Building Bridges to Truth

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.



Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.


    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.


    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.


    A Question for Birthmothers: Nurses and the Hospital During Relinquishment

    Looking for examples of experiences where a hospital nurse directly interacted with a mom and in some way pushed an unwanted opinion on adoption. Whether or not this opinion resulted in a changed outcome isn’t as important as what was said, how it was said and how it made you feel. read more…

    Posted in , | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

    Surviving Or Thriving

    By Laura Marie Scoggins

    A comment was made on the Surviving Adopted Facebook Page that I should change the title to Thriving Adopted because surviving has such a negative connotation.
    Here’s the difference:
    Thrive – grow or develop vigorously. to prosper and flourish.
    Survive – continue to live or exist in spite of danger or hardship, to remain alive, sustain oneself, pull through, hold on.
    I’m in the portion of the story where I am telling the “nice” version on my life adopted and how I survived. It is not a woe is me pity party kinda story. It is a look what I survived and overcame and see all God has done in my life kinda story.
    I began baton twirling at the age of three and entered my first competition at the age of five. My adopted mother was a baton twirling instructor. The ironic thing about this is the fact that she briefly worked with the majorettes at my birth mother’s high school back in the 1960’s during the time she was in high school and in the band.
    I competed read more…

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    1001th: Just Keep Driving

    By Lori Holden I’ve been unmotivated to post anew because…this. But I guess when your car’s odometer passes 100K, you just keep on driving. ~~~~~ I had a post syndicated on BlogHer earlier this month and I invite you to check it out. Get your sexy on with these 5 yoga poses (some of them a skosh more … Continue reading 1001th: Just Keep Driving →
    The post 1001th: Just Keep Driving appeared first on Lavender Luz.

    Read at the Source: :

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    The Adoptee Survey

    By AstridBeeMom I was asked, recently, if I would be willing to do an adoptee survey similar to the one I did for birthmothers. I do not pretend to know the first thing about being an adoptee but I have prepared myself for the questions that I am asking by listening very carefully to other adoptees. I have done a lot of reading the past two days in order to gain some insight as to what questions need to be asked. I hope that this survey does my adoptee friends, and the adoption community as a whole, justice. It is so very important to listen to the voices of adoptees, as we learned in #FlipTheScript. If you are an adoptee and would like to participate in this survey it can be found here: Adoptee Survey by Musings of a Birthmom
    I thank you, in advance, for your participation!
    -AstridFiled under: Adoptee Voices

    Read at the Source: : Musings of a Birthmom

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    The Yard Stick

    By Laura Marie Scoggins
    I started playing piano at a young age. I think first grade. I’ve always loved music, and I think I would have been good at it except there was only one problem. My mother sitting on the couch next to the piano nagging, criticizing, nit picking, and yelling. Then I would start crying and refuse to practice anymore. That’s when the yard stick would come out. Yes, she used it. No, it did not motivate me to practice. After a couple years of this she finally gave up and let me quit. She sold the piano.
    Oh how I wish I could play the piano today. Musical talent runs in my family (birth family that is). I have it, I’m pretty sure my daughter has it even though she was an athlete and only played the clarinet in junior high, and my granddaughter…oh my…that child definitely has musical talent!
    When I was in about the sixth grade I was diagnosed with Scholiosis (curvature of the spine). It was detected in one of those school screenings where they have all the girls come into a room, take their shirts off, bend over, read more…

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    Want to Change the World?

    Sign Up for the Adoption Army! "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead