Building Bridges to Truth

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.



Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.


    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.


    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.


    The Paradox of Adoption Grief {Book Review & Givaway}

    By Laura Marie Scoggins
    It has been 15 years since I found out my birth mother died of breast cancer. My story had a lot of twists and turns until two years later I was able to walk into the office of Catholic Charities and obtain her true identity. How those events unfolded and why it took so long is a long story.
    Search, reunion and even the post reunion years involve a lot of highs and lows. It’s like a roller coaster ride with many twists and turns.
    The past two weeks have been bittersweet for me because on March 20 my birth state of Ohio became an open records state, and the following Monday on March 23 my adopted state of Indiana tabled the open legislation bill for possible amendments. Sometimes it seems like the roller coaster ride never ends.
    Yesterday I sat glued to social media reading the posts of Ohio adoptees who started receiving their OBC’s in the mail. Tears of joy streamed down my face as I read their stories unfolding and marveled and the support and read more…

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    NY Times Interview Request for Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

    By AstridBeeMom The New York Times is working on a piece about adoption from a birthmother/expectant mother point of view. Emily Brennan has already conducted interviews with many birthmothers. I, myself, have already interviewed with Emily and I think you will find, should you decide to interview with her yourself, that she does a very good job and is totally up front. Currently, Emily is seeking expectant mothers who are considering adoption, at any level, for her article. If you are an expectant mother considering adoption, please see the email, from Emily, below.
    Thanks!
    NY Times Interview Request

    For a New York Times article, I am interested in speaking to pregnant women who are considering adoption for their child. I’m open to speaking to women at any level of consideration, from those who are already in touch with an agency to those who have given it just a passing thought. I’d like to ask you about your life and your circumstances to understand how adoption first came to mind. I’m particularly interested in talking to women who already have a child or children at home. Most of read more…

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    Voices of Adoptees – The Results of the Adoptee Survey

    By AstridBeeMom The thought had never even crossed my mind. I did a birthmother survey and that was all I ever expected to do as far as polls go. However, first I had one, then a few more, adoptees ask if I would consider doing a survey of adoptees. Like my birthmother survey, I’m sure it was viewed as a chance for everyone’s voices to be heard. I knew that it would be more difficult to come up with questions for adoptees to answer as I was not an adopted person. The birthmother survey had been almost a no-brainer since I have been active in birthmom communities for about two years now. I understood the many struggles and varied histories of all of us. I was not an adopted person and had no idea where to even start with a survey for adoptees. So, the first thing I did was to take to mixed support groups. The ones where all members of the triad are welcome. I read, I read more…

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    Withholding Information from Adopted Kids

    By Lori Holden This is part 2 of the Parenting GPS series, in which I’m sharing Q&As from a webinar I delivered recently on openness and embryo adoption (or donation — pick the term that works for you), which is similar in many ways to traditional adoption. In fact, many of the questions that arose from the Nightlight … Continue reading Withholding Information from Adopted Kids →
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    How Can Closed People Be Nudged Toward Openness?

    By Lori Holden I delivered a webinar recently through Nightlight’s Embryo Adoption Center. I was delighted to have a chance to address this new-to-me audience, people who are in the middle of making family-building decisions. Because why wouldn’t we transfer what we now know about parenting people who grow up adopted to parenting people who grow up as … Continue reading How Can Closed People Be Nudged Toward Openness? →
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