Building Bridges to Truth

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.



Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.


    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.


    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.


    Background Checks For Prospective Adoptive Parents

    By AstridBeeMom I posted previously about one mother’s horror story surrounding her daughter’s adoption. One of the topics I touched on was the background checks given to prospective adoptive parents during the adoption process. Since the case I wrote about was from several decades ago, I decided to do some investigative work into the current standards that prospective adoptive parents must live up to if they wish to gain the approval from the government to adopt a child.
    The law in the United States says that federal will set standards where state does not. In other words, the federal standards are the minimum that must be upheld. If states wish to enact other regulations of their own they are free to do so as long as it doesn’t infringe on anyone’s Constitutional rights or contradict the federal law. Because of this, let’s first explore the current federal law in regards to background checks for prospective adoptive parents.
    Before 1997, no prospective adoptive parent was required, federally, to undergo a background check in order to become a foster parent receiving payments from the state. Some states and agencies may have required it, but it was not mandatory read more…

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    Un-Adopting: Is Divorcing Children an Acceptable Option?

    By Mirah Riben A couple identified as Allen and Cheryl was the latest to seek the help of Dr. Phil in dealing with an out of control child who has been terrorizing their family. Their son, nine-year-old Steve, was diagnosed with 18 mental illnesses. He was placed in three mental hospitals in the last year alone and takes multiple medications to control his behavior, but nothing helped for long.
    Home cameras recorded Steve tossing his younger sister across a room like a rag doll. The couple also reported he tried to suffocate one sibling and drown another.
    Steve’s teachers reported that he has expressed a desire to blow up his family’s home, and that he shows no empathy for others or remorse for his bad behavior.
    Steve’s violent outbursts and the fear of his parents for the safety of their other children mirror descriptions of adoptive parents in reports by Reuters and Dan Rather. The behaviors were the same as were the parents’ fears and diagnoses of ADD, ADHAD, and a host of other behavioral maladies.
    The one difference is that adopted children displaying these behaviors read more…

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    Once I Was a Troll

    I was reminded of an old mistake today. Granted, it was not a gentle reminder, but a let me shove this in your face because look you SCREWED up taunt, but I had completely forgotten about it, so it was a reminder for me. And yes, I had screwed up. And thankfully, I learned a very valuable lesson on internet transparency, trust, integrity and owning up to mistakes. read more…

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    Adopted Child Doe and Amended Birth Certificates

    By Mirah Riben The Supreme Court case of Adopted Child Doe brings to a head the absurdity of amended “birth” certificates issued to adoptees.
    The 20-month-old known as Adopted Child Doe is Cooper Talmas-Vitale. Cooper was adopted by Joseph Vitale and Rob Talmas shortly after his birth in Ohio. The adoption is recognized in New York, where the two men are married and live with the toddler.
    But Ohio, the place of Cooper’s birth and where his birth certificate was issued, has told adoptive parents Vitale and Talmas that they have to choose which man gets to be the legally listed father on Cooper’s new certificate of birth. Cooper’s case has been consolidated into four cases from Ohio and one case each from Tennessee, Michigan and Kentucky. All are awaiting a U.S. Supreme Court ruling on whether same-sex marriage is an unalienable constitutional right.
    The case of Adopted Child Doe, however, goes beyond issues of marriage or the right to marry. It is about a child’s birthright, his dignity and his 14th Amendment rights.
    “Children, as they figure out who they are in the world, care about things like dignity,” said Amy Davidson, writing read more…

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    2014 Year in Review

    By AstridBeeMom

    Thank you all for making my first active year (really my first active 6 months) so great!!

    Here’s an excerpt:

    A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,300 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

    Click here to see the complete report.

    Filed under: Uncategorized

    Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

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