Building Bridges to Truth

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.



Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.


    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.


    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.


    Kate Mulgrew Comes Out as a Birthmother

    I have to say quite clearly; Birthmother and actress Kate Mulgrew’s new memoir “Born with Teeth” is NOT an adoption book. It’s really a memoir of an actress who is a birthmother. The adoption story part of it is very true to the experience and very real, very raw and one will find themselves totally “getting it”. There just isn’t nearly as much “adoption” as one might think based on the press coverage. Like she really goes into way more and, in some ways much deeper and better, with the interviews. Granted she does write about the relinquishment, but after that, until the VERY end, it’s more of an undercurrent of sorts that doesn’t really get addressed all that much, but referred to in passing. If you are looking for birthmother validation, then you might be disappointed. read more…

    Posted in , | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

    I Don’t Look So Good in Huffy (Found Out the Hard Way)

    By Lori Holden It’s first period and I’m teaching high schoolers. The end of class is near and I’m starting to worry if each small group is going to get a chance to present what they’ve been working on. There’s a commotion in the hallway. An entire class of middle schoolers, many of whom I teach on a … Continue reading I Don’t Look So Good in Huffy (Found Out the Hard Way) →
    The post I Don’t Look So Good in Huffy (Found Out the Hard Way) appeared first on Lavender Luz.

    Read at the Source: :

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    Don’t Tell Adoptees How Lucky They Are

    By AstridBeeMom I stumbled upon this wonderful article from the Washington Post. It is very much worth the read.
    Please Don’t Tell Me I’m Lucky To Be AdoptedFiled under: Uncategorized

    Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    A Comparison in Adoption – The United States Vs. Europe

    By AstridBeeMom While all countries differ in political climates and cultures, the United States can be lumped into a category with other countries that we can generalize as “civilized.” Countries such as Canada, France, Germany, Australia, Ireland and others would all fit into this category as we have similar ethics and cultures in a broad sense of the word. Since domestic infant adoption has been seen as something that is necessary to “save” babies from a life of poverty and no opportunities, thousands of babies, each year, in the United States, are relinquished to adoption from perfectly capable mothers. I was wondering why the babies in this country needed to be “saved” and decided to take a look at other countries, like ours, to see if the same theories and ethics applied, in regards to domestic infant adoption. Certainly, because we are all human beings, the same situations of what we consider a “crisis pregnancy” would exist in other countries. How do other countries handle crisis pregnancies? In America, the solution seems to be adoption, at all times. That is what is encouraged. That is what is socially acceptable as the “selfless and right” thing to do.
    read more…

    Posted in | 3 Comments

    Just Get Over It: The Narcissistic Adoptive Mom

    By Laura Marie Scoggins

    One of the best things that has come out of open records legislation is the connections and community of adoptees. Adoptees are only truly understood by each other, and most of us live our lives without other adoptees to express what life adopted is like. In addition to reunions unfolding each day with birth families the biggest reunion of all just might be OUR reunion in the universal adoptee family. I’m not sure what we would do without each other, and I don’t know how I survived life without them for so long.

    These fellow adoptees have validated all of my feelings. They have just expressed everything I could possibly say. This is so my story. My heart is breaking for them right now. I know what this feels like. It’s sooo crazy how much alike we all are. Similar relationships with our adopted parents (especially the bad ones with our adopted moms), their reaction to our reunion (even when they said they were supportive). The common abusive, narcissistic mom stories running throughout this community has left me stunned and at the same time relieved that I’m not the only one.

    I think back read more…

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    Want to Change the World?

    Sign Up for the Adoption Army! "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead