June 2013

Creating Adoption Change Along Unlikely Paths

I just willingly did the “Adoption Perspectives” show on “Powerful” Christian talk radio with two adoptive mothers. Sounds like I spent a lot of time deflecting stereotypes and horrible comments, You would think I spent an hour defending my right to be considered a mother? Not even once it was basically a love fest. As in, there was this crazy mutual agreement. I didn’t censor my words once. I didn’t hold back any opinion. And there was not one disagreement at all. Not. One. How in God’s name did this happen?


Voices Needed in DC 6-20-2013!

“Would the adoption advocates PLEASE come out in full force in DC tomorrow at the surrogacy hearing. Please, we need to hear from you!”
What: TESTIFY Judiciary and Public Safety: Bill 20-32, the Surrogacy Parenting Agreement Act of 2013
When: Thursday, June 20, 2013 at 11:30AM
Where: Council of the District of Columbia- Room 412; 1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W. Washington, D.C. 20004


Shameful Sisterhood: Advanced Birthmother Shaming 201

To each and every one of us who has known the pain of empty arms, I am sorry that you have been hurt in this way by the adoption industry, but let us keep focus on those who have hurt us, the adoption industry, not those who suffered the same fate. Yes, you have your own feelings, your own story, your own truth and your own beliefs. They are yours, they have a place and you have a right to share them. However, we cannot dilute the strength of one, but should add to it. We should not be screaming to be heard, but taking turns lifting each other up in support. We should not be angry when another’s views are different, but understand that each mother has different resting places along the journey. We should not begrudge mother who chooses to use different tools or uses different language especially when we have the same common goals, a share vision.


FlipsAudio: Crazy Cool Headphones and Serious Speakers

So I plug them in and find some music. Obviously, from the picture, you can see these are not little ear buds. Think more of the Bose super silent on the Concord crazy lux headphones look. Think little cushions of heavenly love upon your ears. Like sweet lobe hugs.
And then, if that’s not good enough for headphones, they flip out and become speakers. Like decent loud speakers that have an internal battery and can crank out tunes from my iPhone at the beach. Or in the backyard. Or when I am gardening. Did I mention they were cool? Did I explain how they sounded good?


The INSIDE OUT Adoption Healings Summer Tour

June 22, Saturday-Chicago, IL- TruHarmony Yoga, 900 N. Franklin Ave. http://insideoutadoption.com/chicago.html
June 29, Saturday -Richmond, VA- coordinators2 inc, 8100 Three Chopt Road, Suite 101: http://insideoutadoption.com/richmond.html
June 30, Sunday-Washington, DC The Viva Center, 1555 Connecticut Ave. NW: http://insideoutadoption.com/dc.html
July 6, Saturday-Boston, MA – The Home for Little Wanderers, 50 Redfield St. (Dorchester): http://insideoutadoption.com/boston.html
July 7, Sunday -Westfield, MA- Genesis Spiritual Life & Conference Center, (near the Berkshires) http://insideoutadoption.com/genesis.html Genesis Inside Out Facebook Event Page For This Seminar – https://www.facebook.com/events/588806021154315/


Better Than a Caldecott, Always Wild Thing

I took him with me down this wild path, whether he knew it or not. Maurice Sendak was my talisman, my touch stone, a link back to my younger pre adoption self. That girl with dreams, with hopes, with a soul that was not fractured by loss. The girl who did not hold sadness in her eyes. Where the Wild Things Are was my connection to my son, the baby I left behind, my Wild Thing. And of course, both the art of Maurice Sendak and, especially, Where the Wild Things Are provide much of the visual direction and design of this blog.


Birthmother’s Nightmares

Every time there is an unspeakable tragedy on the news, a tornado, a building collapse, a fire, a school shooting; birthmothers across the country who think their child might have physical ties to that place, worry. We worry because we do not know and many have no way of finding out. If something terrible would happen, I would wait and wonder forever. Maybe my child did get hurt during hurt Boston marathon bombings? I would never know.




We Should Pay MUCH More Attention to Korea Adoption Reform

Horray for Working together for adoption reform!By 2015, adoption agencies in Korea will NO LONGER be allowed to run unwed mothers facilities, mothers MUST have one week AFTER giving birth before they relinquish and single mothers get additional support to parent.

In contrast, almost every single one of the US adoption groups supports OBC access for adult adoptees and has, for the most part, since they were begun..some in the 1970’s. They made more progress in 5 years in Korean than we have managed to do in the past 40 plus years in the USA.

Because they worked together. Can I say that again? They work together. And now, I shall rant.


How the Church Views of Adoption and the Bible are all Wrong

I have just read so many Bible verses about Orphans that my head is ready to spin. And almost ALL of them are not just about the CHILDREN, but include the lines “the Widows and Orphans” or instead speak of “the fatherless” meaning , I would assume, single mothers. So how come devote Bible quoting folks can so easily IGNORE the word of God that clearly says CARE FOR THE WIDOW? How come only the CHILD’s soul is worth saving? How come we can’t save the mother’s soul too?
I would think that “Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Child” falls in there. Right? So if the Bible says to not desire to TAKE the widows child, and to help her, perhaps save her soul too? Especially, one would think, when the mother/widow has “chosen life” and should be rewarded somehow for not having the evil abortion? Like isn’t she half way there already?


The Adoption Community NEEDS the Churches

I think that many folks in adoption land were injured by the church and have also walked away from the conventions of organized religion. After all, Catholic Charities, Lutheran Services, Salvation Army, the LDS church, etc. all had a strong hand in the relinquishment experience for many mothers of the Baby Scoop Era. And, many adoption agencies today still have strong religious affiliations. God is often used to justify adoptions and let’s face it, that makes many of us angry again all over. So we have understandable separated ourselves from it. Big mistake.

What I have begun to understand by reading The Child Catchers is that we have hurt ourselves with this stance. I’m just as guilty as any. I, living in nice liberal blue state of New York purposely mock and laugh at things like “creationism” or “Christian Rock” and are very critical of the values that morph into policy such as abstinence only policy and the whole Right to Life movement. I know I have, and I think many of us do, separate ourselves as an “us versus them”, seeing all people with Christian values as purposefully ignorant and not worth paying attention to. This attitude is wrong.


The Child Catchers- Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption

It was with great anticipation that I waited for The Child Catchers. Sadly, while we can all blog, and self publish, and get memoirs going, the “non biased” pen of the non adoption affected if often needed to bring the anecdotal facts home for the general public. It’s like they can’t believe “us”, probably because they do not want to, and dismiss it as “your experience” believing us “too close” to see the full picture. Making Kathryn’s eyes, her words, like balm on the ever oozing wound.
The Child Catchers- Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption is a must read, must have on any adoption bookshelf.


The Truth About Adoption: A Act of Love Adoption Agency Exposed by the Adoption Digger

So What Difference Does it Make That A Act of Love is a For-Profit Agency?
The bigger question is why this agency has been allowed to be a member of National Council For Adoption. Doesn’t NCFA have a vetting process for its members? Or does it simply enroll agencies that can afford its membership fees? Does NCFA even know it has a for-profit agency in its corral?