Building Bridges to Truth

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.



Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.


    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.


    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.


    What The Camera Missed

    By Cassi By this time, it’s very few who haven’t gotten more than their fair share of the pictures that have gone viral. Pictures that show the story of a desperate couple and their desire to adopt a newborn. Pictures that show their joy, their happiness at claiming the child they so desired. Pictures that, conveniently, leave out the mother of this child. The one who went through nine months loving and nurturing her little girl. Who gave birth only to face the terrible reality she would then face a new life of being without her own child. Her own flesh and blood.Over the past few days, these pictures, the story of these adoptive parents, have been everywhere! And, as is the norm for our society, anything that mentions loss for the mother and/or the baby is met with anger and attacks. It’s not allowed. We all must be positive. We must celebrate with this couple and believe that this baby has just been saved from some terrible, tragic life and will forever be grateful for losing everything – her family, identity, heritage – in order to satisfy the desires of this couple seeking a third child to read more…

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    Adoption Romance and the Subtle and Pervasive Influence We Are All Subjected To

    By AstridBeeMom When us “older” birthmoms try to tell pregnant women, who are planning on giving up their babies, that they have fallen for the coercion of the industry, we are often faced with opposition. Whether that industry is agencies, attorneys, or the media, in general, they all seem to parrot the same types of statements.
    “I’m not even working with an agency so how is it possible for them to coerce me?”
    “I’m not being coerced, I made this decision before I even contacted an agency.”
    “That’s not possible because I’m running the show and everything that is happening is because I want it to happen.”
    When you tell them that their views on adoption have been shaped by the subtle messages being conveyed by the industry, they deny ever really thinking about adoption until they became pregnant. Even our media, it seems, has been charmed by the industry.
    I’m sure, by now, you’ve all seen the photographs that were posted showing a happy adoptive couple with the new baby that was “delivered to them” via the stork. Yes, the stork. Their words, not mine. In fact, it was a “stork drop” read more…

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    Pupa: The Transition Stage

    I have been in a bad funk while I have been waiting for my hair to grow out so I can cut it off. At least waiting for ONE of the two has come to an end.I cut off all my hair. Not sure if this a transitional color. Not sure if this is still part of the transitional stage. Not sure if I am ready to come out of my chrysalis quite yet, but trying to jump start this processes at least. read more…

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    Tummy Mummy in Adoption: Survey SAYS — !

    By Lori Holden Two weeks ago I asked what you thought about the term “tummy mummy.” Boy, did you have a lot to say. Among the nearly 300 respondents, who chimed in? 66% were adopting or adoptive parents 11% were adoptees 13% had a professional or nonprofessional interest in adoption 10% had placed a child or lost a … Continue reading Tummy Mummy in Adoption: Survey SAYS — ! →
    The post Tummy Mummy in Adoption: Survey SAYS — ! appeared first on Lavender Luz.

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    Complete and Total Transparency: Saving Our Sisters is Attacked

    By AstridBeeMom Original Post about this: SOS Update: Mom in Georgia
    I really hate that I have to do this. It’s ridiculous, but now it’s necessary. Since publicly announcing that we are no longer endorsing the campaign for the mom in Georgia, we have had a lot of accusations thrown our way all over the internet. Most of these come from the family and friends of the mom. One person, however, is Beth S. Brock. Beth is a member of the adoption community and had signed up to be a volunteer person for Saving Our Sisters. Since she lived close to the mom in Georgia we utilized that as our local contact person. Since then, Beth has, regrettably, participated in a smear campaign and has decided that she no longer supports SOS. She has accused us of fraud and keeps claiming the FBI is now investigating us as well as there being “pending charges.” Honestly, I believe it is a lot of “fluff” since this all supposedly transpired on a Sunday evening. Because of the actions of others, and a read more…

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