Building Bridges to Truth

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.



Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.


    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.


    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.


    Whispers of Grace – FREE E-book Promotion – Royalties Benefit Saving Our Sisters

    By AstridBeeMom As some of you may know, I have been writing a memoir of sorts for the past several months. It will be a series and the books are novellas. I have completed the first edition of book one entitled, “Whispers of Grace.” It is my story, with names changed, and I would love for you to read it. Starting Friday, May 29th, 2015 you can get a copy of “Whispers of Grace” for free on the Amazon Kindle (or the Amazon Kindle app for Android or iPhone) for 5 days. This promotion will run until June 2nd. For the first 90 days 25% of any royalties (after this promotional period) will go to Saving Our Sisters. After those 90 days 50% will go to Saving Our Sisters. The reason for this is because of Amazon’s fees during the first 90 days. This book will be free to all Amazon Kindle subscribers for 90 days. For those who don’t have a subscription, hurry and get it during the 5 day promotion.
    If you would like to donate directly to Saving Our Sisters please email me at musingsofabirthmom@gmail.com
    WHISPERS OF GRACE EBOOK ON AMAZON KINDLE
    read more…

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    My Particular Shade of Gray

    By Lori Holden Aging is a humbling experience. (I see teens and twenty-somethings who primp and angst about their appearance and want to yell at them, DON’T YOU REALIZE HOW GOOD YOU LOOK WITHOUT EVEN TRYING?) First it was spider veins showing up on my thighs. Then crow’s feet near my eyes. I’m emotionally bracing myself in case … Continue reading My Particular Shade of Gray →
    The post My Particular Shade of Gray appeared first on Lavender Luz.

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    Guilt, Coercion, Threats – A New Mom Changes Her Mind – SOS In Action

    By AstridBeeMom As some of you may know, we are in the process of legitimizing our grassroots organization called Saving Our Sisters (SOS). The goal of SOS is to help vulnerable women avoid adoption relinquishment. Over the past couple of years the organization’s brain child and front-runner, Lynn Johansenn, has helped dozens of women, that had decided to utilize adoption, to keep their babies and successfully parent. SOS offers whatever support is needed to achieve this. Sometimes the support is emotional, sometimes financial, and sometimes legal. Most people who have been helping with this are members of the adoption community themselves. They include birth/first/natural mothers, adoptees, and even a couple of adoptive parents. When the alarm call is sounded, this vast network of people contributes to what is needed and we always end up with enough for the new mom.
    Initially, when hearing about an expectant mother who is set on an adoption “plan,” she is approached gently and given the encouragement she needs to know she is worthy of read more…

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    7 Things Search and Reunion Taught Me About My Adopted Mom

    By Laura Marie Scoggins
    When I received my original birth certificate from Ohio, one of the first things I did was show it to my adopted mom.
    We ended up having one of the best conversations about my adoption that we’ve ever had in my entire life.
    It was a healing conversation. It was like the whole thing coming full circle.
    The conversation made me realize a few things.
    1. My adopted mom has always supported me no matter what.
    My adopted mom and I have always had a very difficult relationship. I’m not sure which came first the chicken or the egg. Did I not bond with her causing resentment which led to her treatment of me, or did her behavior cause me not to bond?
    I will never truly know the answer to that question.
    My adopted mom and I have been to Hell and back throughout our 49 year relationship. We have stood toe to toe with the boxing gloves on.
    The very relationship that almost destroyed me has turned me into the strong independent person that I read more…

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    It Was Meant To Be – Using Religion to Justify Adoption

    By AstridBeeMom In the adoption community, from birthmoms, adoptive parents, and even the occasional adoptee I often hear statements about adoption being the “destiny” for the adopted child. Some of these statements include, but, of course, are not limited to:
    “I knew from the first time I met them (adoptive parents) they were meant to be -insert child’s name here- mom and dad.”
    “It was God’s plan for my child to be adopted by -insert adoptive parents names here.”
    “My mom and dad were meant to be my real parents. I can’t imagine my life without them!”
    “I know why our previous placement failed. I was meant to be -insert child’s name- mom.”
    These types of statements always irritate me. It implies that there is a pre-determined destiny for every person living in this world and that there is nothing you can do to change that. It implies that there is no free will. It was “meant to be.” It also implies (when you use the “God’s plan” phrase) that either 1) God makes mistakes and put the wrong baby in the wrong womb or 2) God is read more…

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