Coming Out of the Adoption Fog
Denial is a rather impossible to arrest. You don’t know you are even experiencing a state of denial until you are out of it. Denial denies itself.
Often I feel that adoption denial is too strong a word.
Many people enter into adoption believing in some form of its innate goodness. There is often a real shock and a true disbelief that what they wanted to believe about adoption is different than the truth. That’s not denial, but just being unaware. The question is whether or now, we are able to see past what we want to believe and see the reality presented by the facts. This takes time as we need to process those changes in thought. Some resistance, the continued disbelief, is normal.
“How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.”
Frank Herbert
Coming out of the Adoption Fog is a kinder, more realistic descriptive of the process.
It denotes the ability to see the truth through the lies that the adoption industry would like us to believe. It demonstrates the ability to see clearly, connecting all the dots in the adoption tapestry, finding the patterns. It provides a landscape where we can see past our own stories and view the larger picture without having the need to continuously apply our own perspective.
Don’t Drink the Adoption Kool Aid!
I have no business telling you to stop drinking the adoption kool aid.
I, too, used to think that adoption was the greatest win-win solution to an planned pregnancy. I thought I was smarter, more selfless, and stronger because I gave my newborn son away to others. I was proud of my heroic act for the first dozen years after relinquishing my baby to adoption.
I understand why so many birthmothers do not want to see, cannot bring themselves to see what adoption really means. It’s not just yummy tasting kool aid, it’s survival. So survive. I mean that. It’s Ok if you don’t want to believe me now. Maybe you never will, but maybe one day you find yourself having your own WTF moment, lying on the kitchen floor in a heap, wondering why this adoption stuff keeps on bringing your down. On that day, remember me and come on back. I’ll be waiting for you.
See more examples about the process, denial and allure of adoption kool aide here.
Most Recent Adoption Blog Posts about a Birth Mothers’s Path to the Truth
Hate In My Heart
By Cassi I have come to know so many First Moms in my years fighting for Adoption Reform, Adoptee Rights, and even Father’s rights. Some I consider my greatest friends. Wonderful allies in this knock-down, painful world of adoption and the fight to change it. Then there are those who I often disagree with. Believe are playing right into the coercion and manipulation the adoption industry seeks. Pushing and encouraging…
The Popular Table
By Cassi So . . . there are many reasons why I have been so neglectful here on my blog. One of the greatest ones is I’m finally giving myself permission to concentrate on my other writing without feeling guilty for doing so. I can still help. I can still support pregnant mothers in need. I can still be an advocate for adoption reform and adoptee rights. But it’s okay,…
Birthmother Wars; When the Positive Fight the Negative
“This Support Group is SO Negative!”
Lately, it seems that someone who feels “Ok’ about their choice, will express displeasure at what they see as lack of support. Which pretty much ends up being another long drawn out discussion where the Polly Positives complain about the Negative Nancys and the Negative Nancys defend their right to be negative. Rinse, wash, repeat.
Birthmother Gaslighting Manipulation by the Adoption Industry
I know many birthmothers who have “chosen” to relinquish a child to adoption have great difficulty explaining the very subtle coercion and thought process that goes into it. It’s not so obvious to be called brainwashing. It is often not forceful enough to be openly accepted as coercion. We don’t even know or want to call ourselves “victims”. Is it the sophisticated manipulation tactic known as “Gaslighting”?
Don’t Poke the Rainbow Farting Unicorns on Twitter
Now, we must remember she is a former ABORTIONIST PROFESSIONAL, so she’s must KNOW better than I about things like MY LIFE. Especially as there must be GOD on her side!
Please tell me what to do. After all, I have had many years of training being a “good birthmother” Yes, yes, perhaps I just need an adoption Kool-Aid booster shot? Give it to me, Abby! I’m just JONESING hardcore for that Adoption Kool-Aid! Yum..Pro-Life flavor!! My fav-o-rite!