Building Bridges to Truth

You Can Call Me Anti-Adoption If You Must

Often, because I spend much of my time & energy pointing out the negative aspects of adoption, I have been called “anti-adoption”. The very concept of those two words applied together — “anti” and “adoption” — are met with disbelief. But before you are horrified and that title is cast upon my head like a noose, I would like to explain what the words, anti-adoption, mean in my world, You might just find that you agree. read more…

Adoption Facts Demand Infant Adoption Reformation

I don’t care about how you got by my side, who you are, color, creed, place in the triad, age or adoption era; all I care about is if you are at my side or not. We all need to work together, use our collective voice, and cry out to fix adoption. Face the facts about adoption, then you must demand ethical reformation. read more…

Exposing the Rotting Foundation of the Adoption Industry

The Truth About the Adoption Industry

If you think you know what Adoption is all about, please think again. While we WANT to believe adoption is about "finding homes' for "unwanted children" the truth is that Adoption in the USA is big business. Before you believe that adoption is "different" now, or start telling me about heartwarming stories, please read some of the posts that tell the truth about the Adoption Industry. It's not about being a "non-profit" or helping women making choices about their unplanned pregnancies. Adoption is about money and marketing.

Help Fight For Adoptee Rights!

In the US, 48 states continue the practice of sealing adopted children’s original birth certificates (the OBC) upon finalization of the adoption. In almost 40 states, adult adoptees do not have unrestricted access to their OBC like other people do. Unless that Adoptee is in Alaska, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Illinois, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, Washington State, Ohio or Alabama then that adoptee might never see the record of their birth. Treating an adopted person differently than another is a form of discrimination.

For Birthmothers and Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption

The Birthmother Rules that were provided to us was a bunch of untried hopeful theories based on now debunked beliefs regarding the human psyche. If life as a birthmother has not worked out the way the adoption professionals told you, that's because they lied. How you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. We have a community where we support and learn from each other sharing what we wish we had known before we placed our babies for adoption and began the path down towards a life of loss and grief.

Adoption Research and Statistics

In the United States, there is not a central body that is collecting accurate adoption statistics. There is not one single organization that actually collects data from all the different adoption agencies. Various facts and numbers float around and if they get repeated often enough, they are accepted as “facts about adoption”. Sometimes the source is lost and cannot be verified. Actual scientific research on adoption related issues is frequently hard to find. Almost every study concludes that “further studies are needed”.
Being involved in the adoption community and writing for this blog has been the single most fulfilling thing that has happened in SPITE of the lifetime of loss and grief that began when I called the adoption agency. I started writing for me. It’s how I process what this life as a birthmother is like. Where this has taken me has been an incredible journey. I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world and I get to call them my friends. I have gone to places I would never have gone to on my own. And, the biggest honor and gift of all is knowing that somehow, someway, I might have helped someone. If I can touch one person at a time, that gives me the fuel to carry on.

While there are many adoption blogs, it's not always easy to find a birthparent blog. Musings of the Lame is a blog about adoption from the viewpoint of a domestic adoption birthmother.



Chances are if you have found your way here then you are:
  • looking to adopt
  • have adopted a child
  • are trying to find your birthparents
  • are looking to understand your own birthmother more
  • are pregnant and considering adoption
  • or you have relinquished your baby to adoption

  • I hope you can find what you need here or maybe find information that you don't think you need. Please take your time, look around, read a while.


    Musings of the Lame was started in 2005 primarily as a simple blog recording the feelings of a birthmother as she struggled to understand how the act of relinquishing her first newborn so to adoption in 1987 continued to be a major force in her life. Built from the knowledge gained in the adoption community, it records the search for her son and the adoption reunion as it happened. Since then, it has grown as an adoption forum encompassing the complexity of the adoption industry, the fight to free her son's adoption records and the need for Adoptee Rights, and a growing community of other birthmothers, adoptive parents and adopted persons who are able to see that so much what we want to believe about adoption is wrong.


    Adoption is a very isolating experience. If you have felt alone in your feelings, wondered if anyone else felt this way or can't believe that there is another side of adoption............then Welcome Home.


    Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion

    By Lori Holden Question: My son came to me 9 months ago from a Caribbean island. He’s now 3 ½ years old and adjusting quite well. When I went to get him, I met his birth family — his birth mom, half-sister, and paternal aunt. They love my son and wish him the best and I really liked them … Continue reading Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion →
    The post Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion appeared first on Lavender Luz.

    Read at the Source: :

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    Are Parents Disposable and Interchangeable?

    By Mirah Riben Recently CBS News reported on what they called “The New Fatherhood,” which featured two men: physician Conrad Cean and photographer Alan Cresto, each of whom decided to be a parent, without a partner. Each purchased eggs and hired a surrogate to carry a child for them, intentionally creating motherless children.
    Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg appeared on the segment applauding their family-building, joining the CBS News anchors in admiring the men’s choice to be fathers. There was no recognition in the entire news report of the controversy surrounding surrogacy, which is illegal in most of the world and which has a movement in the U.S.to ban it. Nor any mention that anonymous gamete donation is banned in 11 countries or that there are efforts to offer alternatives here.
    The promos for the CBS News report described the segment as: single men “having” babies “all alone” because “their biological clocks were ticking, too.” Men and women can raise children alone, but they cannot “have” them “all alone” and suggesting that they can totally negates and dehumanizes half of their children’s read more…

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming

    By Lori Holden I had the pleasure of dining last week with a half-dozen women who farm Colorado land. Over a delicious meal to which they certainly contributed, I got to find Common Ground with these farmers. Less than 2% of our population provides food for 100% of our population. — Ann Cross, CommonGroundCO Ann is part of … Continue reading Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming →
    The post Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming appeared first on Lavender Luz.

    Read at the Source: :

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    Does Open Adoption Work?

    By Lori Holden My last post touched on the debate spurred by publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother. I started with a courtroom scene but decided to go this route instead. (You don’t have to have read that book to get this post.) Rorschach Test I see the debate about … Continue reading Does Open Adoption Work? →
    The post Does Open Adoption Work? appeared first on Lavender Luz.

    Read at the Source: :

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    Amy Seek’s God and Jetfire: Open Adoption on Trial

    By Lori Holden Note: Though tempting, please do not comment on the headline only without reading the full post. Recent publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother seems to have put open adoption on trial. Amy Seek, a landscape architect and writer living in London, gives readers an account of her … Continue reading Amy Seek’s God and Jetfire: Open Adoption on Trial →
    The post Amy Seek’s God and Jetfire: Open Adoption on Trial appeared first on Lavender Luz.

    Read at the Source: :

    Posted in | Leave a comment

    Want to Change the World?

    Sign Up for the Adoption Army! "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead