A Haunting Musical of a Rejected Bastards Emotional Journey

Sometimes I have nothing to write about for adoption and sometimes I have oodles. We are in the middle of an oodles period. In the last three days I have:

• Seen a screening of the soon to be released movie “Mother and Child” which I reviewed on GIMH.
• Had an intense and brilliant three hour interview with a NY high school student, which I WILL write about here.
• And then, tonight, I jumped to the next town over and saw Mary Gauthier perform in an itty bitty local cafe.

Funny, Touching, Moving, Haunting, Beautiful and Poignant

I had no idea that there even was a Mary Gauthier before she jumped into my field of vision via a Google alert, but I was immediately very excited. In truth, even if she was NOT an adoptees, and NOT written her whole forthcoming album about the adoptee experience, I would have loved her sound had I heard it. She’s kind of like the Cowboy Junkies, who I have adored for over 20 years and who she is now opening for during the next leg of the tour! With maybe more blues, more grit, and some good old New Orleans tang. I’m not a fan of country music, but she isn’t country and her sound does sooth my soul while somehow making it ache at the same time.

So I get over to the Cafe, and the place is packed with people finishing up their dinner and waiting for her to play on the very tiny, mere platform of a stage. There is no room except at the end of the bar where, there she is herself, chatting with a another local singer songwriter from Woodstock, Rachel I-forget-your-last-name-I’m-sorry! I wait for them to finish chatting and then I do intrude, because, well.. we had emailed back and forth and she had sent me the yet unreleased CD and I had told her I was going to be there and I wanted to talk to her!

Warm, Welcoming, Gracious and so Real: Mary Gauthier

She had just come back from touring Australia, so we had a very interesting chat about how the jet lag is actually caused by the flip of the magnet poles on one’s body, but we of course, had to speak about adoption. I asked if adoptees were coming out of the woodwork and she did reply that the response was wonderful and both birthmothers and adoptive parents too were very supportive. We chatted about the battle and I am honored to say that she thanked me for the work I do as well. We did speak of the way one tells their story for ourselves, but then somehow how it ends up touching others is so very humbling and yet a great responsibility.

And then, Mary Gauthier, Stepped on Stage

Mary on an acoustic, another fine gentleman on another acoustic and a violin.. and THAT’s IT! The fact that three human beings and three simple string instruments could produce such a haunting and moving sound is mind boggling and soul wrenching. They started with some older tunes which were perfect and lovely, before she went into the story of The Foundling.

Chills ran up and down my spine and I had to work pretty hard not to let the emotional response get control, yet I was happy to feel it. At times her words are hard to hear, especially because I am a birthmothers, so to hear the raw truth of what many adoptees feel: the rejection, the abandonment, the forgotten, is painful After all, adoption is said to be “better” for our relinquished children, so when a mother hears that the opposite has come to be and our children hurt because of what we did, it adds a new layer to the depth of the loss.

Not that I would want to edit her in any way!

She truly is a great storyteller through both her song and words. Mary Gauthier weaves more bits of anecdote though the songs, explaining more in depth what each song means and how they relate to her adoptee experience. She takes you there in understanding with her words, and then smashes you into the emotions with her music. The music crescendos and grows and you can feel the rising up of the hurt, you ride the emotional waves of adoption related pain and loss and grief with her as she sings you through. The violin plays in the back, haunting and dark and stretching one’s soul until you feel as if your own heart strings shall break. And then, she takes you back down, says something with ironic humor and you are still standing on your feet.

I had to ask her when it was over if she still felt it emotionally every time she plays it, because I felt I could see the real anguish. She said, “No, not anymore, now it’s just a story. But sometimes, I do, it just comes out”. I was glad to know that, because I have realized that that is why I write it down, so I don’t have to tell the story of relinquishing Max over and over again. If someone asks me now, I just refer them to the written version here and I can avoid the emotions connected to it. I guess, then, there is hope, that if we tell our adoption stories enough they might someday lose some of the power of us.

One Fine Bastard!

I don’t know if there was anyone else directly adoption affected in the audience. I tried to watch faces at times to gauge their level of understanding, to see if there was visible pain. But, a person would have to be made of lead not to get it. Every person who cares about adoptee rights should do their best to support this album by Mary Gauthier because she is truly an asset to the understanding of the adoptee experience and it’s just damn great music to boot!

The Founding is being released on May 18th, but you can download it now on Mary’s Site And if you have a chance to go see her live, I strongly recommend that anyone and all do.. even if adoption is not part of your journey , the poetry and humanity and just soul of Mary Gauthier is not to be missed.