How to Describe Life as BirthMother?
I love it when someone else reaches inside and pulls out their heart to show us. This is a good read. Well done.
This part:
“…it was too hard for her to feel so much, and she has let go now. We know each other, but we pretend not to feel anything. She is there, but impenetrable.
I have vowed to be different. To be strong enough for my son and for me. I have promised myself that I won’t let go, I will feel it all – pain, loneliness, loss, and along with it, immeasurable love. But I wonder. What does all of this mean to him? How do I risk so much to enter his world with all the love I have for him, so that he may feel it… and yet careful not to intrude or make a mistake.”
I have vowed to be different. To be strong enough for my son and for me. I have promised myself that I won’t let go, I will feel it all – pain, loneliness, loss, and along with it, immeasurable love. But I wonder. What does all of this mean to him? How do I risk so much to enter his world with all the love I have for him, so that he may feel it… and yet careful not to intrude or make a mistake.”
…………………………………..so perfectly describes the tight line that truly defines this line that we try to walk. Risk all to truly feel it, or risk all to not feel. It’s only a question of which way we do fall.
So incredibly moving, haunting and sad; many, I feel, will resonate.
Beautiful, indeed. I have so much to add to this. Perhaps I will write it down.
Thanks Claude for sharing this. The part about her mother being “too little, too late” was upsetting. What a difference between closed and open adoptions. Not like I approve of any kind of adoption. Just sayin’ the closed ones add to the trauma on both ends.