Building Bridges to Truth

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.

Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.

    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.

    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.

    Denying Adoption vs Dwelling on It: When to Tell

    By Lori Holden Question: We already have an open adoption. My son is 4 years old and I keep wondering: when is a good time to tell him that he was adopted? I still think its too early right now, but when do other parents start to open up about this? I just don’t want to make it … Continue reading Denying Adoption vs Dwelling on It: When to Tell →
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    Bait and Switch Foils NYS Adoptee Rights

    By Mirah Riben “In this day and age, there is no reason why there should be restrictions on an adoptee having access to their original birth certificate.”
    David Weprin, New York State Assemblymember
    representing Queens 24th Assembly District.
    A New York bill allowing adults who were adopted as children to obtain access to their original birth certificates, was “destroyed” by members of the NY State Assembly before it passed by a 125-19 vote on June 18, according to members of the group New York Adoption Equality.
    For initial supporters of the bill, S5964 is no longer an adoptee rights bill. There is no urgency to push this legislation through without it receiving committee review and input, yet, the bill was pushed through at the last minute, Sunday night at midnight. Neither S5964 nor its companion, A2901a, was reviewed by any committee in either house.
    C. Catherine Swett, co-founder and downstate coordinator of NY Adoption Equality, believes no one should be denied access to a legal document on the basis of his or her status as an adopted person, as is the case with current laws. The original bill supported read more…

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    Update on the Guatemala Kidnapping and American Adoption of Karen Abigail Monahan

    By Mirah Riben In December 2014 I reported on the Guatemala kidnapping of Anyeli Liseth Hernández and her US adoption by Timothy and Jennifer Monahan of Liberty Missouri who named the child Karen Abigail. Susana Luarca, aka Susana María de la Asunción Luarca Saracho who was charged with criminal association, human trafficking, and the use of forged documents in 2013, was recently sentenced to 18 years in a Guatemalan prison for arranging the illegal adoption of Anyeli.
    In addition, the judges ordered the immediate activation of an international alert Alba-Keneth alert – similar to our Amber Alerts – of Anyeli Hernández Rodríguez and all the names that are known to the child.
    Loyda Elizabeth Rodriguez, Anyeli’a Guatemalan mother said they will fight to have their daughter back and he will not rest until she does. Norma Cruz, head of the Fundación Sobrevivientes (Survivors’ Foundation), has also pledged to continue the processes needed for the recovery of the child, who lives with her adoptive family in the United States.
    The kidnapped child remains with the Monahans, the American family who adopted her.

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    Chasing Myself

    By AstridBeeMom Sometimes it feels as if adoption swallows EVERY. SINGLE. PART. OF. MY. LIFE. While I love what I do, the people I help, the people I educate, the people who help me, the people who educate me, sometimes I find myself shutting down in the adoption world as it all becomes extremely overwhelming at times. Since this is a personal journey, for me, like so many others, it is often hard to separate all the pain that I feel with what I’m trying to do. I still find that I am at a place where I am forever playing tug of war with acceptance and denial. Intellectually I know that I carried my daughter for nine months, gave birth to her after almost a full day of labor, nurtured her in her first days, and got to know her in her first weeks….and then said goodbye. While I was lucky to have been able to see her on two separate occasions during the first 2 years of her life, I had wanted so much more. The expectations that I had in my heart for how this whole journey read more…

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    Totes Adorbs

    By Lori Holden Take a little bit of poodle and add in some bichon. Mix together and you end up with my sweet, sweet, funny, sweet, thoroughly adorable Dexter. (Alert: when you hit play you’ll hear music.) Six Months of Dexter in 15 Seconds More gratuitous Dexter pics are just a click away. ~~~ This post is part … Continue reading Totes Adorbs →
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    Want to Change the World?

    Sign Up for the Adoption Army! "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead