almost invisible, but they are still there, holding their place, keeping the pattern alive.
Truly See the Tapestry of Adoption
Adoption is not all beautiful. Adoption is not all horrible. It is too big and massive for many to be able to view all at once. So how we see the Tapestry of Adoption depends on what particular piece we hold in our hands.
You might be weaving a thread that you find inspirational, only to find that another thread weaver finds it brash and garish. You might be looking for holes in my portion, but kinks and knots, it is still mine to weave. You can criticize my choice in colors, call it dark, call it depressing, but I know that next to your chosen thread, mine will still stand up and carry the weave.
When taken all together, the tapestry makes up the Truth of Adoption.
And Adoption Tapestry is Hard to Weave
What is definitive is that one will not know what thread we hold until we get to the other end and see what life has given us.
Some will unravel, some will break and some will be beautiful though out.
I will not take scissors to your thread when you are not looking.
I will not add bleach to your dye to fade you out.
I will not add colors to your threads to muddy what you see as yours. Weave what you will and let me weave mine.
Please do not try to alter my thread, my truth, my words to fit your pattern, what you want to weave. There is enough room in it for all our truths to be a single strand. My beauty is not yours and yours is not mine. And that is OK.
Some day we might decide that together, we are stronger. Two threads are better than one.
Making A Real Tapestry of Adoption Truth
Some day we might be more organized and weave something together. Decide what we want it to look like and make it really completely beautiful from that point out. Then those who look at the Tapestry of Truth will see only the beauty and thoughts, good intentions, and women working together to make us all beautiful. They will have to look back far into the past to see the darkness, the tear stains, the holes where threads broke off and weaving went astray.
When I was given this thread to begin, on the first steps on the journey to relinquish my son, the color was a bright blue like his pure baby eyes. I thought the whole spool would retain that vivid hue. Here they said, what a wonderful thing you do, now take this thread and go be wonderful.
Weaving My Part of Adoption Truth
And I started to weave. For many years I was a solitary weaver, not knowing what was really being made, just knew that I had to keep spinning. And I never looked back at the color, just assumed it was blue. That beautiful blue.
When I met others and we would sit and weave together, then I saw that the blue had faded, and for years I had only a flat gray. Cold gray, hard gray..what happened to the blue I was promised? Where was the rainbow? What was I weaving?
Now you can say to me that you would never have chosen such a color. That you knew it would fade and be ugly. And really, no one in their right mind would have picked such a color. And it is my own fault for the choosing.
And that all might be true, but I didn’t know. I had never had to weave before. Adoption sounded like a good thing to take part in. The piece of the Adoption Tapestry I was shown was beautiful. It covered up the ugly places. I saw no grays, no blacks, just a rainbow of beauty and I wanted to be included. Had I been warned that my thread was from a lot that was bound to turn gray then I might have picked another thread. I might have chosen not to weave, because, indeed all this constant spinning, can get you tired.
But I was told that if I went forward, that I would have beauty and rainbows, that it was a true good blue. I know I picked the blue, for the gray it is not what I had planned. And for a long time I kept on weaving and then going back to hand color in the gray back to blue. That was too exhausting also. I got tangled in the threads when I went back.
Accepting the Truth of Adoption
So now, I have no choice but to accept this gray and keep on spinning. It is all that I have. I know it is ugly at times, but it is real and it is still strong and it is still true.
Look at me, it says, I am gray. But I will get to the end, and I will make some beauty along the way.
Now, I purposely go into other patterns. I look at what they are doing and follow their pattern for awhile.
They come into mine and I will incorporate their bright colors, and intermingle with my gray.
When they let go of their threads, I tie them off in a knot and claim them as my own bright spots in my grayness. I think they are very pretty.
We might be weaving from opposite ends, but I hope that when we met in the middle you can at least admire my strong gray thread and see how true it is.
I hope to be able to see your beauty in yours too. An maybe together, we can tie a knot off in the spirit of true understanding.
In the meantime, don’t warp me. Take it for what it is. This is my thread, my pattern, my color..and it has a place in this tapestry of adoption truth, just as sure as yours does.
View the Whole Adoption Tapestry
Look at the whole thing. See the grays. Don’t dismiss them. If it wasn’t for all the grays then the bright colors would have nothing. Go be bright, go be pretty, be the color that everyone likes to see. The ones that the common passerby will notice and say “Oh, how nice, how lovely” But remember it is the grays that tie it all together and give it strength.
I am not letting go of what I was given. It is all that I have. It is mine. This is my thread, my truth.
I am still spinning.
I hope that when seen from afar, it is part of a beautiful pattern.