Shameful Sisterhood: Advanced Birthmother Shaming 201
To each and every one of us who has known the pain of empty arms, I am sorry that you have been hurt in this way by the adoption industry, but let us keep focus on those who have hurt us, the adoption industry, not those who suffered the same fate. Yes, you have your own feelings, your own story, your own truth and your own beliefs. They are yours, they have a place and you have a right to share them. However, we cannot dilute the strength of one, but should add to it. We should not be screaming to be heard, but taking turns lifting each other up in support. We should not be angry when another’s views are different, but understand that each mother has different resting places along the journey. We should not begrudge mother who chooses to use different tools or uses different language especially when we have the same common goals, a share vision. read more…
Better Than a Caldecott, Always Wild Thing
I took him with me down this wild path, whether he knew it or not. Maurice Sendak was my talisman, my touch stone, a link back to my younger pre adoption self. That girl with dreams, with hopes, with a soul that was not fractured by loss. The girl who did not hold sadness in her eyes. Where the Wild Things Are was my connection to my son, the baby I left behind, my Wild Thing. And of course, both the art of Maurice Sendak and, especially, Where the Wild Things Are provide much of the visual direction and design of this blog. read more…
Every time there is an unspeakable tragedy on the news, a tornado, a building collapse, a fire, a school shooting; birthmothers across the country who think their child might have physical ties to that place, worry. We worry because we do not know and many have no way of finding out. If something terrible would happen, I would wait and wonder forever. Maybe my child did get hurt during hurt Boston marathon bombings? I would never know. read more…
American Academy of Pediatrics: Assume All Adopted Children Have Trauma
Assume that all children who have been adopted or fostered have experienced trauma.” says the American Academy of Pediatrics in new guide. read more…
We Should Pay MUCH More Attention to Korea Adoption Reform
By 2015, adoption agencies in Korea will NO LONGER be allowed to run unwed mothers facilities, mothers MUST have one week AFTER giving birth before they relinquish and single mothers get additional support to parent.
In contrast, almost every single one of the US adoption groups supports OBC access for adult adoptees and has, for the most part, since they were begun..some in the 1970′s. They made more progress in 5 years in Korean than we have managed to do in the past 40 plus years in the USA.
Because they worked together. Can I say that again? They work together. And now, I shall rant. read more…
How the Church Views of Adoption and the Bible are all Wrong
I have just read so many Bible verses about Orphans that my head is ready to spin. And almost ALL of them are not just about the CHILDREN, but include the lines “the Widows and Orphans” or instead speak of “the fatherless” meaning , I would assume, single mothers. So how come devote Bible quoting folks can so easily IGNORE the word of God that clearly says CARE FOR THE WIDOW? How come only the CHILD’s soul is worth saving? How come we can’t save the mother’s soul too?
I would think that “Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Child” falls in there. Right? So if the Bible says to not desire to TAKE the widows child, and to help her, perhaps save her soul too? Especially, one would think, when the mother/widow has “chosen life” and should be rewarded somehow for not having the evil abortion? Like isn’t she half way there already? read more…
The Adoption Community NEEDS the Churches
I think that many folks in adoption land were injured by the church and have also walked away from the conventions of organized religion. After all, Catholic Charities, Lutheran Services, Salvation Army, the LDS church, etc. all had a strong hand in the relinquishment experience for many mothers of the Baby Scoop Era. And, many adoption agencies today still have strong religious affiliations. God is often used to justify adoptions and let’s face it, that makes many of us angry again all over. So we have understandable separated ourselves from it. Big mistake.
What I have begun to understand by reading The Child Catchers is that we have hurt ourselves with this stance. I’m just as guilty as any. I, living in nice liberal blue state of New York purposely mock and laugh at things like “creationism” or “Christian Rock” and are very critical of the values that morph into policy such as abstinence only policy and the whole Right to Life movement. I know I have, and I think many of us do, separate ourselves as an “us versus them”, seeing all people with Christian values as purposefully ignorant and not worth paying attention to. This attitude is wrong. read more…
The Child Catchers- Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption
It was with great anticipation that I waited for The Child Catchers. Sadly, while we can all blog, and self publish, and get memoirs going, the “non biased” pen of the non adoption affected if often needed to bring the anecdotal facts home for the general public. It’s like they can’t believe “us”, probably because they do not want to, and dismiss it as “your experience” believing us “too close” to see the full picture. Making Kathryn’s eyes, her words, like balm on the ever oozing wound.
The Child Catchers- Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption is a must read, must have on any adoption bookshelf. read more…
The Truth About Adoption: A Act of Love Adoption Agency Exposed by the Adoption Digger
So What Difference Does it Make That A Act of Love is a For-Profit Agency?
The bigger question is why this agency has been allowed to be a member of National Council For Adoption. Doesn’t NCFA have a vetting process for its members? Or does it simply enroll agencies that can afford its membership fees? Does NCFA even know it has a for-profit agency in its corral? read more…
A Backwards Stinking Mess with New Michigan Adoption Legislation
The Michigan Republican’s seem very proud of their efforts per their “news brief” on these adoption bills. Based on the literature, they are claiming to “will help Michigan mothers and children” and of course, how could that be a bad thing? The ( more than) five separate and quite complicated bills are being added in to the already existing maze of Michigan adoption laws on the books under the general heading of adoption. It becomes easy to see how the general public gets confused regarding all the many aspects of adoption and jumbles it up in a happy every after story mess when our leaders are so guilty of the same.
The Truth About the Adoption Industry
If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business.
Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or Helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.
Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!
In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In all but 4 of those 42 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do.
Right now unless the Adoptee’s OBC is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Oregon, Tennessee, or Alabama or, unless the adoptee’s birthparents had the knowledge that they could apply for the OBC before the adoption records were sealed, then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth.
For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption
We have to face the fact that the Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If liofe as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, it's not you! How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. Because so many of us feel this way.
I write about adoption so I don’t have to feel it, but what has been created here is a community where we support and learn form each other. In turn, we share what we wish we had known before relinquishment for those who come after us so that perhaps they will avoid this life of loss and grief.
Adoption Research and Statistics
Statistics, Studies and Research on Adoption and Adoption Related Issues
In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is no one single oversight organization that actual collects data from all the different adoption agencies around the country. Often all the “big” number on adoption are estimated at best. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified.
Actual scientific research on adoption and adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. For one, there just isn’t enough of it. Almost every study that I have ever read included in their conclusion “further studies are needed”.
While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption form the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.
Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
looking to adopt
have adopted a child
are trying to find your birthparents
are looking to understand your own birthmother more
or you have relinquished your baby to adoption
I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.
Musings of the Lamewas started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her sons adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.
Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.