Building Bridges to Truth

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.



Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.


    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.


    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.


    My Desperate Plea – Searching – October 29, 1993, Kingsport, Tennessee

    By AstridBeeMom There are SO many people that are searching for birth family or for the child they relinquished. I know that this may seem like one of the many thousands, but I really need everyone’s help here. Tawney is such a wonderful person. She has been through so much as a birthmom. More than anything I want to be able to give her the gift of knowing that her daughter is alive, happy, and healthy.Even though her child’s adoption was done in 1993, it was a traditionally closed adoption and she knows next to nothing. I have watched this brave mama celebrate in the reunions of others, help in searches for other people, and still have no peace of her own to be found. I hate that I have not been able to help her, or the many other people that have tried. I know Tawney’s daughter is out there somewhere and, as a last resort, I am hoping that social media can help us find her.
    Tawney has two Facebook pages to assist in her search. The first is October 29, 1993 Searching for My Daughter 10-29-1993 Kingsport, TN and the second is October 29, read more…

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    How to Find Your Child’s Adoptive Parents – A Step by Step Guide

    By AstridBeeMom With an alarming number of women who were promised open adoptions having the door slammed shut in their face, I thought I would write about some methods that can be used in order to solve this problem. Almost every search group will not search for a child until they are 18 or 21 years of age, regardless of whether or not it was supposed to be an open adoption. However, I think that searching for adoptive parents, who promised to always keep you in the loop, is something that all first moms should know how to do.
    Most women who were promised open adoptions would probably not have even considered adoption,at all, if they knew they would spend years wondering if their child was healthy or, at the very least,alive. The promise of open adoption does seem to lure in a good number of mothers who would not otherwise have signed the dotted line. This “glamorizing” or “dolling-up” of adoption is a way to fill the demand for babies. While a good number of adoptive parents do keep their promises (and should be given kudos for read more…

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    Happiness vs Contentment

    By Lori Holden Which do you pursue: happiness or contentment? And do you perceive a difference between them? ~~~~~ I wasn’t a Spanish major, but I do remember learning when to use ser, “to be,” and when to use estar, also “to be.” The former has to do with identity — I am a wife and mother – … Continue reading Happiness vs Contentment →
    The post Happiness vs Contentment appeared first on Lavender Luz.

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    The update to “Newly Minted Birthmoms”

    By AstridBeeMom AstridBeeMom:Pay attention.
    Originally posted on Adoption: Second Generation Birthmom:
    This in an update to the post Newly Minted Birthmoms. It is in response to me flipping out over yet another Newly Minted Birthmom with her head in the clouds claiming that she’s at peace with her decision and that she has no regrets. Then I ask the question “how old is your child?” and I get the answer I was fully expecting…Yep…under 3 yrs. For those of you who haven’t read Newly Minted Birthmoms, here is the link. This post will make so much more sense if you read that first. https://adoptionbirthmom.wordpress.com/2014/12/01/newly-minted-birthmoms/

    Here’s the thing. Newly minted birthmoms are a whole other breed of brainwashed. I don’t say it to be cruel, only to say that the brand of koolaid the adoption industry is peddling now, I think is the most dangerous batch ever made. The changes to the “formula”over the years have made the physiological effects of adoption…
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    Finally! Accurate Data on Profits in Adoption

    So if out of the 14.1 billion is 100% of the revenue, adoption’s 8.2% equals $1,156,200,000.00 in revenue and out of the $380,900,000.00 in profits, adoption’s 8.2% portion results in $31,233,800.00.
    Now this “adoption” category does includes both licensed agencies and unlicensed facilitators that arrange adoptions, but does NOT seem to include the attorneys and legal fees.
    So REALLY if we want to sound like we know what we are talking about then Adoption services by agencies and facilitators ALONE are supposed to bring in over 30 MILLION dollars in PROFIT in 2015. read more…

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