Mother’s Day is particularly hard for birthmother’s. Leading up to it, we are reminded for weeks, that the day is coming. In a closed adoption, we just wonder. “What is my child doing today. Is his other mother getting a lovely card and a gift? Does he think about me?” In an open adoption, it’s most likely just as hard, maybe worse, if your child can contact you and does not. And even in reunion it’s still hard.
We are mothers, but often not recognized as mother’s and silently cry alone, while smiling outside.
I have written about it before:
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There is No Escaping Mother’s Day for Birthmothers
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Mother’s Day; Still a Disappointment
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Screw Birthmother’s Day; I am Officially Rebeling
Maybe Some Adoption Poetry to Get you Through?
My friend Brenda shared this on Facebook the other day. She said to share, just credit her name. So in honor of Mother’s Day, I think this is something many birthmothers can related to.
Brenda says:
Every year around Mother’s Day i write a birthmother poem. Usually I read them at a Birthmother’s Day gathering in Ann Arbor. This year I will not be able to because I will be working. The theme this year is “Agape” – selfless love. I had a visceral reaction to the theme. All this selfless talk gives me hives. So I wrote this.
Fallen Angel
By Brenda Romanchik
I put the wings on they gave me
Woven of diaphanous words
“Gift giver”
“Selfless”
“Angel”
They kept me aloft for awhile
Where I hovered above my son and his family
Their voices murmurs far below
Soon after
words of stone
tore and bent my fragile wings
They said:
“You are not worthy”
“unneeded”
that they “could never give their baby away.”
And in the night, an inner voice joined their chorus
“you did it for yourself too.”
With tattered wings I slowly descended to earth
The closer I came
Another voice, strong and persistent
soon only slightly out of reach said:
“Let’s play the game”
So I leaned into this game of his own making
and I grabbed him
and I rocked him
and I crooned
“I love you”
“I love you”
“My baby”
“My baby”
And I was grateful
for the two feet firmly planted on the ground.
And I threw the wings away
deciding not to mend them
in order to remain in reach
A fallen angel
Fully human
Mother’s Day 2013
